Dear Miss Amaltea whose name rhymes with onomatopoeia,

Hi!

My name is Tara Anne Rynieyn-Longden and I am an aspiring artist. You probably don't know me and haven't seen my work anywhere but that doesn't mean that I am not gifted. Ain't nobody gave me the chance to show what I can do yet.

I'm writing to you in the hopes that you will feature my drawings in your paper, The Oracle, so that everyone in all of Rhy'Din, will know how much I really care about them and the real truth about what's going on. I am a very rich girlie. I married Talomar Longden (that's how I got his last name, see?) and the problem is he won't let me get a job. I have tried to tell him that we are living in squalls...you know, really poor conditions? Yeah, it's really bad and it's been bothering me but he won't listen. He keeps saying "You say that we're poor one more time, woman, and I'ma hit you with my strap."

Do you think he'd hit me, Miss Amaltea, even though he dun got a strap?

I sure hope not cuz I'm very fragile and I would cry.

Anyway...I know Miss Des. She works for you and she is one of my bestest friends. She's poor too so we can't afford to buy each other nothin so what we do instead is trade. One time I wanted the gunpowder stuffs to give my husband as a Father's Day present and Miss Des, she collects feathers, right? She loves birdies, she do. Sometimes I think her collection is stupid but I don't tell her that cuz that would hurt her feelins. So, yeah, what was I telling you?

Oh!

Yeah, the feather.

So Miss Des she traded me the gunpowder stuffs for the feather that I plucked from my Uncle Morningstar's bottom. He's an angel. Talomar calls me his angel too but I dun got wings like Uncle does. I hope I get them one day but Daddy says that God ain't gonna be making me no promises cuz I hiss at his crosses in the churches when I see em.

I don't mean to do that but looking at em makes muh eyes all crosseyed and stuff.

If you talk to Miss Des, she'll tell you about my drawings and about me. She's seen em. Likes em too! But I figured you might want to see what I am capable of instead of relying on what she tells you. Which, you shouldn't really do, cuz Miss Des, I love her and all, but she be a pathological liar.

Okay, so this is me flying my kite. Don't worry so much about the birds in the picture, concentrate more on my perty kite that I found on an abandoned pirate ship. Isn't that great?! This took me ten hours to draw because of all the detail involved.

http://www.tararynieyn.com/tarakite.gif


This is my husband, Talomar. He's handsome isn't he? I love him so much! He took me to a dinner that the Fraternal Order of Sheep Herders was havin and this is what happened after he made his speech.


http://www.tararynieyn.com/talomar.gif


This is our baby Marius. Here he's learning how to walk. He's so bright my little boy. Ain't he cute?


http://www.tararynieyn.com/marius.gif


And, finally, this is you Miss Amaltea. Even though I ain't seen you before I heard you was real nice and perty. I hope you like it.


http://www.tararynieyn.com/amaltea.gif


In closing, I would like to say if you do allow me to draw cartoons for your paper, it would be like a dream come true. I will work very hard for you and you don't have to pay me much, just enough so Tal, the baby and I can eat once in awhile.

That would be nice.

We sure get hungry a lot lately now that my husband is out of a job. He says we gotta stick together and "rough" it and that he isn't a deadbeat just because he can't provide for his family like every other man does.

If you agree, please send me a letter or somethin over at my castle.

It's the big one up over on that hill. The one with the trampled rose bushes.

You can't miss it.


Sincerely yours,


Da Cockroach Killa

Amaltea reads the letter.

Reads it again.

She still has this baffled expression.

She reads it again and starts to wonder if this Tara person is mentally challenged. Ah well, they do need a cartoonist.

Then she has an idea, she's heard a lot about this Talomar guy. Lots of things happening there. On top of that a wife beater?

She writes a quick letter in reply to Tara, offering her a job as a cartoonist.

She spots Gav and calls him to her office.

"I need you to do some snooping around this Talomar's house. So, I'm giving you this letter, telling Tara that she's hired as a cartoonist. While you are there, see what you can find out. Take your camera and Bobby, and by the gods, don't let another intern die."

Amaltea just listens to him and nods, as he leaves the office she rolls her eyes.

"Whinner..." she mutters and goes back to reading whatever articles are on her desk.

The interview with the vampire, Tara Rynieyn Longden had been a great success - basically meaning that he got away with a story and his life, and no bite marks.

"Chief! I've got your interview! Great stuff here! The Countess was perfectly charming, except that she's going to eat Sharon. But other than that, she's a doll."

He was about to leave and then he remembered something.

"Oh yes, Tara has given the Oracle an entire case of her RhyDin Spring Water. I've set it by the water cooler so that when the current carboy is finished, we can start drinking the better stuff.

"Des and I won't be drinking it, so they'll be more for everyone else. The Countess has given Des and I some special bottles for beta testing."

He left for a return trip to the Longden castle. The next visit there would be completely different.