Topic: Didn't Know it was Goodbye

Back Alley Phoenix

Date: 2018-02-01 19:21 EST
(( Rp with Phoenix and Senka. Thanks to Senka for the play!))

There were not many artists who used the studio that Lucy Mitford provided. Senka spent a lot of time there alone and practicing various art styles with the abundance of free supplies that were graciously given.

Senka ended up there in the middle of the night on nights that she was alone, and last night had been no different.

In addition to the large open space that held her artwork, there was also a couch and coffee table and a small kitchen space. Sometimes she would nap on the couch or curl up to sketch there.

Right now she was in full-on crazy artist mode. Her hair was piled in a wild bun and held in place with a dirty paintbrush. She wore a pair of shorts that hid beneath the hem of a too big t-shirt. She seemed to be covered almost head to toe in charcoals, pastels, paint, and other mediums. She was crouched down staring intently at her canvas, and adding small details with a tiny brush.

Phoenix showed up the way he usually did-- riding his bike and maybe getting a little turned around. It was his first time going to the studio she worked in, and it was hard to follow the GPS on his phone and pedal. Just meant one or two bad turns happened, but he got it sorted. When he finally pulled up to the place, he had to find somewhere to tie up his bike. These warehouses didn't have a lot of people around, but he had learned the hard way that a bike was an easy thing for other people just to take when they saw it unguarded.

Still, maybe this wasn't the right place. He knocked, then gave the door a pull and called, "Hey! Senka! You here?" The place didn't feel like it was dangerous. There wasn't large machinery looking ready to melt down scrap metal. There was even furniture! He stepped in further, "Senka?"

"V'oops!" She startled briefly and toppled over on her hip from her crouch. "Senka is over here." She stuck out a hand from behind her canvas and waved the paintbrush at him.

"Come in. Have look around or have seat. If yous hungry get yous some food." There was even a k-cup machine with tea, coffee, and cocoa. "Yous can see v'wat Senka make. De whole Confession Series is here esept for v'one dat I's give a'vway. If Nix know about dat series Senka did." There had been posters and cards around town advertising it from late Spring through mid Summer.

She stood up and tried to brush herself off but only smeared colors together over her skin. "Senka is messy."


"Ah, there you are," the brush waved and he turned, making sure the door was shut behind him before he continued in. Warehouses had the same smell no matter which one you were in. He had been in about a hundred. Nix guessed it was because they were probably made of the same stuff. He could smell the cement, the metal, and then that old-warehouse crawl of age. Hers wasn't so bad, maybe because she was using it with a few others so it had fresh life, fresh scents, and not a bunch of metal slowly rusting.

"The Confession Series?" He probably had seen a few of the signs around town, but just didn't connect it with her. He never went to any art shows before, so he tended to think that their advertisements weren't geared towards someone like him.

"Nah, I didn't know that was you but... neat. Is it your first time doing one?" He had gravitated towards the couch and food area because, well, it was lunch and they'd been talking about eating.

When she said she was messy he turned, now able to see her from the new vantage point. He grinned, shaking his head, "You're what they call a hot mess."

?It v?was first time, da. I?s started to draw jest to remember sings. Fox take memories an? so I?s v?would draw sings to help remember. It started as book for revenge an? den v?when I?s come here, Senka find dat I?s can do art because I?s jest like it. Cris have Loosy talk wis Senka because she gots a gallery an? dis place an? here Senka is. Loosy say?d dat Senka is good bot need to find she own style dat scream it belong to Senka. Confession Series v?was like test. It help find style.?

She gestured as she spoke, that paint brush waved all around before she set it down and then looked herself over and back up to him.

?Yous gots de bias. Or yous jest scared Senka v?will kick you ass if yous not say dat.? She crossed the room towards the area where he was and leaned against the sink to wash her hands.

?Dere is like sandv?wiches an? sings in dere. Help youself.? She tilted her head to indicate the fridge as she dried her hands. She ended up walking to the fridge anyway and yanked the door open.

