It's been a few days since I've written in here. Tomorrow my benefactor and myself are flying to Paris. I am very much so looking forwards to the trip. He has work to do there and wants to find a place to live there. He was talking about a loft above a corner bistro or something like that.

He keeps talking about "we" this and "us" that. I can't help it, I like it when he does that. I have this fantasy that after this year is up that he's fallen so madly in love with me that he can't do without me. I really like him a lot. Besides Cole, he has been the most kind and generous man I've ever seen.

Speaking of Cole, I wrote him a letter. I hope he gets it and is relieved. I know that even though he and I parted ways under not so good terms, he worries about me. I know I worry about him.

My benefactor says that everybody deserves second, third, fourth, fifth chances. And I agree with him. He says he wasn't always such a good guy. I have a hard time believing that. He has been nothing but kind to me. Most that pay for company don't bother to get to know that company. But that's what he's doing. He's trying to get to know me. And if something gets me down, he tries to pick up my spirits.

Anyway, we're going to Paris. So I'm going to pack you away, my journal. It'll be a few more days before I can pick you up again. I just hope you don't get lost by the airline!

Jess

PS I told my benefactor a bedtime story last night. I pretty much put my fantasy of being with him after the year was up out there on the table. He said it was a nice story. Then he said he loved me. I couldn't believe it. And I told him I loved him too.

We're still in Rhy'din. My benefactor has been keeping busy so here we stay. I will have to admit that I am enjoying my stay more this time around. There seems to be a peace that has settled over the house and it is truly a joy to be there once more.

Before they went away, I visited with Cole and Dirk quite a bit. I didn't think that I'd be able to sit in the same room as them, but I just couldn't stay away from Cole. He and I have become quite good friends and I am relieved to see that he and Dirk are going to finally make it. I can see it in thier faces and I can feel it. I am sad that Cole cannot speak, but I am sure that he'll be right as rain soon.

My benefactor came home last night and he seemed troubled. I brought him some jasmine tea to calm him and sat with him. He says he's become a monster. I thought he meant just a bad person. I didn't realize that he was actually being literal. He showed me just a glimpse of what he's become. I have to admit, it frightened me. He says he's been starving it. That he is afraid that it'll hurt me. I told him to go feed it. That I'll be waiting when he returns, and I will.

Nothing else much going on. I did visit with Dean for a spell. The chap seems to be doing a bit better. But the sadness won't be away from his eyes for a long time to come, I'm afraid. I wish him the best. He is a good man.

Jess

It's been a few days, my friend the journal, and I am just now starting to sort out what's happened. First off, Cole and Dirk returned from wherever they had been. And they had broken up. Or, so they said. I found them both naked, in each other's arms, by the hot spring. I was going to get my telescope and there they were. I told them that I wouldn't say a word.

Of course, I should have known something was going on. The night before they asked me to make a video of me kissing Dirk. Of all people, why on earth would they choose me to do something like that? I'd just as soon kiss a hogs ass! So Dirk took the phone from Cole and asked if I would do it for Cole. Of course I'd do it for Cole. It wasn't that difficult to kiss him. I'd done it a thousand times and of course I still love him.

So they sent the video to Cole's mother's phone. She thought it was cute and wanted to meet me. Gods, I could have told them that one lie leads to another and another. But nobody listens to me.

The trip was nice, spending time with Cole and his parents was nice too. If I had closed my eyes, I could imagine that it was all real. That his prents loved me and Cole loved me and all the world was perfect. But it was all a charade. Cole's parents went out and we retired to his bedroom. We were watching a movie and eating popcorn and just jabbering away like two little monkeys. That's when the door opened.

I still do not remember a whole lot. This man walks in, Cole seemed to know who he was. All I know is that I got a fist to my face. Next thing I know, I'm waking up and this guy has got Cole pushed into a corner. He had a knife out. I didn't even think. I grabbed a belt and threw it over the guy's head and pulled back. I couldn't let him hurt Cole. But then what he did next, I still can't believe. He slashed at me with the knife! My shirt was torn open and he sliced my stomach. It was a superficial cut, but it hurt none the less!

The rest is kind of foggy. Dirk showed up. Cole healed the wound on my stomach, and we came home. I'm glad to be home and my benefactor is glad that I'm home too. I told him about what happened and he wasn't very happy about it at all.

So, this was longer than I thought it would be. Time to give my hand a rest. Getting writers cramp.

