Evening, December 25th..
The hearth's flames looked distorted, but no matter how much he blinked he couldn't make them clearer. He had stared at them ever since he'd gotten up..used every ounce of energy he had slept to regain just to get himself into a seated position. He didn't want to look around..didn't want to focus on anything else.. He knew where he was..he knew that Katt was sleeping on the couch across from him..
But if he moved..if he so much as looked..he would be reminded of what happened, of who she was..to Mayu. Of what he said..did..almost lost..did lose..
As if the constant stream of images through his mind weren't enough..
He swallowed..his throat was raw. He had screamed..he knew..
"Mmph.." His chest was rising and falling rapidly..all on its own. He hadn't realized that he'd started crying again..until warm drops of moisture slid down his neck, dripped onto his stomach.
He'd done so much of this already..he was shocked that he had any tears left..that his heart and lungs could clench any tighter than they already were. No amount of massaging to those muscles could help now..
He wished, briefly, that they would just implode already..suck the rest of his body into that dark world of constriction and pressure so that he would be crushed into nothing..and he wouldn't have to come back to a world where he had practically destroyed the lives of his friends..
He sniffed, swallowed again.
It shouldn't..have affected him this much.. He had finally been able to pin down the errant, disgusting emotion that he hadn't lived a day without for the past week: jealousy.
He didn't want..to be jealous.. He didn't want to..want to hurt his friends.. He didn't want..
He hated it here.. It was always here..always this damned shop..where things went wrong. This couch, that stupid hallway that led to the restrooms..that goddamned kitchen..
When Mayu had launched herself at him..he had thought she was going to hurt him..and he didn't know why. Was it..because of what Katt said.. He had backed up into the counter..went down with her as she tackled him..
But instead.. "Kiss me, Toby."
He tried to tell her not to make him do it..but he knew, as much now as he did then, that he had lied through his teeth..
He had never tasted fire before..but he was sure that doing no less than that would burn him that much. Those few moments were scorched into his memory. Not only because they had been what had started it all.. But because he had the sinking feeling..that it would be the last time that it happened. He would..have to remember it.. The taste of the kiss had long since faded..but everything else..
He was kidding himself. Admitting the truth..putting words to the feelings that were fighting to burst out of his core..was as useless as a single match in a blackened out castle..
He was..wasting time here.. He'd already wasted..so much.. Mayu.. He'd left her.. All by herself..blind..lost..and he'd just..
"...mmph," he whimpered, pushing his fist into his chest as much as his body would allow. He couldn't feel it.. Was it because..it hurt that much..?
How could..he have been so stupid..
But..he had to make that choice..right?
What good was it.. What use.. He saved one friend..to lose another..? Mayu wouldn't even know..that Katt was alive..
"O-ow.." It wouldn't stop. He needed..to leave. He had to go back..find out what happened.. Mayu had said..that he would always be able to find her..right..?
"Hey, hey, hey now..calm down, or you'll gouge a hole through your chest. Here, Toby, give me your hand. Yes, give it to me.."
A warm, small and calloused hand pulled his away from his chest. His head tipped lazily to the side. The counter girl.. She was shaking out a white dish towel with blue stripes..used it to swab his face and neck free of sweat and tears.
"Now, I don't know any bit about what happened between you and that girl there.." He was hardly listening.. He saw the end of a broom handle sticking up over the arm of the couch. He could use that..
"...don't care what you do with women on your own time away from here, but that's just my point. You do it away from here. Just have a look at the state she's in, hardly practical for.."
He could smell mustard..and meat. It cut through the stench of blood that he'd forgotten had taken over his senses.
"...sandwich that I made for you that's heavy on the meat. The last time I needed to make you one of these, you had lost a significant amount of bl-! Hey, just where do you think you're going!"
He had reached over and taken hold of the broom handle, brought it close and leaned heavily into it..somehow making it to his feet. The empty vial swung and bumped into his chest. His groggy mind told him that the head of the broom would soon become annoying to work with.. He angled it and brought his foot down. The handle snapped free of the broom's bristles.
"Oh no you don't, mister, you're going to sit down this instant and rest yourself. What do you hope to accomplish in your condition?"
His only goal was the door..get to the door. He would figure out what to do..when he was outside.
He felt those same hands on him again.. They were scratchy..too hot. He rolled his arm, swung it back behind him loosely as he continued on. He hit something soft and fleshy that stumbled back and said 'Ooof!'
"Stop! You stop right minute! What of your friend, are you planning on leaving her here half naked? What sort of man are you?"
The door handle was cold in his palm. He leaned his forehead into the glass..his skin stuck to it. He sucked down breath after breath..but didn't feel like he was getting any air whatsoever.
Katt.. Could he just.. Wouldn't it be like..making the same mistake over again..?
His lips pulled back from his teeth. He sobbed out his answer: "Take care..of..her," and staggered out the door into the night's waiting shadows.
