Topic: Sawdust and diamonds; the taste of her heart beat.

Sulissurn

Date: 2011-05-03 09:37 EST
Then the slow lip of fire moves across the prairie with precision,
While, somewhere, with your pliers and glue, you make your first incision.
And in a moment of almost-unbearable vision,
Doubled over with the hunger of lions,
Hold me close, cooed the dove,
Who was stuffed, now, with sawdust and diamonds.

I wanted to say: Why the long face?
Sparrow, perch and play songs of long face.
Burro, buck and bray songs of long face!
Sing, I will swallow your sadness, and eat your cold clay,
Just to lift your long face;
And though it may be madness, I will take to the grave
Your precious longface.
And though our bones they may break, and our souls separate?
Why the long face?
And though our bodies recoil from the grip of the soil?
Why the long face?
? Sawdust & Diamonds, ? Joanna Newsom lyrics

Suliss'urn's choice for dress for the Beltane ball had been one filled with more than a little humor, a dollop of bitterness and a wide, wide hand of irony. She, a sacrificial little black lamb had swathed herself in all white, the gown was nothing more than summer-spun thin silk woven by her opposite: light elven hands. It flowed like a dream from one segment to the other; over ribcage and hips and forever downward to her feet like a long, long prayer. (Amen.) Strings on her shoulders stabbed through little tiny rubies in a spray wove in mind-bending intricacies from body to hair; which was unbound and as white as the gown making it difficult to tell where the train of material ended and unwoven hair began. She was bare foot as a bride of summer and she stopped at the door purposefully. She stopped where the light glittered and where it would drink up the white of her lie in the dress and the spray of gem-blood in her hair.

A bell rang softly chiming through the Great Hall as she paused. A woman in pink gown stood upon a chair and announced the unmasking hour. Suliss' mask, that of a white doe with twisted, cruel, delicate horns (Everyone knew Doe had no horns. Besides that, they were too small to be young buck, and too warped, painted laughingly crimson on the tips to be deer anyhow) remained on. It did not matter that you could not mistake who she was as she slipped as sin into the crowd of people, laughing and talking and unmasking and singing and dancing while little black terrors tip toed daintily in white.

Meanwhile, back in the throng that pressed close, heated, a man with widowed peak hair, dark as windowless midnight rooms, reached up to remove his iron skull mask from his face. From head to toe in belly-slit red upon red, he had garnered the eyes of a few, but pulled the sweetness of a little patchwork woman. Viki watched as Jodiah Ayreg took in a deep breath of air. Like a man on bursting out from beneath the waves on the verse of drowning. The iron mask made dull clung as he dropped it to the floor.

"Do naut leave me again. So many leave," said the little girl--the woman--the Seer, wound a finger around a rebel thread of string, hanging loose from a bit of the stitching over the side of his garb. He had dressed as Red Death. She would ask why he chose this costume, but the girl already knew the answer. With a cat's curiosity, she jabbed the mask with a toe.

"I do not control that for now, Little Victory. I sit like a dog on a leash, and I feel it beginning to grow tight. Like as not, I won't have a memory of this night when this night has passed." And perhaps the man, with a sullen, unwelcome look if there ever was one, might have said more. Except he was being kissed by Tass. Good old Tass, always at the ready to Kiss anything that moved. Even slightly. Ayreg spluttered unintelligibly, lifting a black gloved hand to push the old man away with a sneer he knew would be completely ineffectual.

Suliss'urn twisted 'round table and chair decorated for spring. Flowers and buds glimmering with tiny little magic brought no reaction from her. Soft as little snake bellies, the drow was humming: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb, its skin as black as sin. Speaking of, it was the perfect clash for the white dress, nau? How droll, how funny, how amusing to have dressed herself in virginal snow when everything about her screamed baby likes to do bad, bad things. Every bare foot step she takes away from the tables to further meander deeper into the crowd made the trails of tear-drop gems on her mask and bare shoulders (a cloak of blood for the little queen) sets them all twinkling. As if they laughed at her and knew something she did naut. Something important. Something red and something never borrowed. Nor blue. Something important....

What suddenly became important was how the dark elf stopped so harshly in the middle of the room like some unseen hand fist-twisted a collar 'round her neck, choking her to a standstill. The drow turned into a statue with glowing wedding-ring eyes, so savage the halt her dress kept whispering forward 'till it fluttered back and flat. She was staring, hard and bright at Viki and the man dressed as Red Death.

