Changes
Change, all life goes through it. A catapiller becomes a butterfly, a tadpole becomes a frog. I thought the biggest change I would ever face would be from ship's deck to land living. That was an adjustment that had been difficult to make, despite the seeming ease.
Cherelyen. That was a change I never expected. Not only a man that I could connect with in every way, mind, heart, body and soul, but something more. I've always enjoyed the person I am. My parent's legacy to me was a fun loving life, enjoyment of friends, a respect for all life. To both live and play hard because there might not be a tomorrow.
But this change, to accept willingly being a Carpathian, not only for my beloved, but for myself as well. It was something I had never dreamed of, even in my wildest imaginings. Not only to leave the legacy of my parent's blood behind, but so many things that most take for granted. The smell of coffe use to bring a yearning for a mug. The smell of Rosie's cinnamon rolls use to maek my mouth water. Now the smell of food turns my stomach. I can't drink ale. Not from any dictates of another, but by the dictates of what I am becoming. All things evolve because it is their nature. And I guess these changes are of my nature as well. My nature to give all to my heart. I could not have seen Che walk into the dawn. To never feel him near me, to never hear his laughter in my mind. To never again hear him growl because he felt I was in danger.
To save his soul.
I could not bear to see him either meet the dawn, or become that which he despises to his core. To know I have helped save him from those horrible fates brings a warmth each time I think of him. To know that our hearts have followed our souls brings a contentment I never thought to know.
But the changes.. they are so foreign to me. My mental skills have always been strong, so speaking with him through the bond, even experiencing his closeness through it, is not unusual to me. My Father and I shared a similar ability, but one envoked by my Mother's magic before her death. I never dreamed that experiencing the bond during intimate moments could be so amazing! It is one of the things that ties us so closely together. It goes beyond normal intimacy. It is a complete merging between us until neither of us knows where one begins and the other ends, neither in body, heart or mind. We truly become one.
It's the other things that trouble me sometimes. Like the way Che can make me feel when danger is near. That compelling is difficult to fight. And it does anger me at times, even though I know that I am his first concern. But he has become better at letting me decide when I am in mortal danger, and when I need to stand with my friends. The protective sheild he has wrapped around me to keep the undead at bay, to prevent attack on my person and the aura that keeps other men from trying to pursue me physically is all understandable. It makes him feel more comfortable when he is not right at my side. It is good that we have been able to work out a compromise that we can both be comfortable with to allow me to work in the Inn, at the Oracle and on the Island. The dark ones frequent the Inn. Something I'd really not noticed before as much. Most seem to keep an illusion that masks their true selves for the world at large. The also seem to be able to structure their public behavior so what they are is not so noticable. The Island lately seems to be almost overrun by the undead. Several attacks there have had me concerned that Che will insist I stay away. But he hasn't. He does understand that I have committed myself to my job there and honor does not allow me to abandon it.
But I can feel them for myself now. It is one of the changes. I can sense them. It is like the most complete revulsion sweeps through me. I want to be sick.
And yesterday, something else odd happened. I was talking with Kitty about her new son and found that he was the child of one of Tara's.. snacks.. as Kitty put it. The thought of such a greedy, senseless death leaving that child orphaned and alone, to end up in a box given as casually as a new scarf angered me to a degree I've never been before. I could feel the need to stop such a thing. It rose in me like a tidal wave. I could feel the heat in my eyes. I tried to keep the others from seeing until my shift ended and I could leave. I'm sure Woody noticed though. And the urge to growl. I actually did growl. I felt the need to find the abomination that had orphaned that child, taking it's mother's life and forever changing it's own. To eradicate it.
I discussed it with Che. Only having him with me through the bond kept me able to control myself. I got home and he helped me calm down. I stayed busy dealing with the warehouse and seeing to the final details before we can stock the merchandise that is already waiting. Once the sun was on it's way to it's rest, my Lifemate could come to me safely. He held me and we discussed what happened late into the night. We concluded that my Elven heritage must be triggering changes that are not so common among the women who become Lifemates. That my inbred reverance for all life may be heightening certain of the changes. Che had already said he would teach me to hunt, insofar as to defend myself against the dark ones. We discussed that perhaps I may need to learn more. I am not sure I want to become a Hunter. But perhaps it might be best if I learned. The feelings I had will likely only grow stronger as the final changes approach. It is my nature, and one that will not be diminished by the transformation from half human/ half Elven to Carpathian.