Jess

As I sit here and write this I can say I have never been happier. It's been a very long, tiring, trying and exhausting day. But every moment lead me up to this one, so I wouldn't change a single bit of it. Not a single bit.

Let me start at the beginning. I had just finished morning tea when Cole came to visit me. At first he lingered by the door, and I asked if he would have a seat. He started babbling about how if he came further into the room that he'd end up doing a bad thing. Well, I knew exactly what that meant, so I called him on his bluff. I told him that nobody had to know if we did anything "bad." Of course, I knew that he would back down. That's when the arguement started. I don't really recall exactly what was said. But then, things said in the heat of the moment are often forgotten as soon as the moment's over.

It was probably the same malarchy as always between us. He wants to be friends, and I tell him that I cannot forget what he and Dirk did to me. It ended up with Cole in a chair and me laying on the bed, hugging my benefactor's pillow to my chest. He destroyed the chair in a fit of anger, then left. I knew that he hurt himself before he left, but did not realize the extent of his injuries.

A bit later, as I was finally getting up out of the bed once again, I saw the blood on the floor. And the shattered chair had blood all over it too. Cole must have torn his arms up pretty badly. I was going to check on him, to see how he was, and then here comes Dirk. He told me that Cole wanted to talk to me. I told him that he was out of luck because I was done talking. Well, what Cole wants, he gets, and Dirk is the muscle he used to get it. Dirk smacked me around a bit, broke my nose, blackened my eye, gave me a fat lip and pretty much knocked me out. I woke up on the couch in his house, Cole healing my face. There was some other chap there too, but I'd only seen him a few times and didn't catch his name. I suppose it was one of their new lovers.

Anyway, Cole begged me to be friends with him again. I mean really, how many times can I explain myself? So I tried to lie and say we were friends, just to get out of that bleeding house. Cole flat out admitted, in front of Dirk and everybody that was there, that he originally came to see me to be with me that morning. Just one more time, he says. So, anyway, I left the house and wasn't more than a few meters away when Cole was right behind me. He yelled out and I suppose he thought I was going to keep on going, but I turned around and he plowed right into me, knocking us both over. We tussled about and he ended up on top, pinning me down. We argued more and finally he gave up and let me go. I told him that maybe, someday, the pain of all that happened would go away and we could be friends again. Someday.

So I get up to the room where my benefactor and I have been staying. There was blood all over the floor and that chair was literally in pieces. I quickly discared the chair, and did my best to clean up the blood. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot that could be done at that point.

So my benefactor came home after a long day. He asked me what had happened and at first I was reluctant to tell the entire story. But he soon got it out of me, as he always does. He misinterpreted what I was saying and thought I still wanted Cole. He told me to go to him if I wanted him so badly. And he pushed me away. I told him that I don't want Cole anymore. The one I wanted was my benefactor.

I guess he believed me, because the next thing I know, he's on one knee in front of me, with a ring in his hand. I couldn't believe it. And, I actually fainted. Being so good to me, he picked me up and lay me on the bed. A few moments later, I waken and it wasn't a dream. He slipped the ring on my finger and I became engaged. Neither of us wanted to wait to marry, so he called a Justice of the Peace. I guess it's true money can buy anything, because within an hour of that, we were at the JP's saying our vows.

I don't remember all that was said, I only remember looking into his eyes and thinking about how happy I truly am. He and I are of the same cloth. We were both loners, and we saved each other's lives.

As of this writing I will no longer call him my benefactor. he is my husband. And I had left him unnamed in case this journal fell into the wrong hands, I did not want him to be blamed for anything that's happened.

But now he's my husband. And I shall name him. My heart and my life belong to Gage Parker Reynolds, and I am very proud to announce that I am no longer Jessie Wygant. I am now Jessie Reynolds.

We are in Montreal and I'm very very happy.

We're still in Montreal and I wish I could say I am having the time of my life. But right now, I'm feeling like utter crap. I'm not sure what bug I caught, but it is beating me about the head and shoulders pretty badly.

The room is so cold. I can't stop shaking and it doesn't seem like I can get enough blankets on me. Maybe I have the flu. Who knows?

Gage has been great, taking care of me. He's such a good man.

I think this may be kharma for treating Cole and Dirk so poorly. I really said some horrible things to and about them. Gage was hurt that I spoke of his friends that way. When we get back, I'm going to make amends. It's time to let hate go.

I'm pretty tired. Think I'm going to go back to sleep now.

