Topic: Buried But Not Forgotten

Lydia Loran

Date: 2007-03-09 03:42 EST
Events of this thread take place during the early AM hours of March 9]

Quite early in the AM, and where was the green haired elf? The Rhydin Memorial Cemetery. Good place to be so late isn't it? Not to mention alone. Shame on her...

She wasn't in one of the open areas of the rather large graveyard either, she was in the back, in a place of forgotten, tombstones and markers, labeled only by letters and numbers. These were the John and Jane Does of Rhydin, the people who were forgotten, found dead, yet had no name, had no one to claim them. They were alone to the end and even beyond. Lydia frowned slightly at seeing the amount of forgotten out there, it was rather sad.

She moved quickly and quietly, carefully meandering around the graves as if she were scared to disturb those that 'slept'. Pale blues paused on the numbers and letters on each marker and stone, comparing it to the numbers and letters written on the paper in her hand. All alphabetical and numerical so it helped with the search, but with that many.. it took a while. Still, she found what she was looking for.

Her sister's grave.

Not Erin's grave, no. She was very much alive. They had just had a talk actually, and she was coming from her manor. No, this was the sister she had killed months ago. Lydia regarded the marker for a long moment, nothing more than a small, angular, uneven slab of granite, marked 'K-7-235'. There wasn't anything really special about the place, except perhaps the grass was slightly thinner where the body had been buried than the grass in the surrounding area.

Pale blues lingered a bit over the engravement before she frowned. It wasn't appropriate at all, but what else could have been done? Slowly, the green haired elf sat down, right in front of the stone, cross-legged, and her bag was slipped off to rest on the ground next to her. No words spoken, she dug around her bag a bit, pulling out a rather long piece of purple ribbon, and a small sheathed knife. Knife set aside for now, the ribbon was draped around the stone, next to the ground, then tied into a neat ribbon.

That done, the knife was picked up, unsheathed, and used to even the trim on the ribbon. Leaning back, Lydia spent a rather long moment regarding the slab, before knife was lifted once again, this time used to scratch out that 'K-7-235'. Beneath it, she started to carve in a name. It was no easy task though, and went slowly.

M

A

...The curve of the 'R' was tricky, a little too tricky actually. Wrist twisted, knife was pushed, and the knife slipped. Unfortunately the green haired elf was a clumsy girl, and the knife blade slipped right across her left palm. With a sharp intake of breath, the knife was dropped to the ground and palm was turned up to examine. Nothing grievous, the cut wasn't deep, just a little long. Probably slightly worse than a papercut. Frowning, Lydia used her unwounded hand to dig around her bag.. nothing. Usually she kept spare ribbons too.. A glance down to her dress then. That stupid little black dress the Nexus seemed to think she should wear. It wasn't too terribly short though, so with a little rip a strip of black fabric was acquired from dress, and wrapped around her left hand once, twice, and thrice, ends then tucked in. Rather makeshift, but it'd have to do for now.

The 'MAI' was regarded with a frown, but with her hand hurt, there wasn't much to be done about that, at least not at the moment. Knife returned to sheath, it was slipped into her bag, which was tugged back as she scooted away from the slab a little. Hands returned to her lap, right cradling left, she simply sat and stared at the stone set before her. Not a word spoken, no tear shed, no thoughts in her mind.. she just stared.

Lydia Loran

Date: 2007-03-09 05:11 EST
"I thought.. I'd feel better if I came here." Lydia finally spoke after a while, fifteen minutes at least. "I don't." Said simply with a shake of her head. "If anything I feel worse."

She slumped a little, leaning forward, peering at the bright purple ribbon that clashed with the mood and environment. "You're dead." Her tone held a slight intonation of disbelief and questioning, as if this was something she had just learned. "You're dead..." A hint of acceptance then, but the initial 'shock' still there. "Really gone, and not coming back, yeah?" She shook her head, leaning back. "I talked to Erin earlier..." A pause, considering. "She's.. my sister. She hasn't replaced you though, no one is replaceable, not like that..." Trailing off, frowning. "I think.. I'm pretty sure you'd like her. She likes purple a lot.. not as much as you, but it's her favorite color too. And one of mine... But people like her.. she's fun and.. and really nice." She shook her head again, getting back on topic. "I.. I was talking to her earlier, and I told her that she did things that vexed me, that.. that bothered me, but that no matter what she did I'd always love her, because she's my sister.. and you know what? It's true..."

Lydia's shoulders rose as she took a deep breath, letting her head hang, gaze lock on the ground. "Because I still love you. Ridiculous yeah, I know... but I do. Despite every horrible thing you've done... gods... you killed father... you killed Gwydion... you're responsible for so many deaths... by all rights I should hate you. I really should.. you deserve it. But I don't.. I can't.." Shoulders shrugged faintly, a defeated gesture. "I wish I did.. it would make things so much easier. I could just laugh at your death, revel in it even.. walk away and forget about you as if you never existed. Gods that would be easy... but despite.. everything, I... I don't."

"I don't hate you Maria, even if you hate me."

Frowning, her gaze lifted towards the ribbon again. "Wherever you are now, I hope you haven't carried that hatred or.. that grudge with you. I hope.. I hope you're happy where you are.. I can't believe there's nothing after death." Thumb of her right hand gently touched the cloth of the left. "You know, Grem and Erin believe in this.. well.. I don't know much about it, but there's a Heaven, and a Hell. Heaven is.. for good people I guess, and Hell is.. well.. for bad." She winced a bit, brows furrowed slightly. "You're not in Hell are you? I.. I can't imagine that anyone could do something so bad to deserve to suffer for..forever. Even you don't deserve that Maria..." Whispered words then.

Lydia grew quiet again, her gaze wandering the area a bit before turning back to the granite. "I gotta admit... my reasoning for coming here was selfish... I think.. I think I'm a terribly selfish person sometimes. I came here to feel better. I came here because.. I keep thinking about you lately. A lot. I try to get you out of my mind but now there's so many reminders... well, they were probably there before, but I only just now noticed them.. I guess." She frowned. "I should have come here sooner, should have found you sooner.. I'm sorry I didn't. I'm.. I'm sorry things ended the way they did. I sometimes think that maybe if I hadn't killed you then... well..." Shaking her head. "I'd be dead then wouldn't I? And you'd be.. well, gods I don't even want to think about that.. This.. this really is the best thing that could have happened isn't it?" Tears started to pool in those pale blue eyes of hers. "Veian was.. is cursed.. I wonder if everyone there is too.. maybe I am.. maybe I'm not meant for.. but why would.. gods, I'm being ridiculous again."

"I.. I'll come visit you again. But Maria?" A blink, those tears starting to trail down her cheeks. "Let me go? You'll always be a part of me yeah, but... you can't haunt me for the rest of my life. I just.. I can't handle that. I can't deal with feeling like this. So.. so guilty." Right hand lifted to wipe at her cheeks. "I hate that I ask this.. hate that I'm so selfish.. but I just.. I want to be happy. I want to move on, I want to.. I want to live. I don't want to have to feel this way every time I should feel happy. Don't I.. don't I deserve it? To be happy.." A hint of uncertainty in her tone. "I haven't.. I'm not so terrible am I? Just... I.. I can't help what I am Maria.. but who I am.. it's not so bad is it? I.. I try. I try so hard sometimes...it's gotta be worth something so.."

"..let me go."