Topic: December 26th - 27th: First Day of My Life

Ben Sullivan

Date: 2012-12-27 21:00 EST
Wednesday, December 26th, 2012 -- pre-dawn

It's late -- really, really late, a few hours after midnight-late -- when Jackie's phone gets a few texts from Ben, one right after the other.

Are you still awake?

I miss you.

Can I come over?

Even if she doesn't respond -- even if she's sleeping or she has her phone off and doesn't see them at all -- it's just a couple of minutes later that the door to Jackie's bedroom opens slowly, silently, and Ben slips in through the door before closing it carefully behind him.

He always has a certain kind of physicality about him, and now that he and Jackie are exploring that to the fullest, it often brings out a little bit of beast in him, possessive -- even when it's more playful, that aspect is never gone completely. The strength in his hands when he holds her hips. How he has a tendency to use his teeth, even if it rarely crosses over into the realm of real biting. But every time, too, he's so focused on her, like he's possessive of her partly because he wants to do everything he can to her to make her feel good.

That isn't any different tonight, even if they are in her parents' house, in the bed she slept in as a child. He adores her just the same.

After, though, that possessive energy doesn't lessen like it usually does. Clingy isn't the right word, nor is desperate, but after a moment of afterglow, curled up together with his arm around her shoulders, hand in her hair, her head on his chest while he catches his breath and his heartbeat calms again-- after that moment, he shifts, turning onto his side and wordlessly pulling her into a tight embrace, face buried in her hair, against the top of her head. After another quiet moment, he breaks the silence, though the rumble of his voice is barely above a whisper. "I'm really happy that I got to come here with you, Jackie."

Jackie had assumed she would have a guest tonight and refrained from allowing sleep to overtake her. She stayed curled in bed, gazing around her childhood room with different eyes now, considering she had given Ben the grand tour the first night here. He said it was cute, asking her questions about every picture or knickknack. He was genuinely interested and it made her look at the items with a new found appreciation.

Her phone was being eased through restless hands when the screen went bright, lighting up the darkness of her room as the text messages came in one after the other. She didn't respond. She knew she didn't need to. Instead she waited, watching the door expectantly for his arrival. She was rather pleased when he didn't disappoint.

That beast in him is so often countered with a much softer side of Jackie so specifically reserved for him. Just as playful at times, a little teasing, but always littered with that heavy amount of infatuation for him she's unable to reign in. Delicate and sweet, words so rarely used to describe her but Ben knows all too well that nature is alive and well inside her. For all his possessiveness, she's more than content to be captured.

After the high of it all, the heaviness that had been gathered in her chest throughout majority of the night made its return. Could he sense it? Is that why he gathered her in so closely? She follows the pull rather easily and makes short work of tucking herself against him, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt with her own determined possessiveness. Her face found the crook of his neck, a slow exhale of warm breath against his throat when she replied in a similar hushed volume. "I'm happy, too, Ben. I can't thank y' enough. It's somethin' I was lookin' forward to, hopin' an' prayin' for, and it turned out so much better than I ever could have wanted."

Ben can't tell if that's an emotion of hers he's picking up on, or if that's his own heaviness that settles in his chest. He closes his eyes when her fingers curl into his shirt, and after that warm exhale against his throat, he sighs a little too, mostly contented, and slowly, idly, the fingers of one hand start to comb through her hair. "You don't need to thank me at all, Jackie. It was so good to be here with you and your family. I mean that." Pressing a kiss to her hair before turning his head to rest his cheek against the crown of her head instead. "There was just..." His voice falters, something that rarely, if ever, happens; he sighs again, quietly, and shifts his hold on her as though he's trying to hold her even more closely before trying again. "There was just one thing missing."

Was he comforting her or himself? It was always a question that passed through her mind when his fingers combed through her hair like that. Right now she figured it was for both of them, maybe he needed it just as badly as she did. Her head was lifted, the tip of her nose brushing a line along his neck while she lifted her gaze to peer up at him. She knew she was disturbing the way his head nestled into her hair, but she couldn't continue speaking against his throat during this conversation. Even if she did tuck herself further against him. "I know." The admission was soft. "My family was here, but..." A lick of her lips. This had been running through her head for days now, but it was no easier to get the words out. "Yer family wasn't."

For just a second, it seems like he's going to resist her moving, like he's going to keep her face hidden against his throat with a press of his palm to the back of her head -- but only for a second. It isn't like he'll be able to hide the emotion anyway, whether she's looking him in the face or not. It takes him another second to meet her eyes. There's a sadness in his, but it's tinged with guilt too. "Yeah." Biting down on his lower lip briefly, glancing away before making eye contact again; most of the sadness is gone, replaced by a quiet intensity, though the guilt remains. "I'm leaving in the morning --early. In a few hours." He doesn't say where -- he's pretty sure he doesn't have to. Freeing his hand from her hair, he reaches down to unhook her fingers from his shirt, lift her hand to his mouth, kiss the backs of her fingers before pressing them to his own cheek. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I didn't want... I didn't want to ruin any of this for you. Didn't want it to be on your mind. I wanted you to enjoy these few days."

