Topic: Emergence

MontgomeryScott

Date: 2010-01-04 20:51 EST
Emergence: Collision Course

((OOC: There is some moderately explicit torture contained herein. Nothing too shockingly graphic, but.))
_______

?Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces.?
~Sigmund Freud

?He had noticed that events were cowards: they didn't occur singly, but instead they would run in packs and leap out at him all at once.?
~Neil Gaiman
_______
He's headed back from sickbay carrying a PADD detailing the issue. Somehow he's been contaminated by some sort of radiation. It doesn't appear to be affecting anything around him, just himself. The source of it is somewhere in his skull, but they've got no way of neutralising it aboard the Enterprise. Until they can get to a starbase, he's confined to quarters and relieved of duties.

Scott understands the rationale behind it, can even appreciate it as something he'd order for any of his crew, although he rather hates being essentially useless. That's the last thing he quite recalls as he turns down the corridor to his room. Then his mind goes blank, the PADD drops to the deck-
_______

He wakes up, head still pounding like an all-percussion orchestra is doing a 13 city tour of his brain, and groans. He's hungry, no doubt about it, but since Ilya and Piotr are either on shift or elsewhere right now, he's not sure how he's going to get food aside from ignoring the doctor's orders and going to the mess hall.

After a bit of internal debate, he finally decides that malnutrition won't help him any with this, so he gets out of bed. It takes him a little longer than normal to pull on his uniform and boots, but he's not leaving this room in pajamas.

Pain lances through Scott's skull, like one of the members of that orchestra took the mallet for the gong and struck the back of his head with it, and he drops to the deck-
_______

It's a fairly routine sort of day for him. He spends the morning in his lab, working on some transporter theories. Mostly trying to figure out how to keep a pattern from degrading the longer it's held in the annular confinement beam, to see if a transporter can't be used as a form of stasis in the event of an emergency. Then there is 'lunch' with his lord admiral, mostly him sitting there while Archer talks, nodding and paying attention and responding verbally where indicated, and being quiet while the other man eats. The afternoon, though, promises to be interesting.

They've caught someone connected to the terrorist attack on one of the fleet yards, and brought him in for questioning. Since initial questioning indicated that the terrorist is both very important and very stubborn, they'd decided to immediately escalate to Starfleet's Chief of Interrogation.

After lunch he heads down to the interrogation deck, mostly ignoring the salutes he receives and noting the fact that he seems to be disturbing everyone he passes. Admittedly, it's not every day he walks around with a huge f*cking grin on his face, but that's no reason for a commander or two to go very pale when they see him. They should have more self control than that.

A peek into the room through the external monitors reveals a grizzled sort of man, likely in his 40s? 44 to 47? and with a face like stone. He can't wait to crack that fa?ade. He beams, punches in his access code, and all but bounces into the room. Hello tiny little wear to the stone already at the widening of the man's eyes. "Hi!" Yes, he even f*cking chirps, a bright and cheery greeting. Can't start off on the wrong foot, now can he?

"Thought I was going to get the Chief of Interrogation." The man's tone is positively derisive. Scott keeps smiling as he heads over to the wall behind the man, deciding which instrument to use first. No, no one does expect a very peppy young ensign, which is part of why he lets his enthusiasm for his work show.

He returns, holding up a set of antigrav wristcuffs. With a bit of bouncing, he undoes first one wrist restraint and attaches a cuff, then the other. The two cuffs are locked together, set at a specific amount of antigravity, and activated. The man grunts in pain as his wrists are jerked upwards, the cuffs trying to lift his entire body and failing since the man is still strapped securely to the table at abdomen, thighs, ankles, and across his upper arms and chest. Scott watches amusedly as he tries, and fails, to pull his arms back down.

"So, care to start talking?" His tone is conversational, polite, like he's asking if maybe this terrorist would like a cup of tea. How very rude that he gets spat at in return! Scott tsks and shakes a finger at him. Then he reaches over and taps the controls on the antigrav cuffs, adjusting the settings. The man's arms jerk up further with a satisfying crack and a beautiful spray of blood when the metal securing his arms cut into his flesh. The man somehow growls out a no, but makes no other sound. Rather impressive fortitude, that. Scott almost admires it.

