March 5, 2012
Through the corner of his eye, he tracked Rei?s approach. Mostly his attention was lacking, drifting in and out of old memories that the star child?s returned existence had dredged out of the rubble of dashed hopes and forgotten joys. Seeing him now, knowing he was alive, after too many years, was a knife twisting in a heart he tried very hard to convince everyone else was dead of all feeling. Rei being here hurt, but he was damned if he was going to let it show.
He waited, patient as a viper laying in wait under a rock. Rei sauntered; that was just the way he tended to move. Less the boy he had been to the man ? a fine, goddamn good looking man ? he was now, but that was the same. He moved in skin made of confidence. There were subtle betrayals, however, that Salvador had not forgotten how to see. Body language was just another language in his repertoire that he knew fluently well. There was tension in the nephilim?s shoulders, his torso too rigid despite his natural gait.
Rei paused at the side of the table, amethyst eyes searching to make contact with Salvador?s own. He didn?t grant the nephilim that immediate privilege, however. He counted the seconds silently in his head, one to ten, before closing his eyes, a trait like his mother. Once Rei seated himself in the chair opposite, he turned his head to focus his attention on him and only then opened his eyes to allow rust to meet amethyst. He kept his face devoid of all expression, combined traits from both of his parents. He wore the mask of stoicism well.
His gaze could be disconcerting, he well knew. A part of him felt dirty for leveling that cool mask on a man he had once called a dear friend. He watched Rei?s chest seize, noted he stopped breathing, and knew how the weight must have settled uncomfortably on him. Their relationship had meant so much; it had been everything. Until?
They had never been lovers, only friends, best friends. The bond had been deep, however. The breaking of it had left an invisible scar so deep that neither one was sure there were appropriate words available to mend the fissure. Rei swallowed hard once their eyes met. Finally, he pulled in a breath and his words came without forethought. ?Sorry is not enough,? he said. ?Can never be enough. I would say it, will say it, but I know it can?t make up for what I did. What I . . . was lured into.?
This was the part where he was supposed to say something, not just stare blankly, with a fever burning deep in rusty eyes, so strong he could have burnt hole?s in Rei?s face had he such a super power. Salvador had never been good with words, however. He was taciturn, as his father had been; stoic, as his mother was, formidable in silence. A muscle ticked in his jaw, an indication that for a second he had almost, almost said something, but whatever it was had been arrested before it could even be a thought. So he swallowed down the words that would never be and just waited. Certainly, Rei had more to say.
Rei averted his eyes long enough to examine the bottle of tequila between them, the wood grains of the table, and then found Sal?s eyes again. A long silence settled between them before the star child found the courage to open the flood gates of explanation. ?I?m gonna tell you what I?ve pieced together,? he said. ?We can go from there, yeah?? He pulled in a breath to formulate his thoughts further.
Salvador saw the longing in those eyes, the need for liquid courage. He stopped staring and shifted more upright in his chair. Unfolding his arms, he leaned forward, grabbed the bottle, twisted off the cap, and filled those two glasses with tequila. He slid one to Rei?s side of the table and pulled the other back toward himself, leaving the bottle between them to indicate it was now communal and could be used to refill at will. He left his own drink untouched for the moment, though, sinking back into his previous slouch and arms-crossed position. His eyes were less of a death-glare when he turned his attention back on Rei.
They were a pair of mongrels, the two of them. For his part, Rei did not shift under the renewed gaze. Though less intense, it still carried extra weight. The nephilim endured the burden well. He snagged the shot glass up in long, nimble fingers, downed it with a little grimace. Then he pulled in a breath and began, eyes on the empty glass as he did so. ?So you know when he first started coming around.? There was no need to clarify who ?he? was, they both knew. ?He got under my skin. You didn?t get why. Hell, I didn?t get why. I think I have a handle on that, now.?
Rei reached for the bottle in pause, poured himself another shot, though didn?t drink it immediately. ?Then when he died, it shook me bad,? he said. ?When he was relifed or healed or whatever the f*ck happened, I was over the moon. I was an angsty, stupid teen who was being led around by his d*ck.? There he took the pause to drink.