Maybe it would have been easier for both of them if she stayed nestled against his neck, but she wants to be able to look at him. Even if his features are laced with a guilt and sadness she's positive is reflected in her own, neither of them are in the habit of hiding from one another. No matter how difficult. "I figured." A direct yet soft admission. Her gaze is following the movement of his hand, then her own to his lips. Fingers curl to gently press fingertips just behind the curve of his jaw when he lays her hand to rest. "Y'didn't have to tell me, sweetheart. I was a lil' selfish, I wanted this, an' I think you really wanted it too. Nothin' could have ruined it even if I shouldn't have turned such a blind eye." Her thumb dragged along the curve of his lip. "I toldja long ago that a boy needs his Daddy an' nothin' can ever change that. Yer here now, y'made it. An' I'm thankful y'made a detour fer me, but y'know where y'gotta be now an' I do, too." She forced out a faint smile, an attempt to be encouraging even if a barely there tremble in her lips could be made out.

He keeps his hand over hers, keeping it pressed to his cheek, even though it doesn't seem like she intends to pull it away. His eyes close again, briefly, when her thumb drags across his mouth; when he opens them, that guilt is gone. Still a little sad, maybe, but now there's relief too -- and maybe unexpectedly, that adoration for her. "I did really want this, sweetheart. It wasn't just a detour. I really wanted this too." Turning his head just enough to sneak a kiss to the inside of her wrist, though his eyes don't leave hers. "Thank you, Jackie. I wouldn't be able to do this right now if it wasn't for you. You know that, don't you?" Lifting his hand from hers then, but just to mirror the gesture, pressing his palm to her cheek. His voice grows a little raw when he continues, hoarse with the effort of keeping the emotion in check as best as he can. The way her lips tremble makes that even harder. "I will keep in touch with you. I promise. I don't know how it's going to work yet, what I'm going to have to do to be in his life the way I need to be, but I'm going to come back for you, as soon as I can. I promise that too."

She might have shifted her position before, but she was in no hurry to move any longer. Jackie was rather intent on staying like this for as long as they could manage. The weak smile she's wearing is pushed a little further when he says he wanted it too, her grasp tightening carefully against him. "Y'don't gotta thank me, Ben. This was all yer own determination. I knew y'could do it is all." When his hand lands on her cheek her head is turning, lips meeting his palm to press a lingering kiss while eyes fall shut. It was only when he spoke again that eyelids lifted, her gaze searching out his once more. A comforting stroke of her hand to his cheek, attempting to get him through what he needed to say. "You do what you have to. We'll keep in touch like y'say. I'll be waitin' for y'. I know you'll come back to me. But distance ain't gonna stop us none." Her fingers continued to brush down the side of his face, along the edge of his jaw. "I adore y', sweetheart. Everythin' about you. All ways, always. Y' just remember that when you're gone." Jackie was back to putting on her brave face, trying to make it that much easier for him no matter how cracked the facade was.

That gets a smile out of him, a small one, when she tells him this was all from his own determination -- that he didn't have to thank her. How many times has she told him that before about how many things? But he still means it every time -- especially this time. He bites his lip again when she kisses his palm. That gesture always stirs up such tender emotion in him, every time. But it helps to center him, too, and so does the stroke of her fingers against his cheek, along his jaw -- and so does her statement that she'll wait for him. That she knows he'll come back to her. That she adores him. "Jackie..." It's a half there quirk of a smile at his mouth, soft, and only a little sad. "I won't forget. How could I forget?" Closing the small distance between them to kiss her, and then his forehead is pressed to hers, both arms around her again. "And I adore you. Everything, all ways-always. You don't forget that either, sweetheart. You got me, even when I can't be with you right then." One more kiss aimed to her mouth, though when he breaks it, he barely pulls back at all. "I want to stay here with you until I leave in the morning."

Eyes dip shut once more when he kisses her, linger closed when he stays so close. "I won't forget. I can't." The last two words crack even with how softly she's speaking, a shuddering exhale against his lips before his are on hers again. There's not much more she can say. She's not even sure she could manage to get the words out if she wanted to with how raw her throat felt with emotion. Her final instructions would be nearly choked out, interrupted by scattered breaths giving away that she was so close to dissolving into a mess. She didn't want that to be the last thing he saw of her. A heavy swallow reined it in before she spoke. "The keys t' my truck are in the drawer of the nightstand beside y'. Y' take that an' park it at the airport. I'll have Chey drive me t' pick it up tomorrow." Fingers continued to stroke his cheek. "Stay with me. An' if I fall asleep, please don't leave without tellin' me goodbye."

He knows he has to do this. He knows he's doing the right thing. He knows that she knows it, too. But even still, it breaks his heart to see her like this, to hear her voice break in those last two words, to feel the shakiness in her breathing. But what can he do? During that pause where she's trying to get herself under control, he sinks one hand into the golden waves of her hair, tries not to wonder when he'll be able to do that again after leaving in a few hours.

But he lets her calm herself as well as she can, lets her tell him to take her truck -- lets her stroke his cheek, tell him to stay. He only pulls her in closer, hand at the back of her head to guide it to his chest, after she quiets. His heart hammers behind his ribs, something he can't control, but he forces his breathing slow and even when he hides his face in her hair again. "I'll wake you when I go. I promised you that I'd never leave without telling you goodbye." It's a hard word to say, goodbye. That quiet night in the hammock that felt so long ago now. "Adore you, sunshine. I adore you." Lips press to her forehead in a lingering kiss. "You can sleep a little," even though he knew she probably wouldn't. He didn't think he was going to either. "I'll still be here when you wake up."

