"I don't know if this will help at all, or you'll think it's silly, but it's something my Mama taught me how to do..." Erin added softly as she led Lydia from the WestEnd and towards Dragon's Gate. The church she was thinking of was just before the Temple District. A small hole in the wall with an almost crumbling steeple. What was nice about it was its complete and utter invisibility to many of the larger population. People walked by it, thinking it abandoned.

Erin, terrible with grief herself, had felt horrible and isolated from her friend. There was so much pain and guilt to go through in her personal life, that she wasn't sure how to help shoulder Lydia's. So, perhaps this trip through the small streets of RhyDin was too little too late, but it was something. And trying was always the hardest and the best part.

Erin looked herself-- a simple dress and simple shoes matches with messy hair. But she walked along at a somewhat brisk pace, despite the chill of Sunday morning. Just before noon, the sun was high, reflecting lights off of the slightly yellowing leaves of the trees. Fall was just starting to settle in-- in all it's glory.

"...and, it just seemed like it couldn't hurt or anything. Plus, afterwards, I'm going to take you to this really good place or soup. They have all different sorts, and they're rather tasty." An unspoken acknowledgment from Erin to Lydia that she was aware of her eating habits. A look down to her one time sister with a smile.

"And I don't know what you're up for the day, but I kept it free for you." Added a bit softer as she looked down and kicked a rock out from the walk into the street.

Erin paused as she tried to remember if it was a right or a left... a right. She nodded with her head before she turned the corner. The street was still cobble but a bit cleaner than the WestEnd, and less buildings were affected by the zombies here. It was an old part of town, crumbling buildings here and there, the street lights were gas. It was charming, really-- in that old Europe sort of way.

"We're going to light candles. You can do it for anything, really... that you want or need. But a lot of people do it for their departed loved ones. Sending messages, prayers, remembrances. I found it helps." Erin rolled her shoulders in a bit of a shrug. "If anything it's really pretty. All the candles..."

Lydia didn't handle candles very often, mostly because with her gifts she didn't really need them. The scented ones were nice, but she figured Grem wouldn't like having those around on account of his heightened sense of smell. "I've seen scented candles at the market before." Idly spoken, before she looked a little sheepish for it. "It.. sounds nice though, to remember people. I guess..." She paused, almost sighing as she hesitated with her next words. A brief glance around before she lowered her voice. "I guess I've always found it hard to remember, without the pain?"

Erin nodded a bit. "Yeah..." A purse of her lips and a shake of her head. "People say that god can see the lights. Brings the thoughts and the prayers to people. I don't' know what I believe in anymore, but it's a nice thought." She smiles a little at it. "And sometimes it's good to feel the pain, I guess. Get it out there. Sometimes I worry about becoming numb, you know? If I didn't feel it anymore... it sucks, but at least reminds you that you're alive. Feeling is better than feeling nothing at all." That last sentence added really quietly.

"You think they can see us? The ones that have.. moved on?" Not the best choice of words, but it was easier to say than to say they died. "I wonder that sometimes, and sometimes I hope they can, other times I hope they can't... it's weird." She fell quiet for a moment, mulling over Erin's words. "I've also wondered about that too, being numb, if it would make things easier. I've wished for that sometimes, to not be able to feel anything, but I guess... in the end that's not really what I want." Lydia was rambling, of course. One of the things she did best. Bless the people who put up with her for it... "Because you'd have to give up all emotions. Not just the bad ones, like pain and sadness, you'd have to give up love and happiness too. And as much as things hurt sometimes.. I suppose it's worth it to have happiness and love." As she talked, she stopped suddenly, her foot having bumped against something. Blinking a couple times, she turned a curious gaze downwards.

"I think they can. I think they're proud that we keep on, in the end. It's our gift to them. We keep them alive by remembering, and carrying what was important to them. Life is just passing that sorta stuff on, I guess." She paused to look at what Lydia had stopped for, her head turning to the side a touch as she examined it. A bit of a smile at the colors when she spotted the glass there. Eyes stayed downcast as she spoke. "I think it is." said quietly. "I thought about that a lot lately. What love is worth... and to have it, and to have it returned. I guess I decided that was worth everything in the end." A bit of a shrug. "The pain just makes it all the more wonderful. Because what could would love be without the risk of pain? It makes success more... tangible, I guess. I don't know, I'm making no sense." She laughed a little nervously, tilting her head up from the glass finally.

