It was a cozy cafe, small but quiet and quaint. The town was too small for it to be a place overrun by tourists or hipsters, but the former might be more due to the off-season than the cafe's location. I'd been meaning to check it out sooner, but out of habit I tended to stick to my own personal neck of the woods and rarely escaped my cave when I wasn't working.
I'd convinced myself that this meeting was two things: healthy for my mental state because socializing was good for humans, even if I was all too often a poster child for a hermit, and it was NOT a date. Just two old friends who hadn't seen each other in more than a decade catching up over a cup of coffee. I shouldn't be so narcissistic and egotistical to think that my acceptance to catching up with a guy I had dated a million years ago, when we were still children, would be anything but a casual meeting. Old friends do this all the time and it doesn't mean anything, and whatever anxiety I was feeling in the rolling knots of my stomach was due to stepping out of my comfort zone.
Or I was constipated and the cup of coffee I was about to have would help regulate me and things would be normal again.
I had stepped inside the cafe and was still attempting to scan the faces of those seated when the door bells jingled once more and he stepped in behind me. As I was checking over my shoulder he was already calling my name, with his arms wide open expecting an immediate embrace.
****. This is a date.
I had purposely not dressed up for this to keep things casual and showed up in a pair of blue jeans that I almost but not quite had the last time I saw him and a t-shirt I'd picked up a thrift store that wasn't even a favorite. It was clean and that was about the extent of thought I'd given to the outfit before I pulled it on.
But Jordan had done the exact opposite.
"Penny it's been ages! It's so good to see you." His smile wasn't quite ear to ear, but it was wide enough to cause the corners of his eyes, the beginnings of crow's feet now, to crease into the features of his face.
He was asking me a question with one palm still on my back while trying to keep me close to him, but my attention was already split between him and the barista who had been trying to get us to order and stop blocking the way to the counter. My eyes were already glazing over, but I hoped that my smile looked genuine enough to him to suggest that I was listening.
I wasn't, but he hadn't seemed to notice yet. "Mocha latte please," I said over to the barista apologetically. This was a subtle enough cue for Jordan to place his drink order too, and in a matter of minutes we were both seated opposite each other at a table off to the side.
He'd gotten noticeably older, but he was probably barely twenty-one the last time I saw him and I had been a hair's breadth past eighteen. Weight had settled around his midsection in the mildest of beer guts and he had opted to keep his once wavy light brown hair short to make his receding hair line less obvious. Lucky for him, the stubble look for his beard was in, but I could see grey already peppering itself in against his slight olive toned skin.
I found myself wondering about the color of his eyes. Had his eyes always been blue-green? Or is that a blue grey? I either couldn't remember or I had never paid that much attention in the first place. The thought was briefly disappointing, but I didn't give it much more thought and instead continued the light conversation of how my day had been.
"Yeah, I had a meeting earlier with a business partner today, which is why I'm dressed up," he explained while thick fingers, clean but calloused, plucked at the pale blue dress shirt he wore. At least he isn't wearing a tie, I told myself. "But I admit to feeling a little overdressed," he said while his eyes dipped down to my t-shirt, bemused. "What does your shirt say?"
"I told you, I was in the middle of running errands," I said apologetically as I glanced down to the faded grey fabric of the t-shirt. "Double Dare. You remember that old game show on TV when we were kids?" The logo was well on its way to being completely washed out, but I knew what my shirt said. At least, I was fairly sure that's what it said.
"Oh, I know, I know. I'm just trying to give you a hard time. I'm going to tease you Penny." He added a wink to the end of that in case I was dense enough to not realize it. "But don't I look nice?" His arms up and out to his sides like he was a middle aging Vanna White.
"Oh, yes of course," I tried to laugh, but it was forced. He didn't seem to notice, he hadn't heard me laugh in more than a decade after all. "You clean up nice Jordan, it is good to see you."
His laugh was sincere, and I would have felt bad for lying to him if he hadn't been so obviously fishing for a compliment from me. "I'm teasing you again Penny," a singsong in his tone now.
I reached for my coffee and made like I was hiding my amusement behind the rim of the oversized cup. I couldn't remember why I had agreed to this now.
