Topic: Thou Fillest the Darkness with Care

FioHelston

Date: 2009-06-03 21:12 EST
Father Stephan was wrong, Fio, I am not God's child, whoever that god may be. I belong to Bast, and I do as I please. And I say it is no sin. ? Ali bin Raza al-Amat

She lay quietly beside him in their borrowed bed in their borrowed apartment, listening to the steady, even sound of his breathing and the sedate thrum of his heartbeat. It was a mild, late-spring night, still fragrant and cool enough for it to be pleasant with the windows open. Before they?d joined to gasp aloud their commingled song of joy and need, he?d raised one of the sashes enough to lure in a breeze that carried with it the scent of the greenery used to forge a den-realm out of a lowly, landscaped, rooftop deck. Pampas grass and boxwood whispered a bedtime story to the roosting chickens, who fussed quietly within the safety of their star-strewn coop. Water burbled contra-tenor in the little koi-pond, and the found-item wind chimes she?d made and brought from the Studio tinkled the soprano. In some distant corner of WestEnd, the Rave raved on, far enough away this night to avoid the discordant buzz of vibrating glass in the windowpanes. Altogether, the combination of sounds made a pleasant backdrop to the susurration of his body in exhausted sleep.

Fio waited until he was good and soundly and deeply immersed in slumber before carefully easing out of his arms. This was a multi-staged process, for she desired greatly not to awaken him. He stirred once, and she froze, waiting him out until he slipped beneath the drowsy surface again. A quarter of an hour passed after that, before she felt confident that he wouldn?t miss her and managed her magician?s escape into the dark hallway.

There were three bedrooms in the apartment, ranging down the barrel of the long passage that led from the living room. On the farthest end facing west, stood the master bedroom where Ali lay sleeping. Two, smaller bedrooms and a bath hunkered on the east-facing side of the hall, overlooking the deck. The guest room nearest the living room had been rearranged to accommodate her cello, stand and chair from the studio, which filled the open space between the bed and closet. It was this room she crept to, first.

Her studio had always been the repository of her treasures, but when her stalker?s predations had forced her to flee she?d had only enough time to select a few small items to take with her. They were arguably the most special of all of her keepsakes, mementos of the days before Antony had done his worst and everything she?d held dear in life had spiraled away from her outstretched hands. These tiny items were now hidden away safe in the cello case, wrapped in an embroidered silk scarf that had been a present from Tara, once upon a happier time.

Stealthy as a thief, she cracked open the case and retrieved the little bundle. It was so light, its contents so insignificantly small, that there might not be anything there at all. She held the bundle to her chest and tiptoed back up the hallway, past the guest bathroom to the second guest-room opposite their bedchamber.

The door was closed. No bed, no rest for the weary visitor here. The room had been transformed into a shrine to his goddess. Heavy curtains all-around barred the possibility of light creeping in unwanted while free-wicked brass lamps burnt continuously, day and night. The scent of oil-smoke mingled with the heady perfume of myrrh and frankincense to tickle the nose. She turned the knob very quietly to slip inside. A tricksy breeze from their open window slunk in on her heels to make the lamp flames sputter over the intrusion. Hastily, she pressed the door just shy of the click of the latch behind her and held her breath for a count of ten. When she turned, Bast was waiting.

(To be continued)

FioHelston

Date: 2009-06-13 16:45 EST
Bast was waiting for her.

She had not been raised in a home with household idols ? not of this sort, anyway. The things her parents had worshipped were not easily represented in stone or bronze. And while the Church of her youth, like the E.C.C., kept such things closed within their walls and surrounded by the pervasive and slumberous saturation of age, dark and candle-wax, their idols shunned the domestic scene. Thus, when she had first been shown the shrine across the hall from their bedroom, she?d been bemused with this insight into Ali?s world, but kept a respectful distance. Until now.