Soon she was putting two sandwiches, bottles of water, and a bag of chips on the coffee table.

?Do dis v?work? Not fancy bot is food.? She began unwrapping one sandwich.

"Yeah, I guess so," Nix didn't know a whole lot about style or how anyone acquired it, not really. Most of the time when he looked at paintings all he saw was stuff that he didn't ever figure he'd be able to do. Pretty much anything better than stick figures was amazing.

Her smile was weak as she nodded in response

"Nah, I'm not afraid of you trying to kick my butt." He smiled at her and then opened the fridge as she described what was in it, "Sandwiches sound good." She was already on it, so he gravitated towards a seat on the couch, looking up at her, "It's pretty perfect to me." Phoenix wasn't exactly fancy.


Quietly she sat down on the floor and began to tear her sandwich into smaller pieces with her stained fingers. One piece was popped in her mouth as she gazed across the room towards one of her drawings. It was what looked like an angel in distress, kneeling with a woman draped across his arms. She chewed slowly with a thoughtful look on her face, and then the look seemed to morph into something else, maybe tinged with sadness.

Shaking her head she looked down to her food.

?Is dere like- - anysing dat yous got passion for?? She winced as she asked, but didn?t look up.

?If yous say food, sleeps, or Netfleeks. I?s gonna shove a paint brush so far up yous ass...? she clicked her tongue.

What she said made him smile, he couldn't help it. Senka was far more damaged than he was, which made it especially embarrassing that she could share. Maybe he just felt like he didn't have a "real" wound, nothing to really mourn, and so he kept it to himself. It was hard to complain about anything when he had the company of people like Senka and Takara.

"I'm like.... I dunno," there was a small roll of his shoulders before he continued, "I guess I'm too worried to be passionate. There's all this **** going on back home and sometimes I feel like I am helping and doing all this great stuff and other times I feel like... you know, anyone could be doing the job I do and I'm really not all that special."

Not all that special. That rang a little more true than he thought it would. He knew it ?cause he frowned after he said it and then took a bite of his sandwich. After he swallowed he leaned back, looking down at where she had planted herself on the floor, "Everyone else just sounds so much more important. You have this whole... revenge quest and Tsuru is trying to rally an entire army to keep on fighting. I'm like... I dunno, a bus driver or something."


?Maybe is jest difference wis guys an? girls. V?we share everysing an? like talk to get sumsing out bot guys- yous jest is like clam.? Her frown seemed to be a touch pouty.

?I?s not know dat yous v?worried. Yous never act like it or talk abouts it. Is like sumtimes yous have removed youself from v?wat is goin? on. Yous v?was chosen for reason. V?would dey jest give Tsoo to anybody? Yous must be de right person for de job.? She kept picking at her food.

?Jest because I?s got all dis stuff don?t mean dat I?s don?t care or v?want to hear about yous. If it got stuff to do wis fears or home or is jest yous goin? on about sum song dat yous love- Senka v?wanna know abouts it.?

Her food just kept getting pecked at and torn into smaller and smaller pieces that she nudged around.

?Senka is jest a girl who used to be a whore. I?s nobody Nix.? Sighing softly, she looked up.

?Yous jest sush like passionate mans v?when v?we is makin? love an? den v?when v?we is jest talkin? is like yous not sure about nussin?. Senka know dat yous simple mans bot I?s jest- I?s v?wanna know you more an? I?s jest like leetle scared. I?s don?t even know if yous like capable of- of- or -or v?want to - mmm like feel like Senka do. An? I?s v?really not askin? yous to love Senka bot I?s jest v?wanna know dat yous can or v?want to or -? Shaking her head, she sighed again and rubbed the heel of her hand against one of her tired eyes. The conversation had shifted quickly into something she didn?t really want to discuss.

?I?s jest v?wanna be let in leetle bit. Know Nix an? maybe have chance to share yous passion or at least support sumsing dat excite you.? She nibbled some food finally.