Jordan went on to catch me up on the ten years plus that I had missed of his life, but only after I had dished out the bare minimum details of my own. I had skipped things and gone out of order unintentionally, but I had started to relax and even enjoy myself a little in the process. Maybe I had overthought things and assumed too much. Maybe this wasn't a date, but just old friends having coffee.
But then I realized a couple of things. He'd mentioned more than once how much money he was making, given me an odd look when I admitted that I wasn't certain that I was physically capable of bearing children, and was very interested in the curtain situation that was my love life (non-existent).
"No, it sounds like he was a bad guy Penny," he was saying in regards to my last breakup while shaking his head. I could only shrug in response and lifted my coffee up for another sip even though the cup was now empty. Disappointed, I set the cup back down, expecting to forget it was empty in the next thirty seconds.
"Yeah, I'm drama free now, no more playing games and the boys are almost of age that I don't need to pay for child care anymore. Alex, the oldest will be 13 next year and he can watch Darren. They're staying at a friend's house tonight for a sleepover." He looked up at me with a heavy look in his eyes, but I wasn't fourteen anymore so the too sly innuendo wouldn't make me blush.
"Oh, so Single Dad out on the prowl tonight then?" I was trying to make a joke, while he thought I was giving him an opening.
"Would you like to go to dinner tonight? Maybe catch a movie?" He looked hopeful, overeager.
"I can't. I have to get back in," glancing at the clock. "Fifteen minutes, remember? Have to go back at six." I felt like I just kicked a puppy as I watched his face.
I did my best to brush off his surge of disappointment, then made things worse as I started to stand. "Probably should be heading back now in fact."
I watched him rise and somehow managed to survive another series of hugs and what I hoped to the stars wasn't a kiss against my hair meant for my cheek. My goodbyes were quick things, but his weren't. He wanted to walk me back to my car, and when he found out that I had walked to the cafe, he wanted to drive me back himself.
After insisting that I was fine and waiting for him to get into his Durango, which he pointed out was the brand-new model, I waved to him before he headed down the street in the opposite direction and breathed a quiet sigh of relief. It was over. I was free.
Or I thought I was until I got back and discovered the blinking light on the answering machine. It was Jordan.
I'd convinced myself that this meeting was two things: healthy for my mental state because socializing was good for humans, even if I was all too often a poster child for a hermit, and it was NOT a date. Just two old friends who hadn't seen each other in more than a decade catching up over a cup of coffee. I shouldn't be so narcissistic and egotistical to think that my acceptance to catching up with a guy I had dated a million years ago, when we were still children, would be anything but a casual meeting. Old friends do this all the time and it doesn't mean anything, and whatever anxiety I was feeling in the rolling knots of my stomach was due to stepping out of my comfort zone.
Or I was constipated and the cup of coffee I was about to have would help regulate me and things would be normal again.
I had stepped inside the cafe and was still attempting to scan the faces of those seated when the door bells jingled once more and he stepped in behind me. As I was checking over my shoulder he was already calling my name, with his arms wide open expecting an immediate embrace.
****. This is a date.
I had purposely not dressed up for this to keep things casual and showed up in a pair of blue jeans that I almost but not quite had the last time I saw him and a t-shirt I'd picked up a thrift store that wasn't even a favorite. It was clean and that was about the extent of thought I'd given to the outfit before I pulled it on.
But Jordan had done the exact opposite.
"Penny it's been ages! It's so good to see you." His smile wasn't quite ear to ear, but it was wide enough to cause the corners of his eyes, the beginnings of crow's feet now, to crease into the features of his face.
He was asking me a question with one palm still on my back while trying to keep me close to him, but my attention was already split between him and the barista who had been trying to get us to order and stop blocking the way to the counter. My eyes were already glazing over, but I hoped that my smile looked genuine enough to him to suggest that I was listening.
I wasn't, but he hadn't seemed to notice yet. "Mocha latte please," I said over to the barista apologetically. This was a subtle enough cue for Jordan to place his drink order too, and in a matter of minutes we were both seated opposite each other at a table off to the side.
