E-I-E-I-OMG, or Missie Gets a Chicken
A Play in One Act
Characters
ALI AL-AMAT: Forty-something, Egyptian, has a limp
DANTE: A brindled blue greyhound, male
MISSIE: Apparent age nineteen, child persona of Ali?s mentally ill lover, Fionna, Chimera, mental age five
RAVER #1: Late teens, male, human
RAVER #2: Late teens, male, human
ASSORTED CHICKENS
The Setting
A three-bedroom penthouse apartment in a run-down section of Rhydin City known as WestEnd. Clean, modern decor at odds with the urban warzone of the area is beautiful, but sterile.
Time
Late spring. The Present. Approximately 4 A.M.
ACT I ? SCENE 1
(It is still dark. The apartment is cozy, drowsy and warm. The scent of clean sheets, lavender soap and sex linger in the rarified air of the bedroom, and somewhere, across town, Perp Miz chimes out an uncertain hour. Four? Five? The larger moon, Trebor, is a pale sliver of himself, and Arabrab is too low on the horizon to be certain of the time. A door creaks. Bare feet pad silently down the hall. And suddenly the sleepy peace of the house is broken by a piercing and delighted shriek.)
MISSIE
(MISSIE enters from stage right. Runs into the living room, naked)
DOGGIE!!!
(Barking and much clamor ensue in the living room. From offstage, a shout and a crash, as if someone has woken suddenly and fallen from bed.)
ALI
(offstage)
(Curses in Arabic)
MISSIE
(Laughs delightedly)
DANTE
(Barks)
(MISSIE chases DANTE around the room and over furniture. It sounds like the apartment is being torn apart by Saracens as they chase each other, their feet thunderous on the wood floor. DANTE suddenly sprouts gauzy, glowing butterfly wings and leaps from couch to chair to table to floor.)
MISSIE
(Jumps on the couch and tries to catch at his feet.)
Ooooooh! Purty! But doggies aren't supposed to have WINGS!
DANTE
(Stands up onto his hind legs and boxes playfully at her, then snaps out another bark and clears the coffee table with his bound.)
MISSIE
(Hops onto the coffee table)
Shush, doggie! Shush! You're gonna wake up Ali! Come down off the ceiling an' play with me!
ALI
(Offstage, sounding groggy)
What?
MISSIE
(Stretches toward dog, almost reaching a paw)
Come ? Here!
DANTE
(Matrixes off the far corner of the room, wall-window-ceiling and ricochets downward toward the floor. The glowing wings flicker out like a switch thrown just before he hits the floor.)
ALI
(ALI enters from stage right, naked, rubbing his face)
What the devil is going on in here?
MISSIE
(Stands in place and grins before flinging herself off the table and at him for a huge full-bodied hug)
Hi, Ali! I LOVE the flying doggie! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
(Accompanied by a hail-storm of soft kisses)
ALI
(Half-frozen with shock, his mouth open)
Uh.
ALI
(Snaps out of it)
His name is Dante, Missie. And he doesn't fly. I?m glad you like him.
ALI
(Mutters aside)
Pants. Pants NOW.
MISSIE
(Laughs as she touches her nose to his and presses her hands to his cheeks)
Silly, Ali! Of course he can't fly now. He put his wings away when you came out.
MISSIE
(A pause and a whisper)
I think your woohoo scared him.
ALI
(His eyes squeeze shut in something akin to pain)
MISSIE
(MISSIE releases ALI and crouches down to pet DANTE, who batters them both relentlessly with the whip of his tail)
And you have pretty wings, don't you, Dante?
ALI
(Flees, stage right)
Your chickens are here. Put some clothes on first!
(Sound of a door slamming offstage)
MISSIE
(Excited)
Chickens!
DANTE
(Barks enthusiastically)
MISSIE and DANTE
(Run to exit, stage left)
ALI
(Muffled shout, from other room)
Clothes first!
(The door to the deck slams as it is opened)
MISSIE
(Shouts from outside)
I LOVE YOU, CHICKENS!