?Yous don?t gots to stay if art is not yous sing. I?s probably jest gonna get lost in v?work again soon anyv?way.?

"Tsuru isn't the only person, I mean... it's like someone saying that you're the best postman in the neighborhood. That's great but you know... they're gonna hire someone else one day and people might be sad for like a week and then it's kinda whatever."

Back Alley Phoenix

Date: 2018-02-01 19:24 EST
"Babe, I don't know what to tell you about all that," he sighed and chewed on another bite of his sandwich, his eyebrows lowered before he continued, "Most of the time I kinda feel like ****. There's a whole war going on back home and I care but... it's like... I don't really know those people. I didn't grow up like them, or believe like them. They're all so... like old country, you know?"

He leaned back in the couch, one of his knees bouncing, "There's a whole war going on out there and I'm... like sometimes I don't even care but then I feel so **** guilty about that. But I don't... know those places? And then I help people like Tsuru and babe... they're a lot like you. Aiko is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to some of the soldiers and fighters coming in, all messed up in the head from what they saw and had to do. I can't relate to that, but I'm supposed to help and it just feels like..."

His pause held the air. He pressed his lips together and he looked at her, "It feels like the war was already lost and no one sees that but me. I got to watch these people struggle and try and it's like... already over."

?Yous sink dat you can jest be replaced? In yous work? In Senka?s life? Dats sum bull sheets yous gotta deal wis Nix. I?s can?t make yous believe in youself or de cause or in v?wat v?we got an? de place yous have in Senka?s life bot I?s v?wish dat I?s could.? She shook her head slowly, wishing she had the right words, or that there was something magical about her that could ease his feelings and his concerns.

She used to believe that she was special, maybe she had that certain something, the something that could bring a man to his knees, the magic that a man craved and demanded in his life. But the longer she was away from Fox and the brothel, the more she realized that she was none of those things. Men could lose themselves in her for a night, but she couldn?t be their magic for long. She couldn?t fix him or anything else.

?I?s v?wish dat I?s could be yous magic.? Her smile was wistful as she shrugged.

?I?s can?t say dat I?s understand v?wat you is feelin? bot it don?t sound craysee or shelfish or nussin?. Is jest feelings an? dose are allowed an? okay. Dere is nussin? v?wrong wis dem.?

She leaned back from her food.

?Is dey too mush like Senka? I?s mean- do I?s remind yous too mush of all de sings dat is goin? on?? She swallowed the building lump in her throat.

?Do- do yous like need- time?? There was another wince. ?V?wat can Senka do to help??

"My magic?" He cracked a half smile and shrugged a bit, "I dunno, I've had some bad luck dating and this is about like... the best I've had for a while. I dated but it's like... yeah. I like having a girlfriend. I like knowing you wanna see me and that it's just me, you know? And it's not cause you're drunk or bored, it's just ?cause you like me. That's pretty damn cool." He scooted to the edge of the couch, putting his half-eaten sandwich on the place.

"Senka, I've been like this since I was twelve. We always moved around so it was hard for things to have meaning, you know? And then there was always the stuff I kept being told had meaning but sometimes if you don't know it... it's hard to feel it. "

He moved from the couch, sitting crossed-legged on the ground in front of her, "The only thing you ever make me worry about is that I'm not some...rich dude who is gonna swoop in and fix all of your problems. I'm pretty sure if Tsuru heard me say what I said she wouldn't forgive me. I get that the way I feel isn't good but... it's just how I feel. I do as much as I can without being fake, and that's like...super hard."

"Da, yous magic. I's know dat I's say before dat I v'want v'wat is real an' like de sparks an' magic an' sings don't matter. Bot maybe dey do a leetle because I's find dat I's v'wanna be dose sings for you. Yous magic, de mmm- v'wat is called- game chainser?" Changer. "Yous magic. Even if yous sink v'wat everybody else is dealin' wis is v'worse or sumsing, I's jest v'wanna make yous life leetle easier, leetle better." She was blushing now, and looking fidgety. She rarely fidgeted, but there she was. "I's v'way more den like yous, idiot." She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head.