Jodiah Ayreg. There. At the Beltane Ball, dressed as dandy as you please. As if he had not simply disappeared like everyone else. As if it had not been years and no word and no nothing of the man for the entire time.

The bile at the back of her throat was the taste of a dead heart being unraveled from its embalming; the taste of all those years of careful reconstruction and denial. Years of making her heart die over and over again on purpose. Years of masks and mirrors.

Sawdust and diamonds; the taste of her heart beat.

Sulissurn

Date: 2011-05-03 12:19 EST
It was Viki whose perceptions clicked together, teeth-sharp toward the drow. She questioned if her eyes deceived her then quickly dismissed it. Usually not. The seer chased the eyes of many, reaching across the dance floor to note Suliss' sudden appearance. Now, the reunion was short a sandman, but that was a touchy subject with the seer, all things considered. His brother's face overlapped the memory of their love, and she swallowed a small sound that may have otherwise gone unnoticed.

Jodiah scooped up a glass of wine from the drink bar. He sniffed it once then took a sip of it, shaking his head and putting it back down. "I see the quality has not improved much," he murmured, a sound halfway between a feral hiss and a low rumble. He looked up into the sky again, past the ceiling, to the stars and to the moon and its place in the sky, estimating how much time he had left before his leash was jerked back into the hole.

"What are you looking--" he began, hearing that little sound from Victoria, and it took his attention. He turned his head in the direction she had been looking and...There, across the way, was the shadow. "--at," he trailed off.

The deer, the doe, the demon mask? Suliss'urn wore decorated with little rubies crashed together in a jangling song as her head jerked toward Jodiah. "Old owls roosting in places they long abandoned," the drow rasped, the bone rattle of her voice a husk of what once had been beautiful, screamed ugly years ago. Her eyes on the man were ten whole books of stories. Maybe twelve. Tales of cutting herself open and trying to find the pieces where he rested and pulling them out. Tales of pressing her hand into the walls and offering her heart to wolves to be eaten, just to get it to leave her alone. They were not beautiful books. They never were.

When her eyes switched to the Patchwork girl, they were never hard, if anything, strangely accepting.

"Sand and dust," Viki murmured, the words muted, somber, even as she stole a seat next to Jodiah at the bar, bare legs swinging without care for how much space lay between them.

"...I've taken enough of your time, Victoria," Jodiah rasped, like dead leaves being crushed underfoot, "You should dance. It is Beltane. Enjoy the night, and as many nights as you have left remaining." He patted the girl lightly on the knee then slid off the chair he just managed to climb onto. His knee ached--how long has it been since it ached? Why did it ache now? Vivid green eye hadn't moved from the drow, even now as he moved forward with purpose; a man chasing after a mirage of water in the desert.

Had Suliss'urn been asked, she would not be able to say where Wolf had gone. He had simply gone, years ago. Time was never kind to those who lived forever it seemed, as it made for long memories. Right now, a too-long memory that should have been erased strode toward her purposefully and Suliss' twisted to face him further. All she needed to perfect her tense stance was a sword in each hand.

"Are you dream?" Inside, she fought a desperate war. The only evidence of it was the way her little black chin jerked upward. "Both of you?" A skittering of yellow eyes aside to include Victoria.

"I am a Summer Girl," agreed, sent to the drow. Victoria's words had a ring of sing-song to it, and they chased him as he fell away, went to meet with his Shadow and whatever fate was theirs entwined. " I will dance and of paint and the canvas of other worlds, Father-Of-Sorts," touching her forehead, then let her hand go, both a greeting and farewell. Off-blue eyes met with golden.

"I am Dream, or Dreaming. And he is naut here." A touch of sadness.

Suliss'urn, perhaps, forgot that the mask she wore did little to hide her eyes. And so they were more raw at the Seer's speech than she perhaps wished them to be. Only a fool believes that time heals all wounds, and only a fool would believe that monsters never bled from them either. Jodiah came forward to her, and so then did she, a dance of her bare feet that did not yet reveal whether her intent would turn dangerous or welcoming.

"I could ask the same of you," he said, finishing his approach. There was no embrace, no slow-motion leaping into arms. His face became...still. Not impassive, simply carefully controlled. The muscles in his face however, were not so controlled, and they twitched every few seconds - a rare show of emotion in the Iron Lion. Another man might have danced a jig or caper, swept his woman into his arms and laughed. Jodiah simply--"Are you a dream, usstan'oreb? Does my eye deceive me, as the rest of this night has?"

