Am I still tough enough?
Am I taking too much?
Did I cross a line?
I need my role in this
Very clearly defined
I need your discipline
I need your help
I need your discipline
You know once I start I cannot help myself
And now it's starting up
Feels like I'm losing touch
I see you left a mark
Up and down my skin
I don't know where I end
And where you begin
I bought new clothes today. A new button up coat, leather riding pants, a pair of riding boots and a few cotton blouses that are a size or so up from what I would normally wear so that while dressed smart I'll also be more comfortable. And I do love the sensation of catching the breeze when bounding along, where the wind tunnels through the shirt and up my arms and down my back. I have missed sorely the calm that comes with a dash, one I haven't found elsewhere. Not with these pens, or by the sea. After years of equestrian and the regimented routine of it, I'd like to enjoy the fruits of hours of training as a hobby, as a means to relax. I imagine with all that is taking place I can find solace a friend in place of solitude. It is my prerogative.
She's a Bay, like a horse I had back home, "Maizey", but I have called this one Maze, for short.
I left a new bridle and harness at the foot of our bed for when Gaul returns. The straps are an exquisite mahogany coloured leather to compliment his black coach and engraved with some handsome patterns which is what caught my eye, and had me think of him. I wound them around my forearms to test their tightness; and taut and strong they were when I stretched them, I wanted to be sure of their quality. I hope it suits him well. I saw them there when at the saddlery and knew it was the thing to do. If he doesn't like it, that is quite okay, but it is the thought that should be valued, is it not? I was thinking that I must reinforce my gratefulness, somehow, and acted so with a heartfelt charity. I feel powerless to offer anything else that will be meaningful because I still feel that I am in his shadow, and kisses only say so much. So I use money to buy his trust, as I used to make deposit on his company. Driver, protector, and now my lover and friend.
"Trust me still"
He had asked. And she did. With all of her.
Am I taking too much?
Did I cross a line?
I need my role in this
Very clearly defined
I need your discipline
I need your help
I need your discipline
You know once I start I cannot help myself
And now it's starting up
Feels like I'm losing touch
I see you left a mark
Up and down my skin
I don't know where I end
And where you begin
I bought new clothes today. A new button up coat, leather riding pants, a pair of riding boots and a few cotton blouses that are a size or so up from what I would normally wear so that while dressed smart I'll also be more comfortable. And I do love the sensation of catching the breeze when bounding along, where the wind tunnels through the shirt and up my arms and down my back. I have missed sorely the calm that comes with a dash, one I haven't found elsewhere. Not with these pens, or by the sea. After years of equestrian and the regimented routine of it, I'd like to enjoy the fruits of hours of training as a hobby, as a means to relax. I imagine with all that is taking place I can find solace a friend in place of solitude. It is my prerogative.
She's a Bay, like a horse I had back home, "Maizey", but I have called this one Maze, for short.
I left a new bridle and harness at the foot of our bed for when Gaul returns. The straps are an exquisite mahogany coloured leather to compliment his black coach and engraved with some handsome patterns which is what caught my eye, and had me think of him. I wound them around my forearms to test their tightness; and taut and strong they were when I stretched them, I wanted to be sure of their quality. I hope it suits him well. I saw them there when at the saddlery and knew it was the thing to do. If he doesn't like it, that is quite okay, but it is the thought that should be valued, is it not? I was thinking that I must reinforce my gratefulness, somehow, and acted so with a heartfelt charity. I feel powerless to offer anything else that will be meaningful because I still feel that I am in his shadow, and kisses only say so much. So I use money to buy his trust, as I used to make deposit on his company. Driver, protector, and now my lover and friend.
"Trust me still"
He had asked. And she did. With all of her.