He goes to select something else, idly licking some of the blood that splashed up onto his face off his lips. He grabs a knife, frowns when he gets a report of a sharp increase of chroniton radiation. Before he can react, there is a warning piercing his brain, and then the knife drops to the deck-
_______

Sensors on the Enterprise would register a sudden flare of some sort of radiation at the time security cameras showed Lt Cmdr Montgomery Scott disappearing into thin air; one second there and the next? not. The only sign he'd been in that corridor at all a PADD laying abandoned on the deck.

Ensigns Derechinsky and Aznaev (or Ilya and Piotr, depending on who you asked) would enter the room they shared with Ens Montgomery Scott to find it empty; the covers on his bed rumpled and one of his uniforms missing. Sensor readings would show some sort of energy, possibly radioactive, and there would be security footage of no one entering or leaving the room between the two ensigns leaving to go on shift and returning.

The cameras inside the interrogation chamber would reveal that Ens Scott simply winked out of existence. There were no sensors capable of revealing trace radiation within the room, however, tricorder readings would indicate that there had been a flare of powerful energy just prior to the time of disappearance.

However, there was nothing to show what had happened in one room in the Red Dragon Inn.
_______

The room had the air of one abandoned quite suddenly. The wardrobe was full of clothing. There were toiletries in the bathroom. Drawers, not all full, but with many items stored within. Deceptively small pouch that looked the right size for carrying money and not much else. Silver braids tucked in next to a sewing kit. Protein nibs. An oversized hamster ball off in a corner. A fluffy white tribble fast asleep on a pillow. A transporter taking up a good portion of the floor.

Boots next to a bed. The bed rumpled, clearly slept in. The covers looked as though whomever had been under them had been teleported out, because instead of being flung back or tugged out of the way, they merely had crumpled, like there had once been something under them and then nothing.

The room felt empty. Not the sort of empty you'd get from an uninhabited room, nor from even a room where the occupant had rather suddenly left. The kind of empty even worse than that of a room long left to the ravages of time. The empty you got when you walked into a room someone had died in.

If there was anyone who could operate a tricorder and had one, they'd note that a rather large burst of some sort of energy had gone through here. Maybe the right tricorder, or a being sensitive to such things, would reveal that it was chroniton radiation.

Only the universe knew what had happened, that the burst of radiation had catalysed what was occuring to the young man that had been asleep in that bed just moments prior. What had held the man there had snapped, sending the aspects of him, combined reflections of two men, back to where they'd come from, and breaking the tenuous connection to a third. What it had not accounted for was the possibility of the threads snapping so soon, in the middle of them being unwoven. What it did not yet know about was the cosmic whiplash.

MontgomeryScott

Date: 2010-01-04 22:02 EST
Emergence: Impact
_______
?There is no line between the 'real world' and 'world of myth and symbol.' Objects, sensations, hit with the impact of hallucination.?
~William S. Burroughs

He's on the deck, clutching his head, when the pain finally clears away. A blink. The deck is? unfamiliar, to say the least. Hardwood of some sort that glows reddish-gold with sunlight. Well cared for, obviously. He looks up, to find himself in some sort of room. Large, open. No doors that he can see, but windows. Hallways, leading off God knows where, because they darken and fade almost as soon as he tries to look down them. He turns away from them to look at the room he's in. The windows are grand things, going from floor to ceiling. Sunlight streams through them, casting a warm glow on deck and ivory painted bulkheads.

?Floor and walls, rather. It's a house, after all, not a ship or barracks or any other Starfleet building. His headache, he finds, is mostly gone, or so it feels like. The ensign stands, smoothing the wrinkles out of the slate coloured fabric of his uniform. He feels oddly disoriented. This isn't any place on the Kalashnikov, nor does it look like the Inn. A blink and a frown. He can't recall any sort of inn that'd be important enough to be referred to as "the Inn" in his mind, but there's an odd kind of half-awareness in his mind that prompted that.

"On the plus side, at least I amn't alone." The voice is familiar, although the tone is a bit off. A rather faded sort of Glaswegian. He spins, and comes face to face with himself.

Himself but not quite, given the uniform: one of the new ones, departmental colour overshirt and black trousers. Silver braids on the sleeves. More lines on the face than he has, although they're very faint. "Ye're? me?"