The representation of Bastet in their apartment was easily six-feet tall from head to toe; Fio could stand eye-to-eye and nose-to-nose with her, if it weren?t for the base. From her pedestal, the cat-goddess looked down upon Fio as she crept into the room. Garbed in some sort of woven Egyptian dress, Bast had the body of a lissome woman, and the head of a cat. A flail of some sort was raised in one hand, and a basket held in the other; and on either side of her bare feet stood two felines with peculiarly large ears, a guard of honor, forever alert and listening. Bast and her children were the center of the tableau, and held such an aura of presence, that Fi drew up, reconsidered what she was about to do.

It was while she was deliberating that she spied the wooden box on the altar. It had not been there the times before, when she?d been invited to observe; she didn?t have to open it to guess what it held. Ali?s throat had been bare for over a week, now. The wards in the Studio had been reset. She had new keys. And Ali?s touch was cool, his eyes distant and strange, his jamak-spirit relegated to the care of Bastet. Lest I offend it, he?d said. He?d brought Antony?s books into their bedroom. That last thought strengthened her resolve. She moved closer.

?I know you don?t know me,? she began timidly, murmuring aloud in the perfumed air of the enclosed sanctuary. ?But you know Ali. He says he belongs to you. So I?m hoping you will help me, for him??

She stepped forward with her little bundle, setting it at the statue?s feet and untying the corners of the scarf to lay the contents bare for the idol. Within the shimmering folds of gold-shot indigo silk, her treasures resided. Three locks of dark hair, knotted with tiny satin ribbons ? one cut from each of her children ? gleamed in the center. A small porcelain ring box held one of Flea?s baby teeth. A thin rope of brass ankle bells given to her by Marishna tinkled as the cloth came to rest on the stone base. Beside it tumbled a four-leaf clover, mounted between two thin pieces of glass and bound in leading ? a gift from one of the Bloods, long ago. The only thing missing had been given away weeks ago to Kitty ? her Helston house ring. That would not be welcome here, in any event, she was sure. She arranged each item carefully, touching each of the treasures one last time, before leaving them there and stepping back.

?He says you?re a mother.? If that were so, then Bast would know what the offering meant to Fio. ?I need to...? She wasn?t used to talking like this, not to the statues of the saints, not even to the priests. She looked around, and then crouched down to sit in front of the cat-goddess, casting the earnest, intent plea of her eyes upward. ?I need to talk to you??

How long she remained there, spilling her fears, her worries, her desires out to into the still of the silent room, she couldn?t say for certain. Sometime before dawn, is all she knew. Sometime before dawn, she crept from Bast?s domain back to the stillness of their bedroom, her hair and skin saturated with the fragrance of incense and catharsis, and slipped back into the bed she shared with him. Sometime before dawn, she fell into her own exhausted and dreamless sleep.

(( Note: The timing of this and the previous post coincide with Khepri and Liber Logoaeth in Magic Words ))

FioHelston

Date: 2009-08-01 11:20 EST
The day of Marc Franco's fundraiser - the timing of which Marc had cheerfully adapted to accomodate their wedding, bless him - was a whirlwind of preparation. Parascevi, she had told someone - she forgot who; so many people that day! - in the Greek, the word for Friday means Preparation Day. It certainly was that.

They were supposed to keep it simple; they'd agreed. He'd gone with Bajii to his cousin's house, to be fitted for a new wedding tunic. They were selling it to him for a steal. She'd found a blue, drop-waisted ruffled dress on clearance the day before at one of the shops that she liked very much, and it would do. Not as fancy as what the other women at the event would be wearing, but it didn't matter to her; the moment she'd tried it on, she knew that Ali would love it.

She was supposed to be relaxing. That's what he'd cheerfully suggested before he left that morning. There were a few surprises, however, that he wasn't privy to. Nissa came with Bajii to pick up Ali - to visit, they'd assured the men. Girl stuff. The moment they left, the work began.

The one thing she'd wanted was to give Ali a gift, something that would remind him of the rollicking, huge clan weddings he remembered from home. She had no such memories from before Rhydin, and she'd passed through the ceremony and reception with Antony in a daze, so she was building one for herself as well. That meant food, and she couldn't cook. While the men had been making plans for clothing the evening before, she'd pulled Bajii's wife aside to explain her plight.

