11/11/2014

Dear Diary of Sanity:

I forget so easily how pregnancy changes me in so many ways. My moods are in constant flow like a river. My emotions bruise easier than a banana and my physical appeal has become to take on what others call 'love fat'. I often feel slow, waddly and over all an easy target. That aside, I can feel the pups growing well in me and becoming healthier every day. Dr. Stridar estimates my delivery time in February or March at the latest. He seems to find no medical concern with a recent craving I've been having; Habaneros on ice cream and the increased rise in wanting more and more vegetables.

As to family life, all is going well. Fleet and Merlin Jr. seem to be bonding well as father and son. Both getting much needed time with each other. Everyone seems happy to have Fleet around us more each day. And he dotes on me and Mirius endlessly. No word yet when he hopes to start the general store, but all in good time I am sure.

My lectures at the academy have slowed down as my mobility gets less and less. I may start having lectures in my living room at this rate. The students would most likely enjoy getting lost in all of my memorabilia and hear not a word spoken.

As to my shop, it has been kept in good care by Myrlene and the rest of my staff. I have dabbled a little here and there on a few minor projects, but even Myrlene is shooing me out of my own lab for safety. How did I raise such a bossy, fiery short woman? Ah well. When the pups come I'll get time to enjoy things again. Until then, I've been reading more, resting and it seems knitting is calling to me in my dreams and thoughts. Me, do knitting? The universe has finally come to a grinding halt. At least I haven't stopped cooking, though the meals tend get stranger and stranger as Mirius and I let our cravings dictate the meal. Merlin Jr. doesn't seem to mind when suddenly it's ice cream on the menu for supper or spaghetti and tacos for breakfast.

1/20/2015

Dear Diary,

Cleaning. I seem to be finding this chore more and more difficult with so many children about. Toys everywhere, books scattered, the occasional juice stain or spaghetti on the rugs. The house is truly becoming well lived in with so many lives thriving in it. Most of the chores we have divided up nicely amongst the adults and eldest children. The vacuuming though has become an issue as the house is large with several stories.

Our solution? We bought some of these little robots that look like hubcaps. Roomba's I think they are called. We now have them buzzing about the floors in the house every day and the results have been pleasant. Many of my friends in Den City ask why I don't just bespell the house to keep it clean? In the old days I would have cast the spell and went on with my work or studies. However, after having several litters of pups and spent time resting in the house doing crafts and chores with the rest of the family, I am finding the reliance of magic to do even common day tasks to be a bit lazy and wasteful. The only spell that isn't defensive on the house is the simple door spell that will open the door for people we know if we are unable to answer it.

7/3/2015

Dear Diary of Sanity:

I've lost my mind, flew around the bend and right into the lake of punishment. I've taken up dueling again. My body and reflexes aren't quite what they used to be back in the days of being a teen hellion and a mid 20's war heroine. I have enough ice packs strapped to me to make the Titanic avoid bumping into me. Still, bruises, cuts and a broken bone or two are much preferable to knitting. Death to you thread and yarn and all of your little needles too! On the lighter side of things, I find encouragement from the other duelists to keep trying hard to succeed in facing my opponents on a level playing field of skills.

I've been filling in my days during summer break from teaching by working more on my shop. A second floor remodeling is in the works to squeeze in more green house space and I must finally decide what to do with the creatures known as the Twibbles that I brought to life. They are living, hive minded and have feelings. Without a doubt they have souls but until I can speak with them or read their collective mind, it is speculation with a good gut feeling.

I've taken to meditation more and more to help focus and control my, uhm, rather sunny disposition lately. Most people don't mind the warmth or the light, but I do have several friends that may find sun to be rather deadly. Not to mention romance has become a blinding hazard. Leroy has placed orders for sunglasses, I feel for him.

Speaking of feeling, Icer seems to have improved. It lifts my mood like a warm, vibrant orange sunrise. My days of not eating ended several days ago when a friend, Sean, the Veterinarian most of my friends use when a doctor who wont ask questions is in need, visited me. He gave me a simple threat that if I didn't eat a sandwich right now and promise to eat the next several meals given to me, he was undoing our divorce and taking my kids to a Candy Store. We have a bit of history ever since he adopted a Lupe pup named Iimiidiina. Ever since then, some may have heard the rare words 'his wife' or 'my husband' tossed about. I got odd looks when ever that slips out. To be fair our arrangement was quiet and once the child grew up to be a young man, the papers were drawn up and a divorce finalized. Never once did we ever embrace, yet that man teases me endlessly on Valentines day. I really should work on that Smite Husband Spell I threaten him with.