Lydia smiled faintly, letting her gaze lift up towards Erin. "No, you're making sense to me. More sense than I ever make." That last part was muttered almost before she bent down to scoop up what her foot had hit, which just happened to be a small panel of stained glass, crafted from an eclectic assortment of colors and shapes. It was probably about the size of two of her hands put together, and even though she didn't know what it was, she held it up towards the light of the sun almost instinctively to look it over, watching the way the light reflected off it.

"This is pretty, whatever it is..." For a moment there was something light about her expression and voice, child-like in it's wonder and curiosity. Even a touch of a smile was there, but it all passed quickly as she lowered the glass away from the light, turning towards Erin, head tilted. "So.. do you think love isn't worth it if there's no risk of pain?" A question she'd very not likely ask if she had known certain things about Erin's life right now.

Erin looked at the window pane and narrowed her eyes a bit. "I think it's a part of a church window." she smiled a little at the color, trying to see if there were pictures, a story in it. She used that as a distraction as she pondered how to answer the last question.

"Yeah... yeah. I do. Because if there's no risk.. if everything is guaranteed, then what is there to work for? I don't know. If there's no risk of pain, you're not really invested, you know? Not really giving your all. And what's it all for if not giving all of yourself." As soon as she said it, she felt guilty. Erin wasn't sure if she'd ever given all of herself to anyone. And perhaps what was how she ended up so alienated from almost everyone she loved. It made her chew on her bottom lip.

The glass was only a piece of something bigger, too small to have a story displayed in it. It really did just look like a random assortment of colors and shapes. "Church windows look like this? I've never seen windows or glass made like this before." She fell quiet as Erin spoke, tracing the designs of the glass with her finger tips as she rocked a bit on the balls of her feet.

"Hm.. I think I understand what you mean. If you give your all, that means something to someone, but if not..." Trailing off, Lydia shook her head. "If it's guaranteed, you don't have to put effort in it, you don't put in anything, and it gives it little worth. At least.. I guess that's what you mean." She smiled a touch, looking a little embarrassed as she shrugged her shoulders. The glass was eyed once more, and seeing as there already seemed to be a weakened break in it? Snap. Right in half. One half was offered on over to Erin then. It might have seemed odd to some, since most would regard what she held in her hands as trash. But it wasn't trash at all to Lydia.

Erin took the glass carefully and held it in her hands. Turning it over a few times, she smiled, sliding it into her bag without a word. It was placed between the pages of a book to keep it from breaking. A bit of a nod as she looked back at Lydia.

"Thanks." The smile was a real one. Starting to walk again, she used the moment to regain her thoughts. It was important not to cry. Not to crumble apart. Lydia needed her more than she needed Lydia. Death was much more than a little heart And Erin made sure to keep it that way. A long breath in and then out again. "Yeah... and if someone can't give you themselves, if they can't even work that way... it's one thing to lean on someone, and have them lean back on you. It's another to trust them with everything and have nothing to carry yourself." Now she was talking about herself. She'd be guilty about that later. "I don't know. Things have been hard this past year, Lyds, but I think we're better for it. A year ago I know I wasn't' as strong... and in the end doesn't it make the little things more precious? I sound like a bundle of cliche's, but I think they're cliche` for a reason."

Lydia slid her own half of the glass into one of the pockets of her jacket as she started walking along with Erin, steps a bit easier than they were before. If she had known about that 'little heart break' she would have done her best to be there for Erin, comfort her and make her feel better like Erin was doing for her now. But as she didn't, there wasn't much she could do for Erin, not intentionally at least. Her words were a bit.. curious though, and Lydia tilted her head as she listened, not quite understanding. That last bit she did though.

"There's nothing wrong with cliches... but I think you're right. I don't honestly think of myself as a strong person, even now, but a year ago I was so much weaker in so many ways. But.. I guess I got here because of everyone else, but I certainly wouldn't have been able to on my own. I guess that's how it is for you too? For all of us.. or most of us at least."