"Got it in one, lad." The (quick glance at the sleeves) lieutenant commander clasps his shoulder with a grin. "Ye're fra the Kalashnikov, I take it?"

He nods, regarding the man. "Aye, but ye'd ken tha. Seein as ye lived it an all." Suspicious, not quite trusting this place, or the lieutenant commander who is him but not. "An I'd like t'get back."

The lieutenant commander nods knowingly. "I'd like to get back to where I'm from too, but, in case ye've no gone exploring yet, we're rather stuck here. No doors to th'outside. All the windows are locked? not that there's anythin out there." The hand lets go of his shoulder as the older man goes over in front of the window. He follows the man with his eyes, watches as he's silhouetted against the light, but any attempts to look out the window are met with an odd, swimmy feeling in his head and his gaze seems to slip right past and onto the wall. Focusing on the man, however, reveals that there's no cause for sunlight to be filtering through the window because out there is some sort of formless void.

He jumps at that realisation, startled and wide-eyed and just- "How? Where?" Trying to not panic. Except he's somewhere in the middle of nowhere with someone who is himself only older and thus not himself and the last thing he recalls is a headache and drifting and he swears he's going to puke.

A slap, hard across his face, and his panic flees in favour of anger. Shocked stare at the older man that fast narrows into a glare. "This is yer fault, innit?!" He lashes out, not entirely aware of what he's doing aside from trying to injure this possible imposter, because this has to be some sort of trick by hostile aliens, trying to break him or something so he'll show them just who they're trying to mess with.

They're on the deck, not quite fighting, not quite wrestling, both getting some pretty good blows in. The ensign is trying to attack, the lieutenant commander trying to subdue him, and neither of them notice the footsteps entering the room. What catches their attention is the slow applause followed by a rather dry, mocking voice with a thick American accent.

"While I am quite entertained by your brawling, I am certain that your collective talents could better be put to use by helping me figure out where we are and how to leave."

The ensign looks a bit guilty as he looks up at the stranger, and unbeknownst to him the lieutentant commander's expression is an exact duplication of his own. He takes in the third man, puzzling at his strange appearance. Last he looked, it was against regulations to wear the long sleeved undershirt with the short sleeve overshirt? but given the odd badges on the man's chest and gold trim around collar, sleeves, and shoulder seams, he has a feeling that the regulations he's familiar with don't quite apply.

His gaze continues up to the man's face, and he chokes on his gasp. This man could almost be him, only colder and harsher, with a more severe haircut and blood sprayed across him. He barely feels the lieutenant commander stiffen in shock. Intelligent thought has fled him, which probably explains why he actually says what he does.

"Ye've? got red on ye."

MontgomeryScott

Date: 2010-01-04 23:18 EST
Emergence: R?versibilit?, Plein de Gaiet?
_______
?Ange plein de gaiet?, connaissez-vous l'angoisse,
La honte, les remords, les sanglots, les ennuis,
Et les vagues terreurs de ces affreuses nuits
Qui compriment le coeur comme un papier qu'on froisse?
Ange plein de gaiet?, connaissez-vous l'angoisse??
~Charles Baudelaire

?Angel full of gaiety, do you know anguish,
Shame, remorse, tears, ennui,
And the vague terrors of those panicked nights
Which compress the heart as one would crumple paper?
Angel full of gaiety, do you know anguish??
~Translation by the mun

He studies the two in front of him for a long moment before deigning to respond to that asinine little comment by running his thumb along one of the blood spatters on his cheek, eyeing the smear on his thumb almost thoughtfully, then lapping it off, savouring the metallic tang. Reports filter into his conscious mind about a flare of chroniton radiation, a rift in space-time, and this place -outside of time but firmly grounded in time-, an anomaly.

His hand drops from his mouth to his side, and finally he blinks. "Are you going to get up or are you two content to lie there?" Whether it is his words or his tone that spur the other two to action, he doesn't know. He does not particularly care either. All that matters are results.

Once they are up, he takes the time to study them. Considering that chroniton radiation is involved, it comes as no surprise to him that the two other men look like him. Doubtless they are other versions of himself, from some separate universe. He is curious as to why it only appears to be three of them here, when, if alternate universe theory is anything to go by, there should be an infinite number. However, he cannot detect any other life signs in this anomaly. "What are your designations?" Perhaps knowing that will give him some indication as to why there are no other himselves, and why they were the three brought here.