"I's gonna keep more den likin' yous doh, until yous feel it, until yous believe its meanin'. If Senka can't be yous magic, den maybe she can be yous sumsin to believe in. Can be yous- hope." Her smile was so shy. "Or -or not." She looked flustered and embarrassed. "Yous know. V'whatever is cool. I's jest be Senka too, dat is fine." Her cheeks were beyond red.

"I's don't v'want yous to fix probleems. I's had men's sv'woopin in an' fixin' sings an' gettin' in business for so long. I's v'wanna fix sings by self. De vengeance I's v'want is all Senka's. I's don't need or v'want to like be saved. Fox call Senka he Princenza. I's don't v'wanna be dat no more. I's badass who can save she self. O-Kay? Jest like, maybe be dere to hold hand v'when sings get hard." She finally touched him, one finger traced his hand.

"Don't v'worry about bein' fake. Jest do de best yous can. Yous can alv'ways like let off steam to Senka. I's not gonna tell Tsoo on yous. I's sink she have hard time believin' in she cause too. How she can not? Bot dere is dat tale I's heard v'once about uhm dat leetle boy king an' he keel de giant wis de rock an' slingshot. Is jest story from Bible Senka hear'd bot sings like dat happen. Sumtimes de dog dat is under? He v'win. An' even if it go to **** an' all is lost, I's still gonna be here wis yous, for you, an' I's hope dat count for sumsing."

"You ever think..." He said with a frown, the edge of the nails of one hand picking under the other, "That what you're doing is exactly why.... me and Tsuru are where we are? That this... vengeance thing, this killing back and forth and eye for an eye thing is just like... how everyone ends up dead and sad?" He knew what he said wasn't favorable. Senka defined so much of herself by what she would do to Fox. How she would kill him.

For Phoenix? It was a story he had heard a hundred times. It didn't end great, or well, or with anyone being happy. People just got darker, and bloodier, and there was always one more head that needed to be severed. One more justice that had to be served and then... well, one more, and one more, and never any peace at all.

Basically, he thought the whole revenge thing was wrong, but he also knew that it wasn't where Senka's heart was. Fox needed to pay, and apparently if she killed him that would help heal some hole in her without making it bigger.

"It's more than that... Tsuru." He reached over for her hands, holding his palms up so that her hands could slide into his, "In Rhy'Din you meet like... all kinds of people, right? I've met some people from Japan, from the future. And you know what they all say? They say that there's a big bomb that kills almost everyone, anyway. That means all the heartache, all the whatever that Tsuru and everyone else is suffering for doesn't mean much. So... like... they can win or lose and millions of people are gonna die, anyway. They call it Hiroshima, and like... a bomb so great that it can burn someone's shadow into the wall."

She said that she would still be there for him and he smiled and nodded, "It's just... you know, it just seems like the best thing to do is try to enjoy what happens everyday. Eat some pizza. Take it easy. Try to enjoy the little things and not get worked up about the stuff you can't do anything about."


Her mouth fell open a bit and she wished she could deny it, wished she could take it all back, say that she wasn't going to carry out her crazy plan. But she couldn't. She couldn't make him that promise because, for her, this was all a part of her healing. The idea of escaping and one day making Fox and all those men pay was what had gotten her through the darkest hours. It had been forced prostitution, she had been ripped from everything she had ever known, her memories stolen, drugged, raped, groomed to be something desirable.