There's nothing left to see. It's easier to be gathered against him because she's on the losing end of holding it together. The pace of her heart matches his, a dull ache with every thump even if the rest of her is quiet and still. "A man of yer word." When he spoke of his promise. Unfortunately, she had lulled herself into a sense of false comfort thinking that no longer applied to them. That there would be no long goodbyes. He spoke of sleep just as she had, but it wouldn't come easily. The only way she would succumb is if it took her as she thought it might. Instead she returned to brushing her fingers against his neck, taking in his warmth and committing this to memory as well as she could. No amount of mental preparation was able to soften the blow of this, not that she figured it would. But she held tightly to one thought, the reason for all of this and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was right. The hope that Ben would be reunited with Adam.

Ben Sullivan

Date: 2012-12-27 21:04 EST
Wednesday, December 26th, 2012 -- late morning (PST)

Ben?s flight from Atlanta to Vancouver was four hours and thirty-seven minutes.

He doesn?t get nervous about flying. He never really has. Still, he?s tempted to order alcohol when the drink service comes down the aisle (though he doesn?t), and it?s because of nerves, sure, but he knows that?s because he?s nervous for another reason.

Nervous isn?t even the right word for it, not really -- there?s anxiety in the mix of course, but that isn?t even close to encompassing all of the emotion he feels. Excitement. Relief. A strange sort of dread. Sorrow, that it?s taken as long as it has. Wariness, because it can?t be this easy, can it?

He doesn?t call ahead when he gets off the plane, goes through customs, catches a cab in the gentle Vancouver rain that always seems to be falling this time of year. He doesn?t want to alert her that he?s here, he doesn?t want to give her the chance -- to do what, Ben?s not sure. But he is sure that he doesn?t trust Ella anymore. Not anymore. Not for a while now, not since--

But that isn?t important.

Boxing Day traffic is maddeningly congested, and every minute spent in the cab feels like an hour.

When the cab pulls up in front of the house he used to share with Ella and Adam, the house that he?d made into a home, a happy one, for years, Ben?s a contradiction inside: a sense of relief, set against a backdrop of fear. Overwhelmingly overjoyed, juxtaposed with incredible sadness.

It's still raining, but it doesn't even register with Ben. He still hesitates when he gets out of the cab. When he pauses again at the front door, he can only think of one other time he?s felt this way -- almost exactly the same, and for almost the exact same reason. Just one other time.

He rings the doorbell, knocks on the door, and there?s no answer. He calls for Ella, then for Adam, knocks again, rings again -- steps off of the front stoop and peers in through one of the front windows, the curtains not all the way closed. It?s silent inside. It?s still. The fear redoubles; the low-level headache he?s had all day throbs suddenly, right between his eyes; his heartbeat sounds in his ears once, twice.

Something doesn?t feel right, and when he?s at the front door again, he?s pounding on it with his fist, hollering for his ex-wife again. And when she still doesn?t answer, he just kicks it open.

He?s still calling Ella?s name as he makes his way through the house. He?s cautious in it, looking into the living room for her even though he doesn?t hear a response. He moves down the hallway that leads to the bedrooms, but he?s halted when he notices that the door to the bathroom is shut. It isn?t locked, though, and when he pushes it open, the scene inside is something he?s had nightmares about for years.

Ella?s wrist feels like all skin and bone, but her pulse is still there under his fingers when he searches for it after carefully pulling the syringe from her vein, loosens the strap around her arm -- it?s weak and thready, but it?s still there. He relays that to the operator when he calls for an ambulance -- and that it?s heroin, and she?s had a problem for years, and she needs inpatient -- yes, she?s breathing, barely, no, she?s not talking, not awake. He rattles off the address, and the phone slips from his fingers immediately after he ends the call. ?Ella,? voice soft when he gathers her up gently into his arms -- she?s lost weight; she?s much too thin now, and it causes a sharp pang of something inside that he fights off and ignores, ?Ella, please.?

Her eyes crack open; it takes obvious effort. After a few seconds she?s focusing on Ben, and then, delayed, her features twist and she dissolves into tears, exhausted, like an overtired toddler that wants nothing more than to go back to sleep. ?No,? she whines out, ?No, no,? and her hand comes up, falls against Ben?s chest feebly; she?d meant to push him away, but her hand just stays there, fingers hooking into his jacket.

?Shh, Ella,? his voice is quiet still, and he puts his hand over hers. ?It?s okay. I already called; they?ll be here any min--?

?No,? and it?s not so petulant now, almost keening. ?I don?t want to-- I just want--? Overcome, she just sobs.

?I know, I know it?s hard.? Ben lifts her hand to his mouth, kisses the backs of her fingers, where she used to wear his ring. His voice shakes, and he doesn?t want it to, because it betrays him, the way he still cares for her, so much, in spite of so many things that have happened -- that she?s done to him -- that should have killed his feelings for her long ago. ?But you?ll get treatment, and you?ll get better. You did it once for me. Do it again, babe -- for you, this time. And if you can?t for you, then for Adam.?