Jess

Gage and I have moved in with Dirk, Cole, Dien and Dru. Dirk's brother, Ryan, is here as well. It's funny how Ryan and Dirk can look so much alike and be such polar opposites. Ryan is a nice fellow and I've really enjoyed sitting and talking with him and getting to know him. Very nice fellow indeed.

Gage's brother, James has come to visit. I've not really sat and talked with my brother in law. I'm going to have to do that some time. There's been another visitor as well. Her name is Rumer. I had met her some time back. I think it was when we were in Milan. I don't quite remember truthfully.

I got to know her a little bit from when we had met before and it was a pleasant surprise that she showed up at this house. I didn't really question as to why she was there. I mean, she's a dear friend of Gage's. And while Gage was at work, Rumer and I spent some time just talking about the last time we'd met and the parties that we had all gone to.

Now, here's where things got odd. She said she notices that when she, or another other girl, got close enough to me to touch me, I flinched away. I mean, I knew that I didn't want to be touched by a female, but to flinch? It made me ponder on why I would do something like that. She took it personally and apologized to me for trying to wipe some ice cream off of my arm. How utterly absurd! She was trying to help me and I was acting like I were still an eight year old boy.

She and I talked more, and I told her she didn't have to apologize, that I am the one what should be sorry. And the more we talked, the more I realized that I wasn't seeing her as a girl or a woman. She's a person. My whole problem with being around a female was all in my head. I saw people in two categories: Male and female. And I shouldn't be categorizing people at all. How many other potential friends had I alienated because of this? Countless, I am sure.

I have found that I am extremely attracted to Rumer. While we were talking, we broached the subject of my family, my mother in particular. I must have had a very sour look on my face because suddenly Rumer makes this hilarious face, just to make me smile. And she did a lot of other things, said a lot of things that really changed my outlook. Honestly, I am falling madly in love with her.

I spoke with Gage about all of this. He said he's so proud of me. That I was able to overcome my past and start moving forward. I love him so much. He completely understands everything and he's so supportive in all of the things that I do. I truly hope that he and I never leave this place. Sure, there are a lot of people here. But it's like we're in a bubble where there is nothing but love, understanding and support from each and every person for the other. Nothing but respect is given to each person in the house. And that includes Dirk. I've gained a new respect for him. Especially since the change that I went through in Montreal.

All of that rambling brings me to my next point. Rumer is like Gage, Dirk and myself. I think she's what they call a true blood though, not sure. Anyway, being around three males like her, she's come into her first season. I know, it sounds so veterinarian. Perhaps that explains the initial attraction to her. The initial instinct of the animals in each of us is survival of oneself and of one's blood.

But that was the initial attraction. I have found myself wanting to be close to her, and she said the same of me. We sat and watched the stars. And I am not ashamed to admit, we made love under those stars. It was completely amazing. And, unlike with any other girl before, I didn't feel dirty or want to rush off to take a shower and scrub my skin until it was pink. She is simply and truly an amazing woman.

On a side note, when we came back into the house, Dien happened into the kitchen as we were putting away the picnic basket and such. He says that she's going to have two sons. What a peculiar little fellow he can be sometimes. There's no way she can conceive on our first time, right?

As I sit here and read all of what I've written, I cannot help but wonder how much of a fool I truly am. It's all been a farce. All of it. Was it revenge? Did he only want me to believe that he loved me? I cannot believe that. I guess I should start at the beginning.

Gage left for a photo shoot somewhere in Europe. That was a few days ago. He kissed me goodbye, told me he loved me and that he would be back in a week or so. I would have, should have, gone with him. But with Rumer expecting, I decided to stay with her. Maybe that is what he was hoping for.

I got called into the kitchen by Dirk just a little bit ago. Cole was there, as was Rumer, Dien, just about everybody. Dirk held some forms in his hand and looked pale. Nobody was smiling. And then he told me, showing me the forms. Gage had the divorce papers delivered to the Pi compound and Jay faxed them to Dirk.

I didn't know what to say, or what to do. Stunned, yes I was very stunned. And i still am. Hurt, angry, sad, you name it and it's going through me right now. Did he never love me? Or was he like a bird in a gilded cage that just needed to be set free? Did he feel as if I clipped his wings? Was he jealous of my relationship with Cole or Rumer? I don't know.

What will I do without Gage? He was the rock that I set my foundation on. And now that rock is gone. Thank the Gods for everybody that lives here. Rumer, Cole, Dru, Dien... even Dirk. I hate to make myself a burden on them, but if I should need a shoulder, they've all assured me that they are all available.

