i stepped outta the bar and turned ta watch the door shut. the bar had been empty after Ray had left ta fill his contract and only the urchins had witnessed the body. still my heart was beating fast an i could feel the sweat on my forehead as i started ta hyperventilate again.

the windows were still open ta air out the bar before anyone came in ta smell burned blood an i was pretty sure the middle of the floor had no blood stains or burn marks. with vampires around you had ta burn blood cuz otherwise they would smell it anyway.

i kept my head down as i walked back home, my hair hiding my collar an hoped no one stopped me to chat. i had broken so many rules i had confused myself, and now i was scared, it woulda been different if i started it. at least then i coulda said i deserved it and i laughed at that, sounding like a crazy person, for all my pranks and jokes it was the one time i was behaving myself without being told that i would suffer the most from. i wiped my hands on my pants for the tenth time but the blood wouldn't come off, you couldn't clean a conscience with water. i was walking fast an people were watching me, i wasn't acting normal and people were starting to notice so i slowed down but i couldn't wait too long, Master would get done with business an then go to the bar to talk to friends.

then he would know everything and i would die.

he would be mad that i called people by their names, but hey, that was their problem, they were weak. he would be upset i handled money but Ray didn't know any better and he needed me ta get rid of the body. he was gonna be livid i had picked up a weapon, i had never broken that rule before ever. i would say i didn't know how to fight ta save my life but i guess that wasn't true anymore. he was gonna be royally pissed that i had struck a free person, i had done that lots of times and that was not fun to recover from.

no, what would finally get him was that i killed a free person. he would kill me for that sure as vampires loved lace.

i got outside of the compound and stopped, there stood the two gorean guards, they were for show, ta make an impression and ta me that worked. they would be able ta tell right off something was wrong with me. they would question me and i couldn't lie, they could tell if i lied and they would whip me for it and then find out the truth and kill me. i couldn't go home, it wasn't home for me anymore, there was only death for me there. i would never be able to tell my friends goodbye, Lyria would never learn the chair dance and Portia would haveta figure out how to braid the Thentis knot herself, i had ta get outta here. insteada stopping i kept going an the guards paid me no mind, i was in jeans and a shirt, not slave livery, i had my collar on but who knew what that meant? cides, i could always scare people away by name dropping.

i got a couple miles down the road when i realized i was leavin the only thing i possessed behind. Tara had given me a bag of makeup which i had hidden under the bar next ta my gum. i had no money, no clothes cept what i was wearing. that makeup could help me out, if only ta sell it or use it ta help me make money. i could manipulate a blacksmith ta get this collar offa me, that was easy, i needed money and for that i needed the only thing i possessed.

i jus needed to sneak back in the bar and get it without givin myself away.