Nissa's three sons and two daughters trooped up the four flights of stairs to the apartment laden with supplies and pans as soon as the coast was clear. Nissa, at heart, was a general, a supply line sergeant, a secret agent. The operation was a well-oiled machine. There was to be lamb meatballs with mint, roasted chicken in so many spices the kitchen smelled like a bazaar. Meat pies hidden in tender blankets of pastries. Salads and kebabs, and fruits and dozens of the little, traditional, honeyed wedding cakes ... all in less than a day, from their kitchen - and Fio was to help.

It was a miracle that nothing exploded or burst into flames. Nissa was a saint, as well, it seemed.

While she set the boys to loading the food to be transported and the girls to cleaning the kitchen, Nissa herself ushered Fio back to the bedroom, and into the bath. There were women's rituals to be observed. To a bemused Fio, they amounted to being bathed and chanted over in a language she wasn't familiar with. Nissa drained and filled the bath, washed her in the same order, three times over before annointing her with a perfumed oil.

Then the makeup, and the daughters were giggling assistants in this part of the process. She was plucked, painted, kohled, rouged, stained and coddled. Nissa dipped her oiled fingers in vermillion powder and drew them up from her hairline along her part, painted her fingertips at various spots on her body, interpersing her chanting with little croons and sing-songs and assurances. By the time her body was painted, her hair was curled and she was dressed, she was so relaxed that her laughing friend had to remind her they had things still to do.

"This is most important," she told her in the kitchen, as she instructed her in the preparation of a little basket of food: honey cakes, pomegranate seeds and bulghur, sweet oranges and lemons, sprigs of bitter herbs used in the roasting, "his goddess watches over your home, but you must include her in your wedding. It is auspicious."

And so it was that she found herself in Ali's shrine a second time with an offering for Bast.

"I hope this is okay," she murmured in the thick air of the room, "since I'm not, you know..." A worshipper? A devotee? She left it hanging, there, and went on. "We're getting married, and I hope you'll be happy about it. We want you to be. We want your blessing, and," What had Nissa said? Include her? "and I hope that you'll feel welcome. I hope you'll' be a part of our marriage." Was that the right thing to say? She floundered. "And... thank you."

It was the last peaceful moment she had all day.

FioHelston

Date: 2009-08-15 14:00 EST
There is a certain satisfaction in watching the end of a movie, a point at which, all of the conflict and turmoil having come to a head, the story slides into happily-ever-after. Take this one, for instance.

The trio is in a graveyard. ?You think I?d trust you? Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money. We?re going to have to earn it.? The music swells into a standoff. A crow caws. And then there are two. A gun fires and a body falls into an open grave.

?You pig! You want to get me killed! When did you unload it?? He is frantic, his gun clicking ineffectually.

?Last night. You see, my friend, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.?

It was the grave marked Unknown. Grace stirred to wakefulness in his arms at that. It was always that way for her.

The money was there. Tuco weeps for joy as he pulls it from the hole, breaks it open. And then he sees the noose. He thinks, at first, Blondie is joking with him. But it is no joke. Tuco chooses the noose over the bullet and climbs on the marker to reach it. Unknown. He wobbles on the edge of eternity, betrayed by someone he trusted.

And then, they've reached the end of the film. Blondie has just shot through the rope holding Tuco's noose in place, dropping him face-first onto his share of the money, and is riding smiling off into the sunset. Happily ever after. A clearly defined end to the madness.

You only get that in movies, she decided, and closed her eyes as the credits rolled and the music rose to drown out Tuco's screams of rage. It had taken two and a half bottles of red pop earlier, before Missie fell asleep on the couch. As she napped following the ordeal in the alleyway, Ali slipped off to shower and shave, and came back to put the movie in. Thus it was that Grace woke up sprawled across Ali?s lap to questions of trust amid the sound of gunshots and hoofbeats.

?Let's play a game,? He whispered the suggestion against her skin, as his fingertips painted circles at her waist.

