It felt hollow. Such announcements always did, no matter how artfully worded.
It was as if the air had deflated from her lungs and she dropped into a seated position in one long, slow motion that seemed to take an eternity. Hands clutched at the cushions. "They are certain... " Her voice drifted away in unspoken question and redirected. "... 'tis nae hope?" Sianna bit hard on her lower lip as hot tears threatened to streak her cheeks. Closing her eyes, she shook her head vehemently, as if attempting to clear the reality from her mind. When they opened again, they were set with a resolve. "I thank ye for bringing me this news yerself, Gaerwyn. But I'm afraid I canna believe it. He was... " Another pause. "He is tae able a sailor."
At the first highlight of shine from the fire upon tear filling eyes, he drew out a handkerchief from his pocket, folded crisp still from its first placing before starting out that day, and offered it to her. "Hope is not for me to give, but I will not deny it to you either. I know only what the captain has told me. He went to assist a sailor and both were swept over the side in a storm that wreaked havoc upon the ship itself. Could he have survived?" It was a question he refused to answer.
He moved to crouch before her, but dare not touch her, only set himself below as a servant. "Is there anything I might do for you? Do you know of any wishes your brother would want carried out?"
Sianna accepted the handkerchief but did not raise it to her eyes. Instead it was twisted and gripped between her fingers into a myriad of wrinkles. "Is it certain he could no'? They were far adrift then? Nae chance of another ship or land?" As with his, the questions were rhetorical. She was pale, yet her cheeks flamed with emotion. "Dinna list him as lost until there is nae chance 't all. Until every possible wave or ship has been checked for news o' him, aye? On that day I will think about wishes." Her breath escaped raggedly and she turned her face to the fire a moment.
Gaerwyn did not hide his face. Such strong emotion to desire the survival of a loved one was common, but he refused to encourage it. "Should it be willed he is to return, then I will be among the many to rejoice the homecoming a good man. If it is hope you need, then aye, there could be land with the ship's course so altered by the storm. News is passed from ship to ship in passing, and my own ships still continue southerly routes. Our methods are slow, though." Forthright about that, he rose from his position. "I must count him as lost at sea, Mistress. I regret it must be done, but I cannot alter the rules of the guild for my benefit or for any others," his thoughts flashed to another who would have received similar distress from the news, "no matter how much I should wish to do so."
A flurry of images raced through her mind: their childhood, the parting, their reunion in Rhydin, the night of ballet, her wedding. The image of Hudson surrounded by those who loved him, and suddenly a pair of violet eyes flashed like lightening. If it was possible for her heart to break any further, it shattered again. "Aye, 'tis hope I need and hope I shall have until th' fates prove it otherwise." A deep gulp of air before she turned to face him once again. "Does she know?"
The question confused him at first, even with his own thoughts so near upon it. Perhaps it was that he had just thought of the baroness and to have the question spoken was unexpected. He nodded at first, and then corrected the motion with soft words. "A friend, Mistress Buie," not sure if the name would recall the lady or not to Sianna, "has said she would inform the Baroness. I trust she has done so, though I have not spoken to her myself."
"When ye do... " She could only assume that to be on his agenda. "... tell her... tell her..." The words failed her and she reached for his hand to squeeze it with all that she had, as if to express to him what the words were failing. Once more, tears fell swift and salty.
His free hand went to cover hers that spoke all she needed to say in its pressure. "Of course, Sianna. When next I see her, I will tell her." Her fallen tears were warm in their touch upon the back of his hand. He did not wipe them away. The dogs seemed to have perked up and whether it was the mythical animal sensitivity or some need of their own, they came to claim sympathetic attention from their mistress.
Gaerwyn gave them encouraging pats to their heads. "Sianna, is there anyone I should bring to be with you? Perhaps your sister in law or cousins? A close friend? I do not like the idea of you facing this alone for the time being."
A smile wavered slightly at his care of her. "The kindess ye have shown me is great, Gaerwyn, and I am indebted tae ye. I will send for them in time, but I fear ye fetching them will make them fear 'tis something else... " Her free hand rested atop her belly protectively and her heart lurched within her as it yearned for the comfort she would not find in the absence of her husband or the loss of her brother. She squeezed his hand lightly again.
A sober nod, the grace note of an understanding smile, and there was a shine of his own sorrow in the blue lagoon eyes. "Then I will take my leave. I swear, if there is ever word otherwise, to have it sent to you as soon as I may. There are lighter days ahead, Sianna." He gave a nod towards the round proof of that. "Until we meet again." He bowed over her hand and moved to see his own way out so as not to disturb the lady further.
"Deep peace of th' running weave tae ye, deep peace of th' flowing air tae ye, deep peace of th' quiet earth tae ye, deep peace of th' shining stars tae ye, deep peace of th' heart of peace tae ye." The words were murmured quietly as Gaerwyn crossed the room, the click of the lock sounding as the last syllable escaped her lips.
He heard some of the words as he gathered his coat and hat, but did not pause to question or feel how much he did not deserve them, but closed the door and went to accept the cold walk and ride.