"That will be twenty ivory pounds, miss."

"Uh, yeah..." Katarina fumbled through one of the three bags strapped around her shoulders, looking for a labeled white envelope. With damp hands, she counted the flimsy paper with a colorful finish before giving to the man across the counter. "Here."

In exchange, the man gave her a large and old-fashioned gold key for her room. With water in her shoes, Katarina tried to think more positive thoughts as she wandered up the windy stairs to find her room. Traveling upon The Duchess filled her mind with how traveling should be, with large rooms, quiet passengers and excellent service. The Stars Republic was known for its glitz and high standards of living. The Red Star, the planet of her audition, was the center for fine arts of the entire republic. With high hopes, Katarina was unexpected for the poor weather upon her arrival. Without a choice, she had to walk miles in the rain to find the Theare of Gold, only to be directed to another building where her room would be.

Deflated, she found it hard to appreciate her surroundings as she opened the door to her room and all but tumbled inside. She dropped her bags carelessly on the floor and went straight to find a bath and fill it with hot water. Instead of thinking of the rich creams of her room or the enormous bed that seemed to be made of feathers, her mind was on the audition she would have tomorrow. She visioned her movements over and over in her mind, trying to keep thoughts of homesickness at bay. It was going to be the biggest audition of her life, and could not allow her attitude to be her demise.

She decided it would be best to warm and relax her muscles before giving them a long stretch. Everything had to be perfect.

Katarina felt anxious as Hope filled her window as the small ship descended to land. After waiting through mechanical problems, the ship was several hours behind, and she was certain that her family would no longer be waiting for her. While it would be no problem to use a comlink, her disappointment deflated her excitement and only made her more anxious. She had anticipated sadness, or regretting her choice in coming, but instead no darker thoughts came. Something felt just off as the ship settled smoothly into the spaceport, but she could not find the source. However, the thought was overcome with the first necessity to get a hold of her family.

Giving polite but short farewells to the group of travelers, she strapped on all of her bags and walked slowly through the small station. It seemed so small, compared to RhyDin and other planets that she visited during her time as an understudy. Knowing the station like her own home, she headed to her left where the comlinks were available for use, only to find them all full. Sighing, she removed her bags to set on the floor and wait for her turn.

A tall man with a low blond ponytail finally finished his call and turned around. Even with the longer hair and the goatee that was now in place, Katarina recognized her brother at once, "Drew!" Bag forgotten, she launched herself into his surprised arms.

"Whoa, Katie!" He laughed and gave her a quick spin, "Wha' happen'd wit' yer ship?"

"Jist had'ta land fer a bit ta fix up somethin's. Ya'll didn' wait all this time, didcha?" There was a pang of guilt ready to take place if all of her family had waited the hours for her ship.

"Nah, they all went back. I had some thin's ta take care of. Sending out a coupla crates o' mah stuff. So ya know, gotta make sure they make it all 'n one piece."

"Yer stuff?" Andrew took up her bags swiftly and with ease as they started out of the station, "Who's wantin' crates o' pretty glass?"

Her usual moody sibling gave a light smile to her tease, "They're goin' ta an art show, an' bein' sold there if 'm lucky."

"A' art show? Why aren' ya goin' ta it?" She gave him a frown to match her scold, "People ain' gonna know who ya ar', er nah gonna hav' a face ta go wit' yer name if ya dun show up."

"I ain' goin' anywhere while yer visitin'. 'Sides, I know all th' people tha' ar' gonna be there anyway." He motioned towards a carriage far in front of the line, "Everyone'll be surprised when ya come home wit' me."

"Well, I gotta hav' an entrance an' all." There mixed laughter was free until they both made it into the carriage and began the journey to the farm. The teasing and laughter didn't cease until way into the night when eyes could no longer keep open and the feeling of happiness and completion filled the Smith Farm.

"Lor' n' Skies, I forgo' how cold it gits." The hour was early, even for the farmhouse, and the air was so dry that her eyes stung and watered with the slightest breeze. She was glad that her hair was left unbound to protect her neck and ears from the chill. She hadn't walked very far down the property before she turned for Drew's studio. The smoke leaving the chimney showed another wakeful person, and a chance to warm up again before heading her way.

"Ah." The simple pleasure of the instant heat from opening the door brought a sigh of regret that she couldn't stay. Drew was carefully mixing his chemicals, the long hair bound back again, "Hey Drew, 'm goin' ou' fer a walk, yeah? I'll be gone fer breakfast."

"Wha' kind o' walk ar' ya goin' on?" He didn't bother to look over to her, too focused on getting his measurements just perfect.

"Goin' ta th' cemetery, an' then ta see Cal's folks fer a bit." Again, she waited for the overwhelming grief that ached her very core. Emotionally bracing herself, the agony didn't come, only a sadness for loss.

That brought the look of fierce concentration from the chemicals up to his sister. "Say hello ta his folks fer me." And then he waved his hand, "Make sure ta close th' door."

