Even with no intention to go to The Stitch to work today, she had woken up early. The desire to just lay around; not thinking and not feeling? She had to actively go against it, fight it to have some semblance of normalcy in her life. And she had other friends that needed to be alerted of Mason's passing as well. They had that right. Even if most weren't as close with him as she had been she didn't want any of her friends to not know, or to have to hear it as some passing gossip, or as an obituary in some paper. Surely, Mason was worth more than a few words on a piece of paper in the end?
The first one she told was Carley, and that was probably the easiest event of the day. The little blonde elf had been quite wonderful about it. She was consoling and sympathetic as well, seemingly placing her own sadness aside for her green haired friend. Carley maintained her usual positive, upbeat attitude and assured Lydia she would handle telling not only Heath, but Erin as well when she went in to work, which was a very appreciated gesture. She really didn't have the heart to go to The Stitch today, to have to be around so many people. Tomorrow perhaps, but today the hurt was just too fresh.
Telling Eddie was a little harder, but his pain at the news was a little more apparent. Rarely was he able to hide his thoughts or feelings. But very much like Carley he maintained positivity and strength, something she was a little envious for, and wished she could do herself. There was nothing in her fake, plastic, tight lipped smile that was 'strong'. It was nothing more than a mask. A very poor mask that those closest to her could see through. She knew they could, it was in their eyes really, the way they regarded her every time she did it.
She had even gone by the inn that Mason stayed and worked at, to make sure those that he 'worked with' were informed. Some already had been, but others weren't, and genuinely seemed saddened at the news. She wanted to stay, converse with them more, maybe even tread up rickety stairs to sneak a glance in Mason's room, but there probably would have been little point in that. There probably wasn't even anything of note left in there. And being in that particular inn, around the people there? It was just a reminder of what it was that probably took Mason's life. It was a reminder of whose fault Mason's death really was.
Finally, came the time to tell Mille. That had been the hardest. Mille and Mason didn't always seem to get along to most; having such differing views and opinions on things, they argued quite a bit. But those that did know them knew that they had harbored a great deal of respect and admiration for the other. Still, she was quite surprised to see that Mille took the news with strength. Even in Mille's own grief, as many others had, she had offered support to her. Her strength. But even at the end of the day, she still felt so drained of it.
Tomorrow though, she'd venture back out. She'd work again. She'd offer her fake smile to everyone and pretend she was okay. Maybe people had grown so accustomed to it they'd not notice. For now, however, she'd let her eyes flutter closed, and try to sleep.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Why are ya smilin' when yer not happy?"
"...what?"
"You carry too much burden, ya know that?"
"I don't know what makes you think that-"
"Just hear me out girl scout... It's one thing to carry yer own, there's no shame in tryin' to not push yer problems off on everyone else, but why do you carry the burden of all ya meet?"
"I don't.. understand?"
"When... those close to ya get in ta trouble, no matter how big or small, ya feel it. Ya carry it, and I bet you blame yerself for it too. I'd be surprised if there was anything bad in this world that happened you didn't somehow take it upon yerself to feel guilt for."
"That's - do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"
"Hm, maybe as ridiculous as it is to witness?"
"..."
"Yer not responsible for all the bad that happens, and ya can't always fix everything. Someday... I hope you'll see that."
The first one she told was Carley, and that was probably the easiest event of the day. The little blonde elf had been quite wonderful about it. She was consoling and sympathetic as well, seemingly placing her own sadness aside for her green haired friend. Carley maintained her usual positive, upbeat attitude and assured Lydia she would handle telling not only Heath, but Erin as well when she went in to work, which was a very appreciated gesture. She really didn't have the heart to go to The Stitch today, to have to be around so many people. Tomorrow perhaps, but today the hurt was just too fresh.
Telling Eddie was a little harder, but his pain at the news was a little more apparent. Rarely was he able to hide his thoughts or feelings. But very much like Carley he maintained positivity and strength, something she was a little envious for, and wished she could do herself. There was nothing in her fake, plastic, tight lipped smile that was 'strong'. It was nothing more than a mask. A very poor mask that those closest to her could see through. She knew they could, it was in their eyes really, the way they regarded her every time she did it.
She had even gone by the inn that Mason stayed and worked at, to make sure those that he 'worked with' were informed. Some already had been, but others weren't, and genuinely seemed saddened at the news. She wanted to stay, converse with them more, maybe even tread up rickety stairs to sneak a glance in Mason's room, but there probably would have been little point in that. There probably wasn't even anything of note left in there. And being in that particular inn, around the people there? It was just a reminder of what it was that probably took Mason's life. It was a reminder of whose fault Mason's death really was.
Finally, came the time to tell Mille. That had been the hardest. Mille and Mason didn't always seem to get along to most; having such differing views and opinions on things, they argued quite a bit. But those that did know them knew that they had harbored a great deal of respect and admiration for the other. Still, she was quite surprised to see that Mille took the news with strength. Even in Mille's own grief, as many others had, she had offered support to her. Her strength. But even at the end of the day, she still felt so drained of it.
Tomorrow though, she'd venture back out. She'd work again. She'd offer her fake smile to everyone and pretend she was okay. Maybe people had grown so accustomed to it they'd not notice. For now, however, she'd let her eyes flutter closed, and try to sleep.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Why are ya smilin' when yer not happy?"
"...what?"
"You carry too much burden, ya know that?"
"I don't know what makes you think that-"
"Just hear me out girl scout... It's one thing to carry yer own, there's no shame in tryin' to not push yer problems off on everyone else, but why do you carry the burden of all ya meet?"
"I don't.. understand?"
"When... those close to ya get in ta trouble, no matter how big or small, ya feel it. Ya carry it, and I bet you blame yerself for it too. I'd be surprised if there was anything bad in this world that happened you didn't somehow take it upon yerself to feel guilt for."
"That's - do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"
"Hm, maybe as ridiculous as it is to witness?"
"..."
"Yer not responsible for all the bad that happens, and ya can't always fix everything. Someday... I hope you'll see that."