I wish I understood why I'm doing this, why I feel this need. Because I really don't.. I just know I have to do it. I wouldn't feel right if I didn't, or just ignored this. I couldn't patrol WestEnd because it was too hard on me, yet I'm here, and this is probably harder on me than that was. I guess.. I guess when I see these people I see myself, or at least, how I used to be. My life was never mine back then, and in a way, I was a slave too. I understand the pain they feel, because I felt it, I can still feel it when I look at them. I feel it so much I can't just turn away.

Even if I want to...

"Lydia?"

"Yeah?"

"We're almost there ya know... you seem a bit distracted? Are you sure ya wanna go through this again?"

"I'll be fine."

I hate that Mason is involved in this, but it's too late for me to do anything about that now. And I probably couldn't do this alone anyways, it just so happened he was the one who talked to me about this, told me about this place, what went on here... and it so happened he knew what I was going to do before I had even done it. It's scary sometimes, how well he seems to know me and how I think, when I haven't known him that long. Some people are like that I guess, they don't need that much time to know someone, to like someone, or dislike them, or even love or hate them. It's these people I feel most comfortable around, even if it is unsettling in some ways.

The people I surround myself with are people I connect to immediately, or just feel.. comfortable around, no matter how little I know of them. Erin was the first I really felt that with. Things were so hard then, I felt so hurt and alone in some ways.. I had friends, but nothing beyond that. Having so much in common with her, being able to be myself around her really helped. Somehow this connection between us formed, and we were more than friends from the start. We were sisters.

So odd now, considering how little we have connecting us now. I've let go in some regards as of late, but I wonder if this means we'll drift apart. If she continues to break herself, I can't keep trying to put pieces together, because they no longer fit. I no longer understand them.

I don't understand her anymore.

I don't know her anymore.

I feel like part of me has died recently. I'm not entirely sure it'll revive either.

"Are you sure you want to come Mason? You can just wait at-"

"No no girlscout, you're not gettin' rid of me. I'm not lettin' ya come here alone."

"I'm fully capable of-"

"No... you're not."

I hate how he interrupts me. I hate how he's always right. I hate he seems to know me more than I know myself.

"Mason..."

"Lydia. If something goes wrong, I need to be here. If somethin' happened to you, who would even know? I'm the only one you told about all of this and.. damn it, if you're so capable, and actually believe that, why haven't ya told anyone else about your little.. 'extracurricular activities'?"