?A game?? she repeated on a whisper, half-intoxicated and dreamy. Things had been uneasy between them since Mireille?s departure, and while their personal conflict had come to a head the day before amid shouts and accusations and tears, the happily-ever-after was still a thing looked for in the future. You left, she heard his anguish still in her head. Yes, she?d answered, but I came back. This fresh tenderness was extended carefully, on both sides.

?A game,? he confirmed there along her skin. ?I learned about it in the inn two nights ago in passing. It's called Truth or Dare.? Do you trust me?

?I like your hair like this,? Grace sifted her fingers back through the length of it, not answering. To demonstrate just how much she liked it, she did it again while he leaned his head minutely this way and that to feel her nails shivering over his scalp. She was familiar with a variant of this game; she said as much, and relaxed when he didn?t ask her about it.

Instead, the corners of his mouth twitched. ?It drives me half-mad, you know. It's not long enough to braid yet.? Closing his eyes, he paused before adding, ?You make it worth it, though.? I came back, she?d said. I?ll always come back.

?Good,? she let her fingers fall to rest on the back of his neck, finally. ?Let's play your game.?


(Movie dialogue from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Scene adapted from play with Ali al Amat.)

FioHelston

Date: 2009-08-15 19:41 EST
She chose Truth. It seemed, on the surface, safer than a dare.

?All right. Say you've inherited a large sum of money. A hundred thousand gold.?

?Hmmm... okay, a hundred thousand gold,? It reminded her of the movie. You think I?d trust you? Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money. We?re going to have to earn it. ?I am rich.?

?Would you expect to have more of a say in how it's spent than I would?? He was watching her intently, as if he found the spot between her eyes endlessly fascinating. A crow caws.

?No,? her mouth twitched and she glanced away a moment, cocking her head to the side. The way he looked at her sometimes, like she were edible... ?It would be our money. I've never been possessive of things like that.?

?What if it were my inheritance??

?Uh-uh. Only one question at a time. If I don?t hold you to the rules, I won?t stand a chance,? she half-teased.

He wrinkled his nose at her, a shadow passing across his expression for an instant, as if the light in his eyes had gone chasing a lost chance. ?Go on, then,? he murmured, sweeping his thumb over her knee. ?Your turn; I?ll take a Truth.?

She didn?t waste time. ?If you had to move to another place - away from here altogether - where would you want to live??

The question seemed to startle him out of the hunt. He tilted his head at that, humming his bemusement it over while he drew his fingers through her hair by inches and stared at a blank spot on the wall near the door. ?You know, I've never thought about it. Would you be with me??

?I hope so.? And then there are two. A gun fires and a body falls into an open grave.

?All right. Then, not Infinity City. I was so unhappy there for so long. And,? he considered ?Not?not Egypt either, I don't think. Is money no object??

?We have a hundred thousand gold,? she grinned wryly.

?Mm, good point,? he reflected her grin. I am the moon, reflecting the sun's glory, he'd told her once. ?Someplace like Iceland, perhaps, or L-5. Where there is wildness side-by-side with cities.?

?L-5?? He spoke to her in codes.

The hand in her hair returned to her quizzical face, fingertips tracing over her cheek, as the shadow of a memory transfixed his own. ?One of our bases. It's a beautiful place. They were very careful to preserve the ecology of the planet when it was settled.?

She could say nothing to that. It was so fantastical. Leaning into his touch, she turned to kiss at his palm and then gave her cheek back to his fingers and closed her eyes.

?I?ve missed you,? he whispered to himself, ?and I was right here.?

?Mmm?? she still hadn?t opened her eyes.

He smiled around the painful clench around his heart, and pretended it didn't constrict his voice as well. ?Truth or Dare?? He almost looked like he dreaded her choice.

?Truth.? It seemed, on the surface, safer than a dare.

?What if...what if it were my inheritance?? His voice was rough around edges she hadn?t known were there. It was enough to make her eyes crack open just a smidge, his voice drawing her outward. The music swells into a standoff. A crow caws. And then there are two.

The careful look in his eyes made her falter in a moment?s irrational panic. ?The same thing ... I might offer ideas. I can't imagine you wouldn't listen and consider them. We'd talk about it.? Her heart worked up a thud. Two. It hurt like hell. A gun fires and a body falls into an open grave.

