Yikicd Hehadaahdr (August 20th)

It?s Yikicd and it?s already getting chilly. It makes me miss home really bad. It wouldn?t be this cold yet unless you were up in the mountains. Kane and I have been here for a little over a year and I don?t think we?re any closer to going home than we were when we showed up. Okay, well maybe a little. We at least know why we?re here now. Unfortunately we haven?t made any progress toward that goal. Mostly because it?s so vague that I haven?t the slightest idea where to start. I think Kane?s been trying to work on it in his down time but he doesn?t tell me about it. Mostly because he knows he shouldn?t be doing some of the stuff he is? like talking to his dad here.

Ugh. It could cause so much trouble? like. Crossing timelines is major bad juju and I already got yelled at once by my godmom here for doing it. I guess I really messed up there but I don?t really regret it. And when I explained that, she sorta laid off of the scolding thankfully. Back when I was really little like just a month or two old, my mom went missing and I guess some pretty bad stuff happened. My dad had to take care of me so my Auntie C went to find her. Nobody really talks about what happened but I from what I was able to find out, my mom had died so they took her to Valhalla and Auntie brought her back.

See, pretty hypocritical for her to get mad at me for bringing Sandy back. Oh yeah. I brought my friend Sandy back from the dead. That?s a really long story. But I suppose it?s worth telling. So, Sandy?s my best friend here other than Michi and Misery. He?s from Spain which is in Europe on Earth. Which Earth, I dunno, because there are so many of them from what I?ve found out? but yeah. We do a lot of talking about boys and letting him do my hair and stuff like that. He?s even teaching me Spanish! But moving on.

Last fall Sandy was on a fighting team in the Iron Fists League. My godmom?s team actually. Small world, right? Anyways. There?s another team in the league. I don?t remember what the team name was but anyways, Sandy had a thing for one of the guys on it. Oh, yeah, Sandy likes boys but it?s cool. Well, the guy?s got a boyfriend and didn?t really like Sandy coming on to him so strong. Which? yeah, okay. Sandalio?s a pretty strong personality. I just didn?t think it would escalate so far.

After a couple run ins between them? including Sandy freaking throwing a knife at one of their friends!!!!! who the fuck does that? Ugh. Evidently Sandy does. But that?s neither here nor there. Once IFL was over, Sandy got into a fight with one of their friends. A girl named Sabine something or other. But her friends followed them and I guess Sandy changed. He?s a lycan so if he gets hyped up enough, it?s kind of unavoidable, but he changed and hurt her. Which isn?t cool but that?s sorta expected when you go into a fight with a freaking werewolf. So her friends jumped in to help her.

They killed Sandy. Like bad. I mean, of course dying is always bad, but this was just bluh. I don?t wanna write it. I?ve been sitting here staring at that line for like an hour and the sun?s finally starting to come up. Maybe I should go in and make breakfast and try again tomorrow.

I don?t know.

I can?t keep hiding from it. Maybe writing it down will help get it off my chest. Maybe it?ll make the nightmares stop. May as well try. So where was I?

Oh yeah. Sandy died. They stabbed him with silver, right up into his brain. Silver?s really bad for someone like him. Kinda like dragonsbane would be for me. Then they ght out of his chest. He died. Right there in the Outback. Hope, our dueling mentor, she was there and got ahold of his body before they could do anything worse.

In Rhydin people die all the time. Or they just go away and never come back. It?s the pitfall of being at such a central part of the Nexus, I guess. We should all be used to it by now. And I really thought I was going to get over it. I worked on training as much as I could and working and drinking and stuff. Then one day? I just sorta? fuck . I can?t even believe I?m about to write this.

Hope had been keeping his body in the Tower of Fire. Which is fucking terrifying and disgusting and brilliant all at once because while he wasn?t alive, the magic kept him from...getting squishy. And I guess I sorta freaked out. Only a little. So I decided to try something I saw in a book once. Ever since I was pretty little, they?ve been teaching me how to heal, particularly on the soul level. I guess my mom was pretty good at it. I?m not quite as good as she was but I?ve learned a lot.

