Topic: A shadow of differences

Ewan Corinsson

Date: 2008-04-17 18:58 EST
When Ewan opened the door to the house he was surprised to see the caregiver still there, as he had fully expected Storm to be home. She had said she heading home. "Mistress Storm is not returned?"

"No, sir," the lady said gathering her things, "I have not seen her since earlier." She smiled and passed by. "Good night, sir."

"Thank you, yes, good night." Ewan let the woman out, not afraid for her safety since she was a retired guard once joined with the Whistling Downs Holding House and also had some arcane talents. Ewan went to check on Avery and found the boy still asleep. Whisper picked up his head, but then laid it down once more as Ewan pulled the door closed.

Looking down the hall at the doorway, Ewan frowned sharply and wondered where his wife had gone. He would not wait long, but that waiting was done in a slow pacing in the family room.

Storm covered a frown with a smile as she passed the caretaker on the street of her home. She was not aware that Ewan had intended to go home right after. Her small detour was not long, walking through, past, and back through the Marketplace to give her mind time to clear before heading to her home. Once she passed the caretaker, her frown appeared and her pace quickened as she headed for the home. Opening the door gently, the frown could be heard through her voice, "Ewan?"

He came out from the family room to meet her in the hallway. "Storm?" Was the extent of his reply, but in it was wrapped the more important question of "where did you go?"

Her frown remained, "I did not know you were coming home right away when..." her voice trailed off, finding that her sentence did not matter. "I went on a small walk." She explained, reaching to undo her cloak.

Out of habit, he stepped forward to help her with the cloak. "In future, it would be helpful to know that so if it becomes a longer walk I do not worry. I was not mistaken that you said you were heading here, was I?"

"No," her hands automatically went out of his way for him to help, "but I only said that so blatantly to see if you were going to go with me, as you had spoken before. And then you went through the back door, so I assumed you were not coming home."

"You said you were going home, not that we were going home. Such words can only mean you did not want my company on the way." He hung up the cloak and went on in to the family room again, so the continued discussion would not carry down the hall. "I was respecting your right to not have me there, but I do expect when you say you are going somewhere that you are going there." A beat of time, he looked over her. "Not that I need every detail of you whereabouts, Storm," he added, "but it can lead to misunderstandings."

"Beloved," her frown deepened, her voice having a slightly scolding tone to it as she followed him into the living room, "when have I ever not wished for you to walk with me? I am sorry that I caused a misunderstanding, but I do not know why you would think I would want that."

"Storm," his hands went to his hips, "you do not always need to have me there. There is nothing wrong with that. I do not expect you to always have me at your side."

She mirrored his stance, "I did not say that, nor did I imply that. I simply meant that.. oh, nevermind. You think that I need nothing." This clearly being what had upset her, a flush rose high on her cheeks.

"You do need nothing," not about to pretend he does not know what she means. "You do not need me to protect you or provide for you or support you, since you tell me little of what goes on in your work unless I press you for it. You evidently do not need that child since you only suppose you should be congratulated for his or her pending arrival. You need nothing." His voice was low, firm. "What you desire may be entirely different."

She recoiled as if he had smacked her across the face. Her entire body went stiff, and she clenched her jaw. She stood silent and still for several extended moments, experiencing to many emotions to bring forth words. Finding some control, she quickly turned on her heels and intended to head for the door, "You know nothing of me." She stated flatly.

He watched her go, and turned for the bedroom.

Once her hand touched the door knob, she knew that he would not follow. Silently opening the door and stepping out, the only sound was the small click of the door. With tears blurring her vision, she stepped through the portal and out of sight.

Storm Divine

Date: 2008-04-18 02:35 EST
Not even an hour had past before Storm stepped through the portal back into her front yard. She had shed her tears and waited until her anger had mostly faded before returning. She knew that she had just needed a moment to calm her mind again before she continued to say things she did not mean. Guilt was already eating at her core at her parting words. They were said for nothing more than to hurt him, and it shamed her. She carefully opened the door and closed it behind her, checking in the living room to see if Ewan was still in there.

Ewan had prepared for bed in the methodical fashion. It was something he had not faced before: the utter contempt from someone he loved dearly and deeply. In such a time, routine saved him. He drew on the persona of a content man, pressed away his hurt, and went to sleep. In the morning, he thought, he would pack up his son, the dog, and as much of their things as he could and go to Yearling Brook. With that thought, he accepted the fate that he had been right, she did not need him, now did not even desire him, and slept on the far edge of his side of the bed.

Seeing that he was not there, she headed back for the hallway, not turning for the kitchen as she noticed no lights were lit within. It was habit that she peeked into Avery's room, her mind so focused on her marriage that she did not truly see her son sleeping or the puppy that had moved to sleep near Avery's face. Closing his door softly, she hesitated before silently opening the door to their bedroom. Her wall of self control was weak, feeling tears return at the way he slept on their bed. She moved to his side of the bed in the same silent fashion, unsure if he had already awakened at her entering or not, so she leaned forward to whisper just in case and to not startle him, "Ewan?" Her leaning movement released the tears from the corners of her eyes to her cheeks.