Rumer is carrying our sons. I must concentrate on that. I cannot let Gage's absence get to me. Only you, my journal, will ever know just what he meant to me. I will miss him, surely I will. I already do.

Maybe, some day, I'll understand. Until then...

Respectfully yours,

Jessie Wygant-Reynolds

It's been a few days and still nothing from Gage. A part of me hopes that something is wrong with him, that he's been hurt somewhere or something bad has happened. I hate to think of the alternative. That he truly just doesn't love me or maybe never did. I know it's horrid of me to think such things.

Joel has been great. We've talked to all hours. I would be amiss to say that I've started to have feelings for him. As I reflect back, I don't think it's the typical rebound stuff, but only time will tell. He has been wonderful to talk to. He sits and listens and tells me his thoughts straight out. Not afraid to say what he thinks. I am glad of that.

Everybody else in the house has been full of "I'm so sorry." and "I'm sure he'll be back." and such rubbish. I honestly do not think he's coming back. Truly, I'm a man with a sordid past. Who would really want me?

Joel is taking me to the Bahamas to cheer me up. He's been very kind to me. And I am falling in love with him. I can feel it.

Since my last writing quite a bit has gone on. Just after writing my last entry, there was a phone call. Paul had found Gage and he needed to take him someplace safe. My beach house isn't far from here, and I told him to meet me there. When he got there, Gage was bruised, beaten and battered. He has marks on his back where he'd been flogged with a whip.

Paul left, and I made Gage comfortable and did what I could for him. The next morning, over coffee, the most horrible thing happened. We were talking and suddenly he grabbed my throat. His eyes turned this horrible shade of black and it wasn't Gage any longer. It was Setheus, possessing Gage's body. I begged with him to let Gage go. He did, but then both Gage and I were taken to the de Laurier estate. I was bound and gagged and put in a separate room from Gage. They beat me pretty badly but never asked me a thing. And then next thing I know, there's Setheus again. Guess he had a change of heart, I don't know. Through teleportation, he took Gage and I back to the house. He apologized profusely, and then disappeared.

Gage kept to himself. I waited for him to come to bed and ended up sleeping alone. I found him in the kitchen the next morning and we talked briefly before he stormed out of the kitchen. I followed, of course I would. We talked more, he said that he couldn't live in the house anymore. That he didn't want to share me with anybody.

Long story short, the papers were signed and he took them with him. If he had told me how he felt when we were in Montreal, I'd still be married. But as it is, I've got Rumer to think of. She's carrying my child and I can't just up and leave her. I am in love with her. It saddens me that Gage is gone, don't get me wrong. But what can I do?

Rumer is my life now. And I will make sure she never goes a day without knowing how I feel for her. And I will tell her everything. There was a lesson to be learned from what happened between Gage and myself. "To thine own self be true." Because if you're not happy, how can the one you love be happy as well?

I'll miss you Gage. I love you. Good luck to you in your travels. I hope that someday you find what you are searching for.

I know I have.

I was alone for all of a single night before Setheus came to me with the news. Rumer had been, all along, an agent for Vicente. His daughter. He sent his own daughter to do his dirty work. It's unfathomable. And it turns out that she was pregnant before she showed up at the house. I can honestly say a large part of me is relieved. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true.

I apologized to Setheus for treating him so horribly that night. It was no fault of his own that Rumer laughed in my face when I spoke of forever with her. Forever, what a funny word. I was ready to give everything to her. I thought she carried my child. Anyway, off topic once again.

He and I have become very close. Setheus, that is. It just feels right and comfortable to sit and talk with him for hours. We even snuggle on the couch a bit. Kissing him is the most amazing thing. He is wonderful and I fall for him more every day. And he says the same things about me. And I know that there are no others with him. I don't have to share him or pretend to like sharing anymore. I have to say I've never been happier.

He gave me his ring, his family crest, and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Of course I wear the ring now. And the feeling is mutual. I will spend the rest of my days with him. I love him.

My worlds have collided and both have come to an end. Setheus knew that something was wrong. How could he not? He asked if I wanted to talk to him about it. I can with hold the truth. I cannot out and out lie. I told him everything that I'd done while he was away.

He said he will always love me. The pain in his eyes, on his face, how could I do that to him? I begged him to stay. But why should he? So Seth is gone. And he'll never be back. I don't know what to do. It's nothing more than I don't deserve.

