Hate.

No, that's what it once was. It had evolved into something beyond that now.

It was a terrifying feeling. To hold this strong of an emotion towards someone, to feel the want for them to suffer. To feel the need for them to suffer.

By her own hands of course...

The desires she felt now, this wasn't her. Or was it? Perhaps that was the terrifying aspect of it all, the fact that what she felt and wanted now was who she really was.

Erin...

Lydia took a deep breath and allowed her eyes to close. Her demeanor was calm, almost serene, not at all reflective of the emotional battles and turmoils going on inside. The salty breeze of the docks felt good, so she concentrated on it in an effort to get her mind off other things. A fruitless task really, she wasn't going to be forgetting such a thing so easily. Ever.

Would it all really be okay? She was always insisting that it would be. With Grem. With Erin. She had faith but in what? They had God. Who or what did she have? Them? Herself? Or was it really just blind faith? Naivety perhaps... Foolishness... the cliche' that things would work out in the end, because they're 'good guys' and 'bad guys' never win.

Renna was no 'bad guy' though. No, something far worse.

Pale eyes would open and look up to the skies above the water as she finally exhaled. This was certainly a moment of doubt, that things might not work out. She'd never tell them that. Never let on that she had her doubts, that she was frightened that everything may never work out.

"Hey."

The gruff male voice had startled her somewhat, but not much. Lydia stiffened and turned to regard the presence behind her. Not much detail was taken in... tall male, shoddy clothing, dirty, snarling, and a glimmer of something in his hand.

Ah, a knife. Fear? No. Amused? Not a bit.

"Hand over ya money."

Did she look as if she had a lot of money? Plain clothing, no bag on her at the moment... oh, and that silly bright purple cloak to keep her warm. Surely no one would suspect her of having money for wearing it. A fashion faux pas, nothing more. She narrowed her eyes somewhat, now of all times was certainly not the time she needed to deal with something like this. Her patience was nonexistant. Lydia didn't trust herself to speak, no good would come of it, instead she'd turn to walk away from the man.

"Hey!"

It was instinct, a natural reaction almost, even if accidental. When that rough hand grabbed her shoulder she felt the hold on her power release. When he screamed she didn't turn around, couldn't... only when she heard an audible 'thud' did she do so, and pale eyes would widen at the sight. It looked as if he had been cut up, not once, not twice, nor even thrice. He was absolutely blanketed in his own blood, and could only..gurgle.

The reality of it came crashing on her.

She did that.

She's a monster.

No better than...

The faintest of whimpers escaped from deep within her throat as she kneeled beside the man. There was little she could do for him, but he still breathed. There was hope in that... That bright purple cloak was slipped off and draped over him. Words spoken would be nothing more than a breath, not even a whisper.

"..I'm sorry...so sorry.."

Timing was on her side at least, and foot falls in the distance would grab her attention. Two watchmen, heading her way. She swallowed harshly before standing up to call out for them. "This man needs a healer!"

Lydia wouldn't stay though, no. She didn't even wait for an acknowledgement before she turned on a heel to run away.

As fast as she could.