A post-holiday hush had fallen over the Marketplace. After all the hustle and bustle of the busy shopping season, Eva found the sudden quiet eerie and strange. With her hands plunged deep into her coat pockets, she quickened her steps towards Teas & Tomes, hoping for a hot cup of coffee, and if she were really lucky, a run-in with Tucker. That would make her afternoon. Eva smiled at the thought of it, and almost missed the sound of someone calling her name.

?Oi, Doc! Doc!?

Eva?s steps slowed and she turned to look behind her, back down the row of stalls she had just come through. A round, red-headed lady was hurrying along towards her, dragging a bundled-up similarly red-headed boy around her feet, and carrying a rosy cheeked baby on her hip. Eva stopped and smiled.

?I guess that?s me???

?Aye! Happy New Year!? The woman huffed it out as she stopped in front of Eva with a smile, her warm breath visible in front of her in white puffs.

?Happy New Year to you too.? Eva looked from the woman to her children and back again. She couldn?t place them. Maybe she had helped them after one of the explosions. Everyone she treated those days were mostly a blur, and those that weren't, Eva tried to block from her mind.

?Oi, I been hoping to see you, but you been scarce lass.? The woman grinned and with a little bump of her hip, hiked her baby up a bit. ?I got something for you, it being the holidays and all, just a thank you, for all your help.?

?Oh, that?s not necessary??

?Posh. Course it is. If you?ll just hold her for a dash.? The woman turned her body and leaned out to transfer her baby to Eva?s hold.

?Uh, sure.? There was a moment of awkwardness when Eva first took hold of the bundled up baby girl, as if she didn?t know how to hold her properly, but then she settled in with her, looking down at the little girl?s face. The baby was rosy cheeked, with a warm hand knit wool cap pulled down to cover her face and ears, sweatered arms out and open, and mittened hands waving in the air. The baby giggled, or at least that?s what it looked like to Eva, and stared at her with fascinated green eyes. Eva laughed. ?What?s her name??

The mother continued to dig around in a big bag looking for something. Her son had transferred his hold from her hand to hanging around her leg. ?Oh that there?s Diana, and this here?s Collin.? The mother paused in her searching and looked down at her son. ?Say hello, Collin.? The boy blushed and hid his face against his mother?s leg before peeking up at Eva shyly. His mother just laughed and went back to searching her bag. ?Ach, I know I got it in here somewhere.?

Eva smiled at the boy and then looked back at his sister, happily bouncing her gently in her arms. ?Take your time, it?s no hurry. Diana and I are doing just fine together.?

?Ah, here we are.? From her bag, the woman brought out a small green bottle decorated with a simple red ribbon. At first glance, Eva thought it might be some sort of home remedy, and began preparing the right wording of thanks with a cautionary caveat. The woman held out the bottle and leaned forward to take Diana in an exchange. Eva transferred the baby to her mother?s arms and took the small green bottle, turning it towards her to read the label.

?Rose oil.?

?Aye, it?s a pretty scent.? The woman grinned, bouncing Diana at her hip, and looking at Eva?s blank expression. ?Don?t you ever use perfume, love? Ach, a doctor you may be, but you can?t forget to be a lady.?

Eva looked down at the bottle. It had been a long time since she?d even thought about using perfume. How did she normally smell? She winced. Probably like antibacterial soap or rubber gloves.

?You won?t need much of it, just a drop here or there. And you can make a sweet rinse for your laces.?

?My laces??

?Your pretties, your unmentionables, your lady?s garments.? The woman had a mirthful look on her face as she shifted Diana to her other side. Collin was turning circles around her, holding her legs with one arm as if his mother were a maypole.

?Oh, I see.? Eva blushed and looked from the woman to the bottle again. Lingerie. Eva couldn?t remember the last time she?d had lacey lingerie. With all her eagerness to be with Tucker, she?d never thought about having the appropriate attire. Cotton underwear wasn?t much of a seduction. Why hadn?t she thought of it before? Maybe she should buy some just in case.

