Topic: RUDE Awakenings

RUDE Leader

Date: 2007-02-10 11:20 EST
It had been some time since the house across the ravine from the forsaken blades clubhouse had seen any activity, over a year in fact. But that all changed today. Today the place was decked out in all sorts of banners and balloons, looking oh so inviting. The sign on the building had been polished and all the windows had been cleaned. Even the little birds nests in the porch rafters had been decorated.

Strung on long poles and suspended over the bridge was the biggest banner of all which spelled out in big bold lettersWELCOME GREAT LEADER!

JewellRavenlock

Date: 2007-02-10 11:55 EST
Part of Jewell's "Stop-Being-Depressed-and-Get-Your-Act-Together" 12 Step Program was going to the Clubhouse more often again (it was Step #5). She was keeping to the plan strictly--or at least, trying to. She was sprawled out, almost cat-like, on a window seat reading a book. She had opened the dark drapes, that kept the light from penetrating inside for Tara's sake, because her BFF was not currently in the room.

So absorbed in her book, How to Challenge the Lord of the Dead for Your Dead Lover's Soul, that she did not notice all the commotion at the supposedly defunct house across the ravine. Why should she look that way? Nothing significant had happened over there in months and her book was very interesting.

"Hopefully you are a virgin as this will make the task of retrieving your dead lover much easier," she read aloud to herself quietly. "What the hell!?" She growled out, throwing the book across the room. "Why would you want to retrieve a lover that wouldn't sleep with you?"

"Virgin...hmph." A little miffed at the book of bad advice, she turned to glaring out the window instead. What she saw going on across the ravine, however, provided her with more fodder for annoyance; "What the..."

She pressed her nose up against the glass, trying to get a better look, before calling out, "Taaaara! Amthy! You gotta come see this!!"

The RPS Guy

Date: 2007-02-11 06:53 EST
Chris was standing in the kitchen in front of the sink eating a bowl of cereal in his underwear like any good bachelor would do. He had just woken up and was hungry so he went into the kitchen for a quick bite and was going to go right back to bed. It was light out when he went to sleep so it was much too early to be up again. Since he was only wearing a pair of boxers, the ones with Calvin & Hobbes dancing across them, and it was a bit chilly; he was woofing down the cereal in an attempt to get back to bed and under the covers quickly. It didn?t even occur to him that someone else might be there or he probably wouldn?t have been walking around in his underwear scratching his ass. Seems he is making himself at home in the clubhouse and getting comfortable, maybe a little too comfortable.

It wasn?t until the milk soaked into the cereal making it less crunchy that he heard a voice. It was muffled at first, like someone talking to themselves. Virgin? Okay, he was heading that way with the bowl cradled in the palm of his hand, digging at it with the spoon as he walked. Cereal is a stand-still meal so the spoonfuls were shite and he had some milk dripping off his chin by the time he stepped into the doorway and found Jewell with her face pressed up against the window.

?So eh, spotted yourself a virgin did ya??

RUDE Leader

Date: 2007-02-12 00:34 EST
A large black van drove up to the clubhouse across the ravine while the fae one watched, and three men in white suits with black ties and mirrored sunglasses stepped out. They checked over the surrounding area then beagan unloading large white boxes from the van. The man with the feathered hat greeted them at the door then hurried them inside.

A few minutes pass, and then the three men in the suits come back out of the house, get in the van and drive away.

Baker

Date: 2007-02-12 10:10 EST
As he was one of the newest members of the Blades, Baker decided, finally, that he would go and visit the Forsaken Blades Clubhouse that he had heard so much about, and well, today was the day. He wandered his way through the forest until he finally reached a clearing. Furrowing his brow, he studied the map again, still not sure if he was on the right path. ?Maybe I shoulda waited till that girl was sober to draw me this map??. He turned the map upside down, sideways and any other direction looking from the map to the clearing, trying to make out any landmarks. Finally, he crumpled up the map, tossed it in a random direction and decided to find his own damn way.

Fortunately, Baker found the clubhouse easily enough. He walked up to the front taking it all in with a smile, hands on his hips. He looked up and read the sign aloud to himself, ?Welcome Great Leader?. ?Wow! These guys really know how to make me feel comfortable in a new place.? He smiled once more, shaking his head, ?What a great buncha guys.? So now Baker straightened his shirt, cupped his hand over his mouth and sniffed, checking his breath and headed up to the porch to the front door. He knocked?.no answer?.he knocked again?nothing. ?Odd?? he thought to himself. So he shrugged, turned the knob and pushed the door open. The door gave a slight creek, opened halfway and Baker stuck his head in with a smile. ?HellooOOOoOOooooo???Nothing?.So in he wandered in, eager to check out the place?