"Never," Suliss'urn replied without a moment to pass. Despite the fact the Old Owl was making little to no sense. Despite the ten-thousand accusations and questions that rose up between her teeth that snapped shut at the word. "A nightmare, a shadow, a weapon...But never a dream." For a nightmare, she was still a small one and larger than life all at once. The dress made this entire affair suitably wrong-right, or ridiculous. I am going mad, she thought finally. Nau, madder--

"I am very angry with you," conversationally. The sanity and calm of this statement was perhaps the most frightening thing of all. Her eyes were two melted bands of promise-gold swimming in white lash, busy swallowing up his face.

The man dressed as Red Death smiled, after a fashion, a moment obvious he had long forgotten how to do properly or often. "Angry. Yes. I imagine you would be. It is not often we parted ways for more than a few hours, I think. Now...Now it has been days." Abruptly, Ayreg's hand lifted to his throat and rubbed it as if it pained him. He shook his head shortly after and cleared his throat.

Suliss'urns silence in the wake of his talking became so pregnant, startled, that it should have been cut, quartered and handed to the food-needy.

Victoria played audience to their passing, but watched as one who knew the outcome. In the end, they will fall away from her Sight, like so many. The sigh that breaks her is for the old, and it rests awkward in the air around her. She does not fit here, she never did. Though her mouth moved to smile her eyes moved away. There was a place, once. The seer still knows the way.

The drow lifted a finger and closed her eyes, white lash bowing to one another, perhaps giving the illusion of demure as she brought the lifted finger to her plush mouth. It kept the visions of red, of anger, of shouting--accusations and screaming--the strange (strangling sound) thing trying to come out of her throat all at once. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. "Years," she croaked when she trusted herself to be able to. And if her voice cracked, what of it? Who would dare point it out?

"Where are you?" Suddenly hissed at him in a rush of rattle-snake tails. The question brought visions of children seeking children in the dark, desperately looking for a hand to pull them out of self-dug holes.

"In a..." He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing in heavily effort. "...a hole." He rubbed his throat again, leaning forward slightly. "Ussta'oreb, I am...caged." Years? Did she say years? No. No. Certainly not.

"Years," the drow firmly back. Others might see a wall, she saw the writing on it. To her, the firmness sounded like empty rooms gathering dust. A dart of eyes to the girl--if she goes, than what female would help her keep her pride? Who would tell her, later, that her mind had not re-shattered and lied to her about all of this?

"Where?" demanded now, with half-lifted hands at him that nearly clawed. Or perhaps thought about strangling. "What do you sssssssssssee?"

He grunted, leaning forward even more. Jodiah's teeth began to to gnash down with a great strain unseen, finally lips curled back to reveal rictus snarl. He---he slid backward on the Great Hall's floor, his boots seemed to have no more hold on it than they would ice. A few inches further away. "The leash. The chain. You are not a dream, Ussta'oreb, but are you real? Will you kill me again, as you have before? A smile for my face and a dagger for my back? You bring me meat, tainted with poison or disease and rot. Is it your face before me or is it that...captain's?"

The seer was drifting now, the rustle of patchwork, the ringing of bells in her wake, yet her mind was for the winter. She lifted one arm above her two-toned head and waved, although it was more chopping at the air than anything else. "The night. It calls." And so did other things, but the seer kept that under wing.

No woman--no creature should be able to move so quickly, leap forward as such, hands outstretched to try and tear at the red and command that it remain. "Do naut leave me here alone again!" She commanded it! She willed it! She dared tell him to do something and, expected him to follow what he was told to do! Why, why, why, why does he tear me open like this? Why-- "I am naut a dream!" And every time she said so, she pulled at him a little more, slinking forward as hound with scent, caught. Did he drift back with every step she took--was this a cruel game?

Nothing so cruel, it seemed. The fabric of his coat that she tore in her hands was stiff. It felt oddly heavily started. It felt...This feels wrong, somehow. Substantial enough for her brain to register she had a hold of him, truly, but yet not. When she struggled nearer his hand fell down from his throat to the drow's arm, fingers touching rope-muscled bicep taut with tension. He had always respected her strength.

"Not a dream..." he repeated, voice laboring for breath. His throat...clinched, some unseen thing wrapped snugly around it, impressing itself into his skin. "Not a dream..."