?I use it for the sheets, myself. Your fellow will think you smell like springtime when you take him to bed.?

Eva?s blush deepened.

?Go ahead, try it on.?

The bottle had a small screw top, with a little glass stick for drops. The woman motioned with her free hand for Eva to touch the glass stick to her neck. Eva did as instructed and then closed the small bottle. The scent of roses filled her nose. It was light and sweet. Not overpowering. She smiled. It did smell like springtime. Even in the middle of the cold winter.

?Thank you, this is lovely.?

?Ach, my pleasure, dear. Come and see us at the apothecary sometime.?

The apothecary. Eva smiled as her mind cleared. This was Mrs. Bartleby of Bartleby?s Apothecary on the other side of the square. She?d tended to Mr. Bartleby after the first explosion. That saved her from an awkward question.

?Thank you again, Mrs. Bartleby. Happy New Year. Bye Diana! Bye Collin!?

Eva smiled as the little group moved off in the direction of the store. She looked down at the small bottle of rose oil in her hand and smiled. It was a lovely gift. Eva tucked the bottle into her coat pocket and continued through the stalls to Teas?n Tomes.

As the bell over the door jingled to announce her entrance, Eva removed her gloves and glanced over the room. Her smile broadened. There was Tucker. Warmth filled her at the sight of him, and she blushed a little. She shook her head as she continued to the counter. It had been a long time since just the sight of someone made her feel so happy.

After buying herself a cup of coffee at the counter, Eva turned and started in Tucker?s direction. He looked a little distracted or concerned, an expression Eva was becoming familiar with. He was probably concentrating on his book.

?Hi?? Eva smiled as she set her coffee down on his table, and draped her coat over a comfortable looking chair beside his. Before she sat down, she leaned over him, over his book, and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

Eva felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room, and she held her breath. It?s not as if she didn?t know this conversation was coming. She just hoped it wouldn?t be right now. Or any time soon. Finally, she sighed.

?Yeah. I suppose so.?

Eva turned her mug of coffee in her hands, looking down at the dark liquid.

?The thing is?? Eva had played this conversation out in her head so many times, but she still didn?t know where to start. She could never find a way to explain it that would end well. In all the years that she'd had her clinic, before her father got sick, she never felt shame. Since she?d met Tucker, that had changed.

Eva tried again. ?The thing is? I?ve been practicing fairly regularly now? at least when I have enough supplies. But? I don?t have normal patients.? She glanced up to see if he was following her. When she saw him watching, she started to look down again, that shame rising within. She resisted it, and met his eyes. This was who she was, and it was up to him whether he understood or not. She had to take whatever was coming.

?The kind of people who come to me for treatment are usually in trouble. What I mean is? they?re skirting the law. Rhy?Din Hospital has to report certain things to the City Watch. I don?t. So people with nothing to fear, they get treated by someone licensed, someone in a proper office or at the hospital. The patients I treat? they have something to hide. They pay me cash, I fix their problems, and keep their secrets.?

Eva looked down at the coffee cup in her hands, turning it in circles, and then finally set it back down on the table.

?After I got clean, I tried to find work at hospitals and doctor?s offices? no one would take me because of my record? not that I blame them? the thing is, this is just what I?m good at? and this is the only way I can do it.?

Eva looked out towards the windows to the Marketplace. The recent rain had left a combination of ice and mud on the ground, but reconstruction continued all the same. In a place deep inside Eva that she tried not to acknowledge, she was grateful for the explosions.

?You know? after my father died? I thought? well I didn?t think I?d want to practice again. It felt empty? and hopeless. But since I?ve been here? with everything that?s happened?? She shook her head and looked back at him. ?I?ll understand if you? well if you?? Eva just trailed off and shrugged.

Eva flinched at the way her name sounded from him. For a moment she wished she didn?t recognize it, she wished she could re-introduce herself to him as Elinor, the girl she once was, the orphan who grew up on the farm, the girl who was good at science and math, who married her childhood love and still mourned the end of it, the woman who just returned from six years of tending to her ailing father. But here in Rhy?Din, she wasn?t that woman. Here she was Eva. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she had let Tucker see Elinor.

