Standing over a casket with no body.
Crying at a grave.
Being pulled away gently to the backseat of a black limousine.
The constant ache of wanting something she would never get back.
The frantic stirring jarred her awake. It was still dark, but dawn was on the cusp of arrival. Exhausted from a night of haunting memories, Caitlin stretched to turn the alarm clock towards her face. 4:13.
The room, pitch black, felt like a cage. A glance to the window elicited a desire to throw herself from it if only to be free from the pain. But something stirring beside her made Caitlin freeze. Still recovering from the nightmare, she waded through the feeling of in-between and turned to search for a face.
He?d always looked so angelic when he slept. The constant pressure of running a business and worrying for his life weighed heavily on him during waking hours making him appear rough. While he was asleep, she could see the face of a man who?d known peace at one point in his life. It was a calming experience on the nights rest stayed out of reach. But the sight of him now only confused her.
This was the face of a dead man.
Tentative fingers inched toward his face, hovering over his cheek. Radiant warmth met her skin before it even made contact and an unsteady sigh from the dead man washed over her face. Carefully, fingertips met smooth skin. The touch electrified every fiber of her being. He was real. He was flesh. He was here with her now, in this room, in her bed.
Frantically, greedily, Cait grasped his face and slid herself close. The heat of him warmed the numbness of her limbs. Hot tears began to fall in earnest and the sound of her breathy sobs woke the man into a confused daze.
?Baby??
Oh. His voice was so sweet! It was better than the voicemails she?d kept to listen to over and over. ?Deacon,? Cait choked through the cries, pressing her body against his in every way, never wanting to be parted again. ?You?re here with me. You?re here,? hot whispers against his cheek.
?Oh honey,? the words tripped out of his mouth and they sounded like the real thing. He shifted up onto an elbow to peer down at her with concern. His smooth palm brushed stray strands of hair off her tear stained cheeks.
Her heart was still pounding when she felt his lips in her hair. ?Please don?t leave me,? came the soft murmur. He pulled back to look at her, still confused. Caitlin pled again. ?I can?t handle the pain anymore.?
?Shh,? he crooned, running his hand down the length of her body, hooking his fingers around her thigh to pull it up onto his hip. Then he squeezed her waist. ?I?m here?.I?m here. I?ll never go anywhere again.?
?We can be happy.? She clung to him, gripping his shoulders tightly. ?I know we can. We?ll run away and start a new life and start a family like we wanted.?
?Anything you want, Cait. I?ll do anything for you. No more drugs. No more booze. Just you,? he breathed hotly against her neck. ?And me.? He pressed a scalding kiss against her collarbone now.
?I only want you.? His mouth, now skimming the top of her breast, made her gasp.
?Shhh.? He chastised quietly. ?Let me fix this.? A familiar weight settled over her as he rolled himself on top of her. He gripped her wrists gently on either side of the pillow while pressing little kisses all over her face. The trail left a burning wake of desire. The path led him down her jaw, and then her neck, shoulder, upper arm. When the blazing kisses reached her forearm, Cait flinched. She didn?t want him to find the barbaric form of coping that had been adopted, the freshly scabbed cuts of release. But he kissed her anyway. Like it didn?t even matter. And it didn?t even sting...
Cold, cruel understanding slammed into her, eyelids bolting open. It didn?t hurt because the cuts didn?t exist. Head tipping to the side for visual confirmation, she waited for his head to lift. And there it was: pale, smooth, unmarred skin.
He was looking at her funny. ?You?re not here,? she told him.
?Yes, I am,? he crooned, putting a finger to her lips. He bent to kiss her.
Before their lips met, Cait?s eyelids fluttered open.
It was 4:13 and she didn?t need to turn over to know there was no one in her bed.
Crying at a grave.
Being pulled away gently to the backseat of a black limousine.
The constant ache of wanting something she would never get back.
The frantic stirring jarred her awake. It was still dark, but dawn was on the cusp of arrival. Exhausted from a night of haunting memories, Caitlin stretched to turn the alarm clock towards her face. 4:13.
The room, pitch black, felt like a cage. A glance to the window elicited a desire to throw herself from it if only to be free from the pain. But something stirring beside her made Caitlin freeze. Still recovering from the nightmare, she waded through the feeling of in-between and turned to search for a face.
He?d always looked so angelic when he slept. The constant pressure of running a business and worrying for his life weighed heavily on him during waking hours making him appear rough. While he was asleep, she could see the face of a man who?d known peace at one point in his life. It was a calming experience on the nights rest stayed out of reach. But the sight of him now only confused her.
This was the face of a dead man.
Tentative fingers inched toward his face, hovering over his cheek. Radiant warmth met her skin before it even made contact and an unsteady sigh from the dead man washed over her face. Carefully, fingertips met smooth skin. The touch electrified every fiber of her being. He was real. He was flesh. He was here with her now, in this room, in her bed.
Frantically, greedily, Cait grasped his face and slid herself close. The heat of him warmed the numbness of her limbs. Hot tears began to fall in earnest and the sound of her breathy sobs woke the man into a confused daze.
?Baby??
Oh. His voice was so sweet! It was better than the voicemails she?d kept to listen to over and over. ?Deacon,? Cait choked through the cries, pressing her body against his in every way, never wanting to be parted again. ?You?re here with me. You?re here,? hot whispers against his cheek.
?Oh honey,? the words tripped out of his mouth and they sounded like the real thing. He shifted up onto an elbow to peer down at her with concern. His smooth palm brushed stray strands of hair off her tear stained cheeks.
Her heart was still pounding when she felt his lips in her hair. ?Please don?t leave me,? came the soft murmur. He pulled back to look at her, still confused. Caitlin pled again. ?I can?t handle the pain anymore.?
?Shh,? he crooned, running his hand down the length of her body, hooking his fingers around her thigh to pull it up onto his hip. Then he squeezed her waist. ?I?m here?.I?m here. I?ll never go anywhere again.?
?We can be happy.? She clung to him, gripping his shoulders tightly. ?I know we can. We?ll run away and start a new life and start a family like we wanted.?
?Anything you want, Cait. I?ll do anything for you. No more drugs. No more booze. Just you,? he breathed hotly against her neck. ?And me.? He pressed a scalding kiss against her collarbone now.
?I only want you.? His mouth, now skimming the top of her breast, made her gasp.
?Shhh.? He chastised quietly. ?Let me fix this.? A familiar weight settled over her as he rolled himself on top of her. He gripped her wrists gently on either side of the pillow while pressing little kisses all over her face. The trail left a burning wake of desire. The path led him down her jaw, and then her neck, shoulder, upper arm. When the blazing kisses reached her forearm, Cait flinched. She didn?t want him to find the barbaric form of coping that had been adopted, the freshly scabbed cuts of release. But he kissed her anyway. Like it didn?t even matter. And it didn?t even sting...
Cold, cruel understanding slammed into her, eyelids bolting open. It didn?t hurt because the cuts didn?t exist. Head tipping to the side for visual confirmation, she waited for his head to lift. And there it was: pale, smooth, unmarred skin.
He was looking at her funny. ?You?re not here,? she told him.
?Yes, I am,? he crooned, putting a finger to her lips. He bent to kiss her.
Before their lips met, Cait?s eyelids fluttered open.
It was 4:13 and she didn?t need to turn over to know there was no one in her bed.