The crying turns to a wail, and Ben?s brows knit, because he?s not sure why that should upset her so much worse, and then she chokes out, heartbroken, ?He?s gone, Ben.?

He hears the thud of his heart in his ears, once; the headache is screaming now, centered right between his eyes; it feels like there are fingers of ice squeezing his heart. ?What do you mean gone, babe? He can?t be gone, he--?

?He?s gone. I can?t find-- Where did you take him this time?? Her voice is breathy, slurred, but what little energy she has is poured into the stinging accusation. ?It?s your fault again, isn?t it? It?s always your fault--?

Always your fault -- it echoes, gets fuzzy under the pounding of his heart in his ears -- how could she say that? Why doesn?t she stop? How can he be gone again -- it can?t really be his fault again, can it? It?s not true, but the words, the lies, make him feel so helpless--

There?s black at the edges of his vision, Ella?s voice becomes unintelligible and muffled; the darkness closes in, nothing but the sound of his heartbeat in his ears for a few seconds -- and then he goes away.

Ben Sullivan

Date: 2012-12-27 21:05 EST
Ella has seen it too many times to count, the second's long absence in Ben, the way he seems to reboot as a different person.

??Always your fault,? Ella?? The tone of his voice is thinner, but it?s sharper, too, and it matches the expression on his face, subtly mocking in its oversincerity. ?That, coming from the woman with a needle in her arm??

She hates it. Every single time. Every single one of them. This time is no different.

?Ivan, I don?t-- I don?t want to--? Ella is shoving at his chest, still crying fitfully. He lets her go, and whimpering, she crawls backward until her back is pressed up against the doors under the sink.

?You don?t want to admit that, do you? You won?t want to hear it -- that you?re a terrible mother. But how could you be a good one, with poison in your veins every night? How can you be a good one, filling him with poison every chance you get??

?Ivan, I don?t-- I don?t--? She?s pleading, hiding her face in her hands. She hates him most of all.

?And when they find him, who are you going to blame then? Your husband? Or yourself? The needle.?

?Stop it!? Shrieking at him then. ?It doesn?t matter--? She can?t catch her breath. ?He?s gone, and this isn?t helping find him! Go find him! He left, and Ben left, and now what am I supposed to do?? Pleading with Ivan never works, but when Ella lifts her face from her hands, it isn?t Ivan she?s looking at anymore anyway. That stupid grin, the inability to take anything seriously.

He grabs her by the arms, under her elbows and pulls her up to her feet. Ella isn't steady, but neither is the man holding onto her. "Hey, heyhey -- he'll be back. C'mon, you got this great high goin', and you're gonna ruin it cryin'? You got any more, or--"

Ella doesn't hesitate when she slaps him; he doesn't react other than to let go of her, take a step back, stunned. "You stupid sonofabitch! You ruined everything -- all of you!" Ella pulls her hand back as if to hit him again--

He grabs her wrist, and there's danger in his eyes. "Don't push me, Ella." His voice is low, just a growl; all Ella can do is cry quietly, locking eyes with him. They're not the blue eyes she's used to, but they aren't ones she doesn't recognize, either. "And don't you dare come after him until you're clean." He lets go of her and Ella sinks to the floor; she can hear sirens, distantly.

"Sam, please-- I just-- Ben--" She can barely get the words out between heaving sobs, and she may as well have said nothing, because the form of her ex-husband doesn't turn around, doesn't stop, doesn't even look back over his shoulder before leaving her there to wait for the paramedics alone.

Jackie Sullivan

Date: 2012-12-27 21:30 EST
Text to Detective Ben: glad ur flight was good. so happy u made it home.
Text to Detective Ben: everything will be ok. thinkin bout u lots right now.
Text to Detective Ben: chey helped me get my truck from the airport.
Text to Detective Ben: headin out late, but on my way to rhydin now.

Text to Detective Ben: ur still in vancouver, right? i got a weird call.
Text to Detective Ben: don't know what's goin on. need to talk to u now.

Text to Detective Ben: ben, i need to talk to talk to u. where are u?
Text to Detective Ben: not somethin i want to text. why aren't u answerin?
Text to Detective Ben: u need to call me, ben. this is an emergency!

Ben Sullivan

Date: 2012-12-27 21:34 EST
Wednesday, December 26th, 2012 -- evening

Ben has no idea how long he?s been gone for when he wakes up -- on the couch, in his apartment, with a screaming headache so terrible it makes him nauseated. The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach only intensifies when he remembers -- Adam is gone. Ella -- he doesn?t even know what?s happened to her. He?s back in Rhydin. They?re all back in Rhydin. He doesn?t want to be in Rhydin -- doesn?t want to be here, to be anywhere -- and then he isn?t.

Jackie Sullivan

Date: 2012-12-27 22:12 EST
Text to Detective Ben: i've lost count of how many times i've texted u.
Text to Detective Ben: i'm not goin to stop until u tell me ur ok.
Text to Detective Ben: honestly, whatever ur doin, stop an call me.
Text to Detective Ben: if somethin bad happened i think it's ok now.
Text to Detective Ben: don't make me text it. just call me, ben. please?