?Ask me,? He said quietly, his voice under control again.

She whispered, surprised she could get it out. ?Truth or Dare??

There was a small silence between them. His eyes glittered in the combined light of the screen and the cityscape shining in through the open window. Neither of them blinked. They are standing in a graveyard. The music swells into a standoff.

?Truth.? The word fell like a hammer on an anvil, like the crack of a pistol, like the sound of a telegraph line bearing bad news.

She couldn?t stop herself from opening the telegraph.

?What were you thinking, just now??

?I was thinking,? the heel of his hand followed the path of his caress against her cheek, before he curled his fingers around the side of her neck. ?about a lot of money. I'm not sure of the exchange rates.?

She stared at him, uncomprehending.

?It stands at something between three and four billion pounds right now, I think. Maybe?? His gaze flicked aside, flicked back. ?maybe thirty million gold.? You think I?d trust you? Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money.

She went completely baffled. The monster movie was out of sync.

?And my father's house ? my family house -- in Cairo.? He watched her reaction carefully. Unhappily.

She sucked in a breath. ?Oh,? she said, and he could see it on her face, the minute it clicked. ?Oh.?

(Movie dialogue from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Scene adapted from play with Ali al Amat.)

FioHelston

Date: 2009-08-16 11:16 EST
?Oh,? she said again, because she didn?t know what else to say.

They sat looking at each other for a moment, disbelief and dismay on one side and resignation and bitterness on the other. He held her as carefully as he held himself, as if they both might break. You left, he?d accused. Yes, she?d answered, but I came back.

He made himself break the silence and tell her the rest. ?The elders are holding it in trust for me, on one condition.?

Her mouth was so dry her tongue didn't want to let loose of the roof of her mouth. She spoke with some effort. ?What condition?? He thinks, at first, Blondie is joking with him. But it is no joke.

?I have to produce a Bubasti child, and I have to bring him ? or her ? home to Egypt.? There. She knew, now. He made himself loosen his arms around her, so she could walk away. He wanted to wrap himself around her and pin her there so she could never leave him. Not...not Egypt either, he'd told her. But that couldn?t be enough.

She?d asked him to tell her a story, once, and he described his parents? meeting, the long absence demanded by his family, their reunion. A reunion that produced him, and killed his maman. My father had been expected to produce children, she remembered him telling her. It didn't matter whether he married the woman or not ? she wasn't important. With or without the mother, the child would be taken back to Cairo, to be raised. She turned her eyes away from him, stared unseeing out the open window.

?I didn't tell you,? his voice cracked against the side of her face, ?because I didn't think it would ever matter. I don't want to go back. I don't want to have to fight them for control over my own children.? He took a ragged breath. Tuco chooses the noose over the bullet and climbs on the marker to reach it. ?But this isn't just my life now, and you deserved to know.?

?Do you want the money?? she made herself look at him, and her eyes, her mouth, her entire posture was blank. Neutral. Unknown. He wobbles on the edge of eternity, betrayed by someone he trusted.

He shook his head and loosed his grip on her knees to impatiently dash his hair out of his eyes. ?No. No. It's not worth it, to me. But what you said made me realize ? you should have a say in it. And, I mean,? he gestured around the room, ?this isn't even our house. I'm not wealthy on my own. You might count it a fair bargain, to move to a mansion in Cairo and never have to worry about money again.? The money was there. Tuco weeps for joy as he pulls it from the hole and breaks it open. And then he sees the noose. ?They'd want to train our child, but,? he shook his head to underscore his beliefs, ?I didn't think you would.?

?I don't want it,? she answered plainly. There are two kinds of people in this world. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig.

?But you deserve -?

?I am not going to produce children to sell to your family,? she shot back before he could finish.

The music swells into a standoff. A crow caws. They fell still, the interminable ticking of the clock in the kitchen counting off the paces. They remained that way for what seemed to him like forever, Grace staring intently at him. And then, there was a little crumble ? around her mouth, around her eyes.

?You wouldn't?? He almost couldn?t hear her, when she spoke. Unknown. He wobbles on the edge of eternity.