Mad, mad, madly, she thought to tear him apart. If that meant tearing him from whatever was trying to call him back, if it meant breaking him to keep him again? If it meant tearing a bleeding hole into every single thing from this side of Rhydin and into the stars to get him to return..."Tell me," insisted. "Tell me how to find you." It took so much more of her to make her voice not a whisper, not a rasp, but clear and precise. If she broke the world to save him surely he could fix it later? She was only distantly aware of the music, the lights, the dancing, the laughter around them now felt more like mockery than anything else. She bothered naut with it or those near nor begged them for help. None of their business and what drow would do such things?

"Ussta'oreb..." He struggled, "I...I will not...leave..." His face contorted further with effort, hands clutching and gripping at her. He pulled at her, trying to pull himself. Abruptly, jarringly, his boots slid backwards again. He tried to fight, leaning forward and looked a man forcing himself head-long against a wind that would never respect a fool. "In a hole. The Leash. I do not...know." His head was slowly being pulled back. "Avac....avac...!" He managed, "A---....vaculoe--" And Jodiah Ayreg flung backwards, rag-doll easily tossed. The speed at which he was torn out of her grasp was such as it was that not even the drow reflexes had time to clamp down on him again. Shadows greedily lapped at the man, engulfed him, something like living darkness--nightmares come to giggle madly with the world--formed a line in the air that was not there and then it simply was not.

It had swallowed the man whole and as a master might jerk a dog back on a chain-leash.

It was the silence which filled the gap of his non-presence.

It was the silence once more. The silence that filled her days and nights between the things she greedily savaged to fill holes. The silence that drove her mad in the morning and the silence of all hope dying, doves crushed, their wing-bones turned to bloody dust in the fists of a cruel child.

A scrap of him. A scrap of red-nothing from his coat that became everything for her to stare unbelieving at under her nails attached to fingers splayed empty and wide.

Sulissurn

Date: 2011-05-03 12:45 EST
Whole symphonies must have played. Ballads and poetry spanning pages, chapters of books and perhaps even a world was born and then faded away in the span of the drows motionless, soundless, stillness.

In truth, the music went on. A couple giggled past the drow, arm in arm with heads bent together intimate. The floor, enchanted to seem like summer grass was littered with the masquerade ball's confetti, remnants of joy. Little lights along the ceiling and around the hall danced with the upbeat musicians and life went on. People lived. Everyone remembered how to breathe and no one seemed to hear the sound of a woman's world carefully standing up, looking about, and then falling apart. Such was the way of things. For all they knew they witnessed a drow in a white dress with her arm seeking nothing. No one was there anymore, after all.

The slow-dawn of things that had transpired started with a tick of her lower eye lid and the glint of light from an iron mask left on the floor near her feet. The tick soon turned to a twitch; the only outward sign of quiet, complete breakdown. Of having all her secret houses of healing become flooded with the sick of her all over again. (This wound kept scabbing and then this place kept ripping it away so gleefully--a reminder of how flawed everything was. Including her.)

When she dropped her arm it was wooden and lifeless as the delicate arrangement of her face behind the mask. (The irony of wearing a mask behind a mask was lost on the drow.)

At that moment she decided she no longer cared.

She did not care about who was here and who was not, who might be standing in the shadows to watch her secrets be read in the open. She bent down to seize at Jodiah's discarded mask with everything she had left in her . She bent down and her skirts became an upside down paper-white flower about her as she clawed her own mask from her face. Rubies and pearls, precious gold beads and promises to herself went snapping and breaking and rolling about the floor as she thrust Jodiah's mask onto her own face. It was a horrible, awkward thing to watch. (No honey, please don't do that. He's not coming back--don't you see? He's gone. Please stop it--sweetheart he can't hear you anymore. He's gone forever.)

Her hands were flat against the crude metal, pressing. Rational thought at this point was fleeting. Please come back. Please come back. Please come back. Please come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. The smell of him that had taken nearly three years to fade from her memory flooded her nose, her mouth, touched her skin.

Someone might have blinked and stopped in their tracks to tip their heads to the strange sight. The utterly odd picture of a drow in snow-white's gown, an iron mask pressed to hard to her own face it must have hurt. But by the time this might have happened, she was already gone. Little feet, silvered at the bottom were now far more dangerous in the dress than they were in usual leather.

Behind, winking broken and mournful, Suliss'urns empty mask stared hollow-eyed in the direction Jodiah had once stood.