Voicemail to Detective Ben: "Ben, c'mon, I don't know what you got goin' on but you need to call me. If you're worried about what I think you are, if that's why you're not answerin'... call me! It's goin' to be okay, I swear it to you. I jus' need to talk to you an' it'll be okay. You won't believe where I am right now. Or who... Jesus, Ben, you just have to-" *BEEP*

Text to Detective Ben: i'm not in rhydin. i'm still in the states. portland, actually.
Text to Detective Ben: i couldn't get a flight until the a*scrack of dawn tomorrow.
Text to Detective Ben: but everythin is ok. really okay, i promise.
Text to Detective Ben: i wish you would pick up so i could explain.
Text to Detective Ben: sorta freakin out. could really use u right now.

Text to Detective Ben: i don't know what time it is where u are.
Text to Detective Ben: i can barely figure out comin an goin here.
Text to Detective Ben: please just call me. we're ok, but call.

Text to Detective Ben: in georgia. headin to rhydin. my place.
Text to Detective Ben: u better be ok right now, ben. so help me.
Text to Detective Ben: i'm not gonna stop blowin up ur phone.
Text to Detective Ben: u can end this.

Ben Sullivan

Date: 2012-12-27 22:52 EST
Thursday, December 27, 2012 -- morning

The next time Ben wakes up, he can tell he's not sober. He still has no idea what time it is or even what day it is, but his phone is buzzing incessantly in his coat pocket on the floor of his bedroom, and the room spins even more violently when he leans down out of bed to pull his coat closer and retrieve his cell. The number of missed calls is too many to think about checking, and the number of texts even more overwhelming, but the current incoming call is from Jackie, and that?s something he can focus on -- answering the call, and willing his voice not to break when, after Jackie frantically asks him, "Where are you, are you okay? Ben? Ben?," he tells her, after a long silence, ?It?s me.?

"It's you." She's repeating back slowly. "Would it not be you? Ben, did somethin' happen? First of all, where are you? I've been tryin' to get in touch with you since yesterday afternoon."

So he's been gone at least overnight. There's another long silence before he says anything else -- he doesn't know where to start. Doesn't know what he can handle telling her. But eventually, quietly, a little slowly, "I'm home. --my apartment. In Rhydin. I--" Cutting off suddenly, trying to compose himself. "A lot happened."

There's an odd choked sound on the other end of the line, something of surprise. "Yer in RhyDin, right now? This very moment? At yer apartment? How in the hell... No, I don't even wanna hear it right now. Just... sit there. Please, Ben! For all that is good an' right don't move an inch from where yer at. I'm gettin' in the truck now an' I will be over in ten minutes. Maybe less. Jus'... it'll be okay. I promise. Jus' don't move. Alright, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, this very moment." Repeating the things she's saying is easier than coming up with something new to say. "I'll sit here. I won't move. Alright." Which isn't completely true, because he gets up to unlock the door so it's open when she comes by, and once she hangs up, he's brushing his teeth and washing his face before crawling back into bed. If he wasn't so numb, maybe he'd be angry with her for saying something like that, that it'll be okay, but right now, all he can do is try to pull himself together. Try to get to that place he'd been in a couple of years ago -- Adam is gone, Ella is relapsing, he's got no control over his own life. He'd survived it before. He could survive it again. Couldn't he?

Ben Sullivan

Date: 2013-01-01 03:00 EST
Jackie had been true to her word. It was cutting into nine minutes after she hung up the phone with Ben that she was pulling into the parking lot of his apartment building. A new personal record, for sure. All things considered she probably should have been a little calmer when it came to getting there, but every single bit of her was screaming that she needed to see Ben and it was impossible to not heed the call.

There's a brief, sharp knock at his door but it's followed so quickly by it swinging open that it's clear she realized a moment too late it was unlocked. An odd hushed whisper lingered in the living room before quiet bootsteps are carrying Jackie to the doorframe of Ben's bedroom. "Ben?" Her voice is pitched so low, like the walls had ears. "Are you alright?" She's moving further into the bedroom, sinking ino a seat on the edge of the bed beside him and tugging at the blankets he's wrapped himself in. "Ben, y'gotta get up. Can y'do that?"

His eyes are open, but he isn't looking at her -- not when she appears in the doorway of his bedroom, not when she speaks to him, not when she sits down on the edge of the bed, pulls at the blankets. He is shaking his head though, barely. "He's gone, Jackie. He's gone, and I-- I didn't even get a chance to look for him, because I-- I woke up--" His breath catches oddly in his throat, and even though it's brief when he squeezes his eyes shut, it's obviously pained, and he still isn't looking at her when he opens them, and he's even quieter when he goes on. "Everything is f*cked up. No, I'm not getting up."

"Adam." She's nodding along with what Ben's saying and strangely Jackie isn't looking at all surprised by any of it. "Ben, I know. I mean, I don't know how y'ended up here. Y'woke up-" A slow blink. "Oh, good Lord. You found out he was gone an' blacked out. That's why I ain't heard nothin' from y' since yesterday." Her gaze is dropping, her head shaking before the words began spilling out seemingly unable to be stopped. "I didn't want to text y' on it. It didn't seem right. Maybe I should have, but now I don't even know if y'would have gotten it. I barely knew what I was doin' the entire time. I jus'... I couldn't get in touch with you to ask you what to do so, I did what I thought was right, Ben. It's all I coulda done, okay?"