ALI
(From offstage, groans loudly and curses in Arabic)
End ACT I, Scene 1
A Play in One Act
Characters
ALI AL-AMAT: Forty-something, Egyptian, has a limp
DANTE: A brindled blue greyhound, male
MISSIE: Apparent age nineteen, child persona of Ali?s mentally ill lover, Fionna, Chimera, mental age five
RAVER #1: Late teens, male, human
RAVER #2: Late teens, male, human
ASSORTED CHICKENS
The Setting
A three-bedroom penthouse apartment in a run-down section of Rhydin City known as WestEnd. Clean, modern decor at odds with the urban warzone of the area is beautiful, but sterile.
Time
Late spring. The Present. Approximately 4 A.M.
ACT I ? SCENE 1
(It is still dark. The apartment is cozy, drowsy and warm. The scent of clean sheets, lavender soap and sex linger in the rarified air of the bedroom, and somewhere, across town, Perp Miz chimes out an uncertain hour. Four? Five? The larger moon, Trebor, is a pale sliver of himself, and Arabrab is too low on the horizon to be certain of the time. A door creaks. Bare feet pad silently down the hall. And suddenly the sleepy peace of the house is broken by a piercing and delighted shriek.)
MISSIE
(MISSIE enters from stage right. Runs into the living room, naked)
DOGGIE!!!
(Barking and much clamor ensue in the living room. From offstage, a shout and a crash, as if someone has woken suddenly and fallen from bed.)
ALI
(offstage)
(Curses in Arabic)
MISSIE
(Laughs delightedly)
DANTE
(Barks)
(MISSIE chases DANTE around the room and over furniture. It sounds like the apartment is being torn apart by Saracens as they chase each other, their feet thunderous on the wood floor. DANTE suddenly sprouts gauzy, glowing butterfly wings and leaps from couch to chair to table to floor.)
MISSIE
(Jumps on the couch and tries to catch at his feet.)
Ooooooh! Purty! But doggies aren't supposed to have WINGS!
DANTE
(Stands up onto his hind legs and boxes playfully at her, then snaps out another bark and clears the coffee table with his bound.)
MISSIE
(Hops onto the coffee table)
Shush, doggie! Shush! You're gonna wake up Ali! Come down off the ceiling an' play with me!
ALI
(Offstage, sounding groggy)
What?
MISSIE
(Stretches toward dog, almost reaching a paw)
Come ? Here!
DANTE
(Matrixes off the far corner of the room, wall-window-ceiling and ricochets downward toward the floor. The glowing wings flicker out like a switch thrown just before he hits the floor.)
ALI
(ALI enters from stage right, naked, rubbing his face)
What the devil is going on in here?
MISSIE
(Stands in place and grins before flinging herself off the table and at him for a huge full-bodied hug)
Hi, Ali! I LOVE the flying doggie! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
(Accompanied by a hail-storm of soft kisses)
ALI
(Half-frozen with shock, his mouth open)
Uh.
ALI
(Snaps out of it)
His name is Dante, Missie. And he doesn't fly. I?m glad you like him.
ALI
(Mutters aside)
Pants. Pants NOW.
MISSIE
(Laughs as she touches her nose to his and presses her hands to his cheeks)
Silly, Ali! Of course he can't fly now. He put his wings away when you came out.
MISSIE
(A pause and a whisper)
I think your woohoo scared him.
ALI
(His eyes squeeze shut in something akin to pain)
MISSIE
(MISSIE releases ALI and crouches down to pet DANTE, who batters them both relentlessly with the whip of his tail)
And you have pretty wings, don't you, Dante?
ALI
(Flees, stage right)
Your chickens are here. Put some clothes on first!
(Sound of a door slamming offstage)
MISSIE
(Excited)
Chickens!
DANTE
(Barks enthusiastically)
MISSIE and DANTE
(Run to exit, stage left)
ALI
(Muffled shout, from other room)
Clothes first!
(The door to the deck slams as it is opened)
MISSIE
(Shouts from outside)
I LOVE YOU, CHICKENS!
ALI
(From offstage, groans loudly and curses in Arabic)
End ACT I, Scene 1