If you do it right, you can also use it to revive someone when they?ve uh expired. It just takes the exchange of a life for a life and suitable vessel. So we had a sorta suitable vessel but I couldn?t like...go and kill something for the sake of bringing Sandy back. So we used a plant. Which totally sounds dumb but they?re living things too, just as much as people are. I was really worried I was going to mess it up or that I?d bring someone other than Sandy back to his body. Oh gods that would have been horrific.

Kruger and Hope made him a new heart. I didn?t ask about the specifics but we brought him back and patched him up. I about passed the fuck out, it took so much out of me. Worse yet, I saw everything he saw. Felt everything he felt. It?s making me want to throw up just thinking about it. It hurt so bad. I still have nightmares from it where I have to look at their faces. Ugh. I hate this. I ****ing hate it. I hate that if I stop running at 110%, they?re what I think about. I don?t even want to put their names into this book. Only this time. I?m going to get them out of my head and they can stay here and leave me alone.

Salvador said he was going to take Sandy?s eyes. Sandy has really pretty eyes? I can?t imagine him not having his eyes. He didn?t, but he did try to choke Sandalio. I don?t think Salvador is human, at least not fully. He?s pretty creepy, definitely not someone any sane person would want to be alone in a dark alley with. He?s the one that Sandy was hitting on during IFL. I don?t see what he saw in him, but whatever. Crispin?s the one that stabbed him. I don?t know his last name and he actually sorta looks kinda normal. Which is why it surprised me so much when I saw what he did. I guess he?s sorta like Uncle Victor...normal looking and quiet but not in a good way. Then Canaan. Ugh. They call him Cane like my Kane. I hate it. K > C, just for the record. He did Sandy in before Hope finally stepped in. I also think he got the most mad out of them when he found out Sandy was back and that it was my fault. Where Salvador is creepy, Canaan is terrifying in that sort of way a volcano is. I ran into him at the Inn one day and he told me off. Said I was messing with the balance and with things that I shouldn?t. That it didn?t matter if I missed Sandy that I was just supposed to deal with it.

My dad used to tell me that anger isn?t really anger but rather misguided pain. With how mad Canaan got, I wonder why he hurts. I still hate them. All of them.

But that?s my own pain to carry. I accept that.

Aunt Claire said bringing him back could have unforeseen consequences that I couldn?t fathom. That I could have changed the future. But as far as I?m concerned, killing him does the same thing. I don?t regret it.

I just hope he?s smart enough to keep to his promise not to start trouble again. I?m not sure if either of us would make it through a repeat.

I?m exhausted and I can?t even tell if I feel better. Ugh. I?m just gonna go smoke with Michi and hopefully take a nap.

More next time, I suppose.
~Adelaide V. Alcar

Syo Dfahdo-hehdr (May 29th)

Everything fell apart. Everything. And now I?m falling apart too, little bit by little bit. I?m not really sure what to say or what to do so I guess I?ll just kind of drift for now and hope that I don?t drown. Writing is supposed to be cathartic right? So here goes. It?s been a really long time since I last wrote in this thing? like eight months. I had totally forgotten about it. Only found it because I?ve been packing up the apartment.

Yeah.

Packing.

Separating my things from Kane?s things in anticipation of the day that I get a new place and he gets a new place and there?s no more remnants of ?us?. I broke up with him here about a month ago. Almost to the day, actually. It?s not the first time but it?s definitely the last. Only this time around it really was no fault of his own. I?m so ****ed up that I don?t think I can manage him being a reminder of everything that we?ll never get to see again. So I ended it.

