Topic: Absolution III

Lydia Loran

Date: 2007-03-31 00:27 EST
I made a promise, and I broke it.

"Lydia, ya did what you could. You got two out tonight, that's somethin'. Take what you can get... this is no easy thing, and slaves cost a lot of money."

"...Two tonight, yeah. Five last week, and three before that. But.. what about-"

"Ya can't save everyone."

"Gods, stop it!"

I promised him I would save him this week. I promised I would buy him, free him, that he would be safe, that he would no longer have to worry. I promised him he would be free, and I couldn't fulfill that promise tonight... simply because I didn't have the money to do so.

"Lydia.."

"No! Just.. just stop it? You always.. you act as if you know the answer to everything, and you don't!"

"What the hell? No, look, I'm just tryin' to be realistic here. If you're overly optimistic and idealistic about all of this it only makes it harder when you..."

"When I what Mason..? ...fail?"

"That's.. that's not what I meant."

"Really? Because.. that's how I feel now. Like I've failed. Like I've been failing..."

To save one, to save two, or three.. and yet see ten, twenty others go to an uncertain fate... to see them like.. to see them have their freedom stripped, to see them like.. I.. Gods, I just stand there and watch and do nothing. They're taken away like a herd of animals, with no rights, no reason to live... And I do nothing?

"You haven't! You haven't... aren't the few you save worth it? Without you, who else would have cared?"

No one. No one cares about these people. No one wants to do right by them. I live in such a lawless realm... where lives and freedom are stolen, and yet no one bats an eye. There's nothing in place to protect these people from being stolen.

It's not right.

"Of course.. I'm not saying the ones that.. I just.. it's hard, yeah? To see the others..."

"..I know."

But this? I cannot do this anymore.

"I can't do this anymore Mason."

Lydia Loran

Date: 2007-03-31 01:47 EST
Palm placed on the wall, Lydia leaned against it, slumping. Defeated? No, she didn't look defeated. Pensive perhaps, but not defeated. She shook her head a moment, before turning back to Mason. "I can't." Quiet words, a second admission.

Mason's features softened considerably at that. Stepping forward, he placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. "It's okay Lydia. I understand. It's a hard thing to do, and.. it's a hard thing to have to see." Another squeeze was offered, expression thoughtful as he nodded. "You've done more than enough already, so it's good to get out now before somethin' bad happens."

Frowning, she turned away from him, looking rather pointedly to the wall. "I don't think you understand..."

Withdrawing his hand, a bit hesitantly, he slipped it into his pocket. Brows furrowed in confusion as he leaned over, trying to get a better look at her.

"I can't.. I can't go those auctions and save one or two and watch others get led away. What right do I have to choose who is saved and who isn't...?" The green haired elf turned then, to face Mason once more. The look on her face nearly dared him to interrupt once again. "I go there, and I see those people... and they don't belong there Mason. Just because someone is bigger or stronger or a higher rank in whatever imaginary hierarchy the people here have... it doesn't give them the right to steal another person's freedom or life. They all deserve to live and to have someone care about them and what happens to them. They're not animals or.. or tools to be used by another..." Pale blues fell to the ground. "And I can't just let it keep happening... someone's gotta care for them... someone's gotta do something for them..."

"...what are ya sayin' Lydia?"

She took a deep breath and looked back up to Mason. "I'm saying.. that next week? I'm not helping just a couple... Next week is.. is all or nothing."

Mason shook his head in obvious protest, taking a step back. "Hell. No."

Straightening from her lean against the wall, Lydia frowned at Mason. "It's not your decision. It's mine."

"It's a stupid decision! Ya know damn well we can't-"

"I never said 'we'! I'm doing this alone, it's safer that way and-"

"Like hell you are!" Mason's voice was loud, a bit too loud. He paused for a brief moment, recomposing himself a bit, speaking softer this time. "Look, before you go and do something crazy, let's think of some alternatives okay? I'm sure I've got some money stashed we can use to help more out."

"No.. 'more' isn't enough. I want to save them all. Not just a couple, or a few... They all deserve their freedom."

"That's true but damnit.. there are guards, there are cages, locks, collars, security I mean.. how the hell you plan on doing it alone?"

Sighing, she shrugged faintly, the hint of defeat on her features, but it hadn't taken over. "I have magic, they don't."

"How do you know that?" Mason narrowed his eyes a bit.

"I can.. sense most magic. When I'm there, I don't sense it from them."

"Most.. so not all? That's a risky assumption then."

"Well Gods Mason, it's not like I plan to run in and try to kill them all and cause a big..." She trailed off, sighing. "I planned to do this with a bit of stealth of course. It should be easy enough to cause a distraction.. slip in through the back window of the warehouse. There's a few crates set up back there near it so-"

"Wait." Hands up in a stop gestured, he looked her over critically. "This isn't even somethin' ya just thought of.. you've been thinkin' about this haven't you? Christ..." A moment of thought, then he shook his head.

"No way I'm lettin' ya do it alone. Same as before. I'm goin', or I'm gonna get someone else to talk some sense into you."

Lydia Loran

Date: 2007-03-31 03:49 EST
It feels like blackmail when he does this. I have to include him or he threatens to tell them. I don't want my friends to know about what I do or worry about it. I don't want Erin to know because gods, she's almost as stubborn as Mason is. And she's like me in that she can't ignore things... I couldn't risk her wanting to help, insisting on it.. and now it's too dangerous. Grem? I... I don't want him to worry. I don't think he'd want me doing this either, especially not in the way I plan to now. If he knew, if he expressed that... I don't think I would do it. Yet I have to. It's just.. I dunno. Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit. No.. I'm not. He has every right to know about this, what I'm doing, this aspect of myself. Especially now. Excuse after excuse, but when it comes down to it? I know I should tell him. I need to tell him... not now though. Not yet.

But I will, on my own terms.

"So is it blackmail or tattling? Either way.. gods that's a rotten thing to do Mason." I tire of it. I do. "Fine, tell them. I don't care. So what if they know? What will that change? You'll just be causing people unneccessary worry when I do this." I lie, of course. It seems to be a thing that comes easy to me lately. I don't think I like that.. lying, omission of truth.. it tears at me sometimes. I don't know how much longer I can continue like this, and yet I do.

I almost wish Mason would tell.

"It's neither one girl scout..." Even when he softens like this I don't care for that nick name. I know what it means now, and it's just.. it's not me. "Ya gotta know, it's dangerous and... when you get like this it worries me. When you act so reckless. If I'm not there to help, I want someone else there to help you. It doesn't have to be me. But someone needs to be if something should happen."

Mason worries too. Gods. I wish I didn't do this to people, yet I worry about them all just the same... is there really a point to my hiding so many things? I keep so much in, hidden from the people I should share it with. As if that's easier somehow...

"Nothing will happen. I'll... alright. Let's discuss this later, yeah? We'll come up with a plan." I can't argue anymore, and he always wins. Always gets his way. "I'm tired, I need to go to the inn, and.. I'm sure you want to get to bed too."

"We'll figure it out Mason. But I stand by my decision. All or nothing."