"I's know dat de plan Senka have is stupid. Bot it jest- it feels like a part of Senka. De story of de Firebird, de legend say's dat it is bringer of doom to dose who like steal its light. If I's is Firebird- den v'wat I's feel is v'real. He stole Senka's light an' so mush more. Nix yous don't know v'wat dey did, v'wat I's been sru. First skeshbook, it have drawins of maybe hundreds of mens an' de details of v'wat dey did to Senka. Dat is how I's v'remember. I's draw dem and v'write it down before Fox can make Senka forget an' instead try to put like fantasy and good sings in she head. V'wat I's supposed to do? Dere is more girls dere, v'ones like Senka." She licked her bottom lip and rubbed her eye again.

"Yous v'would never sleep a'gin if yous v'read de book. If yous understood v'wat I's v'went sru. Yous probably v'wouldn't v'want anysing to do wis Senka if yous know de sings I's did an' has done." Her hurt and anger at Fox and those men was coming off of her in waves. Her skin felt hot but clammy at the same time. Her eyes were scarily bright and she was shaking.

She felt her hands rest against his and she wished that they would stop trembling, that him holding her hands would really be enough to calm her, to ease her fears, and to make things all better.

"I's have heard of Jepen. An' v'where Senka is from it is place dat is known for is beauty an' its inventors an' technology an' so many v'wonderful sings. Bad sings happen-
everyv'where- bot v'wat v'would happen if dere v'was nobody brave enuss or stupid enuss to like step in? V'wouldn't de bad jest v'win? Maybe it v'will all be for nussin, bot if it give she life purpose an' it make she life worth livin' den, is it all bad? De cherry blossom, it lifespan is so leetle, dere is barely time to enjoy its beauty an' for it to live, bot it still blossom every year like clockv'work, da? Jest- jest let Tsoo blossom, even if it is for like leetle time, even if in end she an' de people she tryin' to save die, for leetle bit dey v'was beautiful. Dey is brave. Dey v'will be v'remembered an' celebrated like dem blossoms. Da?" Her head tilted as one stained finger ran along the tiny cherry blossom she had tattooed on her collarbone.

"As long as v'we is breazin'" breathing, "den dere is sings v'we can do. Even if it feel like nussin', it is sumsing to sumbody."

Back Alley Phoenix

Date: 2018-02-01 19:24 EST
"Babe, I don't know what to tell you about all that," he sighed and chewed on another bite of his sandwich, his eyebrows lowered before he continued, "Most of the time I kinda feel like ****. There's a whole war going on back home and I care but... it's like... I don't really know those people. I didn't grow up like them, or believe like them. They're all so... like old country, you know?"

He leaned back in the couch, one of his knees bouncing, "There's a whole war going on out there and I'm... like sometimes I don't even care but then I feel so **** guilty about that. But I don't... know those places? And then I help people like Tsuru and babe... they're a lot like you. Aiko is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to some of the soldiers and fighters coming in, all messed up in the head from what they saw and had to do. I can't relate to that, but I'm supposed to help and it just feels like..."

His pause held the air. He pressed his lips together and he looked at her, "It feels like the war was already lost and no one sees that but me. I got to watch these people struggle and try and it's like... already over."

?Yous sink dat you can jest be replaced? In yous work? In Senka?s life? Dats sum bull sheets yous gotta deal wis Nix. I?s can?t make yous believe in youself or de cause or in v?wat v?we got an? de place yous have in Senka?s life bot I?s v?wish dat I?s could.? She shook her head slowly, wishing she had the right words, or that there was something magical about her that could ease his feelings and his concerns.

She used to believe that she was special, maybe she had that certain something, the something that could bring a man to his knees, the magic that a man craved and demanded in his life. But the longer she was away from Fox and the brothel, the more she realized that she was none of those things. Men could lose themselves in her for a night, but she couldn?t be their magic for long. She couldn?t fix him or anything else.

?I?s v?wish dat I?s could be yous magic.? Her smile was wistful as she shrugged.

?I?s can?t say dat I?s understand v?wat you is feelin? bot it don?t sound craysee or shelfish or nussin?. Is jest feelings an? dose are allowed an? okay. Dere is nussin? v?wrong wis dem.?