?Honestly, I wasn't even--I'd forgotten about it. I haven't been keeping this from you and fretting over it every night.?

?But you wouldn't?? she repeated, and he knew: He had to say it. She had to hear him say it.

His mouth twisted from careful to strained and scowling at her. He wasn?t sure whether he was more angry with himself, or her, or the tribe. ?No.? Maybe it was Haze. ?Do you want me to sign something??

?No,? she answered quietly, subsiding into something small and ineffably sad. ?You don't have to sign anything.?

He found himself wanting to minimize the problem, call the light back into her eyes. He found himself wanting to weep. Instead, he fell back on logic. ?It might be a moot point. We may never have children. It doesn't matter,? and for the third time that day he felt that painful ache in his chest.

What was left of the air in her lungs melted away to nothing. He could almost see her spirit shrink, see her becoming a condensed version of herself. She sat in his lap, and she wouldn?t look at him. She wouldn?t look at him. He wasn?t panting, not quite, but it was close as he strained for something to offer for her return to him.

?I am trying to get us to a place where I can bring Flea back to you. Why would I do that if I meant to take someone else away?? He wanted to shake her. You left, he?d accused. ?Grace. Grace, please.?

?I believe you,? she shivered very suddenly, the sort of tremor that made her maman say someone had walked over her grave. Whatever the cause of the tremor, the decision to accept what he was saying brought her back into herself.

?But I want children. Want your children. So don't you say it's a moot point. Don't you dare, Ali.? She?d gone fierce and defiant. ?And I won't let anyone take them away from us.?

He had sucked in a breath and held it to try to calm himself down. At her defiance he blew it out in a plosive sigh. ?All right. And I want to give you a great crop of fat babies. But ?? he made himself shut it, looked away.

She was having none of it. ?But what??

He dropped his forehead to her shoulder. ?But I don't know. I'm trying to be pragmatic. Realistic. If it doesn't happen, then it doesn't matter.?

Liar.

She absorbed that statement in perfect silence for another minute, her internal debate waged behind her eyes. Finally, she heaved in a sigh. ?Your turn.?


(Movie dialogue from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Scene adapted from play with Ali al Amat.)

FioHelston

Date: 2009-08-16 13:23 EST
She chose Dare. It seemed, on the surface, safer than the truth.

It took him a minute to reset his mind so that he could think of a challenge that wouldn?t end up breaking them both. He tugged his glasses from his shirt pocket, flicked them open, and slid them onto his nose. Grace watched as Ali?s eyes lost focus to move in unpredictable ways. That alone should have been enough to warn her, but when the screen (which had been showing the movie again) shut the image off and the sound changed to someone going nuts on a djembe, she still jumped.

Reflex, but his arms tightened around her. Maybe he was afraid she would flee from him. If it doesn?t happen, it doesn?t matter. ?Do you know how to samba??

She nodded mutely. Her head was still trying to process the terrain that got her here. I want your babies, and I am not going to let anyone take them from us.

?Well, I dare you to dance with me.?

There was a pause. She asked, ?Are you going to stomp on my feet?? She was mostly teasing.

?Only a little,? he dredged up a grin from somewhere down deep.

?All right, then.?

She unfolded herself from his lap, and padded barefoot around the table to the open space near the windows. He followed, reaching for her hands. He?d danced with her only once before, the night of their wedding in a slow, intoxicated sway to Mason?s choice from the jukebox. At Last. But that was Fio, he reminded himself, not Grace. He waited, let her get her bearings while the music filled all of those spaces that were buzzing a few moments before. The subtle motion of her hips and shoulders in rhythm with the drums were his cue. He laced his fingers through hers and started them moving. Half speed to begin with, his hips rolling, the steps slow and controlled until he was sure that they had each others' measure.

And then his grin down at her took on a different, sharper edge. She was keeping up just fine: his equal, his partner. He was full of a sudden, fierce joy. Speeding up the three-part steps, he led her deeper in toward the place where the logic gave way to instinct, rocking them back and forth to the music's beat. One pair of their interlaced hands settled on his hip, the other on hers. And then he looked down and she smiled. She smiled at him. Bast! His lips danced in silent praise to his Queen.

