The Perfect Drug
I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood
I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die
and I want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart
my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how very little bit is left of me
take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
- Trent Reznor
The first time he had seen her, he knew exactly what she was. Aithn?onn ciar?g ciar?g eile, Dris would have said. A beetle recognizes another beetle. Rhy?Din was a melting pot of various creatures, but ones such as her were a rare breed amidst a sea of the strange and bizarre. It was her seeming normalcy that made her stand out from the crowd.
He could feel the pulse of her, smell the vibrancy of her blood, from across the room. Always. She could have been a block away and he would have known she was near. Always. He had spent the better part of several years avoiding her, distancing himself from the urge to act on what he wanted to do to her. And oh the things he wanted to do to her.
It had been weeks before he had learned her name. He remembered dancing a slow circle around her, breathing deep the scent of her and finding it so damn difficult to resist the urge to sink his teeth in, or a knife. Killing her would have been a mercy, and at first that had been his notion. She was not the first of her kind, his kind, he had encountered before, but the other one had gone off his radar. To the best, he reasoned, having never thought of her since their first meeting, until stumbling upon this new one. Aoife was her name. The other?s name he had forgotten.
He knew what it was like, living the struggle of human and fae parentage. One half of him was a monster, overflowing with carefully checked bloodlust. Another half was what his mother had defined as a frightened child looking for comfort where he would find none, never. Aoife was little different. He could see the war inside her as clearly as he felt his own. He knew how maddening it could be, how easy it was to succumb to the monster and forget the human part of himself entirely.
He wanted to save her from the torment he knew so well. The surest way would have been a knife to her heart, and he entertained the notion frequently. Every time he saw her, that was his first thought, followed and obliterated swiftly by the second.
He wanted her. Every fiber of his being screamed at him for the want of her. She was perfect in every way any other victim he had ever claimed could never be. She was a perfect match, unlike any other. The want for her was so overwhelming that he fought tooth and nail to avoid acting on the desire. He distanced himself from her whenever she was near. She came and he left. She left and he came. Always he danced the dance of avoidance with her, until he could no longer resist the lure.
?Stay away from Aoife,? his brother had told him. If Salvador were one for placing blame, his pointing finger would have accused Mesteno. Telling the fae child to do anything was a surefire way to encourage defiance, unless your name was Sinjin Fai. Most of the time.
When the sinner had caught him watching her one night, he had asked why she held his attention so. Salvador had confessed his desire in an exhale of two not so simple words. ?She?s perfect,? he had said. Sin?s discontent regarding the admission was palpable. Leaving Rhy?Din for a while had been a good idea, then, and he had left. He had been absent for nearly two years. He had been gone so long and had no clue to warn him of how strongly seeing her again would have affected him.
In retrospect, he should have killed her.
I got my head but my head is unraveling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling
I got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood
I come along but I don't know where you're taking me
I shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more I give to you the more I die
and I want you
you are the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
the perfect drug
you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart
my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fear is warm to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how very little bit is left of me
take me with you
without you everything just falls apart
it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces
- Trent Reznor
The first time he had seen her, he knew exactly what she was. Aithn?onn ciar?g ciar?g eile, Dris would have said. A beetle recognizes another beetle. Rhy?Din was a melting pot of various creatures, but ones such as her were a rare breed amidst a sea of the strange and bizarre. It was her seeming normalcy that made her stand out from the crowd.
He could feel the pulse of her, smell the vibrancy of her blood, from across the room. Always. She could have been a block away and he would have known she was near. Always. He had spent the better part of several years avoiding her, distancing himself from the urge to act on what he wanted to do to her. And oh the things he wanted to do to her.
It had been weeks before he had learned her name. He remembered dancing a slow circle around her, breathing deep the scent of her and finding it so damn difficult to resist the urge to sink his teeth in, or a knife. Killing her would have been a mercy, and at first that had been his notion. She was not the first of her kind, his kind, he had encountered before, but the other one had gone off his radar. To the best, he reasoned, having never thought of her since their first meeting, until stumbling upon this new one. Aoife was her name. The other?s name he had forgotten.
He knew what it was like, living the struggle of human and fae parentage. One half of him was a monster, overflowing with carefully checked bloodlust. Another half was what his mother had defined as a frightened child looking for comfort where he would find none, never. Aoife was little different. He could see the war inside her as clearly as he felt his own. He knew how maddening it could be, how easy it was to succumb to the monster and forget the human part of himself entirely.
He wanted to save her from the torment he knew so well. The surest way would have been a knife to her heart, and he entertained the notion frequently. Every time he saw her, that was his first thought, followed and obliterated swiftly by the second.
He wanted her. Every fiber of his being screamed at him for the want of her. She was perfect in every way any other victim he had ever claimed could never be. She was a perfect match, unlike any other. The want for her was so overwhelming that he fought tooth and nail to avoid acting on the desire. He distanced himself from her whenever she was near. She came and he left. She left and he came. Always he danced the dance of avoidance with her, until he could no longer resist the lure.
?Stay away from Aoife,? his brother had told him. If Salvador were one for placing blame, his pointing finger would have accused Mesteno. Telling the fae child to do anything was a surefire way to encourage defiance, unless your name was Sinjin Fai. Most of the time.
When the sinner had caught him watching her one night, he had asked why she held his attention so. Salvador had confessed his desire in an exhale of two not so simple words. ?She?s perfect,? he had said. Sin?s discontent regarding the admission was palpable. Leaving Rhy?Din for a while had been a good idea, then, and he had left. He had been absent for nearly two years. He had been gone so long and had no clue to warn him of how strongly seeing her again would have affected him.
In retrospect, he should have killed her.