Salvador was a good listener, too good. He followed Rei?s movements, watched the way his mouth moved when the words poured out. He watched his hand pick up the shot, the swallow of liquid down the throat. He watched the refill and the pause to collect thoughts. He could have been a statue, the kind that people get all creeped out about and swear its eyes are following them everywhere they go. He said nothing, only listened.
That was best for Rei, though; he had a lot to get out. ?I couldn?t seem to see anyone but him, feel anyone but what was between us. It was oddly intense. So unreal, but real. When he wanted to leave, I couldn?t say no, Sal. I couldn?t say no.? His hands clenched, balled up into tight fists, the shot glass tipping over, empty, because he had downed it again. Those fists lifted up, as if he were going to slam them down onto the tabletop, but instead he lowered them with infinite gentleness simply to rest them there, his eyes gone back into the past. Seven years. Haunted. ?I didn?t want to leave you,? he went on. ?I didn?t want to leave my Ilhar. I didn?t want to leave anyone here, but I had to go with him. It was like . . . like an impulsion. Almost like a geas.?
There was confusion and pain in those eyes, Salvador saw. He watched as Rei wrestled with the war of emotions he kept not so well contained. Sometimes, sometimes, he could be infinitely patient. This was one of those times. Though as he listened, the fire was dwindling in his own eyes. Though his face still expressed nothing, deep inside there was something: an aching, longing, understanding sympathy, and regret.
Rei let a little breath drift out and his eyes moved up to the rafters overhead. This was difficult for him, Sal could tell. ?So we left,? he said. ?We went to some pocket universe that Mith had created.? Mithril. He remembered that creature. A child torn asunder from a demon and a monster, one third of which his own uncle had gifted to him. But that was another matter entirely. ?Or at least, I think it was him that did it,? Rei said. ?I couldn?t leave without one of them taking me with them. It had some kinda boundaries that you had to be a dimension hopper to get through. Ilhar was brought in, but she didn?t want to stay. He ? Mica ? he wanted her to stay, I think for me. So I wouldn?t want to leave.?
His hand reached up, unballing the fingers, and raked his silver hair back from his face in an impatient and frustrated gesture. Just thinking about those days obviously made him itch to punch something, now. ?He started to change,? Rei went on. ?He got really demanding. Controlling. Mith left. They all left, and it was just me and him. Mother didn?t come anymore. I didn?t know it then, but she couldn?t get back in. He?d done something to keep her out. Then....? Rei paused to look at his empty glass, and Sal?s full one. ?Drink that, so I don?t feel like an idiot here, huh??
For a fraction of an instant, a piece of the old Rei broke through. It was enough of a mid-switch to make Salvador smile, a little. He straightened up again, unfolding his arms, and picked up the full glass as requested. He didn?t bother telling Rei that it wouldn?t amount to any good. Sal couldn?t get drunk, but the cross-breed had left before ever knowing about those experiments. He raised the glass a little, cheers, and knocked the shot down. A quick swallow and the barest thunk of the glass back on the table marked the end of it. He refilled both before settling back as before.
When that was done, Rei nodded, a silent thank you. His lips twitched, as if the reflex to smile had been crushed dead before allowed to rise. He resumed his sordid little story. ?Then things got stranger and stranger,? he said. ?This was, oh, maybe two years after we left. I wanted to come back, but he kept saying no. Always had a reason. Something to wait on. Something to finish.? Rei?s face changed, a subtle shift to one of dark strain. ?He got worse and worse. Mica went mad, Sal. He went bad. Before the . . . the end . . . I saw him one night, out by the lake we had there. He wasn?t alone.? Faded fury rippled across his features. ?He was with Gadreel.? The name was spoken with seething disdain.
Salvador remembered well the demon who had trespassed on the Keeper?s domain. He remembered how the fae had punished him for his transgressions and split him into thirds. The boy had been Mithril. The weakened demon remained Gadreel. And the shadow of pure evil had been Lusus, a captive of the Keeper himself that had later become a gift, re-gifted.
