Friends, writing partners, etc
It?s been a while since I have been on DM, and even when I?ve been on my postings have been limited at best, despite the SL I set off over a year ago, and it?s upcoming conclusion (set in the past a bit as to not lock any charries in the present, of course).
I figure it?s time to explain what?s been going on.
This last year has been a bit of a rough one for myself an Jen. We?ve had a lot of changes in our home, and family. Some great, and others not so. It seems despite the upcoming holidays, the momentum towards the later seem to be holding its own. However, that will not diminish the holidays themselves, as I personally will be damned if we do not get our holiday groove on (Y?know the Lurkey Turkey, the phat @ss?d Christmas Tree, The Charlie Brown Holiday marathon, not to mention more family and friends and food. All that good stuff, so many take for granted).
I have never been a good person at opening up, and Lord knows I could have done so, many times over this year. It drives Jen up the wall, and honestly I can?t blame her. She deserves a medal for even putting up with me. Just don?t tell her that, or I may have to end up really getting a medal, and that?ll be a pain in the @ss.
In my line of work, we never get to really open up, despite the fact that we take the complaints of an entire city & more on a daily basis for 8 to 16 hours a day. We get the beatings, and stabbings. Shootings, and murders. The child abuses (sexual and otherwise). The domestic disturbances, robberies, rapes, drunks and whatever else the good citizens and otherwise can toss at us. Suicides, barricades subjects with hostages, people literally on death?s door and sometimes breathing their last with us on the line, being the last person they ever spoke to and even listening as they take their own lives, or expire from something else.
I wish to God this was an exaggeration, but it?s not. Jen and a few others can easily attest to what I describe.
Don?t get me wrong, however. The pay is decent, and the benefits (insurance, dental, medical etc) are very good. The bills are paid, the family cared for medically, so yeah it covers stuff.
Sorry I drifted a bit.
So we never get to really open up and talk about things that go on during our shifts etc. Legalities, liabilities and sue happy lawyers see to that, first hand.
Some people think I?m crazy for this line of work, and after 12 years of doing this, I?d have to agree to a degree somewhat.
Aside from all of this zoo funnery we deal with, we also have what we term ?consumers?.
Consumers are people who suffer from mental issues, such as Bipolar, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Multiple Personality Disorders, Eating disorders, depression etc. By all means the term consumer is not a derogatory one at all. It?s 100 % Legit. And down here in South Florida we have the largest gathering of consumers (diagnosed and undiagnosed) in the United States. Four years ago, we were number 3 in that category.
I have specifically been trained to deal with consumers and am called to do so, on a great number of incidents. This can be something as simple as calming someone down, or entertaining a few ideas or thoughts from them. Or just listening a tad until they finish whatever train of thought or thoughts they have currently. Or something as complex as convincing a person who already slashed their own wrists and bodies to somehow lay down that blade they used, and to allow us to somehow help them, and to also convince them that they are worth saving, despite what the voices tell them. And while this is going on, the consumer has, let?s say 10 or so voices, and I have to go through each voice (Like a video game level), to get to the next and so on, until I get permission to speak to my consumer directly, and plead my case and whatever reasoning I can do to them, as I try to narrow down exactly where they are, inside their home or otherwise. And while this is going on, I have units headed to wherever the consumer is, and Lord knows I do not want her armed when they get there and by no means do I want my guys to scare the sh*t out of my consumer for fear of furthering the issues at hand. Yeah, and while this is going on, we?re staging rescue as well.
An yeah, here where we work, this happens daily between all of the Police Departments. Someone, somewhere in this county, there is a consumer on that edge, and most of the time they call this very phone line and after it is said and done, there is no debriefing, or venting, no time to grab a drink and scream to the mountain tops. Nothing. We go to the next call, and do it all over again. It?s what we do, and as some say, it ain?t pretty.
An no this isn?t a pity rant, heh. Personally despite all of this mess, I love my job and can?t see myself doing anything else, save maybe opening a book store, or a comic shop. Maybe a gaming store (tabletop), or something.
But with all this, that I do at work. All the things I deal with for those 8-16 hours, I can still walk away and go home. I can remove myself, and return to the family I love so very much. For the most part, all of what I did that day is left behind. Well most of it, at the very least. I admit there are still some things that stick with me, and this is common actually for the peoples in my line of work (anyone who tells you otherwise, is a robot or full or sh*t).
Still that aside, it?s dealable, y?know?
It?s also helped to prepare me on a personal level. Because we have a few consumers in the family as well (on my side), and I am better equipped to deal with them, than most. This year one of them, has been very active and it?s put a strain on the family as a whole, and myself and Jen, naturally (and no, it is not our little one, LOL or one of the cats, tho on the cats I have suspicions).
Actually it?s my own mother.
And it?s progressively getting worse. To the point that legal issues have emerged, and of course safety issues and more. It?s put a deep strain on myself, and Jen and more so made us appreciate each other that much more. But the strain of course still remains. Jen has been a trooper through it all, and such a support (even if she thinks otherwise).
While we do have other family, I am the only one locally to my mother and her oldest. It all fell on me, and I?m her son. I could do no less than help her in any way I possibly could. But it?s been a road indeed, on that front. This last year has been evident to that fact. Health issues, over a dozen medicines a day, incidents and what have ya. And we take it on the chin, and keep trucking forward. Almost like Rocky, when Apollo was beating the dog sh*t outta him, we just took each shot and still stepped forward knowing we were gonna get hit again, and again.
That?s okay, though. We?re family and like the Ravenlocks we all write about, it?s no different in real life. We do what we do, because we are family, we love them, and we can do no less.
When the ?Raven? began, honestly it was all a joke. Personally, I wanted to just toss a curve and have some laughs. Course it grew I into a life of its own, and off to the races we all went. The more and more we progressed, the more I saw art imitating life in regards to Raven?s actions, and mood swings. His personas, and those of his followers. Not intentional mind you, but an outlet if I ever saw one, looking back.
As the year progressed, so did the incidents in regards to my mother, affecting us in the RL, as well as my writing. I drifted away from so much in life, and in regards to my writing, and I could see that first hand in a lot of the work I did here on DM. Personally, it got to a point, where I had decided and had written Brian?s death. In fact I still have it, just to look at every now and then, and it makes me realize that was a rash writing and not a path I would have taken on a good day.
It?s times like (and this) that, that made me appreciate Jenai, and Das Poochie (Our daughter) and the rest of my family, and friends here on DM and abroad that much more. It?s because of you all, that I am able to do what I do, both writing wise, and here in the RL.
So thank you all, from the very bottom of my heart.
I wanted to say that, and to open the air as to where I?ve been and what?s going on.
I will keep writing, and will finish the Raven arc. I will make good on everything, even if it takes some more time. But more importantly, I wanted to just thank you all.
~B