He'd gotten noticeably older, but he was probably barely twenty-one the last time I saw him and I had been a hair's breadth past eighteen. Weight had settled around his midsection in the mildest of beer guts and he had opted to keep his once wavy light brown hair short to make his receding hair line less obvious. Lucky for him, the stubble look for his beard was in, but I could see grey already peppering itself in against his slight olive toned skin.
I found myself wondering about the color of his eyes. Had his eyes always been blue-green? Or is that a blue grey? I either couldn't remember or I had never paid that much attention in the first place. The thought was briefly disappointing, but I didn't give it much more thought and instead continued the light conversation of how my day had been.
"Yeah, I had a meeting earlier with a business partner today, which is why I'm dressed up," he explained while thick fingers, clean but calloused, plucked at the pale blue dress shirt he wore. At least he isn't wearing a tie, I told myself. "But I admit to feeling a little overdressed," he said while his eyes dipped down to my t-shirt, bemused. "What does your shirt say?"
"I told you, I was in the middle of running errands," I said apologetically as I glanced down to the faded grey fabric of the t-shirt. "Double Dare. You remember that old game show on TV when we were kids?" The logo was well on its way to being completely washed out, but I knew what my shirt said. At least, I was fairly sure that's what it said.
"Oh, I know, I know. I'm just trying to give you a hard time. I'm going to tease you Penny." He added a wink to the end of that in case I was dense enough to not realize it. "But don't I look nice?" His arms up and out to his sides like he was a middle aging Vanna White.
"Oh, yes of course," I tried to laugh, but it was forced. He didn't seem to notice, he hadn't heard me laugh in more than a decade after all. "You clean up nice Jordan, it is good to see you."
His laugh was sincere, and I would have felt bad for lying to him if he hadn't been so obviously fishing for a compliment from me. "I'm teasing you again Penny," a singsong in his tone now.
I reached for my coffee and made like I was hiding my amusement behind the rim of the oversized cup. I couldn't remember why I had agreed to this now.
Jordan went on to catch me up on the ten years plus that I had missed of his life, but only after I had dished out the bare minimum details of my own. I had skipped things and gone out of order unintentionally, but I had started to relax and even enjoy myself a little in the process. Maybe I had overthought things and assumed too much. Maybe this wasn't a date, but just old friends having coffee.
But then I realized a couple of things. He'd mentioned more than once how much money he was making, given me an odd look when I admitted that I wasn't certain that I was physically capable of bearing children, and was very interested in the curtain situation that was my love life (non-existent).
"No, it sounds like he was a bad guy Penny," he was saying in regards to my last breakup while shaking his head. I could only shrug in response and lifted my coffee up for another sip even though the cup was now empty. Disappointed, I set the cup back down, expecting to forget it was empty in the next thirty seconds.
"Yeah, I'm drama free now, no more playing games and the boys are almost of age that I don't need to pay for child care anymore. Alex, the oldest will be 13 next year and he can watch Darren. They're staying at a friend's house tonight for a sleepover." He looked up at me with a heavy look in his eyes, but I wasn't fourteen anymore so the too sly innuendo wouldn't make me blush.
"Oh, so Single Dad out on the prowl tonight then?" I was trying to make a joke, while he thought I was giving him an opening.
"Would you like to go to dinner tonight? Maybe catch a movie?" He looked hopeful, overeager.
"I can't. I have to get back in," glancing at the clock. "Fifteen minutes, remember? Have to go back at six." I felt like I just kicked a puppy as I watched his face.
I did my best to brush off his surge of disappointment, then made things worse as I started to stand. "Probably should be heading back now in fact."
I watched him rise and somehow managed to survive another series of hugs and what I hoped to the stars wasn't a kiss against my hair meant for my cheek. My goodbyes were quick things, but his weren't. He wanted to walk me back to my car, and when he found out that I had walked to the cafe, he wanted to drive me back himself.
After insisting that I was fine and waiting for him to get into his Durango, which he pointed out was the brand-new model, I waved to him before he headed down the street in the opposite direction and breathed a quiet sigh of relief. It was over. I was free.
Or I thought I was until I got back and discovered the blinking light on the answering machine. It was Jordan.