She isn't surprised. She doesn't even seem worried. Ben's not sober, but he's there enough to know that that bothers him. His brows knit, and he's narrowing his eyes on her. "What do you mean, you know? How could you know? What's all you could've done? What are you talking about?"

She's wincing at his expression. Mostly because he looks so upset with her, but also because it's now dawning on her that he's not simply groggy because he's tired or upset. He's been drinking. Well, someone has been drinking. She's shoving to her feet and pulling the blankets the rest of the way off him. "Can y'just get up, Ben? Pull yerself together a lil', alright? I swear... I swear in about two seconds yer gonna be okay. It's all gonna be alright. Jus'... Stop lookin' so angry." There's an extra pull to his shirt, urging him along before she's moving towards the bedroom door. The lightswitch beside it is flipped on to brighten the room before Jackie is moving back out to the living room. Her voice is low, gentle and muffled by distance. The kick is when there's a similar low voice that seems to be replying.

He's too delayed to stop her from pulling the blankets off of him the rest of the way, but that, and what she's saying, obviously annoy him. "'Pull myself together a little?' Did you really just say that?" She's already on her way out of the room by the time he makes it up to his feet, only swaying a touch once he's standing. "How is it going to be alright? Maybe you didn't get what I meant when I said--" And that's when he realizes that there's somebody else in the apartment, somebody she's talking to. "Jackie? Who..?" All the anger is gone from his voice, and he can't get any more words out besides -- can't even move -- and he's trying not to get his hopes up. He must be misunderstanding -- what she's said, the situation. This can't be happening, can it?

Even though she only went into the other room, Jackie is giving Ben more than enough time to get himself together like she asked without dragging it out. It's too hard to explain right now considering Ben doesn't really want to take in anything she has to say. It's not like she can blame him or anything. But after that short while Jackie is slowly moving back to Ben's bedroom. Once she reaches the door she comes to a stop, looks him over to make sure he's not a complete wreck because of the alcohol. He looks more astonished than angry now and she's hoping it's because everything is finally clicking into place. In case it's not, she's stepping aside. Standing behind her is a boy she had only met once before all of this in Vancouver. Around twelve, with the same bright blue eyes as Ben. Jackie's reaching aside, putting a hand on Adam's shoulder to ease him a little further into the room. "I toldja I would get y' to yer Daddy." Her tone is that of someone who kept their promise, just a little pleased and it showed in her faint smile when she looked from the boy to Ben.

Astonished is a perfect word for it, and even though Ben knows who's behind Jackie, when she steps aside, he's still dumbfounded for a few seconds. His mouth is open but he can't make a sound.

Adam, for his part, doesn't seem to be put off by his father's reaction. He just smiles, a little shyly, and though he takes a step or two forward when encouraged by Jackie, he stops there. "Hi, Dad."

Maybe it's hearing his son's voice that does it, but he unfreezes then. "Hi, son." There's a tremor in his voice, almost undetectable, but if Adam picks up on it, it doesn't stop him from launching himself at his father when Ben opens up his arms to invite a hug. Ben's ready for that, even laughing a little when he catches Adam, but once he's pulled his son into a lingering embrace, he ducks his head, cheek pressed against Adam's light brown hair for a moment. He doesn't lift his head until he swipes under his eyes quickly with one hand, though his eyes are still a little overbright when he looks over his son (because Adam doesn't seem to want to let go, and Ben has no problem with that) and makes eye contact with Jackie. There might be a little bit of apology in his eyes, but by and large, it's simple, heartfelt gratitude.

Once Adam is on the move Jackie is folding her arms over her chest loosely. Her smile widens considerably when she hears Ben's laugh, relief flooding her features, but for now she's content to stand by the doorway quietly to allow the pair to have their reunion without disturbance. When Ben turns his attention on her she notes the apology even if she's not worried about it. In her mind he has nothing to be apologetic for, he was acting as any parent would in a bad situation. But the gratitude gets a small nod out of her, happy that she could help. Though, now it's her turn to look a little guilty. "I'm sorry I didn't tell y'sooner, Ben. Over the phone or somethin', leavin' y' to worry like that. But... I jus' needed t' get him t'you before I said anythin'. He needed t' be with you."

Ben's shaking his head a little when Jackie apologizes, though his attention drops to Adam again, just for a moment, before he says anything to her. Ben still can't believe he's here. "Don't be sorry, Jackie." His gaze shifts to her again, and he's smiling -- it's small, but there. "It's fine. It really is."

Finally, Ben's letting go of his son, and Adam's taking a step back, smiling up at his father. "So I can stay, right, Dad?"

Ben's smile barely slips at all, and after being thrown off by the question, he reaches out to tousel Adam's hair. "We'll talk about that later, alright? First, I want to hear about how you got here." And he's looking over at Jackie, apparently expecting her to explain too, though Adam responds pretty quickly.