She leaned back from her food.

?Is dey too mush like Senka? I?s mean- do I?s remind yous too mush of all de sings dat is goin? on?? She swallowed the building lump in her throat.

?Do- do yous like need- time?? There was another wince. ?V?wat can Senka do to help??

"My magic?" He cracked a half smile and shrugged a bit, "I dunno, I've had some bad luck dating and this is about like... the best I've had for a while. I dated but it's like... yeah. I like having a girlfriend. I like knowing you wanna see me and that it's just me, you know? And it's not cause you're drunk or bored, it's just ?cause you like me. That's pretty damn cool." He scooted to the edge of the couch, putting his half-eaten sandwich on the place.

"Senka, I've been like this since I was twelve. We always moved around so it was hard for things to have meaning, you know? And then there was always the stuff I kept being told had meaning but sometimes if you don't know it... it's hard to feel it. "

He moved from the couch, sitting crossed-legged on the ground in front of her, "The only thing you ever make me worry about is that I'm not some...rich dude who is gonna swoop in and fix all of your problems. I'm pretty sure if Tsuru heard me say what I said she wouldn't forgive me. I get that the way I feel isn't good but... it's just how I feel. I do as much as I can without being fake, and that's like...super hard."

"Da, yous magic. I's know dat I's say before dat I v'want v'wat is real an' like de sparks an' magic an' sings don't matter. Bot maybe dey do a leetle because I's find dat I's v'wanna be dose sings for you. Yous magic, de mmm- v'wat is called- game chainser?" Changer. "Yous magic. Even if yous sink v'wat everybody else is dealin' wis is v'worse or sumsing, I's jest v'wanna make yous life leetle easier, leetle better." She was blushing now, and looking fidgety. She rarely fidgeted, but there she was. "I's v'way more den like yous, idiot." She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head.

"I's gonna keep more den likin' yous doh, until yous feel it, until yous believe its meanin'. If Senka can't be yous magic, den maybe she can be yous sumsin to believe in. Can be yous- hope." Her smile was so shy. "Or -or not." She looked flustered and embarrassed. "Yous know. V'whatever is cool. I's jest be Senka too, dat is fine." Her cheeks were beyond red.

"I's don't v'want yous to fix probleems. I's had men's sv'woopin in an' fixin' sings an' gettin' in business for so long. I's v'wanna fix sings by self. De vengeance I's v'want is all Senka's. I's don't need or v'want to like be saved. Fox call Senka he Princenza. I's don't v'wanna be dat no more. I's badass who can save she self. O-Kay? Jest like, maybe be dere to hold hand v'when sings get hard." She finally touched him, one finger traced his hand.

"Don't v'worry about bein' fake. Jest do de best yous can. Yous can alv'ways like let off steam to Senka. I's not gonna tell Tsoo on yous. I's sink she have hard time believin' in she cause too. How she can not? Bot dere is dat tale I's heard v'once about uhm dat leetle boy king an' he keel de giant wis de rock an' slingshot. Is jest story from Bible Senka hear'd bot sings like dat happen. Sumtimes de dog dat is under? He v'win. An' even if it go to **** an' all is lost, I's still gonna be here wis yous, for you, an' I's hope dat count for sumsing."

"You ever think..." He said with a frown, the edge of the nails of one hand picking under the other, "That what you're doing is exactly why.... me and Tsuru are where we are? That this... vengeance thing, this killing back and forth and eye for an eye thing is just like... how everyone ends up dead and sad?" He knew what he said wasn't favorable. Senka defined so much of herself by what she would do to Fox. How she would kill him.

For Phoenix? It was a story he had heard a hundred times. It didn't end great, or well, or with anyone being happy. People just got darker, and bloodier, and there was always one more head that needed to be severed. One more justice that had to be served and then... well, one more, and one more, and never any peace at all.