Jake and Mabel have managed to say 'Papa' to Leroy and they are finding his antlers to be the best mobile to stare and grab at. Ruby is a shy babe. She's not progressing as fast my Terrandrii children, that is, half reindeer and half Lupinossai. I still don't quite understand how a deer and a canine... never mind that logic. Ruby is another quandary. She's completely human with Lupinossai DNA. I'm stumped on that one too. Maybe I must admit I really don't know much anymore the older I get. Ruby hasn't quite started to speak, then again, maybe being nearly full human she isn't developing as quick as the more prevalent Lupinossai children. A human child develops day by day, month by month, year by year, our children, magical or not develop naturally a whole year just within six actual months of life. Small wander they age and grow up fast.

At least we have gotten the kids to progress to soft foods. Their mother could use a long break from being bruised and 'nipped'. So far, Jake hates carrots, Mabel hates bananas and Ruby gives a raspberry to anything resembling peas. Hands down though, they all love beats and apples and sometimes pears. In a month or so we'll see how they handle some gentle proteins.

It gladdens my heart to know I am leaving behind a legacy started on caring and love and that soon, most of my heirs will never know about war. May they never hear the horrors of what their mother was, once upon a time. Those are stories for another time and another life. The type that keeps children in bed or to scare them into eating broccoli.

7/27/2015

Dear diary,

Once more we are at the kitchen sink. Jake and Mabel have once again burgled the pantry. This time it was a whole jar of molasses. After much giggling, crying from sticky fingers stuck to clumps of hair, and valiant reinforcements from Leroy everyone is clean and the two Terrandrii are napping.

This was an opportune time to take my little girl Ruby and have a mom and daughter spa day. My hair is a little shorter now but still much to play with. Molasses and long hair are not friends. On my way home I am buying a combination lock to see if the pantry raids will cease.

8/23/2015

Dear Diary,

It's been a few weeks since the tear stained entry and I feel ashamed for letting that much out to you. I am in a more stable frame of mind today so your pages will remain intact, I promise.

Much has happened and some of the events are still a jarring jostle of memories that may or may not ever be told to you. What I can clearly bear to you today is a very hard truth for me to swallow, yet like all bitter medicine, I must swallow it to get better.

I've spent too many years blaming others for my stupidity. It was never Fleet's fault for our relationship troubles. It was mostly mine. He played some part in it, for sure as it takes two to tango and two to stumble and fall hard. However, it was I that started the loss of trust and the complete degradation of love between us. I own up to that now as well as owning up to being a woman set in her ways of getting what she wants or seeking sympathy when it isn't obtained.

The household and family is to change, all control of it is now out of my hands. It would seem that neither I or Fleet have any clue as to how to act like responsible adults in the affairs of raising and leading our family. A few others have met this same declaration so as much as I dislike Fleet's parents, they will rule over all things concerning the family. Perhaps it's the best and will let us focus on us and dig up what matters.

The core of the family has been moved to the space station in a location that duty and safety restrict me from mentioning where. Lessons are coming to me and Fleet on how to be adults and I fear, a little, that these lessons will no longer be gentle. We really screwed up severely this time.

However, all is not so bleak. I'll leave this glimmer of a jewel to close out this entry with a bit of hope. A few of the family set us up on a blind date, all mate bonds muted, and for the first time in 6 years, Fleet, Mirius and I truly engaged in honest understanding and interest of each other. There is hope somewhere in this disaster I have lead the family into and as long as the hope remains, we will emerge all the more stronger and deeper connected with each other.

4/6/2017

Hello Diary, my old friend.

I had to blow the dust off of your cover quite a bit once I found you in the last box I unpacked for my new office in the Alchemist Fire Complex. I am so sorry I had packed you away so long ago when we prepared for moving to our new store location. Time and events moved and danced leading me away from so many boxes where you lay entombed.

Where to talk from here? The Alchemist Fire Complex is fully open and doing well. We have funds steadily coming in thanks to Leroy's gift shop for his distillery now having it's own space to breath and expand. Fleety finally got hir general store open, and I am happy to add Moon Wake General Store to the roster of names we have. It completes the set like a trinity. A foundation was also set up to run in my Complex, named the Sword of Damocles Foundation to help people in need with anything they need to do.

Though I feel the foundation and my own name have become a joke. A foolish notion that came to mind last year was to step into politics in the city of Rhy'Din. That was a proverbial lesson of playing with fire and being burned by many because once politics enters someones life, everyone stops treating you like a friend and many treat you like an enemy. Story short and lesson learned, governorship of any city can taking a flying leap and any public contest that are based on popularity can stay far away from me. It's taken me a few months to feel like I can even show my face in public outside of Den City after the failed campaign run as governor for Rhy'Din City. It was an education in learning that there are just people completely groomed in the shadows to step in for the job no matter the effort of the other candidates. Ah well, the fates decided what the people got, gods help them that it was the person they wanted and not a masterful work of shadow puppetry.

