Broadcast on Saturday before the pug match
I'll go to my grave defending the claim that pug is the greatest sport in the Multiverse. I was a guard for the Dunedin (now Dockside) Dragons for twelve years, I broke six bones, and I don't regret a single one of them!
Describing pug isn't easy. Believe me, sportsfans, I'm trying. People keep telling me it's kinda like rugby, but without the ball... I dunno about that, but I do know the best way to talk about pug is the runt.
Each team of six people has a runt, and the runt's job is to never, ever take a knee. Every time he takes a knee, his team gets a point. You can't win games without giving the other team points! Every time two knees touch the ground or he falls, his team gets three points. Now when the pug gets downed for ten points back to back, the referee blows their whistles, and both teams rush back to their positions.
If both runts are being downed at the same time, well that, folks, is why if you meet a runt, you know he is bona fide nuts! It can get pretty ugly out there.
Whenever the play starts - and play only stops when the ref gets to blow the whistle, or at the end of every hour - the runt starts out inside the ring. The ring has two guards in it, best damn position in the game, folks, if you ask me. The guards can't move from the ring, and no one's supposed to try and throw them down, and they can throw down any of the bulls - the offense. Guards can't leave the ring, but the runt can, and if all three bulls from the other team are in the ring, he probably will. He may even go inside the other guy's ring - I've seen it three times, lady and gentlemen, and they were the three best games I've ever watched - because the bulls aren't allowed inside their own ring.
Bulls can't touch each other, but whenever play starts, they like to play chicken. They'll run right at each other and fake each other out. Collision takes them both out of play for thirty seconds. Accidental touch - one guy puts his hands on the other - one minute. Deliberate touch - intentional grappling - five minutes. Being five minutes without one of your bulls if the other guy's got his? That's a death knell, folks.
There are three one-hour periods with five minute breaks in between, but most games don't make it past the second period. The first team to reach sixty points, or with the highest score at the end of the match, loses.
Oh jeeze, I've gone and talked too long. The Dockside Dragons are stepping out onto the field - my favorite team, but they're not favored... Hell, if they do win, I'll serve them all brathamen. That's a promise.
I'll go to my grave defending the claim that pug is the greatest sport in the Multiverse. I was a guard for the Dunedin (now Dockside) Dragons for twelve years, I broke six bones, and I don't regret a single one of them!
Describing pug isn't easy. Believe me, sportsfans, I'm trying. People keep telling me it's kinda like rugby, but without the ball... I dunno about that, but I do know the best way to talk about pug is the runt.
Each team of six people has a runt, and the runt's job is to never, ever take a knee. Every time he takes a knee, his team gets a point. You can't win games without giving the other team points! Every time two knees touch the ground or he falls, his team gets three points. Now when the pug gets downed for ten points back to back, the referee blows their whistles, and both teams rush back to their positions.
If both runts are being downed at the same time, well that, folks, is why if you meet a runt, you know he is bona fide nuts! It can get pretty ugly out there.
Whenever the play starts - and play only stops when the ref gets to blow the whistle, or at the end of every hour - the runt starts out inside the ring. The ring has two guards in it, best damn position in the game, folks, if you ask me. The guards can't move from the ring, and no one's supposed to try and throw them down, and they can throw down any of the bulls - the offense. Guards can't leave the ring, but the runt can, and if all three bulls from the other team are in the ring, he probably will. He may even go inside the other guy's ring - I've seen it three times, lady and gentlemen, and they were the three best games I've ever watched - because the bulls aren't allowed inside their own ring.
Bulls can't touch each other, but whenever play starts, they like to play chicken. They'll run right at each other and fake each other out. Collision takes them both out of play for thirty seconds. Accidental touch - one guy puts his hands on the other - one minute. Deliberate touch - intentional grappling - five minutes. Being five minutes without one of your bulls if the other guy's got his? That's a death knell, folks.
There are three one-hour periods with five minute breaks in between, but most games don't make it past the second period. The first team to reach sixty points, or with the highest score at the end of the match, loses.
Oh jeeze, I've gone and talked too long. The Dockside Dragons are stepping out onto the field - my favorite team, but they're not favored... Hell, if they do win, I'll serve them all brathamen. That's a promise.