Eva woke up disoriented. For a few heart pounding moments all she could make out was the black. Then the shadows started to take shape, and she remembered the room. Small bed against the wall, writing desk in front of the window, chair on the right. She swung her legs down and with her bare feet touched the circular rug that covered most of the wood floor. Cold. She sighed and got up, crossing the room to the window, drawing back the curtains to look out at the dark marketplace.

She arrived in RhyDin just the day before and had taken rooms above a small bookshop. She'd considered taking a room at the Inn, but there wasn't much privacy there, or quiet. Here it was quiet at night at least. There was no movement in the marketplace. She sighed softly, and let her forehead lean against the icy glass of the window. What the hell was she doing here? She was never going to find Ghost.

It had been years since Eva had left RhyDin. She'd gone home to take care of her father, but the funeral had been weeks ago now, and she had to start over. No one wanted her at the farm. Her brothers had their own lives to pick-up.

But how could she get back to a life without Ghost? If only she hadn't left the way she did, with no word, no excuse, no way for him to reach her. Why would he have wanted to reach her?

Eva shook her head and moved away from the window. Tomorrow she'd leave messages around his old haunts. She had no idea what she'd say. I'm sorry. I'm here to see you. Please come back.

The sheets were cold already when she got back into bed.

Dawn. Eva ran along the river side, feet crunching and kicking up gravel, blood pumping. She ran straight ahead, only adjusting her course for the various docks that lined the river?s edge. Her hair was pulled back from her face in a ponytail, but loose strands clung to her sweaty neck like so many deadly snakes.

There was a pleasure in this kind of breathlessness. A pleasure in the heat of her body in motion, the way that her muscles worked together to propel her forward, the way each step seemed to disappear in its own rhythm until she felt as if she wasn?t touching the ground.

Eva could let herself go to the mindlessness of running. In this place, there was nothing to think about but taking every stride and every breath. And there was much she wanted to forget. Every night at the Inn felt like she?d been waiting for something. Waiting for someone. That was unexpected. How quickly she?d come to rely on his friendship, on his company. She?d considered going to see him during his shift, but she sensed he would put himself firmly behind that professional mask. She hadn?t seen him since. Was it avoidance? Or just bad luck? And why did it seem to matter so much?

Eva?s feet slowed to a stop and she bent over, hands on her knees. Her left side still felt weak, even all these years since the accident. For a woman in her early thirties she felt so old sometimes. And so foolish. How silly of her to think she?d had anything with Tucker. Eva stood and shook her head, her heart continuing to pound as if she was still running. She needed to forget. She needed the world to fade away, to be nothing more than swirls of color and light, to be small in the wake of her largeness.

Eva looked ahead, the sky turning from a dull gray into a glorious blue. She pushed off and started to run.

At the back of the book store there was a phone in a little cubby with a comfortable chair. After some heavy negotiation, Eva convinced the owner to let her use it for a nominal fee. She woke before dawn to make the call, trying to catch her brothers before the day?s work began. The voice that answered was pretty bright considering the early hour. It was John.

?Hey John, it?s Eli.? Eva had been born ?Elinor Drake.? Eight years later, "McCall" was added to the end when she?d been adopted. Gus knew she used an alias when she was off the farm, but John only knew her as Elinor.

?How goes it, pretty girl?? Hearing her brother?s voice made her smile. They chatted for a few minutes, catching up on life on the farm and a little bit about how things were going with her. John knew not to press her. He would find out what he really wanted to know from Gus. Eva waited as the phone was passed from one brother to the next.

Eva closed her eyes at the sound of Gus? voice. He hadn?t been her brother for a long time, but he wasn?t her husband now either. The feelings between them would always be complicated. Love deeper than siblings, but ultimately, not more than family.

?How?s Meredith?? Gus had re-married nearly six years ago.

?She?s fine. She?s with the boys.?

There was a moment of tense silence between them. It was hard for Eva to think of Gus? children sometimes. They were her nephews, but they felt like half of them were a part of her. Like the family she should have had with Gus, if only her body had been willing. After all the blackness that had grown between them those many years ago, it really was that which had ended their marriage.

?Send them my love.?

?I will. Did you find Ghost??

?Sort of? he?s busy.?

?How do you feel about that??

?I don?t know? I don?t know what I expected. It?s been six years, Gus. He?s moved on. I should too.?

?Are you??

?I?m working on it.?

?That?s good. What are you doing for money? Are you going to open another?? he paused as he searched for the word.

?Clinic.?

?Right. Another clinic.?

?I don?t know?? Eva sighed and looked down at the floor. She?d inherited some money from her father, but not much. It wouldn?t last too much longer. ?I don?t have a financial backer, I don?t have anyone to set-up security, and I don?t know if there?s anyone already offering those kinds of services here.? Not to mention, someone she?d begun to care about probably wouldn?t approve.

?Sounds like you need more time.?

?Yeah.?

?If you need money - ?

?- I?m fine.?

?Eli? don?t do that. I?m still your brother.?

Eva was quiet a moment, leaning back into the chair and looking at the ceiling. Occasionally she forgot how hard it must be for him. An ex-wife he can?t get away from, who?s at every family occasion, sitting in the pews at church, holding a bouquet at your second wedding. It was good that she?d gone away.

?I?ll call you if I need anything.?

Eva sighed into the phone and she heard Gus do the same. They moved through these moments of tension together. It was no one?s fault.

?Gus, I miss Dad.?

?I know.?

?I don?t like being away from him.?

?You?re not away from him, you?re away from his grave.?

Eva fell silent, her eyes filling with tears.

?Eli, you can mourn dad wherever you are, you can talk to him wherever you are? he was like that wasn?t he? Always there just when you needed him??

?Yeah he was.?

?So when you want to talk to him, just talk. I talk to him all the time, about the crops and where to buy the best seed, and how to fix the combine.?

Eva laughed. ?You don?t need help fixing the combine.?

?Yeah but Dad always liked to give his two cents so I give him the opportunity.?

Eva laughed again, and Gus laughed too.

?You going to be okay, Eli??

?I?ll be fine. I?ll call again soon. You?d better get out there before it gets hot.?

?Alright. Take care.?

Eva hung up the phone and sat still in the chair for a while. When she was younger, she thought it was easier to be Eva Luna than it was to be Elinor Drake McCall. It was all the same now.