The younger one, the one that most nearly could be him if he were soft and kind and weak, still stares at him, wide-eyed, before swallowing nervously. "D-designation?!" He frowns slightly at the accent; it sounds rather unintelligent. "Dinne ken wha ye mean."

Yes, definitely an idiot, that one. "Name. Rank. Serial number," he barks, the harsher sort of tone he uses in interrogating military personnel. That makes both the men before him jump, and the younger answers first.

"Montgomery Scott. Ensign. Sierra Echo One Niner Seven Five Four Tango."

He blinks, shifts on his feet. Not unexpected. Neither is the answer of the older man a complete surprise; the information gathered virtually the same albeit with lieutenant commander as the rank, not ensign. He supposes he ought to let them know who he is, especially when they look at him a bit expectantly. "Starfleet?" is all he asks in response to their stares. He shall answer in his own time.

The ensign starts for him, clearly annoyed. He is almost dismayed when the lieutenant commander restrains him, pulls him back, clasps a hand over the ensign's mouth to keep him from saying anything. Ah well, doubtless there will be some other time that he can show the other him the error of his ways.

"Aye, we're both in th Federation Starfleet." The lieutenant commander's accent is a softer, less grating version of the ensign's. "The same Starfleet, same universe. Nou, who're you, lad?"

More information than he asked for. He rather likes the universe they are from, if it makes them trusting enough to just hand him information willy-nilly. It makes his life here all the more easy. A little reward for that, then. "Ensign Scott. SE19754T. Imperial Starfleet." He rather likes the startled sort of look as they process the idea that he is from an empire.

He tilts his head to the left, studying them. Then he turns away, to explore more of this place. He has the information he needs from them for the time being, namely, that they are from a different universe entirely, albeit the same one. Different points in time, however, which makes him wonder if perhaps there is not an older version of himself, from his own universe, around. He would probably be the only person capable of hiding from his own sensors.

"I take it yer first name is th same then?" He pauses at the lieutenant commander's voice. The question is a bit of salt in a rather sore old wound, still open and festering even after five years.

"I am Scott. Nothing more, nothing less."

Then he storms off.

MontgomeryScott

Date: 2010-01-05 15:50 EST
Emergence: Somnia
_______
?Sleep is when all the unsorted stuff comes flying out as from a dustbin upset in a high wind?
~William G. Golding

Morning in this strange house would find them fast asleep in the large, empty room. Covering the walls were papers, most marked on in red and dark green and what was probably a green highlighter. Equations, theorems, ideas that had been bounced and discarded, nudged and poked. The lieutenant commander was propped against a wall, head dropped down, chin to chest. The ensign curled next to him, head on the older man's side, snoring quietly and possibly drooling a little.

Off in a corner, the other ensign slept for the first time he could recall.

It was a strange, fleeting thing, sleep. He did not like it very much. Too out of his control, too easily snuck up on and stabbed while his body remained unconscious. However, it did have the benefit of considerably slowing down his energy consumption, and thus he supposed he'd tolerate it.

He also did not like dreaming much at all. Such odd imagery, and also out of his control. Some seemed almost real; two women, quite sad, an awkward kind of moment, a promise. Others were obviously not real, and thus he did not waste resources remembering them. Then there was the half-real brush of consciousness against his own, just beyond his reach. He frowned, reached out for it, both mentally and physically.

When his hand brushed against the other ensign, there was a jolt and the half-real touch formed into something very real indeed. He pulled back, awoke all in one movement. Deep breath. Calm down.

No, he did not like sleep at all.

Scotty

Date: 2010-01-05 16:12 EST
ETA: Disregard, wrong window.

