Early morning, December 22nd..
He let the cold air seep into him, numb his skin. Walking..was weird.. He had stopped feeling his feet a while ago. There was no way of telling how long it had been since he'd left his friends at the tea shop..it was too dark for that. The only thing that could give a hint was the subtle ache of his right hand as he pressed it into his chest. He had been doing it..nonstop. That twinge..had never really gone away.
The journey had cleared his head..like it always did. When he thought about the recent events..
He grunted. He thought..they wouldn't affect him as much now.. It was better..to just not think about it.. Mayu had gotten Katt to stay with them.. They were..all together. It was fine..everything was okay..right..?
And yet, it still seemed like it had happened to someone else and he had just been told the story. Maybe it was because it was over now.. The only thing he knew..was that he felt..guilty.. And he didn't want to be there with them..anymore.. He needed to be alone, give his chest time to unclench..
He realized he had been standing, staring up the porch steps of the inn when he was nudged by an exiting patron..apologized to. His head swiveled..following them as they wandered off. Then he let himself inside. Those people..were one of the last sets to leave.. There were still a few here. He could feel their eyes on him, but they weren't heavy..like they were unfocused. He didn't stop..didn't look aside. The stairs groaned under him as he ascended. His steps lead him down the small hallway to his room. He twisted the door handle and let himself in.
Gizmo rammed into his shins and tried to climb up his legs. He nudged the puppy out of the way..so he could shut the door behind him. He didn't..want to deal with it now.
He stripped himself of the bottomless bag on his shoulder, his coat..and the rest of his clothing..leaving them all in a pile on the floor as he shouldered into the bathroom, flicked on the hot water to fill the tub. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.. He looked..pale..and sick.
When the tub was full, he settled himself inside, took a breath..and sunk underwater.
******
He stepped out of the steamy bathroom, water still clinging to him..tying a towel around his waist. He eyed the mound of leather and canvas clothing at the foot of his bed. He bent over..caught up his coat and shook it out. He didn't..care so much about the clothes..or the bag.
Wait. That's right.. Mayu..had given him a Christmas present. He grabbed the canvas bag..and pulled it up onto the bed with him..upended the contents into his lap. There was a coil of rope, a black tee shirt, a white box that held half of an apple pie..three bottles of soda that clinked and clattered against one another..and finally, the box with the ripped green wrapping paper tumbled out. He tossed the bag aside.
Whatever it was..it was light.. He fingered the loose flap of wrapping paper before tearing it away in sheets. He dug his fingers under the lip of the cardboard lid and ripped the box open. The inside..smelled like flowers..
Wadded up in misshapen lumps were..clothes..? He blinked..touching the cool material, drawing one hoodie out after another. A baby blue one, a white one, a black one, two navy blue ones.. Some had zippers..others didn't.. They were small.. He knew..they were hers.
"You seemed excited when I gave you my last one, and that one was all covered, in blood, so-!"
It was..sweet.. He brought the baby blue hoodie to his nose, inhaled.. It smelled..like her.. It was soft..
Gizmo worked his way up to the foot of the bed and plodded over to him, sniffing at the hoodie in his hands. The puppy growled at it, and took a piece in his little mouth..head shaking back and forth.
"AH!" Toby pulled at the hoodie..yanking Gizmo with it. He pinched the puppy's face, right at the corners of his mouth. Gizmo snuffled and let go..and was promptly shoved over the edge of the bed. He landed with a soft thump, started yipping immediately.
He didn't care.. He laid down in the middle of the bed..drew the hoodie close to him. He buried his face into it..resisted the urge to sigh. It wouldn't..smell like her if he did..
He started to relax, release tension into the mattress. He could breathe easier, he realized. He touched a hand to his damp chest. It didn't..hurt so much.. The gift helped..
His head..was blissfully dark, free of thought. He swallowed, and let himself sink further into it..until he slipped away from consciousness completely.
He let the cold air seep into him, numb his skin. Walking..was weird.. He had stopped feeling his feet a while ago. There was no way of telling how long it had been since he'd left his friends at the tea shop..it was too dark for that. The only thing that could give a hint was the subtle ache of his right hand as he pressed it into his chest. He had been doing it..nonstop. That twinge..had never really gone away.
The journey had cleared his head..like it always did. When he thought about the recent events..
He grunted. He thought..they wouldn't affect him as much now.. It was better..to just not think about it.. Mayu had gotten Katt to stay with them.. They were..all together. It was fine..everything was okay..right..?
And yet, it still seemed like it had happened to someone else and he had just been told the story. Maybe it was because it was over now.. The only thing he knew..was that he felt..guilty.. And he didn't want to be there with them..anymore.. He needed to be alone, give his chest time to unclench..
He realized he had been standing, staring up the porch steps of the inn when he was nudged by an exiting patron..apologized to. His head swiveled..following them as they wandered off. Then he let himself inside. Those people..were one of the last sets to leave.. There were still a few here. He could feel their eyes on him, but they weren't heavy..like they were unfocused. He didn't stop..didn't look aside. The stairs groaned under him as he ascended. His steps lead him down the small hallway to his room. He twisted the door handle and let himself in.
Gizmo rammed into his shins and tried to climb up his legs. He nudged the puppy out of the way..so he could shut the door behind him. He didn't..want to deal with it now.
He stripped himself of the bottomless bag on his shoulder, his coat..and the rest of his clothing..leaving them all in a pile on the floor as he shouldered into the bathroom, flicked on the hot water to fill the tub. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.. He looked..pale..and sick.
When the tub was full, he settled himself inside, took a breath..and sunk underwater.
******
He stepped out of the steamy bathroom, water still clinging to him..tying a towel around his waist. He eyed the mound of leather and canvas clothing at the foot of his bed. He bent over..caught up his coat and shook it out. He didn't..care so much about the clothes..or the bag.
Wait. That's right.. Mayu..had given him a Christmas present. He grabbed the canvas bag..and pulled it up onto the bed with him..upended the contents into his lap. There was a coil of rope, a black tee shirt, a white box that held half of an apple pie..three bottles of soda that clinked and clattered against one another..and finally, the box with the ripped green wrapping paper tumbled out. He tossed the bag aside.
Whatever it was..it was light.. He fingered the loose flap of wrapping paper before tearing it away in sheets. He dug his fingers under the lip of the cardboard lid and ripped the box open. The inside..smelled like flowers..
Wadded up in misshapen lumps were..clothes..? He blinked..touching the cool material, drawing one hoodie out after another. A baby blue one, a white one, a black one, two navy blue ones.. Some had zippers..others didn't.. They were small.. He knew..they were hers.
"You seemed excited when I gave you my last one, and that one was all covered, in blood, so-!"
It was..sweet.. He brought the baby blue hoodie to his nose, inhaled.. It smelled..like her.. It was soft..
Gizmo worked his way up to the foot of the bed and plodded over to him, sniffing at the hoodie in his hands. The puppy growled at it, and took a piece in his little mouth..head shaking back and forth.
"AH!" Toby pulled at the hoodie..yanking Gizmo with it. He pinched the puppy's face, right at the corners of his mouth. Gizmo snuffled and let go..and was promptly shoved over the edge of the bed. He landed with a soft thump, started yipping immediately.
He didn't care.. He laid down in the middle of the bed..drew the hoodie close to him. He buried his face into it..resisted the urge to sigh. It wouldn't..smell like her if he did..
He started to relax, release tension into the mattress. He could breathe easier, he realized. He touched a hand to his damp chest. It didn't..hurt so much.. The gift helped..
His head..was blissfully dark, free of thought. He swallowed, and let himself sink further into it..until he slipped away from consciousness completely.