After midnight and Eva couldn?t sleep. She lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling of her small bedroom, listening to the sounds of the cold night wind rattling her windows. She sighed, her mind aflutter with thought. It had been an eventful weekend.
Seeing Ghost on Saturday night had been good. Better than she expected. He didn?t seem angry, though she still felt like he had every right to harbor resentment towards her. Sitting across the table from him at dinner had felt comfortable instead of awkward, like old times. Of course, a double shot of bourbon had helped. But there was that thing about Ghost ? he?d always been a good listener. It had been a relief to share some of what the last few years had been like for her ? watching her father slowly withering away, feeling every day like she was somehow failing him. But even once she'd said it aloud, Eva still felt as if it was weighing on her.
As usual, Eva had to work to draw Ghost out, but she?d managed, listening to him tell of the work he?d been doing, places he?d been traveling to on and off planet.
Through the whole conversation, Eva never mentioned Tucker, other than small reference to the fact that she was starting a relationship, and she didn?t ask Ghost if he was seeing anyone either. She didn?t want to know, and she assumed he probably already knew what there was to know. In fact if Ghost knew anything, he probably knew more than her about her relationship, such as it was, with Tucker.
And then Sunday - Tucker, out of nowhere, asks her if she wants to go on a spiritual journey with him to Yasuo. At least it felt out of nowhere to her. She was a doctor. Did she really seem like the spiritual type? Eva sighed and rolled to her side in bed. Maybe she should be. Eva had subsequently spent the rest of the night researching Yasuo and reading about the towers. Could she benefit from visiting some of the towers? She felt her chest tightening just thinking about it.
Eva could list plenty of reasons not to go with Tucker. She couldn?t hold up to the journey. She?d slow him down. She probably wouldn?t like being away from a hot shower that long. She didn?t know him well enough to be alone with him for that long. She didn?t believe in spiritual journeys.
Eva could also create a pretty convincing list of what-ifs. What if after a week, Tucker hated her? What if she hated Tucker? What if she ruined his spiritual journey? What if they got separated and she ended up lost in the wilderness and eaten by a bear?
Eva rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow and screamed, letting the sound get muffled in the material. When she was done, her chest heaved with the effort. Terrified. She was terrified of what she might face if she went. Terrified that it might actually work. Terrified that she might have to face herself. Terrified that Tucker would see her at her worst.
Eva threw off the covers and got to her feet, searching for her running pants. She needed to run. It was never too late to run.
Seeing Ghost on Saturday night had been good. Better than she expected. He didn?t seem angry, though she still felt like he had every right to harbor resentment towards her. Sitting across the table from him at dinner had felt comfortable instead of awkward, like old times. Of course, a double shot of bourbon had helped. But there was that thing about Ghost ? he?d always been a good listener. It had been a relief to share some of what the last few years had been like for her ? watching her father slowly withering away, feeling every day like she was somehow failing him. But even once she'd said it aloud, Eva still felt as if it was weighing on her.
As usual, Eva had to work to draw Ghost out, but she?d managed, listening to him tell of the work he?d been doing, places he?d been traveling to on and off planet.
Through the whole conversation, Eva never mentioned Tucker, other than small reference to the fact that she was starting a relationship, and she didn?t ask Ghost if he was seeing anyone either. She didn?t want to know, and she assumed he probably already knew what there was to know. In fact if Ghost knew anything, he probably knew more than her about her relationship, such as it was, with Tucker.
And then Sunday - Tucker, out of nowhere, asks her if she wants to go on a spiritual journey with him to Yasuo. At least it felt out of nowhere to her. She was a doctor. Did she really seem like the spiritual type? Eva sighed and rolled to her side in bed. Maybe she should be. Eva had subsequently spent the rest of the night researching Yasuo and reading about the towers. Could she benefit from visiting some of the towers? She felt her chest tightening just thinking about it.
Eva could list plenty of reasons not to go with Tucker. She couldn?t hold up to the journey. She?d slow him down. She probably wouldn?t like being away from a hot shower that long. She didn?t know him well enough to be alone with him for that long. She didn?t believe in spiritual journeys.
Eva could also create a pretty convincing list of what-ifs. What if after a week, Tucker hated her? What if she hated Tucker? What if she ruined his spiritual journey? What if they got separated and she ended up lost in the wilderness and eaten by a bear?
Eva rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow and screamed, letting the sound get muffled in the material. When she was done, her chest heaved with the effort. Terrified. She was terrified of what she might face if she went. Terrified that it might actually work. Terrified that she might have to face herself. Terrified that Tucker would see her at her worst.
Eva threw off the covers and got to her feet, searching for her running pants. She needed to run. It was never too late to run.