"I thought you were going to come home for Christmas, but then I read your letter again, and I thought maybe I was supposed to go to where you are, so..." He trails off then, and he's looking to Jackie for help, apparently expecting her to explain as well -- maybe he thinks she'll be able to explain a hitchhiking twelve year old sympathetically.

There's an audible exhale when Ben says it's fine. Of course he's going to be happy to see Adam, but was bringing him to RhyDin really the best call? Jackie still wasn't sure and her lips puckered lightly in thought when Adam asked if he could stay. It was Ben saying that he wanted to hear about how Adam got here that had Jackie pushing out of her lean against the wall.

Her mouth opens, but before she can get a word out, Adam is thankfully taking over. Well, to a point. She's squinting at him through a smile before her gaze shifts to Ben once more. "I was comin' home from Georgia when I got a call from Adam. He said he was tryin' to get to you, but it wasn't goin' well." Did she really have to mention the part about him being stranded at a truck stop? "He couldn't get hold of y' on yer cellphone. So, he called me." A hands lifting to scratch at the back of her head. "I ended up hoppin' a flight t'get to him over there in Oregon. Portland." Her attention flickered to Adam briefly. "Him an' I caught the first flight back t' Georgia this mornin'. I... didn't know what else t'do so I took him home. Here. An' we been tryin' to get hold of y' since."

She didn't have to mention it. Ben wasn't stupid. He made a mental note to scare Adam straight about hitchhiking -- but some other day. Not now. The story, surprisingly, is straightforward enough. "Oh, you just ... hopped a flight to Portland to get him. Sure." He might look even more grateful just then; he knows how much Jackie hates flying. He lets the story sink in, and after a deep breath, he's looking down at Adam. "Hey, I need to call your mom and let her know you're safe, alright? Are you hungry?" After a little pause, Adam nods, and Ben wraps him up in one more hug before letting his son go, though when he leaves the room, Ben's leaning a little to one side so he can watch him as long as possible, until he's down the little hallway and turning to head into the kitchen. "Frosted Flakes in the cabinet next to the fridge!" Calling after him. He can hear the sound of cabinets opening and closing, and that's when his focus is on Jackie again, and his expression turns grim. "He didn't leave any kind of note for Ella. She had no idea where he'd gone. I found her-- She was--" He's already turning away, but it's to grab his phone from his nightstand. "If I hadn't found her when I did, she would've OD'd. I called for an ambulance, but I don't..." His brows knit again, and it's obvious that he's worried, and that it hurts. He's going through his phone for a saved number, it looks like, but abruptly he's stopping -- and now he's holding out his arms for a hug from Jackie, this time. "I'm sorry. Thank you. I don't think I can ever make this up to you, Jackie."

"Ayup. Hopped a flight to Portland." Jackie had been downplaying the adventure to Adam throughout the days. Insisting to him that he did the right thing to call her and it wasn't a big deal. That he could ask her for help anytime he needed it. Spending a lot of the last two days flying certainly wasn't at the top of her list of things to do, but she refused to make it out to be as bad as it was to Adam.

Jackie's offering a soft smile to Adam when he passes by, watching him around the corner though not as long as Ben was. It's when she hears the cabinets as well, the sound of Adam being busied with food, that her arms are sinking to her sides and she's letting out a heavy exhale she's probably been holding since she first got Adam's call. Her full attention is on Ben again and she's wincing. "Jesus. Poor Ella." She never thought she would be saying that. "Y' found her... called an ambulance... but you don't...? That's when somethin' happened, didn't it? Before the ambulance came? One of them boys kicked in. Brought y' all the way back here?" She's rubbing a hand over her face, exhaustion starting to hit her all at once now that Adam was in Ben's possession. It vanished rather quickly though when he held out his arms. Christmas Night she had been so sure that she wouldn't be seeing him for weeks, maybe months, and now here he was back in RhyDin. The circumstances weren't the best, but really, when were they ever for them? She stepped forward to slide her arms around his torso and turn to her head to press a cheek to his chest. "Don't apologize to me, Ben. We all jus' did what we could. But you're welcome." Making huge strides by not simply blowing off the thanks. Airplanes were involved, she would take it. "I'm glad he's safe. I'm... sorry about Ella. Hopefully y'can get word to her that Adam is alright an' maybe that'll set her world a lil' right?" Her voice had an edge to dread with it, habit when it came to talking about Ella.

At least she doesn't completely blow off the thanks. He'll take it, the you're welcome. It's a tight hug that he's wrapping Jackie up into -- not just because he's relieved to see her so soon, prepared not to see her for months, maybe -- but because he needs her right then. Even though she'd already done so much for him, her presence, her touch, helped to keep him grounded in all this chaos. "I should be able to find her with a couple of phone calls. And..." A deep breath, sighing into her hair. "I just hope she'll let him stay here with me. I think she will." Maybe something had gotten through to Ella, in everything that had happened yesterday. Ben can only hope. He's quiet for a moment more, and his voice is a little quieter when he continues; it's littered with gravel, the way he sounds after drinking too much. "Yeah. I called the ambulance, got her to wake up, and she told me he was gone. Started blaming me for it. And then... I woke up here." It isn't just the thought of missing all that time that hurts. It isn't even just the realization that Ella had had to deal with alters while in the state she'd been in. Mostly, it was just knowing that they were back at all, that it really wasn't that easy to get rid of them, have a normal life.

