It had been the same every day that week. Drink too much, fall asleep full of pain, and wounded pride and when she slipped from wakefulness to sleep he was waiting. Eyes so green that you?d swear they were photoshopped, dark hair a casual mess of curls that framed an angular face, something truly masculine and rough with a five o?clock shadow that appeared an hour after shaving. A smile that caused her heart to skip a beat whenever it was caused by something she had done.

She had fallen asleep on Rhett?s couch, the pain in her side was a source of nausea that she couldn?t seem to shake, or wouldn?t. There was no deviating from the pattern that brought him to her when she lost consciousness, she didn?t want to break whatever spell it was that gifted her with the moments.

The second her consciousness slipped away he was there, his muscular arms pulling her close so that he could press a kiss to her lips; warm and inviting, she didn?t mind the scratch of stubble because it was him. She laughed when their lips parted and tilted her face up to look at him. ?You have to stop doing that in public, Josh, someone will see us.? Not meaning a word of it.

?I told you, Summer, I don?t care if someone sees us. You?re going to have to say something soon, when you said that you?d marry me I meant sometime soon, not a decade from now. You haven?t even told your family yet, have you?? His hands were resting on the small of her back and he held her fast so that she couldn?t escape the conversation again. ?I love you Summer but you?re going to have to give me something.?

?I know, I know. I?m sorry.? The memory of it was still so fresh in her mind. The months previous to this one had been what she had seen over the past few nights. Memories of quiet walks, reckless motorcycles rides, a thousand small details of life that gets lost with time and distance; each moment replayed in these hours she was passed out. He had been so nervous when he asked for her hand in marriage, he had every right to be, she had never given any indication that she was the type that would marry... she had never thought she was until the question had come from him.

?When I?m done this job, I promise, I?ll take you home and throw you under the Daniels bus. Sound fair?? Following the question up with a kiss to the spot just below his ear, he was sensitive there and she knew it. There was a soft sound of pleasure that triggered a pain in her chest, a longing to pause the memory there. Maybe if she could pause it here then the rest of that day would never happen? The event that shattered her hopes and ability to let someone close was just around the corner from this memory. The rest had been a gift, but she had no desire to relive that particular memory in the high definition that she was experiencing now.

Grabbing hold of his hands she took a step back and tugged. ?Let?s go now. I mean, the job will still be there when I get back right?? That wasn?t how it was supposed to go, she knew it and yet she fought the press of history, pulled hard at the man she had loved with all her heart and soul. ?You?ll love them, they?ll love you.?

It was then that this memory of Josh stopped playing a part in a parade of memories and held her fast to the spot, his smile turning to one of apologetic sorrow. ?Summer...we both know that?s not what happens. You leave me here, get a half block away and then you realize something is wrong. There are men along the street that aren?t just tourists, aren?t shoppers, and aren?t just strangers. They?re here to hurt you. Hurt you by taking away the one thing that is easy to take.?

She struggled in his grasp, not wanting to hear the words, not wanting to be here anymore. ?Please. Please Josh. I can?t go through it again. Hell, I?m just now starting to believe I can ever ...feel something for another person. Even that isn?t something solid, I picked someone as unavailable as ...? She stopped, there was a lump forming in her throat that made it hard to breath, her vision of him was blurring as her eyes filled with tears.

?Summer, I?m not sure why I?ve gotten a chance to visit. I think I?ve made the best of it. The past few nights, spending them with you again.? His arms were looped around her again and he pressed her tight against his chest, she could hear the beating of his heart, her own was loud as thunder in her ears. ?But I know that this is the end of my time. You need to accept that what happened wasn?t your fault.?

Her eyes burned, her chest felt like someone had wrapped her ribs in iron bars three inches too small for their circumference and no air could get in. ?No. It was my fault. And now... oh God is that why I?m seeing you now? Am I going to get someone else killed?? The words ripped free from her and she felt as though she was going to faint. ?No. NO.? The thought of it caused her body to shudder with panic and something inside that had been mending threatened to shatter, she could feel the cracks start as pressure built along the edges.