Lord Ayreg

Date: 2011-05-07 23:05 EST
Don't let them tell you you're crazy.

The grass was soft beneath his hand. He sat on the grass, near a firepit, the smell of roasting rabbit wafting up into the air carried on the smoke from the flames. Around him were trees. Tall, ancient, old - dark. The moon was... not in the sky. Clouds. It was behind clouds. Yes. He had made camp when the shadows grew long, and did not wish to travel at night. In his hand, his pipe smoldered, little streamers of acrid gray smoke rising up into the air to mingle with the smoke off the fire.

Don't let them tell you you're crazy.

Predators in the dark. He lifted his gaze to see a pair of golden eyes staring at him from the shadows. Gold like a wolf, and every bit as dangerous. Flat teeth that bit, mithral claws that tore. His Shadow. His Raven. His fingers curled, beckoning, drawing, summoning. Ayreg lowered his pipe and lifted his chin, waiting. She came from the dark, a dark thing that slithered in dark places, bearing teeth startling white from beneath blacker-than-black lips. She growled. That was good. He leaned forward, set his pipe to the side, and stood. Red upon red, his uniform was dirtied by the ground he sat upon. She appreciated the look of that uniform, golden epaulets and the medal of Rhilshen displayed upon his chest beneath the thread-of-gold cord.

Don't let them tell you you're crazy.

The fire burned, but the light did not extend out as far as it should have. He could see her, half-crawling, half-crouching, moving close to the ground toward him. Like an iron tower he stood, unmoving, waiting. His Shadow joined him; deadly little fingers wrapped in mithral claws of his own design clutched his leg, a bare hand clutched at his other. She pulled, pushing, pulling, crawling and climbing her way up his body. Little black fingers dug into his coat, finding purchase as she slithered up along him like a shadow in truth.

She whispered his name, her ruined voice rolling out of a ruined throat like the dry rattle of death itself, "Joooooo-dieeeeee-ahhhh..."

Something... ripped.

Don't let them tell you you're crazy.

Pain. Pressure first, then pain. Then blood. He looked down, seeing the red of his coat growing darker in the front. Very dark. Too dark... and wet. His hands were shaking like a feeble old man, but he couldn't stop them. He was far too fascinated at what else he saw aside from his coat: Her forearm, wrapped in the mithral ribbon that secured her claws to her hand and arm, ended abruptly at the front of his torso. He could feel it, but he couldn't see it. Why couldn't he see it? Oh. It's because it was buried inside of him.

Don't let them tell you you're crazy.

"Ussta'oreb..." he said, tasting bile and the coppery flavor of blade on his tongue. He coughed, and blood coursed out of the corners of his mouth, down his chin and then his neck.

She didn't say anything. She stared, those predatory yellow eyes burning holes into him. Was he smoking now, under those burning eyes? Or was it still just the fire? Still just the pipe? He could feel her hand, feel her fingers, worming, crawling, digging, tearing their way through his body, beneath his ribs... he should have moved, should have done something but his parts weren't working like they ought to have done. He felt... languid. Lethargic. Almost sleepy.

Pain exploded again as her claws closed around something. Then the pressure again. He wanted to scream, but for some reason his tongue felt like lead inside of his mouth. He coughed again, blood spurting down his face, out onto her's, and she didn't notice... or didn't care. She grinned, the vicious grin of a predator; more the predator, now, her face decorated with his blood.

Something pulled. Something snapped. Something pulled again - his skin, and the front of his coat bulged as she pulled her hand free, out from beneath his ribs, out from inside of him. He stood there, watching, fascinated... at his own heart clutched within her clawed hand, beating.

Twice.

Three times.

...Then stopped.

He collapsed to his knees, looking up at her. Breathing was hard now. The fire was dying too, because it was getting dark. He should put another log onto the fire, and stoke it back to life.

"Joooooo-dieeeeee-ahhhh..."

Don't let them tell you you're crazy.

The grass was soft beneath his hand. He sat on the grass, near a firepit, the smell of roasting rabbit wafting up into the air carried on the smoke from the flames. Around him were trees. Tall, ancient, old - dark. The moon was... not in the sky. Clouds. It was behind clouds. Yes. He had made camp when the shadows grew long, and did not wish to travel at night. In his hand, his pipe smoldered, little streamers of acrid gray smoke rising up into the air to mingle with the smoke off the fire.

Something... was wrong...

Lord Ayreg

Date: 2011-05-08 20:05 EST
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