JewellRavenlock

Date: 2007-02-12 11:06 EST
Oops! She had forgotten dear Chris was staying in the Clubhouse lately; it was a simple mistake since she hadn't been around that much. Hearing his question, she snickered and turned about to face him mid-reply, "Yep! They're rarer than unicorns so I thought we could.go..get...a net." She had progressively slowed down her sentence until it fully halted when she took in what Chris was wearing--both the boxers and the milk on his chin.

She nodded her approval of his get-up, "Not too shabby, RPS." She laughed before gesturing him over and making room on the window seat, "Look, something is going on across the ravine...those dudes are back!"

Indeed, there was even more dudes when she looked back outside and they had their very own van! "Oh no--competition, Chris. What do you think they have in those boxes, judging by the size?" She figured if anyone could guess accurately, it would be their very own RPS Guy, right?

The scene across the ravine was just getting better and better! When the men drove off, Baker of all people showed up! "Oh my, that traitor!! Look at him!" She pressed her finger to the glass, pointing him out, "He's just waltzing in to our enemy's hide out in plain sight! What...audacity!"

RUDE Leader

Date: 2007-02-13 03:44 EST
Unexpected company was always greeted well at the headquarters of the Re-assumed Utensils of Destruction Empire. Todays visitor was no different. The moment that Baker walked in the door the man in the feathered hat rushed at him. "Ahh! There you are! Just in time." A roll of crepe paper streamers was thrust into Bakers hands with just the barest of instructions "Go hang those over there would you?"

Instructions dispensed the man in the feathered hat hurries of to converse with what appears to be thin air, until one sees the shadow of something big and snakelike in the light from the window. Then with much hissing and grumbling that snakelike shadow moves across the room towards Baker.

The RPS Guy

Date: 2007-02-13 06:13 EST
Chris set the bowl on a nearby table and began making his way towards the window seat next to Jewell so he could get a better look. ?Some comp? Ya know, even though RPS Enterprises is the undisputed leader in parcel shippers, mainly because we deliver nearly twenty percent of all mail that comes through our doors and all that shite, there?s nothing wrong with a little healthy competition.?

As he leaned toward the window and pressed his face up against it, Chris half expected to see a virgin grazing and frolicking in the field; though he was a little disappointed to see an empty yard he also realized they probably didn?t have big enough nets anyway. Instead he focused on the boxes and what could be inside them. ?I?ll tell ya Jewell, with boxes that size, it could be almost anything. I?ve delivered many parcels and it is hard to get a reading on them without picking them up to find out how heavy they are; givin?em a good shake. I can remember one time I delivered a box that size and the only thing in it was a fork. Then there was that period with the serial killer who chopped up his victims and sent them via RPS in boxes around that size. So it really could be anything. That being said, I?m gonna guess fruit.?

Turning, he looked at her for a moment, curious as to what her guess might be before turning back toward the window. ?So those guys are our enemy eh? I didn?t even know we had enemies. I gotta say it kinda sucks to find out I?ve been sleeping in a house across the street from them though.? That said he pressed closer to the glass, squinting the eyes, focusing the gaze, trying to get a better look at the gentleman entering the house across the ravine. ?A traitor? I don?t know Jewell? lost maybe, but? a traitor? Who is that anyway??

Baker

Date: 2007-02-13 07:23 EST
Baker looked at the roll of crepe paper in his hand and mumbled to himself, ?They?re makin? me decorate for my own damn party?!? A bit perplexed, Baker tossed the crepe paper over his shoulder and wandered into the adjoining room entering what appeared to be the kitchen. Baker spied the cooler and smiled, ?Ale?now we?re talkin?.? He grabbed a frosty bottle from inside and shut the door, immediately noticing the fridge magnet affixed upon it. ?RUDE is cool? Baker chuckled to himself, ?Heh?.that must be Tara?s.? He took a long drink of his ale, while he leaned against the kitchen cabinets and, out of boredom, opened one of the cabinet drawers. Inside he found a mess of business cards with various slogans on them;

?RUDE and proud of it?

?I?m one RUDE dude?

?Go RUDE and go nude?

?We?re RUDE with a ?tude?

Baker fumbled through a few more cards as he raised his brow, perplexed. ?Now, I can see Tara doin? this. She loves pissin? people off but Jewell and Amthy wouldn?t go for this stuff?? Just as he started to wonder what the hell kinda guild he?d gotten himself into, he heard a shuffling noise coming from the entry room he?d just came from. A smirk slowly creeped across his face as he whispered to himself, ? So! A surprise party is it? That would explain why no one?s around?they?re hidin?!? Then he got a thought, ?No one surprises Baker!? So, ale in hand, he slipped quickly out a second door from the kitchen, down a hallway and up the stairs. ?Time for me to do some surprising of my own!?