They sent us back in time to change the future and now that the future has changed? f***, all I wanna do is go back to how things were. War and destruction and all of that? Totally doable. But this weird ass life where my parents aren?t together and my mom lives in the city with me while my dad?s off doing god knows what (or who)? Yeah, no thank you. I can?t help but wonder if it was my doing, some of these changes, you know? Aunt Claire says it could be any number of things. That just me and Kane being here could have been enough to shift the timeline onto a different trajectory. I wish I could go back and ask Great Uncle Ghallon if that could be the case. Hypothetically speaking, I could probably go ask him in this time too. But I won?t.

It?s all behind me now. What was. What was supposed to be. All of it. I?ve just got me now. Me and my girls, I suppose. Mich and Miz and even Scarlet, they?ve got my back. I don?t have to worry about things changing with them. We?ll always be TRASH. Which, speaking of, has really blown up as of late. Yas, that?s Michi?s crush, has been playing us non-stop on WHAM 101.1FM and that led to us getting picked up to do a few songs on a movie soundtrack for Rhydin Nights. Like, legit, a real life movie soundtrack. We got to go to the premiere after party and everything. That?s how you know you hit the big time.

After getting another album done, they decided they wanted us to hit the road so after a whole lot of sweet talking and a little bit of lying to Misery?s parents, we signed on for a month and a half long summer tour with, get this, Shoe Slam. Freaking Shoe Slam. I can?t even. Michi has such a crush on Aurast, it?s totally why she started playing bass to begin with. Hopefully she?s over it enough to go on the road with them without it being weird.

Speaking of it being a little weird, so there?s this guy right? Of course there is, there?s always a guy. I met him awhile back, like back when I was still working for Pizza Express. He works at this gym down in the shady part of town and the guys there never tipped very well when they ordered. Total jerks. But he wasn?t so bad. We danced once at a gym party for like, I don?t know, three minutes until I realized I had to get going. Anyways, he showed up out of the blue in the Arena one night. I didn?t recognize him at first, which makes me the jerk, but hey what can you do. He stole my wallet, which makes him the jerk again. I tracked him down and it was a total s*** show. Got my wallet back though, so that?s what matters.

We?ve hung out a few more times since then. He?s really not bad. Sure he?s got a chip on his shoulder the size of Arabrab. Otherwise he?s kinda sweet. Super hot. Bit of an ass. A real jerk to Michi sometimes, but he?s nice to Misery. Though that?s kind of par for the course. I don?t know. He won me this big stuffed lion at the arcade. So squishy. So soft. I think I?m going to take it on tour with me just to have something to hug at night.

God, I sound so lame. It?s not like I really sleep at night anyways. Not unless I get royally ****ed up first. But hey, tours are supposed to be non-stop parties, right? Maybe I can make that happen.

Maybe I?ll bring this with me too. Get some writing done while we?re on the road. Who knows.

Okay, that?s all for now. Bye, bye, bye.

~Adelaide V. Alcar

Ziha Dfahdo-vencd (June 21st)

Hello from somewhere in the middle of nowhere, like an hour or two from a place called Pygmalion. Like the Greek guy but this place isn?t very Greek feeling. It was a lot of beer and modern amenities and a disappointing lack of gladiatorial matches. Oh wait, that was the Romans, wasn?t it? **** if I can remember. Ancient Terra Prime history? Pft. I?m in my bunk and I think half the crew is asleep already. Some of ?em are still up playing what I think sounds like Blackjack or something. I?m a little tipsy but otherwise I?m probably going to hit bed soon too. So all those apprehensions I was having about tour? Totally out of the window now. I was all sorts of anxious that this was going to go terribly and that I would be begging to come home a week in. But you know, being out on the road with the best girls in the world is really good for my soul, I think. The guys and girls in Shoe Slam are pretty awesome too. Pretty chill for the most part. It brings good vibes to the bus. We?ve got a couple other bands tagging along for a lot of the dates and they?re cool too. All in all, it?s been a really fun, drama free tour so far.