One hand cupped her chin and forced her to look into his eyes, eyes that always saw the best in her even when she deserved nothing of the kind. ?Summer, it is men with ill intent that were the cause of my death, not you. I would not trade one second of my time with you. You need to let go of that guilt, it isn?t yours to hold. I love you. I have and always will love you.?

?Josh.? The name a prayer on her lips. ?Please don?t make me go through that again.? She could sense the men moving in, knew that in her memory that she was supposed to be half way down the street already but they didn?t seem to care that in this replay she was still in his arms.

?Love, you will be ok.? He leaned in and brushed his lips across her lips and then pressed a kiss to cheek and forehead. ?You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for being, and when you?re ready you?ll find someone that can match you in all the ways you need.?

She clutched at him, drew in the scent of him, his touch and the feel of his cheek as it rested against her own. Then the first bullet struck, it passed through her as though she was a ghost and hit the center of his chest; two more followed in quick succession and he started falling to his knees. They both fell to the ground under the weight of his body, she landed on top of him, still holding tight. ?No, please Josh, don?t die, not again. Please.?

There was blood spilling from his lips as he spoke, a hoarse pained whisper. ?Even this... I would do a thousand times if it meant I got the days we?ve spent together this week again. Goodbye love.?

She jolted awake and cried out as pain raced through her side. It was dark, she was in an unfamiliar place and the image of Josh?s face was burned into her minds eye. Her body curled into a ball as it tried to absorb the pain and draw breath in through lungs that did not want to cooperate. She buried her face into a pillow to muffle the sobs that followed, far too bitter an ending to the sweet nights that had lead up to this... so much like that first time nearly three years ago.

The memory was like an old wound that hurts every time it rained... and there, in the dark, it was pouring.

(Part of this playable: http://rdi.dragonsmark.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t= 25150)

Last night had been full of bad ideas. First, leaving the sanctuary of her computer room thinking that she could fool Colt into thinking that meant she was OK? Maybe. Two, going to the SEB and forgetting that she had asked Cooper to meet her there for the theme night. Three, staying when Colt left. Four, the six shots she did in under five minutes. Five, walking out of the SEB and into the world at large with five shots and no food in her system. All in all, not one of her better nights for making good decisions.

Getting home by magic, really by Jacks scooping her up from the corner she'd collapsed into in one of the arcades in the spaceport, hadn't brightened her mood and she was back in the computer room, and in the Void making more poor decisions.

Jacks was on duty and he was out on the deck, when Colt approached he allowed him to enter without fuss. Colt exchanged pleasantries with Jacks but he kept it brief, not straying from the path of the weather and Summer's location. He didn't trust that Summer wasn't watching. With as tech-savvy as Summer was he wouldn't put it past her to have the entire place monitored by video surveillance. In fact, the more he learned about her business, the more he hoped that she did.

He wandered in the direction that Jacks sent him, calling her name. "Summer."

She did, more than just monitor the outside of her home, she had it rigged so that if she was in the Void and her facial recognition found a match for someone around or in her home it would flag and send her a message to warn her that she should prepare herself. It wasn't good timing, but she didn't doubt that Colt might follow through on his threat to take a bat to her computers, if he could get past the security door, which he might given time and an excuse.

It took her another few minutes to get out of the Void and disconnect completely from her rig. Getting up she felt a wave of dizziness nearly claim her and she took a few deep breaths to steady herself, buying some time by calling out. "Be there in a minute Colt. Grab a beer or something."

He wasn't in the mood for beer. He hesitated over the offer. But Ten had said no sleeping pills tonight. He needed something to take the edge off, something that would help keep him from fearing sleep tonight. With an exhale, he headed into the kitchen to fetch a bottle of Silvermark.

Collecting herself she grabbed a fresh shirt off a chair and switched out her old one, she looked pretty haggard as a result of lack of sleep, too much alcohol and no food. Combing her fingers through her hair to make it seem like she tried to look presentable at least. Then moving out of the computer room, shutting the door tightly behind her and engaging the lock. She was down the stairs in another minute and heading for the kitchen. "Don't have much in the way of food but you're welcome to anything in there." Said as she appeared nearby, a ghost of a smile on her lips. "You feeling any better today?"