Basically, he thought the whole revenge thing was wrong, but he also knew that it wasn't where Senka's heart was. Fox needed to pay, and apparently if she killed him that would help heal some hole in her without making it bigger.

"It's more than that... Tsuru." He reached over for her hands, holding his palms up so that her hands could slide into his, "In Rhy'Din you meet like... all kinds of people, right? I've met some people from Japan, from the future. And you know what they all say? They say that there's a big bomb that kills almost everyone, anyway. That means all the heartache, all the whatever that Tsuru and everyone else is suffering for doesn't mean much. So... like... they can win or lose and millions of people are gonna die, anyway. They call it Hiroshima, and like... a bomb so great that it can burn someone's shadow into the wall."

She said that she would still be there for him and he smiled and nodded, "It's just... you know, it just seems like the best thing to do is try to enjoy what happens everyday. Eat some pizza. Take it easy. Try to enjoy the little things and not get worked up about the stuff you can't do anything about."

Her mouth fell open a bit and she wished she could deny it, wished she could take it all back, say that she wasn't going to carry out her crazy plan. But she couldn't. She couldn't make him that promise because, for her, this was all a part of her healing. The idea of escaping and one day making Fox and all those men pay was what had gotten her through the darkest hours. It had been forced prostitution, she had been ripped from everything she had ever known, her memories stolen, drugged, raped, groomed to be something desirable.

"I's know dat de plan Senka have is stupid. Bot it jest- it feels like a part of Senka. De story of de Firebird, de legend say's dat it is bringer of doom to dose who like steal its light. If I's is Firebird- den v'wat I's feel is v'real. He stole Senka's light an' so mush more. Nix yous don't know v'wat dey did, v'wat I's been sru. First skeshbook, it have drawins of maybe hundreds of mens an' de details of v'wat dey did to Senka. Dat is how I's v'remember. I's draw dem and v'write it down before Fox can make Senka forget an' instead try to put like fantasy and good sings in she head. V'wat I's supposed to do? Dere is more girls dere, v'ones like Senka." She licked her bottom lip and rubbed her eye again.

"Yous v'would never sleep a'gin if yous v'read de book. If yous understood v'wat I's v'went sru. Yous probably v'wouldn't v'want anysing to do wis Senka if yous know de sings I's did an' has done." Her hurt and anger at Fox and those men was coming off of her in waves. Her skin felt hot but clammy at the same time. Her eyes were scarily bright and she was shaking.

She felt her hands rest against his and she wished that they would stop trembling, that him holding her hands would really be enough to calm her, to ease her fears, and to make things all better.

"I's have heard of Jepen. An' v'where Senka is from it is place dat is known for is beauty an' its inventors an' technology an' so many v'wonderful sings. Bad sings happen- everyv'where- bot v'wat v'would happen if dere v'was nobody brave enuss or stupid enuss to like step in? V'wouldn't de bad jest v'win? Maybe it v'will all be for nussin, bot if it give she life purpose an' it make she life worth livin' den, is it all bad? De cherry blossom, it lifespan is so leetle, dere is barely time to enjoy its beauty an' for it to live, bot it still blossom every year like clockv'work, da? Jest- jest let Tsoo blossom, even if it is for like leetle time, even if in end she an' de people she tryin' to save die, for leetle bit dey v'was beautiful. Dey is brave. Dey v'will be v'remembered an' celebrated like dem blossoms. Da?" Her head tilted as one stained finger ran along the tiny cherry blossom she had tattooed on her collarbone.

"As long as v'we is breazin'" breathing, "den dere is sings v'we can do. Even if it feel like nussin', it is sumsing to sumbody."

Back Alley Phoenix

Date: 2018-02-01 19:26 EST
"Well, you're just going to go and be part of it. So go... ****... kill whoever you want and I guess...feel awesome and like that's going to bring back any light. Cause, you know what?" He got to his feet, dusting off his knees, "If you get any kinda light back from killing a bunch of people, then I don't think that's light."