MontgomeryScott

Date: 2010-01-05 17:17 EST
Emergence: Shatterglass
_______
-
He was

-------------------------------------nothing

---------------and all at
-------------------------------once

was every

------------------------------------------------------------thing

------------and
------- every

where

s----------c-------a---t----t---------e r---e----d

s
------h
---a
---------t
------------t
-----e
r
---r
-------e
d

---------------------------------------------------------------a c r o s s

-------------------------------the f
----------------------------------------------------------less
---------------------------------------orm

void

--------half-aware and

--------------------------------not
there

sometimes there was a moment
----------------------------------------------when almost

----------------he


-------was

and then




----------------------------------------------------------denied

to---------------------------------------------------------------------rn

--------------back ap
----------------------------------art

and

sha
-----ttered
------------scatter
------------------- ed
-----ing
drift

formless

in
----------------------------the
---------void

and then

There was a sharp flash of light, and for a tenuous second, he breathed again. Then the light faded, he faded with a soft cry, and only one thought was left in the void, echoing even as he shattered again.

----------------------------------------------not

----------------------dead


yet

MontgomeryScott

Date: 2010-01-05 19:13 EST
Emergence: Nine in the Afternoon
_______
"Thinking of things we shouldnt read
It looks like the end of history as we know
Its just the end of the world
Back to the street where we began...

Into a place, where thoughts can bloom
Into a room where it's nine in the afternoon
And we know that it could be
And we know that it should
And you know that you feel it too"
~Panic! At the Disco Nine in the Afternoon

He sits in his corner, curled loosely, knees up near his chest with his arms draped casually around them. His head is tilted down, chin halfway to meeting the fabric of his shirt. Gazes up through his eyelashes, mismatched eyes following the movements of the other two.

They are arguing about someone. Someone who, from the sounds of things, has gone missing and is possibly the reason they are hear. This missing person should apparently be the stupid ensign, but not, because he's got something more of the lieutenant commander in him, and yet, they cannot figure out how to separate out those aspects permanently. Nor can they determine how to leave this place.

He is not too certain on how they can leave either. His brief explorations have revealed a great deal of nothing. The only area of any possible value lies upstairs, far upstairs, where the house ends in a great round tower with twenty-four rooms around it, numbered like a clock. Most of the doors are locked, but four of them he can open.

Room 13 is his, but not his. It has all the main trappings and fixtures of his quarters back at Imperial Headquarters. Which, in a way, he is glad for. He will not have to undergo that rather unpleasant experience called "sleep" again to conserve energy. If he believed in God, he would likely be thanking Him. The minor details are fuzzy and not right, and there are things there that do not exist where he usually resides, such as the door at the back of the room. He hesitated to open it, and eventually decided against it, instead moving on to explore the rest of the rooms.

The next unlocked door was at twenty-one-hundred. He peers inside, to reveal a room lit by what can only be the San Francisco sun. He would recognise that odd heaviness to the light anywhere. The room itself is open and bright, overlooking the bay, with a bed large enough for two. There are signs all about the room that it is inhabited by someone from Starfleet? or possibly two someones from Starfleet, though he cannot quite tell. On the dresser are some pictures, which he mostly ignored, but he could not help but note the fact that this room must be the stupid ensign's from the faces in the images. The door was shut behind him, and he moved on.

Twenty-two-hundred was obviously the lieutenant commander. Not a bedroom proper, but the chief engineer's office on a Constitution-class starship. Papers here and there, organised neatly. Tools and bits of broken things and half-finished products. Taking up a good portion of a wall was a painting, which he could not help but pause to admire. Oil on canvas, a brilliant white and red bird tearing it's wings apart in the midst of a frozen sea. ::Ripley Scroll: The bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.:: He steps out of the office and closes the door respectfully behind.

At Room 23, he paused a moment. It was achingly familiar. He touched the handle, tested it, found it locked. The air where he stood, just outside that room, was tainted with grease and oil and metal, with something almost feminine twining through it. He could not quite understand what drew him to that door, so, after the pause, he moved on.

Zero hour, Zero door. Here, he stopped for a while before even considering trying the door. Wondered just what could be so important to occupy the room at the head of the clock, the end of the clock. Alpha, Omega. Beginning. End. In the end, he'd tried the door, and found that it swung easily open to reveal darkness so bright it made sound dance on his tongue. Cold that pierced so deep into his bones he felt like he was burning alive. Spiraling phantasms and quicksilver dreams.

He slammed that fụcking door shut.

"Canna figure it out. Somehow, between th two of us, we should be able t'find th lad?"