?I started connecting dots, yanno?? Rei continued without skipping a beat. ?About how he was so appealing to me. About how he knew so much, knew what to say and when to say it. How he came back to life, Sal. I can?t say for sure, but it seems to me awfully convenient that the demon who trapped Kakabel and tried so hard to kill me and Ilhar was there with Mica.? His face went steely hard, then.
?I started working my weaving to see if I could figure a way out,? Rei said. ?It took me months. Finally, I was starting to break through . . . and Mica happened along.? He took pause to down the shot, then. After the glass thunked down on the table, he unleashed his confession in a very quiet voice. ?I killed him.?
As the tale neared its end, his eyes lowered. Slowly and surely the long, hard staring dwindled into nothing, and his attention found the full shot glass in front of him. His eyes eased, but something sad lingered on his face. There was sympathy, for a certainty, but it was not his turn to tell tales. He knew how it felt to be responsible for the death of a dear loved one, how the act could stain the soul and leave a wound that never healed. Silence settled between them for a few long seconds before he picked up his shot glass, downed the tequila within, refilled, drank again, and refilled once more. That last he left on the table before him, however, and still he had nothing to say. What could he say?
Rei visibly relaxed when the weight of his once-friend?s stare fell away. Only a little. There was still a thick tension between them, a deep wound created by time that could only be healed by time. He downed the shot Sal had poured for him. ?So I was trapped in that place,? he said quietly. ?It took me a bit longer to rip my way out, my weaving got me through. But I ended up some place that no one had ever heard of. Rhy?Din. Hell, it took me a year to learn the language. I thought I would never see this place again. Something isn?t right with my weaving, now. Something broke, I guess. Ilhar is going to see what she can do. Anyway, I think Kakabel sent me a star.? Funny how he never called the angel ?Father,? but understandable. ?Some damned, annoying as hell star kept singing at me.? He brushed an ear irritably, in memory. ?Wouldn?t let me be. I felt compelled to follow it. Managed to lead me here. Took about two years. And so there you have it, Sal.?
The nephilim had exhausted his words by then. Salvador refilled the shot glass for him, then downed his own fourth shot to only refill it again as well. Rei didn?t need to know that only the one of them was going to get sh*tfaced from all this drinking. Looking into the tequila in his glass, he turned it on the table, processing, thinking. Words really had never been his strong suit. Rei had said a sh*t ton; it was quite a lot to absorb. Turn, turn, lift, and he tossed down shot number five without the merest flinch. Clearly in all these years he had become something of an experienced drinker! Among other things. He didn?t even know the first thing, the right thing, to say, and Rei deserved better than his usual crude idiocy.
Rei downed shot number five with a grimace, and after a long silence said, ?M?sorry, man. Sorry I left at all.? He then poured the sixth shot for the both of them. Salvador knocked it back the moment it was poured, without a thought.
He grasped onto what he thought was the best thing to say, though in retrospect it had been entirely the wrong question to ask. He spoke soft, a melancholy rumble with his eyes on the shot glass being turned between his fingers. ?Do you regret killing him??
Amethyst eyes shot up to single out Sal?s rusty ones. His lips twisted into a shark?s grin, his eyes darker, almost black. ?No,? he said. ?No, I don?t regret it at all. Maybe I should, but I can?t. D?like to do the same to that demon. He?s already f*cked up my life enough, damn his eyes.?
That was not at all the answer he had been expecting. So much really had changed. Their roles were almost completely reversed. The Rei he had known then would have looked upon killing as wrong, no matter the reasons. He would have disapproved of everything Sal had ever done in his life. He felt his brows draw together and his mouth curve into a frown. Exhaling through his nostrils, he refilled his own glass, took down shot number seven, and then decided he was done. He pushed back the chair and rose to stand. Though he didn?t immediately take his leave; he stood there uncertainly. ?There?s so much to tell,? he mumbled. ?I owe you my story.? It was only fair, an even trade. ?But not tonight.? He had to walk and think on all this now.
Without so much as hello, nice to see you again, oh how I missed you, nor even a good-bye, he walked away from the table and headed toward the doors.
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(Taken from live play with thanks to Rei.)