I hope I?m not jinxing it by saying that. I?ve been having too good of a time to even write here so hopefully the powers that be don?t see this as a reason to **** **** up. We?re like almost a day from the city and it?s beautiful. I?ve slept like a baby most of the nights we?ve been on the bus. How much of that is sheer exhaustion, I dunno. Some of it might be this stuff I?ve been taking to help me sleep. I got pretty desperate leading up to the tour so? wow, I still can?t believe myself. I hit up Cane (yes, like that Cane of the Sandy debacle) for help. He owns this shop down in the Dockside area called Panacea. It?s kinda cool. Not that I?d tell him that. But word gets around and said ?word? was that he might be able to help. I thought he was going to tell me no. All this time he?s done such a stellar job of pretty much pretending I don?t exist that I figured it would be an instant denial. It wasn?t.

Surprising right? Evidently he?s decent at separating business from personal. So after dueling, Michi and I went over to the shop and he got me squared away. We didn?t really talk about the why behind things but I think it was fairly understood considering the timetable I mentioned. He?s not dumb. Mean and scary sure but not dumb. I?m not too sure what this stuff is and at first I was sort of worried that maybe he?d pull something and I?d end up sick or dead or worse, like a toad or something. Considering how little I?d slept in the past year, I suppose I was already ?sick? in a sense though huh? Maybe I?ll figure out what caused it eventually, what went wrong that left me with such an issue, but for now I?m just going to enjoy tour and sleep and all of that.

It?s much easier than thinking about stuff back ?home? or in the city. I put off a couple contracts until after tour so I don?t have to worry about fitting into tiny sample sizes, so there?s that. Yuri wasn?t too thrilled about me and Michi leaving for so long. Evidently we push a fair amount of product, even more now that we?ve got a little recognition. But he can deal. I?ll deal with him when I get back. I haven?t seen Kane since the night he moved out. I didn?t even bring my runestone on tour so he couldn?t come find me even if he wanted to. Well. Unless he paid attention to the tour dates. He might have but I doubt he?ll come find me. He?s too busy with other things. It?s what he does, I shouldn?t be surprised that he didn?t fight for us. He?s used to people leaving. I think it kept him from ever giving himself to someone completely. Or at least to me. I?ll accept the blame though. I?m the one that left. He?ll move on. I will too. I?m trying, kind of.

In what direction I?m not too sure. There?s so many to go. Michi says I shouldn?t do the rebound thing, but isn?t a rebound about bouncing back? What?s so bad about that?

Aric and I went out to lunch the day before we left. I had been promising him a tour of the city since he?s new. Plus the shirt we gave him at Rockfest was a little too small. Total ?mistake?, not. Some men are born to not wear shirts and he is definitely one of them. Mich and Miz always give me shit because he?s older than I am but I just tell them that I prefer older guys because I?m more mature than them. It shuts them up for a little while or gets us all arguing over who is the most mature. We never settle on who it is. But Aric?s an old soul and he?s so sweet. I don?t see the issue in hanging out with him for awhile. Plus he?s a great kisser. Like top notch, not gonna lie. Can?t tell the girls that though because I?d never hear the end of it.

There?s no trouble in making out with hot guys. No trouble at all.

And then there?s Ro. He?s the epitome of trouble even without the making out. What can I say about Romeo MacKenzie that I haven?t already said? He?s an orphan of the Nexus kinda like Michi and I are. His roommate Xzavier is too. I think I?ve said it before but he?s got a chip on his shoulder the size of, I can?t even. It makes him brash and rude and closed off a lot of times. Then there are other times where I get to see behind the armor that he wields like a second skin and he?s a lot more than that. There are reasons for his attitude and they?re kinda legitimate, you know? I can?t judge him for what he?s been through or how he?s chosen to deal with it. Under it all, he?s pretty sweet when he wants to be. He says he likes me likes me and I think I kinda like him too. I just don?t know how much it is for either of us or if it?ll go anywhere beyond hooking up. He ****s like a dream though so if it stays friends-with-benefits realm, then that might be okay too so long as we still get to do the friends thing.