"Well, dinne ken wha's missin! Ye said tha he had some of yer memories an such, but was me, mostly, so? why is this no workin?"

It occurs to him that he was the only person who woke up at that jolt in their sleep. The other two don't seem to recall it at all. Perhaps a fortunate side effect of being well-acquainted with sleep.

They have been arguing for what has felt like an hour, but is, by his internal chronometre, closer to three hours. Time flows strangely in this place. It distrupts him greatly. For every hour of actual thinking and working he gets done, he loses many more in waiting. The answer to their problem occurs to him, although he is loath to admit what it is. Except he cannot take much more of their incessant babble.

"Me. You forgot about me."

Two identical gazes turn upon him. He leans forward a bit, tilts his head up, gives the full force of his glare. "What? Why else would I be here if I were not somehow important?" It is true enough. There is no logical reason for his presence otherwise.

It does not surprise him that the pair cannot quite believe him. They are far too kind and na?ve. In the short time they have actually had to get acquainted, they have learned enough about eachother for him to know that they are a pair of people with hearts too trusting to ever make it where he is from, and no doubt they have learned just what sort of man he is.

However, if there is one thing he's figured out from what they've been saying about their missing ensign, is that they really only have a part of the picture. Probably more than half, but you cannot create a whole when you only have one part of that whole. He could explain all this, but it would be a waste of time when they would not believe him until he demonstrates. So he gets up and goes over to them and grabs their wrists tight enough to bruise at the least.

The jolt runs through him, through them, and the two try and pull away but he just. holds. on.

When he lets go, they believe him, though they are no closer to bringing the missing one back than they were five minutes ago, and, if the chatter in his head is any indication, their time is running out.

::Detecting chroniton radiation particles forming.:: ...Rate of formation? ::Temporal rifts will form in T minus 12 hours, standard Earth time.::

MontgomeryScott

Date: 2010-01-05 20:10 EST
Emergence: Second Chance
_______

My eyes are open wide
And by the way, I made it
Through the day
I watched the world outside
By the way, I'm leaving out
Today

Then there is a screaming of warnings through his brain about a burst of chroniton radiation and he opens his mouth to try and warn the other two-

Realises that maybe if they are touching when they are taken back, then what connects will remain-

He reaches for them-

Too late.

He collapses in the interrogation room, where he had last stood before being ripped away to a strange house grounded in time that time left behind. Drops to his knees on the deck, vaguely recalls a promise that he did not keep. Can not keep now. No way to keep it here. Even so, the hazy memories of that place slip from his conscious mind; attempts to hold them as successful as grasping mercury in his fist. Perhaps the other memory still holds it, but without knowing what to look for, he will never know. All he knows is his energy has gone from enough to see him through safely to the end of the week, with some to spare, to dangerously low. He does not know how he gets back to his quarters uninterrupted, but he does, and for the first time sleeps as he regenerates.

Well, I just saw Halley's Comet
She waved
Said, ?Why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappears
Somewhere in the stratosphere.?

The lieutenant commander falls backwards onto the deck in the corridor to his quarters. They had been about to do something important, he thinks. He's not sure. Can't even recall who the other people that made the they were. He rubs his head, frowning, before carefully getting up and making his way down the last few metres to his quarters. He's tired, feels as though something is missing, but doesn't think much on it as he collapses into bed.

Across his mind dart images of a city far away and just a few universes down the road. An Inn with dragons and wizards, a man who is not at all Lt Sulu and a transdimensional not-twin. Faded dream memories insubstantial as smoke. When he wakes, he will not recall ever dreaming.

Tell my mother,
Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

For the ensign, it is perhaps best that he reappeared so close to his bunk. He is worn and weary, half-faded from the past day that he cannot recall. Only the vaguest sort of impressions remain on his mind, like faint rainswept scribbles of chalk on a sidewalk, and doubtless those too will fade away.

Please don't cry
One tear for me
I'm not afraid of
What I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close,
It's only for today

The void coalesces, churns, taking what had been torn out when the rifts had pulled each back to their home, leaving the parts that had connected, and reforming them around a lost soul. Not quite the same for what had to be added for the balance, but permanent now. Whole and complete. A balanced soul, a being in his own right.

The universe feels a soul out of place, and sends it home.

