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Somehow it found its way to the Lanesborough, this distinctive orange box with the silhouetted logo of a horse-drawn buggy and driver. Nestled inside layers of tissue paper was a necktie, silk the exact shade of his eyes, with a delicate vine pattern done in a darker blue covering it. There was also an envelope as well, his name on the front in a precise copperplate, almost too perfect to have been written by a human hand.
The paper inside, also covered in the perfect lettering, smelled faintly of cinnamon, vanilla, and orange blossoms. The letters reflected the slow, deliberate thoughtfulness of the words they formed and the very paper seemed soaked in the complex emotions the sender had attempted to capture.
Gideon,
I have never been good with words. Well, let's amend that a little. I'm better with other people's words than I am with my own. Putting believable emotions into words written to be repeated on camera is like breathing for me, but telling someone how I feel is an entirely different undertaking.
I won't apologize for raising my hand to you. You deserved it. You deserve it a million times over. You're impossible. You're incorrigible. You're maddening. You can add those to the list that includes arrogant, haughty, and lost, if you'd like.
You certainly got in some good licks yourself, though, didn't you? Granted they weren't physical hurts, but honestly? I would much rather have you hit me than to hear (and think about) some of the things you said to me.
Yes, I do sabotage nearly everything that happens to me. First my relationship with my parents, then my career, then Ori...why not you, too? Why do I do this? God alone knows. I can't just be happy, you're right. I don't deserve it. I've done nothing to warrant it. Maybe that's why I sabotage everything, out of some sick, misplaced guilt. I feel like I need to be miserable so I go out of my way to make it happen. I'm frightened of being successful. I'm frightened of not being successful. Hell, I'm just frightened.
I don't know where we go from here, if we go anywhere. You scare me, but you already knew this, didn't you? You scare me because I feel when I'm with you. I feel everything ? the good, the bad, the horrible, the unthinkable. You remind me why I turned to heroin in the first place. You remind me too much of all the things I want to forget.
So, no, I won't apologize for hitting you. But I will apologize for forcing things to go the way they did, and for being difficult and stubborn and impossible. And if I hurt you, well... I apologize for that as well. More than all the rest.
Yours sincerely,
Lelah
Somehow it found its way to the Lanesborough, this distinctive orange box with the silhouetted logo of a horse-drawn buggy and driver. Nestled inside layers of tissue paper was a necktie, silk the exact shade of his eyes, with a delicate vine pattern done in a darker blue covering it. There was also an envelope as well, his name on the front in a precise copperplate, almost too perfect to have been written by a human hand.
The paper inside, also covered in the perfect lettering, smelled faintly of cinnamon, vanilla, and orange blossoms. The letters reflected the slow, deliberate thoughtfulness of the words they formed and the very paper seemed soaked in the complex emotions the sender had attempted to capture.
Gideon,
I have never been good with words. Well, let's amend that a little. I'm better with other people's words than I am with my own. Putting believable emotions into words written to be repeated on camera is like breathing for me, but telling someone how I feel is an entirely different undertaking.
I won't apologize for raising my hand to you. You deserved it. You deserve it a million times over. You're impossible. You're incorrigible. You're maddening. You can add those to the list that includes arrogant, haughty, and lost, if you'd like.
You certainly got in some good licks yourself, though, didn't you? Granted they weren't physical hurts, but honestly? I would much rather have you hit me than to hear (and think about) some of the things you said to me.
Yes, I do sabotage nearly everything that happens to me. First my relationship with my parents, then my career, then Ori...why not you, too? Why do I do this? God alone knows. I can't just be happy, you're right. I don't deserve it. I've done nothing to warrant it. Maybe that's why I sabotage everything, out of some sick, misplaced guilt. I feel like I need to be miserable so I go out of my way to make it happen. I'm frightened of being successful. I'm frightened of not being successful. Hell, I'm just frightened.
I don't know where we go from here, if we go anywhere. You scare me, but you already knew this, didn't you? You scare me because I feel when I'm with you. I feel everything ? the good, the bad, the horrible, the unthinkable. You remind me why I turned to heroin in the first place. You remind me too much of all the things I want to forget.
So, no, I won't apologize for hitting you. But I will apologize for forcing things to go the way they did, and for being difficult and stubborn and impossible. And if I hurt you, well... I apologize for that as well. More than all the rest.
Yours sincerely,
Lelah