Corlanthis Wystansayr

Date: 2007-02-14 00:43 EST
Cor awoke to find himself in a rather cramped and dark space smelling faintly of paper..or perhaps...one hand felt around...cardboard? His back was sore and his legs were nearly cramping from the twisted position he found himself in. Reason number 234823498502348 why he didn't drink alcohol, and damn Reap for having convinced him that it'd be okay this time.

A groggy and somewhat pained voice croaked out. "What the hell?" And as his hands wandered, the found the top of the box and he began to push, more then a little uncomfortable with his surroundings. First a light shove with no effect, then a harder one. He had to shove a couple of times before the box gave way and light flooded in, immediately making his eyes shut against the intrusion and causing him to fall back into the box.

"Aaaghh!"

When his vision cleared enough for him to open his eyes once more, Cor kneeled up, blinking around the room in further confusion. Balloons everywhere, streamers, and hey, there was a half unwound roll of crepe paper just laying on the floor. His earlier sentiment was repeated.

"...What the hell?"

JewellRavenlock

Date: 2007-02-14 11:25 EST
?I?ll tell ya Jewell, with boxes that size, it could be almost anything."

She mouthed 'almost anything,' an excited gleam coming to her eyes. Fancy clothes, money, chocolate, other books about how to bring her dead lover back to life! Oh, the list was endless! Her day-dream of opening the boxes, she glossed over the fact that she'd have to get inside the RUDE clubhouse first, and finding any number of delightful things came crashing down with Chris mention of body parts and his prediction: fruit.

"Fruit?" She squeaked out, disappointed. "I was hoping for chocolate...or maybe even bombs or high-tech weaponry;" of course, the last two would probably not have boded well for the Forsaken Blades at all. "Maybe chocolate covered fruit?" Offered up hopefully. She could compromise, unless it became exploding-high-tech-bomb-fruit. That might not be so good.

"Hm? Oh right! I forgot you were sleeping here." Little nervous laugh, she hadn't meant to worry Chris! "I wouldn't be too concerned, I think they're all pretty dumb." She pressed her nose against the glass again to watch, seeing Baker enter the other house, "That's Baker." Her warm breath fogged up the window a little and she colored in a little hear to see out of, "He's like, our local town drunk now. I think Tara recruited him to do our dirty work," which was, "like washing dishes for me at the Inn or something."

She colored in more hearts because the more she spoke, the more the window fogged up, "You're probably right. I can't imagine him being dumb enough to cross us...we're kind of crazy. Dumb enough to wander by an accident into our enemy's hideout? Probably."

Amthyst Oak

Date: 2007-02-14 13:33 EST
?I like fruit,? Amthy interjected as background noise as she approached the pair. The nymph was wrapped in a towel and was wearing another like a turban on her head. Not to mention she was brushing her teeth, but without toothpaste. ?We?re outta toothpaste again,? she felt compelled to inform them. ?Whucha lookin? at?? Her curiosity was aroused as she moved forward to get a better view. That meant she squished up against the side of the window with Chris. ?Hey, are they having a party?? She asked. ?Did we get an invitation??

She perked a little. ?I know Baker Baker!? She squeaked. ?His first name IS his last name.? She informed them in a little gush. ?I dunno, he doesn? seem dumb.? She tsked at the implication and the word didn?t come easy off her tongue. ?Mebbe he?s a spy?? She just put that out there, unknowingly echoing an earlier sentiment.

Baker

Date: 2007-02-14 18:29 EST
Halfway up the stairs, Baker heard a yell. He craned his head in the direction of the sound and heard a familiar voice exclaim, ?What the hell?? Following the sound, Baker backtracked down the stairs and into the entry room where the sound had come from. There he found Corlanthis sitting partially in a large white box nursing what appeared to be a hangover.

?Dude!?? Baker wandered his way past all the other white boxes in the room to the one Cor currently occupied. He grabbed him by the arm and helped him out. ?Sorry, man. Let?s go over into the kitchen and get you some of that iced tea crap you drink, I saw some in the fridge. In the meantime, I think I can explain why yer here.?

