?Ammy, do you remember what I told you when I first met you and your young daughter?? Ember asked.

Ammy sipped her whiskey again and tried to sift through a lot of memories. It took a while and she only found a few straws to grasp. ?That you?d never seen Lupinossai with Force potential before and would love to train us?"

Ember gave a small, patient sigh. ?That was part of it. I was eager to train your daughter, not you.?

She sat back and gave a scowl and a low wuffle as she crossed her arms. Ember chuckled seeing the temper he remembered well in his adult student. He knew too that that she had a short fuse if she felt denied for unspecified reasons. He sipped more wine.

?You are what, 436 years old and still have a temper and proclivity to throw a tantrum, my Padawan? Tsk. Before you get ticked and decide to chew on me, settle your temper down. I did not choose your daughter over you because of favoritism. As it was, I trained you both against better judgment and tradition. Your daughter was very young and moldable. She had little in life experience and more receptive to training and opening her mind to; where as you were a cup overflowing with several life times lived and many things arguing for your attention. As it stands Ammy you and Myrlene are both in your current state, unfit for continued Force training. You have too many emotions, memories and notions in that head of yours. To benefit the most of my teachings you must be like a pile of wet clay; shapeable, apt to think and help in the process of becoming various vessels. Right now you are like a vase full of life?s flowers filled with the water of experience and accomplishment. To learn what it really means to be a Grey Jedi, you would have to search, wade, remove and submerge yourself among it all to find the balance and you have no balance right now.?

Ammy looked puzzled and concerned. ?Are you saying that all that I have worked for and become is of no use to be a Grey Jedi and learning to become a master and teacher for you??

He sat his wine glass down and stared at Ammy in quiet study. ?That is the greatest problem you have Ammy. You?ve done so much, worked so hard for things that you?ve now grown accustomed to certain things in life, titles, abilities, notions. It is this comfort and laxness that does not bode well for the life span of a Grey Jedi. We do not label ourselves Light or Dark but ones that use both sides of the same tool to maintain balance anytime, anywhere on any side when it is required. That requires us to be often detached, objective and mindful of what a situations balance must be. Prior achievements and accolades can cloud that objectivity and lead one to feel they have more at stake or more to bear with. While some factors are good to have, abundant factors breed arrogance and blindness.?

Ammy rubbed her chin and sighed a bit hearing Ember. ?Well, I?ve tried not to be arrogant or prideful??

Ember cut her off with a simple reproachful stare. ?Had that been the case, then I would not have had to step in and intervene between you and Hector. Grey Jedi?s do not start bar fights over quips about girly drinks. Hector likes to mock all new patrons and fell into his trap with ease. Had you been more balanced and present of mind, you would not have taken the bait.?

Ammy?s ears drooped and she looked like a scolded child. Ember reached over and gave her a scratch behind the ear to lighten her mood then sat back and sipped more white wine.

?Cheer up Ammy. This is not meant to be a scolding or a meeting to ask you to give up your lightsaber and honor as a Jedi Knight. I am meeting with you to set you on a path to get you back to being a student I can work with. Several of your friends were nice enough to give me some medical and psychological records on you for the last four years. You?ve had numerous hits physically and mentally in that period and they all show the same results. You?ve lost a lot of yourself Ammy. The caring and determined side along with the happier energetic youth I once saw in you. All that has been left is someone weighed down with responsibilities left with two reactions. You either accept more duties out of some sense of honor to help others, or . . .?

He reached out and pointed a dark metal prosthetic finger just an inch from her muzzle. It caused Ammy to react as he thought it would with her batting his hand aside with her other hand ready to sock him. ?. . . a knee jerk reaction to just react to things with no control over what you do often causing harm and damage. It is the knee jerk that you fear so much that you have overburden yourself into a stooped woman of responsibility. Another reason you?d not do well in training. Tethered to too many things you cannot act swiftly.?

Ammy leaned back and sighed. ?So basically my whole life is a big discredit to my furthered training with you then??

Ember just smiled a little. ?Not really. I am merely pointing out where you need to refine and reduce a bit. You?ve succeeded in things. Hang back, throttle down and let others do the work and focus on you. You?ve tossed yourself away. You need you back. I?ve noticed several recommendations come up for you to do something recreational that tie into your past military careers.?

She rubbed her face and groaned. ?You?re going to start in on me too with needing to get some aggression out? Look. I?ve tried martial arts. Aikido, Uechi Ryu, Kendo, Luprikai and every time I get a few ranks in and am politely asked to leave.? She snarled.

Ember smirked and grinned. ?Perhaps it is because you are not apt to learning in such a form structured environment. You are a former soldier, retired and used to real combat physically and magically. You need something that digs deep into that itch and lets you vent the buried need for action and expression of the you that you?ve tried to remove with no effect. Martial arts or magic lessons I doubt will do. Have you ever considered dueling??

Ammy blinked. ?Come again? I want to find a hobby, not start ceremonial serial killing.?