The hearth's flames looked distorted, but no matter how much he blinked he couldn't make them clearer. He had stared at them ever since he'd gotten up..used every ounce of energy he had slept to regain just to get himself into a seated position. He didn't want to look around..didn't want to focus on anything else.. He knew where he was..he knew that Katt was sleeping on the couch across from him..
But if he moved..if he so much as looked..he would be reminded of what happened, of who she was..to Mayu. Of what he said..did..almost lost..did lose..
As if the constant stream of images through his mind weren't enough..
He swallowed..his throat was raw. He had screamed..he knew..
"Mmph.." His chest was rising and falling rapidly..all on its own. He hadn't realized that he'd started crying again..until warm drops of moisture slid down his neck, dripped onto his stomach.
He'd done so much of this already..he was shocked that he had any tears left..that his heart and lungs could clench any tighter than they already were. No amount of massaging to those muscles could help now..
He wished, briefly, that they would just implode already..suck the rest of his body into that dark world of constriction and pressure so that he would be crushed into nothing..and he wouldn't have to come back to a world where he had practically destroyed the lives of his friends..
He sniffed, swallowed again.
It shouldn't..have affected him this much.. He had finally been able to pin down the errant, disgusting emotion that he hadn't lived a day without for the past week: jealousy.
He didn't want..to be jealous.. He didn't want to..want to hurt his friends.. He didn't want..
He hated it here.. It was always here..always this damned shop..where things went wrong. This couch, that stupid hallway that led to the restrooms..that goddamned kitchen..
When Mayu had launched herself at him..he had thought she was going to hurt him..and he didn't know why. Was it..because of what Katt said.. He had backed up into the counter..went down with her as she tackled him..
But instead.. "Kiss me, Toby."
He tried to tell her not to make him do it..but he knew, as much now as he did then, that he had lied through his teeth..
He had never tasted fire before..but he was sure that doing no less than that would burn him that much. Those few moments were scorched into his memory. Not only because they had been what had started it all.. But because he had the sinking feeling..that it would be the last time that it happened. He would..have to remember it.. The taste of the kiss had long since faded..but everything else..
He was kidding himself. Admitting the truth..putting words to the feelings that were fighting to burst out of his core..was as useless as a single match in a blackened out castle..
He was..wasting time here.. He'd already wasted..so much.. Mayu.. He'd left her.. All by herself..blind..lost..and he'd just..
"...mmph," he whimpered, pushing his fist into his chest as much as his body would allow. He couldn't feel it.. Was it because..it hurt that much..?
How could..he have been so stupid..
But..he had to make that choice..right?
What good was it.. What use.. He saved one friend..to lose another..? Mayu wouldn't even know..that Katt was alive..
"O-ow.." It wouldn't stop. He needed..to leave. He had to go back..find out what happened.. Mayu had said..that he would always be able to find her..right..?
"Hey, hey, hey now..calm down, or you'll gouge a hole through your chest. Here, Toby, give me your hand. Yes, give it to me.."
A warm, small and calloused hand pulled his away from his chest. His head tipped lazily to the side. The counter girl.. She was shaking out a white dish towel with blue stripes..used it to swab his face and neck free of sweat and tears.
"Now, I don't know any bit about what happened between you and that girl there.." He was hardly listening.. He saw the end of a broom handle sticking up over the arm of the couch. He could use that..
"...don't care what you do with women on your own time away from here, but that's just my point. You do it away from here. Just have a look at the state she's in, hardly practical for.."
He could smell mustard..and meat. It cut through the stench of blood that he'd forgotten had taken over his senses.
"...sandwich that I made for you that's heavy on the meat. The last time I needed to make you one of these, you had lost a significant amount of bl-! Hey, just where do you think you're going!"
He had reached over and taken hold of the broom handle, brought it close and leaned heavily into it..somehow making it to his feet. The empty vial swung and bumped into his chest. His groggy mind told him that the head of the broom would soon become annoying to work with.. He angled it and brought his foot down. The handle snapped free of the broom's bristles.
"Oh no you don't, mister, you're going to sit down this instant and rest yourself. What do you hope to accomplish in your condition?"
His only goal was the door..get to the door. He would figure out what to do..when he was outside.
He felt those same hands on him again.. They were scratchy..too hot. He rolled his arm, swung it back behind him loosely as he continued on. He hit something soft and fleshy that stumbled back and said 'Ooof!'
"Stop! You stop right minute! What of your friend, are you planning on leaving her here half naked? What sort of man are you?"
The door handle was cold in his palm. He leaned his forehead into the glass..his skin stuck to it. He sucked down breath after breath..but didn't feel like he was getting any air whatsoever.
Katt.. Could he just.. Wouldn't it be like..making the same mistake over again..?
His lips pulled back from his teeth. He sobbed out his answer: "Take care..of..her," and staggered out the door into the night's waiting shadows.