His appetite was still MIA. A shoulder was lifted in a shrug at the offer and the question as he took a lean against the counter. "One foot in front of the other, y'know? How about you?"

"About the same. Look, sorry about last night. Been having trouble sleeping, I usually sleep on my left side, so now I wake myself up a dozen times a night rolling on to the bruises." All of it was true and sincere and a smoke screen to keep him from what was the underlying issue. She moved to grab herself a bottle of water and lean against the space by the refrigerator.

There was a pause in the flow of conversation as Colt lifted the bottle in hand for a draw. He was nowhere near as smart as Summer. He knew it, she knew it. He'd have to be on his game to avoid getting hoodwinked by her and right now he felt very off his game. Therefore, he chose to take his time in moving forward with the conversation. "What are you sorry for, Summer?"

"Shouldn't have said nothing was wrong. I hate looking weak and I guess I don't like admitting that I'm still in some physical discomfort." All true, that way she could look him in the eye.

"The physical discomfort isn't the worst part." The bottle was set down firmly on the counter behind him and his arms crossed over his chest. "Do you know that I couldn't sleep without the lights on after I was stuck under the SPI building for... well, it was close to a month? And I took out so much of my anger and frustration over it on Ten that she and I almost didn't make it through it? I was banged up and freezing... and I nearly died. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was having to try to get back to my life afterward."

There was a long silence after he spoke. So much was broken inside that she didn't know where to start putting herself together anymore. Worse... so much worse was that something she thought had mended was brutally shattered and that had kicked the supports out that she'd been using to power through the whole, trussed up like a pig and beaten like a punching bag at the gym. A hand rose and combed back her hair. "Colt, I'm not good at..." Looking weak, wasn't good at letting people in, wasn't good at secrets and yet she'd kept some so long that she wasn't sure she could share them. "If I was going to talk about ..things, it'd be to you. I just don't know how." Her eyes held that haunted aspect to them again, too tired to keep up a facade for long but still unable to explain.

"You look around and realize that your life is going down the toilet and unless you open up and talk to someone you're just going to keep slipping away. Then you just start with whatever is on your mind. Even if it doesn't make sense." The conversation made him uneasy still but he continued to push forward. One foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other. "Everybody has their moment. Mine was when the only girl I've ever been in love with turned around to go pack her things up 'cause I'd made it clear I didn't want her in my house anymore. I realized that I was throwin' away everything. I don't know if you've had yours yet."

There was another long pause. "Not sure I have much left. Think that's why I'm taking the whole thing with m'work so hard. It was the one thing I knew I was good at and yet someone got ahold of my identity, they shouldn't've been able to do that." There was anger in those words, mostly at her own failing. "You add that to... to... I... I've been having...I don't know, not visions, I'm not going crazy, but something involving someone that I probably should have told someone about a long time ago. I think that I believed so long as I didn't say anything then none of it happened?" Her chin tilted up and her words gradually got softer as the sentence moved on. "Like if I didn't say it out loud then he'd still be here." Her mind was disjointed, her thoughts were as well so the fact she wasn't giving him enough facts to put together what the hell she was talking about didn't really register.

His lack of sleep left his brows furrowing as he listened. The exhaustion was like a veil that he couldn't quite see past in order to connect the dots. "Tell me about him." It seemed like the safest way to move forward. At least she was talking. That was a good sign.

The silence that followed that lingered long enough that he might have come to the conclusion she wasn't going to say anything. Finally she started, slow and with a slight quiver to her voice that was highly unusual. "He had the greenest eyes..." Pause. "I mean, that wasn't the thing I liked most about him, that I loved most, but they're always the first thing I remember when I think of him. We were engaged." She fell silent, her eyes crinkled as she fought to keep them from filling with tears, she was mostly successful, years of practice paying off.

Surprise sparked across his features. Engaged? Questions rushed out of him before he had a chance to edit and control them. "What? When?" As soon as they were uttered and her expression tightened in her battle against his emotions, he took a step forward, stretching his arms out to her. "C'mere," he whispered.