"Yeah. I honestly believe that no one could do anything on their own. Truly alone. Could you imagine if you had to keep everything in your head? Figure it all out without anyone to sound off of? We'd all be bonkers." There was almost a laugh at that. And yet more of that guilt. It was hard to keep things in and harder to let them out, and Erin felt like a hypocrite. "If only it were easier to just spit it out, huh?" And it sounded angrier than it should have, because she was mad at herself. Her lips automatically pursed.

Lydia's own experience taught her that she couldn't do things alone, so that was something she agreed with. But it seemed like so many didn't really *need* others at times, like they were really.. strong? Was that the word? Was it really strong to not let others in? Brows furrowed a touch, and she nearly winced to Erin's last words. "Yeah.. I wish it was easier." Something she struggled with right there. Even now. She sighed quietly and glanced around. "Are we almost there?"

With her free hand, Lydia reached out and took Erin's hand, offering a gentle squeeze. She studied the stick in her hand contemplatively before reaching out to light it; this time lighting two unlit candles. "There's not a day that goes by I don't think of you daddy..." Whenever it was just her and her father, even as an adult he was always 'Daddy'. Only a more formal 'Father' in public. "I miss you... and I miss how whenever it thundered and I was scared, you'd hide away with me in the closet. Or how you loved me even though I wasn't perfect, or part elf.. that you accepted me, and let me be.. me, without punishment. You.. you're the reason I have any humanity.. I forget that sometimes.. cursing it sometimes, but Erin's right.. it is a blessing isn't it?" An awkward shrug before gaze drifted to the second candle.

"Mother.. I'm sorry I thought poorly of you for so long before... because you were the way you were, because people made you that way. At some point, you were the same as me. And when father died-" Even now, in death when speaking to her mother, she couldn't bring herself to refer to her father as 'daddy'. "-you were the only one there for me. It was the only time you ever held me and comforted me, but.. it's all I really needed in order to realize that you did love me, even if you didn't show it. So now.. I hope you can express what you feel without feeling it's wrong, wherever you're at."

Erin smiled a little. Mainly because it was good to be getting this all out, right? It had to be. She stepped up next to where Lydia was and sighed long and hard. This one was going to be hard. Really hard. And she knew it. Her hand shook as she went for the stick. Carefully, slowly, she lit the stick and then the candle. Blowing out the stick, it took her a long moment before she looked down at the little light she had just created. A purse of her lips and she pressed her hands to the bar, not kneeling this time. Her breath drew in slowly and she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Chrissy..." Voice just over a whisper as she spoke. "There isn't a day.. a moment... where I don't' wonder what would have happened if you would have held on one more month. Maybe even a week... How old you'd be, how tall, where I'd be... I'm so young, I know, but I still wanted you to make it. Specially after..." A sigh as she shook her head. "I'm sorry I blamed you. For everything. For everything I still do. For what I still feel. For Richard, for Sebastian, for just... it's not your fault, it's mine, and I can't help but lay it on you. And you're so small, and so young, and it's just not fair. Never was. I just bottle it up like some sort of trump card.. like you took things from me, and there's no way you could have. Things just happen the way they happen, and it's about time I accept it." Erin paused to wipe her eyes. She was crying more and more lately and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. "So, I hope you're okay.. but, mainly I just hope you can forgive me. Really forgive me. And let me go, like I need to let you go. I need to let you lift from every day. Just for awhile. Not forget you, I could never forget you, but to let you have your peace and take mine." A pause and she wiped her eyes a bit with the back of her hand. It was strange how the same girl that had collapsed in the inn during her ill fated marriage was so stoic lately. It worried her, truth be told, but she also saw it as a sign of maturity, and not a sign that she was a few steps away from completely shutting down.

There were a couple more she wanted to light candles for, speak to, but that could be done later in private. For now, she was getting close to the edge of her comfort zone, and Lydia felt as if she and Erin were a candle or two away from breaking down. Frowning a touch, fingertips trailed the end of her stick, making sure the fire there was dead before she cast a tentative glance over to Erin. Would it be wrong to speak? Part of her felt maybe it would be, but it didn't stop her. "We've both lost a lot huh?" It was soft, rhetoric. "Maybe... maybe we should look at what we do have?" She paused, pulling some hair out of her eyes. "Who we have." A firm nod to that. Another thing she wouldn't have said, had she known...