Ember was laughing hard now. ?No, no, no my Padawan. The Duels that are here in Rhy?Din City. It?s a social life and physical sports community that lets you scratch that itch with your hands, a weapon or magic. It?d let you get in close with someone and not have to worry about what Kata to use or if your punching and kicking right or if you said the right spell word. Best of all, sanctioned duels you don?t kill each other so you?d get the benefit of working out your old soldiering blood and learning self restraint as well. I would think dueling would the ticket for you Ammy. Help you find the lost you as well as the fact that in the dueling rings, what you are in society means absolutely nothing. You?d be starting from scratch. A nobody. Just a new face that everyone will love to try to test and chew on. It?d give you a purpose to work toward rebuilding your confidence in life.?

Ammy blinked hearing Ember. ?I? don?t know. That sounds kind of rough and violent??

Ember leveled a silent, incredulous look at Ammy hearing her afraid of violence. ?Ammy, you?ve never run from violence, you?ve been the one to run head first into it. You?ll be fine. Consider this a way for me to ascertain whether or not you are fit to continue training. I want to see you grow Ammy but I also want to see you prove that you can learn.?

He removed his gray robes a bronze cube with a topaz holo gem inside and slid it to her. ?This is a Jedi Holocron I have made for you. Blank and new. I want you to start recording your thoughts, ideas and experiences as you go through your dueling life. Grow. Flourish and embrace that which is you and find the echo of just Ammy. Do this and I will accept you as a student once more.?

Ammy looked from Ember to the Holocron for her then back to her Master and let out a wary sigh. She?d never dueled before and this was asking a lot of her to step into a new world. She did want to find herself again and to learn more of the Force. If it meant embracing things she?d once ran from, then she?d do her best not to shy from them again. She took the Holocron and smiled to Ember.

?Deal. But if I find your making money betting on me Master, I?ll have to find you and introduce you to some good old orc brew. Original Recipe.? She gave him a grin.

Finding time between washing some dishes with Mirius, her wife and listening to her husband Fleety reading stories to their daughter daughter Ruby while signing with hir hands; Ammy stole into the master bedroom and withdrew her Holocron. She set it upon the dresser and activated it.

"Hello, I am Ammy. If you are viewing this, you have found records of my ventures into dueling in Rhy'Din city. This week has been a bit tumultuous with my focus and body. Having not been able to trust myself much with blade or magic I took a small break and turned my attention to trying out the Fist Venue. If magic is like dueling with chance and explosive results, and blades is like dueling in a dance with blood and timing, then fists can only be likened to a street fight that produced a chess game of bruises and weathered ego.

It is quite hard to define, Master Pallin, the nature and lure of fist dueling. Some find it adrenaline inducing while others find it quite frightening and to be avoided at all costs. Perhaps it touches upon the duelists personal nature and history with physical contact in the area of violence? Perhaps those with a proclivity for rough housing more as children draw closer to pugilism while those with a more sheltered upbringing find it buffeting? I may have to study it more and ask some of the duelists personally what they think.

As to me, I had never been the close and personal kind of woman in a fight. I had often hidden away in the libraries in the Tower of Aethar when I was not being drilled in battle magic or taking endless arcane exams. I lay blame on my brother, Mako Phoenix for even introducing the seed of rabble rousing and tomboyishness that urges me some days to 'let the ginger out' as some locals say. Even so, it would seem my physicality flourished with the sword training he gave me, but the hand to hand lessons have fallen into severe disrepair.

This was painfully made aware to me this week having survived somewhere around six or seven fist duels but only two I think were successful. I was honored to trade blows with a few duelists if I can remember there names from the rattling I took. Rachael was one, there was a Mister Collins, my Baroness Jewel Ravenlock had a go at me, I met a woman named Jin that was fast and very good, Sylus Kruger was well matched with me though I still owe him a crossing in blades.

I did get a chance to dance with Matt, the Diamond holder I think. I met him two weeks prior in blades and he showed me a mixed style of blade work and hand to hand. He was masterful in that duel as well as in our fist duel. I believe it was that duel in the Pitt ring with him that opened up my eyes to the hard reality that you were right Master. I've lost so much of myself I don't know where to begin to regain what I had. That aside I've learned quickly that the dueling venues are kept in high respect, so I must find a way to tame down my instinct to shake off dirt and water after a duel. Rachael mentioned investing in leather wear to help cut down on cleaning issues and I'm looking into it greatly.

It is getting hard to hide the bruises and injuries when I get home from various duels. I dislike having to steal away from my family for this, but I've yet to tell the family I've taken up Dueling as most of their ideals for me is to stay put, read and to be handled like a porcelain doll in bubble wrap. I seem to have earned that issue though as you have pointed out. My reaction reflex has brought much upon my head and family often. Ah well, at some point they will know or be told when I find my courage. I must go for now. The house has grown quiet, Fleety must have finished Ruby's story. Till the next Echo, this is Ammy."

Ammy switched off the Holocron and found a shadow play across the white bed spread with red roses. She looked up to see Fleety holding Ruby in hir arms and quietly regarding her with those dimly glowing eyes. She snatched up the Holocron but it was too late to hide it. Fleety just smiled, sat on the bed, reached over and gave her ear a stroke with a furred hand.