See, so many different directions to go. I guess I?ll take my time and figure out. But for now, I can?t keep my ****ing eyes open so time to go faceplant in my pillow. Addie, out.

~A.V.A.

Zimo Drendaahdr (July 13th)

We?re back home for just a short bit before the last three days of the tour. Tonight we?ll be making a mad dash back south to Cadentia for Rock the Desert. It should be a hell of a time. For now though, I think I?m just gonna enjoy being a creeper and watch Ro sleep. He?s different when he?s sleeping. Peaceful. Like he has no worries in the world. Like he isn?t responsible for the well being of a whole house full of misfits. He doesn?t talk much about the Hollows but I?m not stupid. He doesn?t take me back there like for a long time I didn?t bring him back to my apartment.

I did last night though. Came strolling into his gym like I owned the place. I don?t have to worry about the meatheads there thinking they can grab my ass without consequence solely because I?m bringing them pizza. Nah, one of them tried and I about broke his wrist. Bastard would have deserved it. Ro figured that was a good time to get out of there before I got him in trouble.

I?m trouble.

I told Aric and I?ve tried to tell Ro but neither seemed to want to listen. I?ve heard rumors but honestly I haven?t had a chance to talk to Aric any time I?ve been back. Not about him and I or about me and Ro. Or anything really. It?s okay. He?s a nice guy but I?m trouble right? I think Ro knows I?m trouble but he is too so maybe we can be each other?s kind of trouble. He asked me out first. I probably would have said yes to whoever made the jump first if only to see what things are about. Just so happens Ro did.

So we?re a thing now. I think I like it for now. I?m sure I?ll inevitably **** it up, you know? We went out to dinner, this nice Italian place in Old Temple. I paid, mostly because that Earth Keeper Bob is paying me obscene amounts of cash and stuff to supply him with cookies. Then we went to the store, which was a weird domestic feeling. Not sure how I felt about that. But afterwards we went back to my place. It?s pretty empty right now. When Kane and I broke up, we split most of our stuff evenly unless it was something I bought particularly or he bought. He bought a lot. He was definitely the money bringer.

But that just means I?ve gotta work that much harder. I?m gonna. I may not have anyone counting on me like Ro does but I?m gonna do it anyways. For me and my girls. Me and Michi after tour are gonna look at places together. No more tiny apartment but an actual house where we can practice and have an extra bedroom for when Misery can stay over. Of course I need to make sure the nightmares are gone for good before I do that. I don?t wanna worry them.

It?s why I was so hesitant to let Ro stay with me overnight. I thought I?d wake up screaming and sweating and crying and he wouldn?t understand. Then he?d leave. I thought Kane understood and he still left. He didn?t fight for me, just took what I said and left. I miss him.

I never thought I?d say that but I miss him really bad. He knew me in and out but maybe we were supposed to be friends and only that. I just wish we still had that? he?d know what I mean about a lot of things.

But sometimes it?s not enough.

Sometimes it isn?t enough and I just have to hope that the future is different from the past.

Ro?s waking up. He promised me breakfast. Time to go.

~Addie V Alcar

Zimo Hehadaahdr (July Nineteenth)

They forget.

They pretend.

Like the past isn?t the past. And the now isn?t the now. And the future won?t be the? No, the future won?t be the future. That?s at least right. We don?t have to pretend for that.

I never was good at pretending. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Open to be dented and dinged in passing. Like it?s nothing.

It?s nothing.

I?m nothing. Not really, at least.

I?m convinced. I thought I was happy to be back here. I was quickly reminded why I?m not. Why relaxation should be a sparing thing. Why I need work harder to make sure that I don?t have time to think about anything.

Thinking is dangerous.

Tour?s over and I?d give everything I?ve got to be back out on the road again. It?s easier to pretend out there.

Tour?s over and I?m out of sleeping stuff.

Tour?s over and I?m worried things are going to get bad again.

I?m gonna get bad again.

Right when things were getting good.

I wish I could pretend.

I want to be better.

-A.V.A.