Here is my chance
This is my chance

~Shinedown, Second Chance

MontgomeryScott

Date: 2010-01-06 08:51 EST
Aftershocks
_______

He sits on his bed, tired and in need of sleep, but almost afraid to fall asleep here once more. Rationally, he knows he's been made permanent, that what happened before will not happen again, barring anyone inventing a weapon to tear people apart at their most base levels. Irrationally? he just died. Died and there was no one to notice, no one to care. He's fụcking scared, and can anyone really blame him?

Oh, he knows that if he hadn't been brought back as miraculously as he had been, there would have been questions at some point. People would have poked around. Eventually, he would have been missed, mourned. Except that really plays on an old fear of his, that no one would miss him if he died, and then there's the new one that worries maybe he's just not unique enough to really be seen as distinct from the other men that have his name, his face, his past. Phobias, really, irrational fears that should be little things but they've gone and blown themselves out of proportion.

It just doesn't help that he's got memories that aren't his own, and the sneaking suspiscion that the people who should have those memories do not anymore. Of course, given the choice between another him having a few memories or himself being alive, he's going to be selfish and take alive because, when he's not all panicked and phobic and shỉte, there are people who would miss him.

The strangest thing about the memories is, they don't really affect his personality. He feels bad about when the lieutenant commander threatened Scotty, for instance, and thinks that perhaps for the older man the least he could do is make the apology that sits in the memories thereafter waiting to made? but it's not him and it's not his guilt. Same with everything he remembers of their lives after his 25th birthday. Not him. Someone else. Same name, same face, same genetic material. Everything points to the fact that he should be the man who lived those memories, should be the lieutenant commander.

Except he's not. Never was and never will be. Not anymore. Maybe a different lieutenant commander, if he can ever get in touch with Starfleet here, but not the one he could have been. Personally, he's more than fine with that; he thinks the lieutenant commander to be a bit wishy-washy.* Still, it makes him hesitant to offer anyone who knew the lieutenant commander any knowledge that would indicate he remembers the other man's life in any way. It hurt being mistaken for the man when he did not remember, and he knows it would hurt far more now that he does, because now he knows for sure that they are not the same person.

Then there are the memories of things that happened to him elsewhere, in a place that sits outside of time and reality, and yet is real and firmly grounded in time. Confusing sort of place, where just about anything seems to be possible. Some things happened both there and here, which is kind of nice. Also nice is the fact that he's not the only person who seems to remember the elsewhere, if talking to Harold was any indication. He kind of wonders if they are actually going to do that again? and makes a note to acquire Cheetos just in case.

There is other knowledge in those memories. Knowledge that hurts and sets him free. With a small smile, he plucks a fabric rose from his bedside table and lays back on the bed. No need to feel guilty about the man behind this present. He would admit to feeling rather conflicted on the matter before. On the one hand, he'd not remembered that he was, technically, no longer with Jon. On the other? Jamie was amazing. No two ways about it. He had, before he knew what he does now, been perfectly willing to operate under the assumption he would never get back home, just for Jamie. Except now he knows, so he no longer needs to assume he won't be going home.

Besides, this is home now. This small room at the Inn in a strange city on a planet he's never heard of before or since. Maybe one day he'll have a house somewhere away from the city. A nice little cottage on a good sized piece of land. Not in the woods, though; he's not much for that many trees. No white picket fence because you can't sit on the damn things without impaling yourself. He'll have a sensible sort of fence you can actually sit on? and a force field surrounding the house outside the fence, because you really can't count on a little wooden fence to keep the monsters out.

He yawns widely, laughs quietly at his daydreaming. Now that is a sure sign he should just sleep if he ever saw one. Otherwise next thing he knows he'll be thinking all domestic with Jamie, even though they are nowhere near that point in their relationship. Although, there are some appealing mental images to be had there??? Right. He may just have to injure Scotty for ever bringing up frilly pink aprons, because that's the last thing he needed to own in any of those cute, domestic sort of ideations. Actually, no, he has a better idea?

Which apparently can wait, as, whether he likes it or not, he falls asleep, holding that rose to his chest and barely aware of elsewhere, where he does not sleep alone.

*He is well aware that this opinion could be the result of having his personality balanced out with his mirror image.