His eyes opened at her voice. Blinking, he sat up, confusion shown for only a moment before he let his persona take the fore: the content man. "I did not expect you back," he said smoothly.

"You think that I-" It made no sense to her, that he would think that she would truly leave him, but she slowly shook her head, "that is not the point. Just... listen," as he sat up, she slowly moved to her knees to kneel on the floor and look up at him, "Let me make one thing clear; I am overjoyed that I am expecting our child. I did not mean to sound questionable, I only did not wish to draw such a need to have attention to myself. It is my hope that I have more of our children in time. Now," she smoothly flicked away the tears that did not seem to fade off of her cheeks, "of course I have little needs. We all do. I have a place to rest and food to eat. I have little needs to remain alive, but there is nothing worth living for in simply breathing. It upset me," she had to pause again to wipe away the moisture from her cheeks, "how you belittle my desires and hopes. I may not need it, but I would not want to live without them. You. Avery. The baby."

"Storm," he paused. In some small reflection, he realized he had called her nothing but by her name all night. He looked at her there on the floor, the tears in her eyes, the misunderstanding, the hint of truth in what she had said before she left, and he started again. "Storm, you were right. In some ways I do not know you. I do not understand certain things when you say them. I do not understand certain things you do, as I am sure I do the same to you." He did not like having her down on the floor, and reached to bring her up to sit on the bed. "Please, sit here." He closed his eyes, considered his words, and opened his eyes to speak them. "All my adult life I have been needed, Storm. Needed," he stressed the word. "Now, I am not needed in the way I am accustomed by the one person I desire to need me most. Most of the time, I do not think about it, but certain things said, certain things seen, and it comes up again. I do not know how to behave at times."

He reached to her cup her cheek, his thumb reached to caress away tears. "I would never want to cause you harm, beloved, but I cannot seem to keep from doing so when this confusion comes on me. I do not want to play a persona with you, as I did just now when you came back. I want to be me with you as much as I can, but it may be better at times to play the role than be myself." It was spoken as choice, not as decision made.

He gave her little choice but to move from her kneel to sit next to him on the bed. There was enough reassurance of his love for her that made her guilt and shame deepen, and while she did not sob, tears continued to flow over and under his fingers, "I did not mean to say that you do not know me, for you are my best friend and more. You know me better than anyone else. It will take our life times and more for us to know each other completely; we will always be adjusting." Her lower lip trembled, but a slow inhale steadied her enough to continue, her voice gradually becoming softer, "I want nothing more for you to be only you, dear one. I would rather know the real you and go through the pains of learning each other instead of some persona to keep me happy. I know the true Ewan is whom I love."

She waited a few more moments, before taking a quicker breath, "Do you need me, Ewan? In the way you say I do not not need you?"

"Of course I do. I rely on you, Storm, and perhaps that also gripes my soul. I rely on your ability to protect our home in ways I cannot fathom. I need you because of your strength to keep me on an even keel when," he stopped. He did not need to say when that was, as she knew full well what he meant. She had seen the tip of the rage seething in him once. "I need you, because you are what keeps me who I really am." Air rasped out of teeth clenched. "Swords and arrows, beloved, this cannot be good for you or the baby. Rest," he urged, "we will mend tomorrow."

"I am glad you came home," he leaned forward to kiss her wet cheek. "I am sorry I always seem to misunderstand you."

She was still struggling to keep her tears from overwhelming conversation, and she was already shaking her head at the mentioning of resting now and mending in the morning. She was sure that all mending could not happen tonight, but she needed more. "Ewan, you do not need me to eat or sleep." She was determined to at least try to bring them to the same level in his mind. She hesitated in lowering her forehead to his, "I need you in every way you need me. This," her voice was now raising in pitch as she continued to work herself up over it, "this joining is not unequal. I need you."

He closed his eyes, breathing in the salty tears and heat of her skin as their foreheads rested one against the other. His arms went around her, he wanted to encourage her to lay down at least, and perhaps, he hoped, his embrace might help her. "What was that poem the little lady in the tea shop sang while we were in Jenli?" He sighed as he recalled the words. He spoke them with the touching resonance of truth that discarded any hyperbole in the poetical form. "If the sky opened up for me, And the mountain disappeared, If the seas ran dry, turned to dust, And the sun refused to rise, I would still find my way, By the light I see in your eyes. The world I know fades away, But you stay."

She curled against his embrace, getting as close as she could to him as possible. This included her laying down only if his body remained next to hers. The subject of their trip was enough of a different tempo to calm her tears and pulled her head away enough to look at him. Once he started to recite the words, the tears reappeared, only this time she was trying to chuckle along with them. "Always." She repeated what she had told him in the tea shop, "We will guide each other."

It disturbed him even more than his own doubts and fears could so shake her. He would be more careful in the future, he vowed to himself. A slow breath in and released, he kissed her forehead and kept her close for as long as she needed it.

At the kiss to her forehead, she loosened enough to keep close and allow slumber. The tears calmed and faded, and she studied his eyes, then the rest of his face. The corners of her lips lifted slightly, before she leaned to lightly brush her lips to his, "I love you, dear one."