?So, Josephine, why are you here today?? The Doctor peered at Joey, who was draped over an over sized chair through small wire framed glasses.

?Don?t call me Josephine.? Joey snapped at the Doctor.

A few notes were scribbled into the yellow legal pad the Doctor held. ?Mmhmm. Why don?t you like to be called Josephine??


?Because I go by Joey or Jo?.? Idly, Jo? scratched at her arm and looked around the room. Beige walls were lined with book cases and short vases held bamboo shoots and other small plants. The office was fairly plain and simple, but it was much more inviting that most Doctor?s offices.

?So, Joey, why are you here today??

?Because?? Shifting in the chair, Jo? tucked her feet up beneath her.

?Maybe this was a bad idea. I shouldn?t be here. I really don?t need to be here.?

?You came for a reason didn?t you? Perhaps you should tell me about that and then we can decide if you should be here or not. I?m not here to judge you Joey, I?m here to listen and help you, if you want.?

Jo?s teeth snapped together and she huffed softly. ?I f*cked up.?

?What makes you say that??

?My life. I f*cked up my life. I just want to get it back on track. Figure out what the hell is wrong with me. Figure out why I keep making the same mistakes over and over.? Joey let out a long breath and ran a hand through her long hair. Once her fingers reached the ends, she grabbed a few strands and stared down at them between her fingers and started toying with them; distracting herself.

?What mistakes do you feel you?ve made??

?A lot. I screw up my friendships. I get into the wrong relationships. I know, what I do. I just don?t know why I keep doing it.?

?Let?s start with your friendships Joey. Do you keep close friends? People that you confide in??

?I did.?

?Did??

Joey nodded and flicked her hair back over her shoulder. ?I used to have a few good friends here. But, I?m not very good at being a friend. I?m not good at being constant? at being there for people. You know??

The Doctor nodded and waved Joey on with one hand, while continuing to write with the other.

? I?ve got a lot of associates. A lot of people I know. But close friends? I?ve only had a few and I?m not good at staying in touch. Part of me doesn?t really like to.?

?Why is that??

?People hurt you.?

?Hurt you??

?Yeah. They?re unreliable. They?re selfish. They use you. It?s hard to accept that not everyone is like that. Like London. He?s the best friend I?ve ever had and I think I?ve even managed to screw things up with him.?

?Why??

?I?m like some kind of emotional leech or something. I?m there when I need him. I?m not there when he needs me. I?m selfish and I know it. I miss him, but I don?t know how to make things right again. He doesn?t approve of some of the things I do. Says I?m going to get him killed because I?m always up to no good. Or something like that.?

?He sounds like he cares.?

?He does. I know that.?

?So why are you distancing yourself from him then??

Joey shrugged. ?I?m no good for him. I don?t like to make him worry. If I?m not around and he doesn?t see me doing all the stupid things I do, then he can?t worry as much. Besides, it?s hard to be close to people, like I said. I?m not really a fan of having to rely on anyone but myself.?

The doctor nodded and made a few more notations. Joey watched her nervously now, thinking she had said too much.

?Anyway.? There was a bit of bite to Jo?s words now. ?That?s how I ended up with Teagan. She??

?She??

?Yes. She.?

?Alright. Continue.?

?She was this girl I had met. She had been hitting on me all that time I was with Guy B, but I wasn?t really into girls. It started off as a one night fling kind of thing. I had a bad night and she was there and she seemed like she?d be a good time. After a while we went exclusive. I liked her strength, I admired her. She?s a brilliant fighter. That?s what she does, she?s a duelist. It?s amazing how lethal she is, but she?d so beautiful while doing it. Part of me fell in love with her, but? she?s not what I want. Deep down.?

A tear streaked down Joey?s cheek then and she plucked a tissue from the box, dabbing at her eyes.

? She was supposed to be one of those experimental things, I never meant to fall for her. But I did and I made her fall for me, even when she was reluctant to do so and then I broke her heart.?

?Why??

?Because I thought I wanted a relationship, but I didn?t. I?m indecisive. And, I don?t like girls, not really and it was nagging at me. I love Teagan as a person, but, I just don?t see myself being with her forever.?

?Were you intimate with all of these people??

?Yeah.? Jo? lowered her head, obviously not proud of that. ?I wasn?t always like this? hopping from person to person. Not really any way.?

?So why the change??

Joey tensed and then jumped when a little buzzer went off.

?It looks like we?ll have to explore that more later in the week. Times up.?

Nodding slowly, Joey stood up and dabbed at her eyes again before rushing from the room with out another word.

?Joey?? But the door had already shut.

?Do you feel hurt by her actions??

?Obviously. But whatever. I?m over it. I?m moving on. ?

?Moving on. Let?s talk about that. Do you think you?re ready to move on??

I shrugged. ?I don?t know. I didn?t mean to. I was trying really hard to just get out again, meet people, maybe even finally talk to London. And I met someone. We were just friends for a few weeks, he?s got a lot of the same interests as me, but there was no denying an attraction. It just kind of happened, I think he kissed me or something and then asked me out. He?s being really patient with me, which I like. He says we can go at my pace, no rushing, and no expectations. I think he understands that relationships scare me. He?s really stable though, he?s nothing like me in that way. He takes relationships serious. At least from what he?s told me.?

I was smiling by this point and I?m pretty sure the Doctor noticed that.

?I?m sleeping better too. Just him being next to me, helps. I feel safe. And he didn?t pressure me either, about sex. He?d slept over several times and just laid there with me or held me if I woke up from a nightmare, and not once did he try anything.?

?Nightmares??

?Didn?t I mention that? I had been having nightmares. Bad ones, but, they seem to be getting better. ?

?What are the nightmares about??

I tensed and shook my head. ?Some memories of mine, I don?t want to talk about it.?

There she was, writing in her notebook again, a lot. I sighed, knowing what she was going to say.

?It might help to talk about it Joey. We could try to sort things out, see if there is something you?ve buried that?s still hurting you.?

? I know there is and I know what it is. I?m? working on it.?

?Joey, I can?t help you unless you talk to me. I won?t pressure you, but eventually, we?re going to have to work on you opening up to me. When you?re ready.?

I nodded and took a deep breath, glad she wasn?t going to press me about it.

?How are things going with London? Have you tried to talk to him yet??

?No. Well. Yes. I?ve went to some of the places he used to frequent, but I haven?t seen him. I?m not sure I should just show up on his door step.?

?Don?t give up there. Keep trying. If he?s as good a friend as you say he is, he?ll listen. Don?t be surprised if he?s hurt or upset though. You may have to take some responsibility and apologize for distancing yourself from him.?

I nodded. ?I can do that. I?m ready to do that, anything. I just miss him.?

?I?m going to give you some homework. I want you to keep trying with your friendships. Keep going out, try to meet new people. With this new man you?re seeing, try to build a real friendship with him, and don?t focus on the relationship part or the sex.? She gave me a knowing look and I smiled sheepishly.

?Try to get in touch with some of your old friends, like London. And keep trying to talk to Teagan. I know it seems like a lot, but I really want to focus on getting you your support team back, a strong group of friends and people you can rely on. Not everyone is bad, Joey. You have to let some people in and let them stay in.?

?I know. I?m? trying. I am.? I smiled. This session was going better than the previous.

?Alright. We?ll talk again next week then. Please try to keep your appointments, they are important. We?re going to start making some real progress.?