Cabdaspan Dfamvdr (September 12th)

I?m tired.

It has been a really long, really weird couple of weeks. First and foremost, I?ve been pretty much sober for forty days. Not even weed though I imagine I?ll work back to that eventually. Because of all the shit I was doing, that was the least of my worries. I?ve only drank a handful of times too. It?s weird, sobriety. I?m sleeping a bit better. Well, a lot better if only because I don?t dream anymore. That?s nice. The nightmares are still there, under the surface somewhere, but they?re held at bay for the time being. I?ve got Cane to thank for that. It?s a lesson in humility to ask for help from someone you don?t necessarily like. But he?s not as bad as I once thought.

The band got to the studio for our first full length album. I think we?re going to get it released next month in time for Misery?s birthday. For once I?m actually proud of myself. Like, I had a hand in making this tangible piece of art. It?ll be around long after I?m gone too.

Michi and I got a place in Seaside. It?s not right on the shore but if you stand on the balcony and listen really carefully, you can hear the sea. It reminds me of summers growing up. Playing by the ocean with Averia and Alex and Camellia and Nikolai.

Speaking of.

Niko?s here. Yes. Nikolai Allen. Like the boy who was pretty much my big brother in Rhydin growing up. The boy that Avy has had a crush on for literally years. She sent him here because? well, I ****ed everything up. That?s what I do, I mess everything up. And whatever I did, we aren?t sure yet what it is but I have a feeling, well it?s made things pretty bad back home. I knew Nosgoth was shut off from everywhere else but I didn?t realize things were getting bad Rhydin-side. Averia? that damned clever girl. She found a way to send Niko back to me. To help and to make sure I?m okay. Someone I trust. Someone I can count on.

His father died in the process.

More blood on my hands.

I can?t look at Kruger as he is now knowing that I could be the cause of such a thing in the future. He was a bit like a father to me growing up. The sort of ?It takes a village? mentality. At least until Mom died and I started staying at home in Nosgoth full time. But Nikolai?s here and now we have to figure out how to fix things.

It?s nice not feeling so alone.

Especially when I see him. Not Niko but the other him. I don?t want to write his name down because despite the fact that I ended things, it still feels like venom in my veins to think about it. I don?t know what he?s up to these days or if he knows what?s been going on with me. I don?t think he cares either way. At the end of the day, I was nothing more than an assignment to him. Now I?m sure he?s on to bigger and better things.

I?ve just got to keep focusing on the good. I?m doing too good to give up now, right?

-Adelaide V Alcar

Hujaspan Dfahdo-vencd (November 21st)

Nick ec tayt yht E gemmat res. E cruimt ryja tuha suna du cdub res. Pid E teth'd palyica E ys hud ahuikr. E fyc hud ahuikr du cyja Nick. E fyc hud ahuikr vun Kane. E fyc hud ahuikr uv y cxiena vun Aric. E fuh'd pa ahuikr vun Ro uhla ra naymewac ra lyh tu cu silr paddan. E lyh'd pa ahuikr vun Kruger huf dryd Nick ec kuha ajah druikr E ys cdyhtehk rana nekrd eh vnuhd uv res.

Family isn't blood. Cu fryd ec ed drah? Misery's vysemo ec pmuut. Ajah druikr drao knuiht ran ymm uv dra desa, drao cdemm muja yht cibbund ran eh dra drehkc cra tuac. Scarlet ryc ran vysemo duu ajah druikr drao tuh'd meja rana eh drec Nroteh. Michi tuach'd druikr. Pid cusadesac E drehg cehla Michi ryc ran sicel, cra tuach'd haat yhodrehk un yhouha amca. Cra'c cu ehtabahtahd. Yht sa, E's zicd y sacc.

E ys hud ahuikr vun yhouha aqlabd dra Order of Orion. Ed'c zicd cu pylgfyntc. Cusadesac E fuhtan fryd fuimt rybbah du ymm uv ed ev E cesbmo cdubbat aqecdehk. Fedruid sa, drao ryja hudrehk. Fedruid dras, E ys hudrehk, hu uha, hajan ahuikr.