Jackie's more than happy to settle into that firm hug and she's returning the pressure right back, the fingers of one hand massaging into his spine in a comforting gesture. "Well, what other option could there be other than him stayin' here for a while? She needs to get better where she's at. The next best option if for him to be with his Daddy. Yer right, hopefully she understands that." She listens quietly as Ben recounts the events that happened at Ella's, but it caused her brows to furrow firmly and her head to tip back and stare up at him. "That it was yer fault?" Maybe that 'poor Ella' came out a little too soon. "I hope y'didn't believe a lick of that. I could point out that if there wasn't so much struggle for Adam at home he wouldn't have been hitchin' a ride in the first place, but that's neither here or there. Pointin' fingers around isn't goin' to help anyone. He's safe an' that's all that matters. When Ella finds out I'm sure she'll get clear enough to let go of that idea." A frown curled at the edges of her lips, a hand drawn upward to brush fingers along his temple when her voice dropped to speak. Trying to make the next question as easy to take as possible. "Do y' by chance know who did it? Who brought y' all the way back?" She looked him over what she could, like that might give her a clue. He smelled like booze and that usually pointed to Harry, but would Harry be bright enough to manage all that? Well, he was the one who got them to RhyDin in the first place. Though, that first time had been on accident.

After Jackie looks up at him and is asking him if he'd taken what Ella had said seriously, he's frowning, shaking his head just slightly, slowly. Other than that, though, he doesn't react to what Jackie says about Ella. He knows that isn't a conversation he wants to get into -- not now, maybe not ever -- because he knows he'll try to defend her, and he knows that that isn't right. So, he's actually sort of glad for her shift in subject, even if it really isn't much better. He thinks it over for a moment, and then he shakes his head, just a small motion again, though this time it's because he doesn't want to disturb her touch. "No, I ... I don't have any idea. Probably Sam or Ivan, but... I really don't know. I was with Ella, and then I was here, in the other room, and then I was in bed and you were calling me. That's all I know."

It's more than fine with Jackie that the subject of Ella has been let go. She's pretty sure that it's not a conversation she ever wants to really delve into either. What good was it going to be to be that new girlfriend who complains about an ex-wife? She didn't want to take that route, ever. Not with Ben and even moreso with Adam being around now. When he continues on with an explanation her hand shifts to cup his jaw, not to impede what he's saying but because it had been so hard for him and she wishes that the brush of her thumb against his cheekbone could do something to erase it. Not that Adam's adventure had been much better. She hated that either of them had to go through this. "My first assumption is always Sam, but I think it's just because I like him as much as he likes me an' I'm always lookin' to blame him for things." Her other hand moved upward to cup the other side of his face, her voice going low but turning serious. "The important thing now is that you're here an' yer safe. And Adam is here an' safe, too. Even Ella is somewhere safe. Y'all are gonna be alright, one way or another. That's what we gotta be thankful over an' count as blessin's."

Her comment about Sam actually gets a twitch of a smile to appear at one side of his mouth. When she frames his face in her hands and turns serious, though, so does he, keeping eye contact through what she says, and even after, when he nods, once, in agreement. "You're right. I can worry about everything else later. Right now I should just..." First he's gesturing vaguely with one hand, but then he's laying it lightly over hers, turning his head just enough to brush a kiss to the inside of her wrist. "Count my blessings." Just a murmur against her skin, and his eyes fall shut briefly. When he opens them, he puts his arms around her again to pull her into another tight hug, though it doesn't last very long. "I should go be with him. Can you stay? Just for a little while?"

Her expression softens when he kisses her wrist, a faint smiling following the gesture. It sounded like good advice, to focus on the good right now rather than the bad. There were a lot of issues that were going to arise because of all of this, Jackie had a feeling about that already. She knew from the moment she decided to bring Adam to RhyDin that it might not have been the best plan, she had been waiting for the backlash on it that thankfully never came, but it was true. He was in RhyDin with Ben and he was safe. You couldn't ask for much more than that. Hands sank to drape her arm over his shoulder, fingers lacing at the nape of his neck to return the hug no matter how brief it was before she was taking a step back from it. She nodded along with his plan to go see Adam, but his next questions left her brows rising. She figured the pair would want to be alone to catch up, but it didn't take long for her reply. "Of course, Ben. Absolutely." She released him at the words, smiling faintly even if it was laced with a bit of nervousness. She had spent majority of the last day with Adam, but that was on their own and it felt different than here and now, the three of them together. All the same she stepped aside, a small gesture towards the door telling him to lead the way.

He catches the lift of her brows, that little bit of surprise, and he reaches over, just to touch the back of her hand, meant to be reassuring. "Just want to make sure I'm pulled together enough before you leave." The nicer way of saying he wants to make sure he's sobered up enough and short-term-stable enough before she leaves and he's alone with his son. It comes out with a little bit of a wince, but he follows it up with, "Counting my blessings, sweetheart. It's another one that you're here too." Leaning in close, sneaking a lazily aimed kiss to her cheek, and staying cheek to cheek with her for a few seconds before pulling away, giving Jackie one more little smile, and heading out of the room to see what Adam was up to.