Moving to a bone less bitter to chew on would be how well the children have grown. Jake and Mabel will be ready by fall to go into pre-school at the Lupinossai Learning Center. The Terrandri have grown fast like weeds and are proving every bit as smart as their mother and father and every ounce on their growing frames lean towards handsome or beautiful trouble in the far future. Leroy may have to polish his shotgun a lot to ward off boys from Mabel. Will keep him out of trouble more. Ruby on the other hand is very bright. Very sharp and I brought home some tests from the Lupinossai Learning Center. She placed into second grade already on the scores, so she may join Mabel and Jake at school in the fall, but it depends on what we all decide about her hearing. The family knows sign language inside and out now, and she acts like nothing is wrong, but I have caught her looking lost, staring at records playing, or radios or TV's with no sub titles. I may have to talk with Ruby more and ask her if she feels ready to see doctors about trying to find ways to hear again.

Speaking of children, I seem to have picked up an extra child through unfortunate circumstances. Alexander Bastion Greavefitter, is a boy, human, of six years that is now in my charge after I took the life of Bastion Greavefitter, his father in a blood duel. I don't know what to really say about the duel. Rhy'Din city has gone nuts and anything not human is up for being hunted. I can't exactly say what twisted in me but it's like I've had enough and am at the end of my rope with putting up with the craziness and those that decide to come after me, my family and those I protect. I completely broke down and took the advice of my sister. My sister, the deranged siren of evil herself and went on my own hunting parties and waged war on my own street. I may have lost a bit of sanity somewhere but everything seems to tick on in the world.

Alex is handy in our shops and stores. He's a bright child, eager to play with my kids, and has taken on the monumental task of adjusting to life living in a Lupinossai family with full enthusiasm. What six year old doesn't dream of having a talking dog that gives piggy back rides on the shoulders? He'll go to school the same time Mabel, Jake and Ruby will hopefully. Though I have noticed he's taken a distinct liking to Caolite and Ruby. No surprise as they are, without a doubt, the most human looking in the family. It's a small comfort to him that I wont deny. I just wonder when he turns 18 and presents to me his fathers soul gem, what favor he will finally ask that I have to grant for that was my word to him the day he saw me over his dead father.

I've done little teaching these days, most of my energy spent on other ventures, mostly unearthing and compiling the histories of Lupinoss and Sliinkaa, our home planet. Helping in this endeavor is an artifact called the Logan's Gate which I made for reviewing events in any point of time that a person has witnessed with a simple sample of blood. I'm close to testing it out soon.

Outside of this, it has been family time, relaxing and trying to have a normal life. Though I am still coming face to face with the severed head in my laboratory daily. I feel I should toss the head of the Ebony Knight at some point, but it still feels good to have the head of my enemy on a shelf to admire and grin at every day. Proof they lost, I won. Perhaps this is a firm hallmark that I am quite insane. Only time will tell.

On a final note my legacy of Solara Radium, Sunlight Alchemy, is still in research and experimentation phase. Simulation and fabrication of methods to convey light spectrum into arrays and concoctions is still proving difficult. Though I must say the Twibbles are doing well. That new species of life has filled it's new zero-gravity tower to capacity already. Perhaps I need to gift a few hundred to Myrlene as a way to infuse an edible, huntable creature to her Winterpaws Kingdom. I end the nights journal with the hope that things improve for everyone I know.

6/8/2017

Hello Diary,

Another year has set on this body and I've been blessed to watch 36 years of sunrises, sunsets and starry skies. I know my siblings in the skies above care not about another year gone on one more body their fallen sister has taken. A small pity I grant to them, but only a small one for what I enjoy is often a curse a well.

I do hope I can enjoy seeing more sunrises and sunsets on this 37th year that has started today for this vessel. I've grown quite fond of it. Attached to it even and have made so many deep connections with loved ones through it. It is one of the few lives I've lived that all of my children are alive and not dead from the passage of time, war or illness. To grow so attached to the mortal vessels of fleeting souls is precious to me. I truly love watching my children and mates grow through out their lives though it saddens me that I know their span is often measured finite to mine. Yes, this body I have will snap and gutter out as well as so many others have that I've dwelled within, but whereas I will open my eyes one day, fuzzy, unfocused and breath the cooing babble of a babe in a new life with a soul in anesthetized slumber, so many I have known are truly gone, their souls mixed and scattered freely into the celestial well.

Ah, well, no point being stuck to hard upon this view. Should the time come that things come or go and fates take who they wish and leave who they refuse, I will accept whatever my next path will be. Till then, I will hold my children close until they grow beyond wanting that comfort and pass that love on to my grand children and simply hope many will remember me well.

Happy Birthday to me, Amaterasu Loraine Spiritor, the fallen star.