"I knew you were dueling. We've been mates for seven years. Hard to get things past that link, but you don't have to worry. I'll talk with the rest of the family and let them know you are staying safe in the duels even if you look worse for wear. I'd rather see you out there enjoying yourself than here at home, miserable." Fleety said softly.

Ammy stared at hir for a long moment. "Do... you really mean that?"

Shi nodded. "I do. You need the physical release the duels offer. Though I have a question. Do you have an opening for a personal cheerleader?" shi smiled.

Ammy gave Fleety and Ruby a large hug and just nodded quietly.

The holocron that Ammy was supposed to report to so faithfully had lain dormant and dusty for some time. Much had gone on since it was last held by it's master and today, nestled between t-shirts and a few unmentionables it felt her touch. It pulsed inside waiting for her to flick it on and record. The snap to life and sizzle of electrons through its circuits was not had for some time though. Instead the holocron traveled with its master for some time in a pocket of cloth nestled against denim. It was forgotten once more for eons if the device had reasoning to be suddenly picked up and brought to life by a sweat covered finger.

"I echoed quiet a bit since my last recording and the sounds and volumes of those echoes are half the reason I have not recorded in a while. I was remiss in my duties, Master Pallin, for that, I am truly sorry.

Among these echoes were two large ones. One was personal to me. A near loss of my sanity to the darker side of my memories and the hatred locked deep within for myself. Only by the sheer stubbornness and compassion Master Pallin had for a wayward Padawan, did I manage to escape, altered, yes, but I live in a better state of being than I have been. I have more serenity and focus when I set my mind to things these days than I have ever had before.

The other echo was more or less political and mired in personal and social aspirations. I foolishly tried to run for a governor position in a local city and was soundly defeated. This was no surprise and was bound to happen regardless of the effort and work put into it. The public doesn't want someone that is only valued for fighting wars and solving messy situations. Politics is rarely neat or tidy and unlike other battlefields, you never know who your foes are and some are close or even those you view esteemed and personal heroes to yourself.

I digress, some good came from it in a form of a perpetual echo that will live beyond me life time. The Sword of Damocles Foundation will flourish and bring to light the dreams of many seeking aid to create the shelters and havens they want, find succor for projects and ambitions to fuel the future and finally have some place to ask for help when wanting to gain more knowledge and wisdom to better themselves. This foundation was the true diamond in the rough that surfaced during the debris of the election times. I can only hope many can see it for the luster and shine it promises to hold for all that come for aid and help. I've built up vast quantities of funds over the last few years and trying to find ways to make them available to all to use them. I hope this works, and I suppose in a small, flawed vein, remember the woman I was that started it.

Among this large echoes were much smaller ones. Some were casualty echoes. The political turmoil lost me the right of my mentor in magical dueling and that was a loss that I took quite hard. Since that loss, I've been pensive and rather quiet in talking to anyone about agendas or motivations in the elections when it came to the social circles when I was out dueling. Perhaps that was a calculated choice that cost me dearly. I don't know. The temperature of the waters in the dueling circles seemed chilled when any mention of politics is put to the lips, so once more I withdrew the words and some days found myself just withdrawing entirely from dueling, Master. It would seem that anyone doing anything in politics is viewed in a severe and vile light on one side of the coin, yet on the other side of the coin, governance is disregarded quite often. My final comment on this small echo is that I am sticking to competitions where I can run someone through with a blade and know exactly who my opponents are.

The other casualty echo is bittersweet. I have learned that my Baroness has won the Overlord Challenge she issued, but it seems no word has come back to me on if I follow or if the defeated Overlord taking her vacated spot will have me. So I face the hard reality of losing another mentor in dueling. I've done my last practice duels for the day and have returned the Staff of Dragons Gate to its rightful resting spot. Perhaps it is only right that this evolution of events happens. I have tried to learn much in dueling with swords and yet I fail too often to be an exemplary Squire.

This brings me to the other echoes. I seem to function and flow well with my hand to hand fighting, Master. Amusing that the one thing my brother said I'd never succeed at, I'm improving in. I enjoyed a Masquerade Brawl and lasted decently but won no fights. Perhaps I'm more adept at just being someone that is a good training dummy or seasoned enough to spar with but lure of winnings and ranks just don't quite make it through. This was the similar case with an All Ranks Tournament in magic. I did very well but still made it to only 4th place. Not bad for one of my rather newness in things. I will be trying another competition to hold an elemental tower. I hope I have better luck in that.

All of this comes to just one echo for me as I stand here in the Dragon's Gate Barony one last time. Will I ever be a successful person in dueling or will I forever be just another grunt in the dust, faithfully carrying out orders, outstripped by others of better upbringing and talent? It is so hard to say Master Pallin. Perhaps you are right, looking forward to earning trivial things just makes the fall from them that much harder, bitter and painful. Ah well, time for this old soldier to get back to things again, it's all that I know how to do. Dust off my shoulders and rump, pick up my weapons and try to carry out the orders again until my end. This is Ammy Spiritor and this has been a Echo you've listened to."