"I don't pretend to know what happened to you, you tell me it's bad and I believe you, but I don't think it's like... an excuse for you to be a bad person and do horrible things. So if you need to tell yourself that you're so hurt that it's cool to hurt other people, go ahead. I'm kinda sick of it, though. It's been following me around my whole life and I just want people to drop their **** and just... ****... find a life for their heart. Cause you know what? I don't care if you were a whore and slept with a lotta men. I care that it hurt you but like... I didn't ever lose respect for you because of it. Didn't make me want you less, you know? But this? Murdering people? Yeah... I don't really respect that. It's kinda disgusting."

"I'm tired of people making excuses to kill. And I've seen it and it doesn't work and I'm just... done with the whole thing. I don't want it. So if if you want to be magic to me? Don't be like everything else I've had to expect and deal with. Don't be the **** parts of people."

He took a step away from her, his hands jamming into the front pockets of his jacket. "I think I better go. You got a whole... painting and stuff to finish and I've got things to do." He was upset, and though he didn't raise his voice, the fact that he was uncomfortable was clear. He wasn't smiling, or making his usual stupid jokes. Phoenix... wasn't even finishing his lunch.

She flinched when he cursed. She wasn't used to him using curse words often, and the shock registered immediately. It didn't fade. She was silent as he went off and her skin paled considerably. She had tried so hard to not be a bad person, to not be jaded, or to use what happened to her make her bitter and hateful. She put on a smile and tried to be positive even when she wanted to hide away and curse the world. Saving other women like her and getting vengeance had never been something she had considered bad or horrible, it was not something anyone else had ever told her was bad. She didn't feel like a bad person for wanting to put an end to Fox's crimes. Or... she hadn't.

Disgusting. His words hung on her ears and she swayed a little even though she was sitting. She felt sick. She had never had anyone speak to her the way he was, even when men were calling her worthless and a whore she had never felt so low. But she had never loved any of them either.

She could feel her eyes burning, the hot sting of tears beginning, but she couldn't. She couldn't let him see. She could never let any of them see. Her jaw tensed and jutted out proudly as she tried to recover her dignity and her faked calm facade. The brave face she put on for the world. It was unlikely that she was fooling him, it was obvious that her eyes were damp and there was just something about her that had seemed to instantly wilt. It was like a light had gone out.

She nodded quickly to him, twice. She still couldn't find her words. There were squeaks, cracked and broken noises, but no words.

Rising up, she turned away from him. There was the softest whisper from her, over and over she repeated, "Don' let dem see yous cry" as she crossed the room back towards her easel, effectively dismissed.

Phoenix left, shutting the warehouse door behind him. Senka was going to mass murder a bunch of people and that was supposed to be okay. Whatever sort of light she was looking for was just... ugh, he didn't want it. Bad guys needed to pay, good people needed to be protected, but that didn't mean a serial-killer rampage was necessary. A twenty year war that defined his life was enough.

It was what Senka wanted, and he just wasn't going to stand in the way. She wanted to know what he was passionate about, what bothered him, and he had known she wouldn't like it. What was important was that she "got Fox" and "got even." Then... someone on Fox's side got her, and got even. And then it just... never, ever, seemed to end.

He was too annoyed, too upset, to border on having tears. He shouldn't have said what he thought, shouldn't have... shared what he felt. He knew when he met her that getting Fox was something she had her heart set on. More set on that than love, than enjoying the life she had. Phoenix wasn't going to kid himself, getting Fox was the most important thing to her. She had made tributes to it in sketchbooks and it was practically the first thing she had to tell someone about herself. She talked about it all the time, and she wasn't going to stop or reconsider any of that over a guy like him. Half of her identity was wrapped up in that guy.

He wondered what she'd do without that kind of hate, once he was gone. If there would ever be enough.

By the time he got home, he sent off a text message to her.

Text to Senka: When you want to be magic, shoot me a message. If you can't, I get it. Just not my thing.

There would be no reply to his message.