?Do you know what you?re doing??

He was practically begging her to lie. Of course she knew what she was doing. He could hardly think she was a thoughtless person, that doing what she did had ever come lightly. Eva looked down at her hands. She wouldn?t disrespect him by trying to convince him of some sham naivet?.

?Yes.? Eva looked up into his eyes again. She could see the anger simmering there. It was almost as if he were taking it personally, as if she were doing it to him. He deserved some sort of justification, no matter how faulty.

?You were a soldier once, Tucker? weren?t there times when you picked up a fallen enemy and took them for care? even though you knew that you might have to face them again someday on the battlefield??

?Even if I was working at the hospital? I?d still treat them? those kinds of patients, I mean? that?s part of the oath I took once? I can?t turn anyone away??

Eva?s emotions darted back and forth between defiant and destroyed. Yes, this was who she was, this was the difficult choice she had made for herself more than ten years before, when she?d been pulling herself out of a hole so deep that practicing this way seemed like salvation. But now she wasn?t desperate and she was choosing it again. Why? And why did it hurt so much to see him look at her that way?

?I know that I?m not what you thought I was? I never? I never tried to deceive you? I?ve always known you were a better person than me.?

Eva shook her head and looked down at her hands. Her fingers smoothed over the knees of her pants, her skin dry and red from the cold. People never said what they really thought, did they? There they were, the two of them, both saying what they guessed the other wanted to hear. Trying so hard not to say anything that couldn?t be taken back. Trying not to say something that would hurt permanently. Eva looked up at him, and there was a fire in her eyes, a fire born of her frustration, igniting her dry powder temper.

?But you are judging me, Tucker. I mean? you?re closing your eyes so I can?t see it, but you are.? Eva slid to the edge of her seat, her knee bumping into the low table, her coffee mug rattling beside his book.

?I mean? you say my hands can heal people? but then? you don?t want me to do it? I?m not saying I don?t understand why? I do. But??

Eva shook her head and cursed. She couldn't stop herself from shouting. ?Don't - don?t tell me I can save lives when the truth is I can?t save anyone worth saving.?

She tried to get up. Her vision blurring. People were staring. She couldn?t sit there any longer. Her knees bumped the table. The coffee mug fell over. Hot liquid splashed the legs of their pants. The mug rolled off the table and broke on the floor. Eva cursed again, and knelt between them, her head down as she righted the broken coffee cup, and tried to mop at the spill with a single square napkin.

Eva didn?t know where the emotion was coming from, but it was filling fast like a water glass about to overflow. She was barely listening to him, let alone looking at him, her eyes kept low. She became aware of his hand only when he released hers, her lips parting, and her eyes finally lifted to look him in the eye.

?You saved me, Eva. Please, don?t do this anymore.?

?I couldn?t save my father!?

The response came almost on top of his words. Pain diluted the anger in her eyes, threatening tears.

She brought her voice down to a strangled hiss, her eyes moving down as well, unable to hold his look for more than a moment. ?I watched him suffer and deteriorate for six years. Six years, Perceval, and I couldn?t do anything.?

Her own feelings surprised her, that even months later the depth of her loss had barely been assuaged, that it could all come rushing back out of control.

Eva shook her head, her hands trembling as she rose to her feet, eyes looking over the mess. She and Tucker were having two separate conversations about her work, and she couldn?t expect him to understand hers. She didn?t care about the moral issue. There was no excuse for what she did; it was just how she made her living. She hadn?t thought about it in years. She came back to Rhy?Din thinking she?d slide right back into work, but it had been painful and difficult. Everything was different now.

Standing, Eva raised her eyes to Tucker?s again. Tears finally broke and slid down her cheeks. She turned away almost instantly and reached for her coat.

The proprietor, having noticed the spill and broken mug, came around the counter, a rag in his hand.

?Sorry.? Eva mumbled the word in his direction as she passed on her way to the door, the bell jingling to announce her exit.