The tears renewed themselves and she nodded a bit. "Yeah." It was quiet, almost a whisper. She sighed a bit, patting the rail she was holding onto. A nod to the candles and she stepped back and turned to look at the empty church. "You know, it's good to know that no matter what happens you'll be around. That we can be there for each other. We always come back together.. not in the same form, but in some form." She looked to Lydia and smiled again. "It's nice."

There was a hint of guilt in her features then. "Yeah... I know things haven't been great with us, for a while now." Gaze tore away from Erin, back to the candles. "Since the.. sister thing.. maybe. I didn't mean to hurt you with that... I hope you understand that I didn't want anything to really change, but I feel like it has? I guess that's my fault." Shaking her head then. "But I'll always try to be here for you Erin... you just.. gotta do the same for yourself too." She hoped Erin would understand what she meant by that.

"I know." She nodded, smiling a touch, then, shuffling her feet. "I didn't' mean for things to get so.. but I just wasn't' sure how to.. I'll be better with it. Try to be more open." Starting with the tale of Jordan she would be telling over lunch. "Be better for everyone involved." A soft smile. "And you need to let me be there for you. It's hard to be your friend sometimes, because it's harder to support when you won't say what you need..." The last part said softly.

"Yeah.." She nodded a bit to that. She knew. She knew! Dealing with Lydia was like trying to open up a can lacking the pop top without a can opener - not the easiest task. Very frustrating... "I know. I'll try working on that." A faint smile accompanied her words. Did she mean them? Time would tell.

"So, soup?" And Erin re-emerged with that charming smile and easy demeanor. It was going to get old one day. Or at least disturbing. She nodded at the door, unable to keep talking about the dreary, at least for the moment.

Pale blues shifted towards the door then back to Erin as she nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. I'm starving." A little stretch before she offered Erin a little smile. "And you dragged me out of bed, so it's on you."

Her hands went up in surrender as she started through the room. "Okay, okay! Totally on me." Another smirk and she started for the door of the church. A pull on her dress to straighten it. "If you're lucky, I'll even get you some tea."

Lydia followed behind Erin, slowly though, to maintain a few steps between the pair. "Tea?" She crinkled up her face. "I've been drinking a lot of tea lately.. I keep it up I'm gonna get the weird accent." Teasing, of course. Pausing, she glanced over her shoulder back to the candles. Lips pursed, pale blues glowed a touch, and with a wave of her hand two other candles were lit. She'd not feel right if she hadn't done that... but as soon as it was done - which took no time at all, it'd be surprising if Erin had noticed - she put back on a little smile, and closed the distance between herself and the englishwoman, her next sentence spoken with a British accent. "I think I rather fancy a root beer." And the scary thing? It was almost spot on. Blame the British invasion for that one.

Erin did notice, but didn't say anything, and was just ambling out when Lydia spoke. A sputter and she couldn't' help but break into giggles, luckily as she tumbled out the door and onto the steps. Her shoulders shake and she looks back to Lydia. "I think that was better than mine!"

Hearing Erin, for the first time in a while? She grinned. But it was brief, as she quickly donned a stoic look and threw her nose up in the air as she moved out the door, still speaking 'British'. "Now Erin, that's not the proper way for a lady to walk, you're-" And by some stroke of luck, her foot snagged on a loose stone, causing her to stumble. Oh. That was graceful. Cue the sheepish look as she straightened. "..right.. so.. soup?" British Lydia gone.

Erin almost fell with the laughter that came back. "I think for a minute there you channeled my mother." She scurried down the stairs to offer a hand to Lydia. "Come on, I think your blood sugar is low." The smirk traveled to her eyes.

Lydia's smile became a little more lopsided as she reached out and took Erin's hand, holding back comments about feeling like Erin's mother at times. It really wasn't so far off base, since some already thought of her as too 'mommy-ish'. She'd just remain silent, and follow wherever Erin led.