Cusadesac E fuhtan ev Nick ryt dra nekrd etay uv ed?

-AA

Vapniyno Dfahdo-cajahdr (February 27th)

It?s been a few weeks since the last time I sat down to right and you know? it?s strange how things change. There isn?t a day that goes by that I don?t think about Nick in some capacity but it?s a weight I?m learning to carry. Time doesn?t heal all wounds but it does make them easier to bear. The loss of my best friend is mine to bear but I can do it and I can do it without letting myself self-destruct. After all, I?m surrounded by people who mean so ****ing much to me. In the days after Nick?s death, I felt so alone that I didn?t know how I could keep going. He was one of the last pieces tying me to home.

But home isn?t what I thought. I told Ro a long time ago? Home is a weird thing, both sentimental and awful to think about. So you tuck it all away into a neat little box and you leave it there. The only thing that keeps it from getting dusty is the periodic thought, however incorrect it might be, that home is merely a place. It isn't. It's not a town or a country or a realm. It's a series of moments stacked one by one to build a safe haven and eventually you'll find that the moments, they aren't about where you are but rather who you're with. It's the people, not the place. You can always take that with you.

My people are here now. I could have found a place in this time?s Nosgoth. Someone else sure has. But that?s not for me. I don?t fit there. Those people don?t know me and they won?t. Because they aren?t my family. I?ve chosen my family now. Things are looking up.

On my birthday I had lunch with Kruger. This was the day after everything went to proverbial hell in the city. Some moronic a-holes thought it was a good idea to try and cleanse the city of any non-humans. Evidently it didn?t work because, well, I?m still here. I don?t think people realize the sort of juju it takes to pull off something like that. Maybe it could have been done in a more centralized location and maybe in a place more magically stable than Rhy?Din but you don?t just walk in here and think you can wreck ****, you know? It doesn?t work that way and even if the non-humans just stood aside and didn?t fight back, spells of that caliber seldom go right. Idiots. Anyways. Lunch with Kruger. He had presents for me, which I hadn?t been expecting.

First were a brush and hand mirror. They were really, really old, and judging by Kruger?s expression when I opened it, they were quite important to him or someone close to him. That he would pass such a beautiful heirloom to me about wrecked me. But not nearly as much as what was at the bottom of the box. Papers. Adoption papers to be exact. He asked me if I?d take him and Niko as my family but really it?s the other way around. I can be an Allen, I can have a dad and a brother. It doesn?t even matter that technically I?m older than the usual age range for adoption. This is Rhydin after all, families shift and change constantly. I signed the papers the same day, now we just have to wait for them to be officialized. He had no obligation to me but he has shown far more concern and care for me than my biological father has in the entire time I?ve been here. It?s a greater gift than I think he even realizes.

After that, Ro took me on vacation. It was? wow. Forever away for one but so worth it. It was a hella long bus ride to the coast and then a plane ride to these islands and then another short bus-taxi ride to our villa. Two words: Tropical Paradise. There was a private beach, an unbelievable bathtub, an adorable village, and most of all Romeo MacKenzie. I love him. I was afraid to admit it for a really long time. Mostly I was just waiting for him to leave like Kane did. For me to push him to the point where the reward was no longer worth my drama. But he has stuck by me every step of the way. I?m not much for the idea of soulmates or true love or anything like that, but if I kept him in my life for a really long time, I think that would be more than I could ever hope for. He opened up a lot on the trip, it was? it was nice. Yeah. Nobody gives him nearly enough credit but the depth that boy is capable of is mind melting. He is so, so, so much more than he lets on. I just hope maybe he?ll embrace it fully. I didn?t want to come back but eventually we had to. Such is life. That?s okay though, it was the break I needed. Now it?s back to the grind but you know what, things are looking up.

I?m going to keep them that way.

-Addie