Baker led Cor into the kitchen and retrieved the iced tea from the fridge, pouring him a glass. As he handed him the drink he tried to explain the best he could, ?Ya see, I just recently got initiated into this guild, the Forsaken Blades. Well, today I decided to visit the clubhouse for the first time, which is where we are now.? Baker motioned around the place as he elaborated. ?Well, apparently, the other members decided to throw me a little welcome-type surprise party but I think I showed up before they were ready; hence the streamers, balloons and the big damn sign outside.? Then Baker considered for a moment something that didn?t add up just yet. He took a sip of his ale and continued, ??Cept there was this one guy?.he was here when I got here?dressed like a mummy...? He shrugged and went on,??anyway, he wanted me to help decorate for my own party, fancy that. But that?s what brings me to you?.the other members musta had you shipped here for my party.? He stopped, putting his hands on his hips again, smiling and reflecting, ?What a thoughtful buncha guys?.they?re great.?

RUDE Leader

Date: 2007-02-14 23:03 EST
The opening of the box was all that the man in the feathered hat was waiting for, the various minions from around headquarters were gathered with a shout.

"ALL HAIL THE GREAT LEADER! THE GREAT LEADER EMERGES FROM HIS BOX!"

The minions, all wearing t-shirts with RUDE agent # xxx on them. All start to cheer and crowd around Corlanthis. "Great Leader! Great Leader!"

Two other bleary eyed drunks peek out of the other boxes, one asking "wha's gonnin on here?"

The man in the feathered hat turns to the drunk to explain. "Our old leader died of asbestos exposure last week, so in accordance to RUDE tradition we have selected our new leader in the traditional manner. We paid three guys to stick random drunks in a box and bring them here, and the first drunk out of the box gets chosen to be our leader."

The minions proceed to drape Corlanthis with flowers and shove gifts into his arms before moving off to bow and scrape for him.

Baker

Date: 2007-02-15 01:53 EST
After the minions had moved off, Baker just stared at Cor and said what anyone else would say at a time like this, "Dude? What the f*ck?"

The RPS Guy

Date: 2007-02-15 07:19 EST
Turning, Chris looked back in the direction of the voice and gave Amthy a smile upon seeing her. ?I?ve got some in my room if ya need it. It?s got tarter control.?

He made room on the seat then turned to look back out the window. ?It looks like there is some kind of party goin? on over there but I don?t think we are invited. Jewell says they are the enemy so if they do invite us it will probably be to kill us or something.? Pausing, he looked back and forth between the two of them, then out the window again. ?So don?t drink the kool-aid whatever ya do.?

It had been awhile since Baker went into the other house, maybe he was dumb or a spy, but Chris figured he was just drunk since he was the local town drunk and all. Then his thoughts begin to drift: did they have bull horn anywhere in the house so they didn?t have to move and could just ask what was in the boxes from here? Would it be considered cruel to send the intern over there to find out what was going on? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Finally he leaned back and look at the two of them again and said, ?I could probably catapult myself over there with the? eh, well? catapult.? Pause. ?On second thought, scratch that. I?m gonna choose life for right now?? Goes back to staring out the window.

Corlanthis Wystansayr

Date: 2007-02-15 10:22 EST
Okay, when one is under attack, the very first step must always be to quickly determine one's resources and then determine whether to counter-attack or retreat. Within the space of a second Cor went from confused and slightly drunk and/or hungover to dead sober, even more confused and (maybe) still hungover.

His course of action, however, had been decided.

He crawled back into the box and pulled the lid back over his head.

"GO 'WAY!"

He gave that about ten seconds to see if it would work.

It did not.

Cor crawled back out, glaring at each and every individual there. Except Baker, at whom he shrugged the answer to his question. Once the piercing and slightly pained glare traversed the room, he oriented on the bandaged fellow that had proclaimed him leader, then muttered to himself.

"For th' love of Cor."

And then he cleared his throat.

"Okay. So..okay. I'm your leader, yeah? Well, lets be clear on a couple'a things. First? I'm not dying from any kind of asbestos exposure. Got that? Second? Yeah. Second!? What the hell is RUDE? Okay..and third? Third...third. . ."

Cor trailed off, wincing, and reached a hand up to rub his temple

"Yeah. Third..gimme some aspirin."

Amthyst Oak

Date: 2007-02-15 15:48 EST
Amthy grinned around her toothbrush. The expression made the corners of her eyes wrinkle and her nose scrunch. "Thanks, Sweet Cheeks," she replied to his offer as she looked aside to him as she spoke. She returned her attention to the window, and the enemy lair across the way. "Well, iffin we're gonna be goin' to the party later, I'm gonna need to get ready!" She announced. She held up a finger and wriggled her nose. "So iffin you'll excuse me, I have to find something fantastical to wear." Amthy laughed and pat a hand to Chris' shoulder and made kissy faces to Jewell before she withdrew to find the toothpaste Chris claimed to have in his room.