Topic: I'imi'idi'ina- Diary of a Lost Soul

Iimiidiina

Date: 2011-04-23 13:09 EST
(This is a personal sl, and it's not a pity trip. Issues need to be resolved personally, and with Iimii's self-imposed exile and servitude, there must be a medium to illustrate his transformation. Not necessarily a physical transformation, but an emotional one. The fire needs doused, and it's time for the child to become what he really is.)

ALONE! ALL ALONE!

My dragon... poor Valla... why did he have to be taken from me?! My darling, my soulmate, my whole reason for being... Come back to me, please!

But he won't come back. He never will. My life is over. All I have now is Mistress and my journal. But nothing will ever fill the void. Never. I am empty, I am cold. There is no more light.

Oh, if I could just be with Valla again. To hug his snout again. To revel in his consciousness. To stare for eternity into his eyes. To feel his scales and the raspy lick of his tongue. But no. No more. Igneous has him now, evil bastard. He's going to change my dear sweet Valla into a beast of burden. The Den will fall. And I... I will not care. I don't care if I am a slave to a Spiritor! I don't even care if I get my powers back! I just want Valla again! Let me come back to him! Please come back...

All I have now is this cot I lay on in Mistress Luminia's servant quarters, my journal, one Maasi'imi'i (I don't even know why I brought it, I have servants clothes), and... Mary. My dear Mary. I always loved her. I don't want anybody else. I shouldn't have left her. But I can't just stay when my powers are gone. Her presence will pain me. Her touch would be like fire on bare skin. I must heal. Maybe she will love me all the more when I come back...

If I come back. Maybe this is for the better. This servitude. Maybe it's just a foretelling of what is to come. If the Den falls, and the Den will fall, I will return to offer myself to Igneous. Maybe he'll let me be with Valla again...

No! Don't think that. The Den will be fine. Valla will be alright. He'll be alright... He'll be alright...

Canis, I hope he'll be alright.

Iimiidiina

Date: 2011-04-24 02:25 EST
What an awful day. Hardly slept. Barely eating. Mistress decided to have a party. All those stupid people, smiling and laughing at their stupid situations. Why does everybody have to be happy except me?! Even now, the very servants I work beside dance and sing and play as if there is nothing wrong in the world.

Not to say they aren't trying to help. Mistress Luminia and the head cook tried to talk to me. I sorta feel bad I just shut them out like that. But they could never understand. Valla was mine, all mine, and I was all his. Our bond is so much deeper than anybody elses. They could never understand what has been taken from me. What I was. A Dragon Rider! A Looa! I was supposed to have a great destiny! All Looas do. But no. I'm just a servant now.

Why, Canis?! Why did you forsake me? Why did you take my powers, my title, my obligation, away? All I ever wanted to do was help my people! Why did you just spit it back at me?! What have I done that made you so angry? Was it the vampire? Was it Mycha? Was it my magical experiments? Or do you just hate me, or regret me?

Of course, you won't answer. Oh, you always stick up for Fleety or Ammy, but never me. Bitch. Maybe the Ebony Knight is the way to go. Maybe Igneous is the good one. At least he will let me be with Valla again...

No. That can't be so. This is a test, or a learning experience. It can only be so. Canis loves all her children. But why did she see fit to take Valla from me? I don't understand.

Maybe I can't understand, or shouldn't understand. Or perhaps Canis meant for me to return to Mistress Luminia. Perhaps in these walls, I can finally discover the truth.

It would mean I have to speak to someone about what happened. Mistress? Maybe she would understand.

The servants are going to bed. I'll try this new one here. Maybe he'll listen.

Iimiidiina

Date: 2011-05-01 00:54 EST
The experiment failed. The new guy? Yeah, he didn't inquire one bit. People don't care. People suck. But friends... friends don't.

So, I talked to Mistress and the head cook. I guess they made me feel better. I told them what happened to Valla and my powers. Mistress actually offered to let me sleep in her curl. But I couldn't do that. I don't think I ever could. It would betray Valla, like I betrayed Mary. I could never sleep with Mistress, not even innocently like her offer.

Maybe that was the lesson Canis wanted me to learn here. Loyalty. But I heard learned that already, the hard way. Why would she make me learn the same lesson I already learned?

It makes no sense. Maybe it is not loyalty she sent me here for. But...

That's it! It's not loyalty. Nay, it's modesty. I think. But what else could it be?

Perhaps the ancient human den of Greek were right. Moderation is what's best. Just because something can be done doesn't necessarily mean it should be done.

But how can one learn when enough is enough, or when what we think is enough is not? There must be a way to figure this out, to learn.

Maybe that will curry favor with Canis... once I can just figure this out...