Things are quiet now. Setheus' gifts are all stowed away in that cedar box, safely within the closet of our room. The diamond and sapphire encrusted fingernail of the woman I escorted to the ball, the ring from the finger of a man I scarcely remember, a pair of hooped earrings, one from each of those beautiful boys. They are all there. All reminders of my past. All reminders of my sins. I pull them out, one by one and display them onto his pillow when he's not here. A grim reminder of what my sins cost. Not only in my marriage, but in the lives of others.

Another cleansing period. It wasn't as rough as the first go round. Three days of non stop love making. I was only allowed water and the ability to relieve my bladder or bowels, if the need arose. My body covered in Seth's sweat, aching with every movement but loving every moment. It's all etched into my mind and my soul. It was torture, sweet and painful and wonderful all at the same time. This is what my Setheus has done for me.

And now, as I sit here with this writing, my mind and body are at ease. My sins have been absolved and I feel no more guilt or remorse. What's done is done. It's a new day, a new year. My days will be filled with nothing but the sounds of board meetings and my lover's heart beat as we make love.

I need for nothing.

I sit here and read the last entry in my journal. The last line especially. How fickle am I? Setheus has been good to me. He's been kind to me. He's killed for me. But one must follow their heart. Even if it kills you in the end, your heart should lead the way. Especially when it comes to who you are going to spend eternity with.

But, I get ahead of myself. An invitation to Gage and Tomas' new club came in the mail and I told Setheus I wanted to go. Of course, he lets me do whatever I wish. So we made the trip to Brussels. Of course we stayed in a nice, posh hotel. It wasn't too long before we found ourselves walking into the club. Now I had expected some loud, obnoxious techno scene. But it wasn't anything like that.

Sure, people had flocked there and there were a lot of celebrities and models that Gage had been friends with. So the place was packed full of people dancing, talking and drinking. We went to the bar and ordered some drinks. Gage popped up from behind the bar and it felt like the world stood still and went on one side. Did he have to look so good? I turned my eyes away, and it was all I could do to do just that.

I don't know if Setheus caught the instant attraction to Gage or not. I made every effort to show Setheus that he was the only one for me. I think I made too much of an effort because as the evening drew on, he wouldn't touch me, hardly spoke to me except to chastise me.

Gage and Tomas escorted us to a posh room where he takes his special guests. Immediately Gage and I get into a battle of words. It was very harsh and not worth repeating what was said. Gage even left at one point. But when he came back, he had vodka and we started back into it again. Setheus and Tomas just kind of sat there and looked stunned.

After a while I just couldn't take it anymore. Not only was I hurting, I saw the pain in Gage's eyes at my own words to him. I just wanted the stupid argument to stop. Setheus and Tomas agreed that Gage and I were acting like small children. So I left. I got my coat and told Setheus I'd meet him back at the hotel.

I didn't get more than twenty yards when I smelled Gage coming after me. I was expecting a good thronging and kept my hands in my pockets. Let him beat me to a bloody pulp, or so I thought. But then we started talking. Setheus and Tomas were about ten meters away and what Gage and I said was mostly whispered. I didn't look back at Setheus and Tomas. I am sure they knew what was being said.

But then Gage turned and walked away. Only then did I turn and look at Setheus and Tomas. Tomas was a mess, already crying. He knew. Setheus asked me if I loved him, why do I watch him walk away. What a wake up call that was. It was as if he were giving me permission. I whispered an apology and ran off after Gage.

I caught up to him and laid one bloody well good kiss upon him. He returned it in kind and the next thing I know, it's the next morning and I'm waking up in Gage's bed. It all happened so quickly, my head was still spinning.

Deciding to take a shower, I went into the bathroom and closed the door so as to not wake Gage. And lo, right behind me appears Setheus. I know my actions hurt him deeply. But I was following my heart. I feel terrible about what we've done to Tomas and Setheus. I guess Gage heard our voices, because suddenly he's there too. Setheus told Gage that he was only there to say goodbye. And then he vanished.

I've not heard from him since, and it's been a few days. Gage and I flew to Arkansas to find his dream home. Large farmhouse, white picket fence, a pack of hounds and beagles and he wants to find the perfect surrogate so that we can start a family.

Everything is happening so fast. I need to catch my breath.

One thing I know. I'll always love Setheus. There will always be a place for him in my heart. But the rest of me belongs to Gage Reynolds. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

It has been quite a while, my journal friend. Not much to report lately. When things are good, I guess I neglect you. Truthfully I had thought you lost in all the moviing between Rhydin and the new house. We've been staying mostly in the new guest house on the Pi complex. Been pretty peaceful.

