Topic: Hoping for Hope

Lydia Loran

Date: 2007-09-04 00:28 EST
A letter from Mr. Miller indeed.

Lydia fished the letter she had received from Storm earlier in the night at The Outback from her bag before dropping the latter to the floor in a rather unceremonious heap. Stepping over it, she meandered towards the couch before taking a seat, looking the envelope in her hands over. Fingers traced the blue ink that spelled out her name. Only one used that shade... and she recognized the handwriting as well. As often as the two had exchanged letters and notes, she should be able to by now. Easily.

She took a deep breath, not yet opening the letter. Why was she hesitating?

You're being ridiculous. Just open it...

Lydia swallowed a lump back in her throat. Thoughts of how things had been between her and Erin shortly before Anubis took her plagued her for a moment. There were so many 'what if's and 'when she's back I'm going to...'s. Little good it did now... it was all pushed out of her mind, as she carefully tore the envelope open, carefully pulling the letter inside out.

Breath was held in as she started to read...

Erinalle Dunbridge

Date: 2007-09-04 01:59 EST
The script was destinct. Years of schooling had seen to that. And other than a few smudges that were uncharacteristic, it was clear where this letter had come from, and when it had been written...



Lydia,

Things have not been right between us, and for that I am due more than half of the blame. I am terrible at handling my own feelings, and even worse at expressing them to others. Perhaps I am mad at you, but when I write this, it has to come from beyond that.

If you're receiving this, what I feared would happen did. I haven't spoken to you about this, because it seemed unfair after what you went through with Fahl, and even worse to burden you with after our argument. I was afraid you'd think I was using it as an excuse for behaving the way I have. But, now that I write this, perhaps I should say something...

I want to say first that I'm okay. I am prepared for this. I have been meeting with Raye and talking to a few people about possibilities. I'm going to wait it out. What that means? I am hoping to keep my head low, stay obedient and provoke him as little as possible. Perhaps that will make me look weak. I don't care. I need to survive, that is the only way to keep hope alive.

Lydia, know that despite this tiff we're in the middle of, I do love you. I appreciate everything you have done for me, and while we may not use the title anymore, i will consider you as close to a sister as I will ever have. I think, perhaps, that my mistakes have weighed on those around me more than they should. You carry much of the brunt, and for that I am truely sorry.

I have given directives to few, but from you I ask that you try to keep positive. Stay strong. And if you see me during all this, do try to project that unto me. I am going to need all the reminders I can get that I am not alone in this world.

If I have learned anything from waiting for Jordan, it is that it's hard to know you have no control over your loved ones. I once said to you that friends are people that share the burden, the cross. Know here that you are helping me carry mine, and I am hoping that this letter hopes you carry yours.

We will always be bound in some way; whether the best of friends, or merely business partners. You cannot change the past. A wise man once said that trying to change what you are, what has happened to you, is as hard as trying to separate ink from water. Impossible. Once they have been mixed, they will forever be as one. Neither ink, nor water, but something entirely different.

Family has nothing to do with being alike, and I am forever glad you are the person you are. More so than my being the person I am. My sorrow that I have caused this pain to you most of all is immeasurable. Perhaps someday I can make it up.

Stay strong. This will be over soon. I have faith in those that love me, and those that will fight this fight. Hope is what I believe in most of all.

Much love, your "sister,"

E

Lydia Loran

Date: 2007-09-04 03:45 EST
After reading the letter the first time, Lydia had to stop and let it sink in, before reading it a second time. Eyes were wet with tears threatening to fall, but they didn't get that chance as she quickly wiped them away. Soon after she leaned forward, carefully setting the letter and accompanying envelope on the coffee table in front of her before leaning back and away from it, back pressed against the couch.

How had she handled things in the past when it all became too overwhelming? She simply didn't. She shut herself off from the world. She shut down. Didn't smile, eat, drink, or.. live. Just became a broken shell of a person. In a way, it was easier that way. To not have to deal with it, to not have to pretend to be okay, or have to move on in spite of it all. Back then, she didn't have people to draw strength from. Back then, she didn't have people she had to be strong for.

Things were so very different now.

Habit was a hard thing to break, so of course part of Lydia just wanted to curl up on that couch and shut down. Every idea to help Erin, every attempt, there was always an obstacle that stood in the way that no one seemed to know how to get around. It was disheartening, to feel that there was something to do, but not yet know what it was. But giving up just wasn't an option. Caving in wasn't an option.

Erin wasn't. Hadn't. No one else had. There was quite a bit of hope in that.

Even if an idea wasn't found by her, someone else would. Everyone coming in on those obstacles from different angles.. someone was bound to circumvent them sometime.

Then she and Erin could patch things up. Fix their brittle friendship. Make amends. Make everything right. Maybe not the way it used to be. But it could be made into something good once again.

It was an odd feeling, that suddenly hit Lydia: Everything was going to be okay.

And she could actually believe it.