Katarina couldn't help but give a slight smile as she firmly shut the door to his studio. While her brother was brilliant with his glass, he was rather dense with anything else. Sighing, but not too deeply to avoid the sting of cold air, she continued on her short journey to where Cal was buried. Gloved hands in her pockets, she toyed with a small box that rested in one of them as she detoured to a flower shop. With a slim selection for the winter, she picked a small bouquet of amaryllis, wondering if such a bright flower was unfitting for a grave site. It didn't really matter to her, the action was just a motion she had done countless amount of times to keep from looking abnormal.

Flowers in one hand, the other went back into the pocket to fiddle with the small box left inside. The walk to the open field of crypts wasn't long, and she knew just exactly where to go. So much so that her feet needed no direction from her mind.

It was easy to spot without the previous visits, being that it was the only site marked with a medium sized statue of a horse, despite being the means to his end. There had been a time in her grieving that she tried to kick the statue over, and nearly broke her foot if she had put true force into the gesture. Now, it just symbolized that creatures he loved, and the nature of his heart.

Katarina was the only visible person from all directions, and so she simply stood there, looking down at the patch of grass. She waited for the tears, or the sob that tore through silence and lead to an eventual emotional breakdown. Instead, she had none of those reactions. Only the hollow ache of a wound long ago healed.

And just where, in her year away from Hope, did the healing spring from? Sighing again, she leaned down to put the vibrant flowers in the small hole so that they could sit up and be properly displayed. The happy colors broke her bleak expectation . Sitting down on the crisp grass, she was grateful for her long jacket as she pulled out the small box from her pocket. Flipping it open, she gazed at the garnet ring that Johnny had given her several months before. She couldn't bring herself to wear it, knowing the intentions of it's creation, but she couldn't give it away either for the same reason. Pulling it free from the box, she twirled it gently around her forefinger.

Then there was a tear or two, but Katarina knew it wasn't from grievance. It was from knowing that her heart was no longer chained to the past of "what if's." It was free for her to keep or give as she chose. While Caleb would always have a tender place in her heart and memories, he would no longer haunt her thoughts of what life could have been.

She sat there for a long time, next to his grave while glancing down at the ring. An occasional tear would fall, but now it was from the ache of needing to be comforted. What she had understood about her life was now in disarray, and she was sitting alone without another person in sight. And when the desire for Locke passed through her mind, she had to laugh and wipe the few tears away. How she could sit and think of one man while sitting at the site of another was just beyond her. Putting the ring back into the box, she stood and slipped it back into her pocket. There were no parting words as she left the site, for they didn't matter.

Now Katarina would take her time to meander her way over to his parent's house. While they probably knew of the relationship she had with their son, no words had been spoken of it. But perhaps now, several years later, was the right time. The ring would be welcomed by his mother, and she knew she would feel no regrets. The ring had never in the end, been hers.

Katarina blinked repeatedly at the bright white paper posted on the bulletin board. She was tired from her traveling from Hope back to the Red Star, and homesick. Not for Hope, but for Rhydin. For the family there, and the theatre with her fellow dancers. Even being inside one of the most revered theatres of ballet, she would have rather been home.

With her lack of enthusiasm attitude, it delayed her reaction to see her name on that crisp piece of paper, towards the bottom of that alphabetical listing. She blinked some more, before a rush of air left her lungs, "Oh... oh!" If she had free hands, they would have gone to her forehead to push her hair back. "Holy biscuit." She needed to sit, and with no chairs around, she promptly removed her bags from her shoulders and sat on the floor around them.

The Royal Ballet. The few opportunities Katarina had to watch their ballets she cherished the programs and watched in awe. In her choice to audition, it wasn't to strive and achieve a new place, but to know in her heart that she was good enough. And yet now her name was prettily printed onto paper stating that she was good enough to perform with the best.

She glanced around the empty, but not sparse hall. If she so chose, it could be another place to call home. A place for her to build new relationships and have the opportunity any other ballerina would aspire. A hand went to fiddle with the various trinkets around her neck, knowing without looking which was what and from who. All of them, her family and those she cared for, would not be able to follow her here. With the great aspiration came a great price; being alone.

Quickly standing and gathering her things again, she glanced in rooms and wandered through halls. Surely someone had to be around. Finally spotting a face as she glanced through a window to another room, she recognized the man as one that had came to Rhydin to watch her. Sucking in a deep breath, she knocked on the door.

She would decline the offer. She was not ready to pick up the pieces and start all over again in a new place, and everything she already wanted was already back in Rhydin. A loving family, beloved friends, Locke, and a principle position with wonderful dancers. The homesickness that overwhelmed her nearly brought her to tears as the strong voice answered the knock, "Come in."

Squaring her shoulders, she thought of her response as she opened the door. And she would find the first ship back to Rhydin if it took the remainder of her day.