But Cole's powers have been out of control lately. He has the ability to make people want him. And if you already do want him or are in love with him, that power is amplified a hundred fold. It's amazing to behold. Dirk seems to be affected more than anybody else. But then, that makes sense. He's so crazy about Cole I don't think there's anything he wouldn't do for her.. him..

Cole and I made love after he had turned into a she. I know, sounds very complicated, and I don't fully understand it. All I know is that I am going to be a father. And this time, I'm sure that the babies will have my genetic code. I said babies, yes. They say she has three little lives growing inside of her. We laughed when she called them Gummy Bears. So that's what we call them. At least, for now.

I'm so overwhelmed and excited. Gage has been an angel through all of this. He works so hard. Always the provider, and he intends to make sure there is always enough money to spoil us each rotten. He's a good man, a strong man and a wise man. I don't think I've loved him more than I do right now. He's an amazing man.

Well I won't gush any further. I offered to take them for ice cream. Think it's about time to go.

Jessie.

Gage came back after a long absence. So busy with the clubs and his modeling career. I really should go with him more often. Anyway, he came back and at first I thought he was doubting himself and ready to leave me again. But that childlike smile emerged and he held me. It was heaven. We made love all afternoon. I was thoroughly exhausted and fell asleep a very happy man.

My dreams were of pleasant things. Sunny days in a wheat field and such like that. Towards the ends, the scent of strawberries filtered through. When I woke up, I looked at Gage and smiled. He was standing over me, caressing my face. But then I felt a tug and turned my head to the most horrific thing I've ever been witness to. Luke was savagely biting Cole. There was his blood everywhere! I screamed out and tried to get Luke off of Cole, but Gage held me back. He said it was beautiful and that it was for Cole's benefit. That Cole would no longer feel any pain.

Had he lost his mind? Soon no more sounds came from Cole. A soft blue pallor fell across his skin and lips and I knew he was gone. I tried so hard to get out of Gage's grasp. When I looked up, I was terrified. Was I next? Were they going to try to "save" me too?

I screamed more, Gage did not look like himself at all. Those eyes had turned from green blue to that golden tint of the wolf, held just at bay. And Luke's eyes were blood red. I was terrified and tried to get away. Then Gage seemed to come out of it. He held me close and I knew I was in no danger. But Cole, oh God. The blood, there was so much blood.

Gage took me out of the room and started to call people. He said he was to blame. No, not Gage. It was not Gage that did that. He had no part in it. That bloody wolf. That bloody curse that we share. That's who was to blame. Gage would never have harmed Cole. He never would have allowed Luke to harm Cole. As a matter of fact, Luke, in his right mind, never would have harmed Cole.

Luke disappeared. God knows where he is. His casket, everything, is gone. Gage left. I'm not sure when he'll be back. I know he needs a lot of time. Lex came and I let them be alone. Curling up in a spare room, I cried myself to sleep. I just couldn't believe all that had happened.

I was awakened by the sound of a door closing. I looked out the window to see Cole and Lex walking away. Thank God Cole has the powers that he does. Thank God, Cole is alive.

I wish Gage would come home. I want to tell him that it's alright. That Cole is alive. I want to let him know that I love him, still.

It has been a very long time since I've talked to you, my friend. So much has happened, I barely know where to begin. I suppose I should pick up where I left off last. Gage came home and Cole forgave him, completely. I don't think there's a bone in Cole's body that could hold a grudge. He just loves everybody. Also, he's happily married to Lex. They are such an adorable couple. Lex is so funny and Cole just eats him alive with his eyes. They are a sight to see.

Gage and I are doing just fine. I've seen the looks of pity that some of the other brothers give me when news of Gage's latest conquest filters through the house. I simply do not care. Nobody knows what it's like to be held and loved by Gage. He has such a passion and fire in him that for one person to be able to handle it would be impossible.

Yes, I know that Gage has slept with other men since we've been together. It does not bother me in the slightest. I understand his appetites and I cannot always fulfill them. He never hides his affairs from me. He's always been honest and up front. I respect him for that. I love him more each day that passes. Call me a fool if you will. But nobody understands Gage the way I do.

He has told me that he holds no remorse in harming of others. I truly believe him too. He has a ruthlessness to his eyes and his smile when he wants something, God help the person who tries to stop him. A marvelous man to watch, a perfect blend of monster and human. He's perfect. I'd never try to change a single thing about him.

I love him.