A delicious sort of tension built in the air between them, something luscious and smooth as their bodies moved together. He twirled her halfway, then brought her back against his chest, pressing her hips against his for a few steps. One leg swept out to stroke a suggestion along hers as his hand dragged sure and certain over the curve of her hip and green eyes caught and held brown. Springtime and autumn spun out their seasons. I dare you to dance with me.

Her chin rose. Are you going to stomp on my feet? The flirtatious and precise steps escalated into something sensual, something wild. With the next spin, she threw the weight of her body out, forcing him to follow for three steps before his gravity and the draw of an arm pulled her back into his orbit to slide against his chest.

He'd once compared the Piece That Will Never Be Played to a conversation that he wanted to have with her. So, too, he discovered, was this. He threw back his head and laughed as if she'd told a fine joke while the tension between ratcheted up another notch. I want to give you a great crop of fat babies. His fingers tickled at her flat stomach before she spun away in a bigger arc across the room.

Who was leading whom? She strutted away from him in the dance, leading him a chase with one arm slung low across her belly, her fingertips resting coyly on her hip, and the other arm thrust up. She flicked a finger at him to follow!

Surely, it was coincidence. As soon as she turned from him, the tension building in the rarified light of the room broke in a shimmering rush of golden warmth. It poured down through her like a kiss, like the sure knowledge of a mother's love, like the scent of burning incense and the calm glow of oil lamps. Both the man and his laughter followed after her.

It broke her stride, throwing her off the beat for a moment or two of wide-eyed surprise. It was enough time for him to catch up with her and smooth his long fingers in a squeeze over hips gone liquid and weightless against him. He nuzzled into the side of her neck as he had at the start of the evening, before everything had gone pear-shaped and wrong. This was good. This was right. His hands met and rubbed circles over her stomach.

?What was that?? She whispered throatily in his ear.

His lips chanted a last wordless prayer over the fine-grained skin of her throat before he lifted his head with the greatest reluctance to murmur an answer. ?Bast loves you.?

She offered a slow-eyed blink to the ceiling. ?Bast doesn't know me.?

?Do you really think so?? he grinned against her cheek. ?Clearly we need to just shut up and dance more often.?


(Scene adapted from play with Ali al Amat.)

Ali al Amat

Date: 2009-09-19 20:58 EST
There were no windows in the Studio loft, only the big doors. So morning and night tended to blur together. What time was it when they woke, tangled together in the old iron bed? Was it night yet, or day, or the next night? His internal clock told him it was very early morning. What morning, he could not have said. His watch was on the floor somewhere, and he was not willing to get up just yet; her bottom was cushioned against him, and her back soaked up a little of his heat, reflecting it back at him. Her hair was a curtain flung over her face to block out any ambient light, and one of the heavy old quilts was laid half over them: a Flying Geese pattern, in red and burgundy and tan over cream.

Her arms were cold, and her chest. She snuggled back into him with a discontented and plaintive noise. Lost between the poles of sleep and wakefulness, she murmured, ?Don't like that fish...?

?I don't like that fish either,? he muttered against the back of her head, and wound his arms around her.

?You don't? Did he bite you, too?? she breathed on a sigh.

?Right in the arse.? He smiled, and kissed the back of her shoulder, tugged the blanket over it. The cooler night air had chilled it nearly to room temperature. He had had these conversations with her before, half-sense and nonsense mixed in with fleeting insights. He always wondered, when he did, whether he was speaking to Fionna. Not Fionna the Prisoner, but the woman at the root of them all. That thought prompted another, and another, and...he hesitated, asked, ?Bien-aim?e??

?Mm?? she responded in that delicious drowsy contralto.

?Why did you marry him?? He held his breath. Was he asking about Antony, or himself? Even he was not sure.

?Love him...? she mumbled against the inside of his elbow, slung under her head.

There was an ache in his chest that his heartbeat could not erase. ?But he's not going to live forever, like you.? The words were bursts of breath and sound against her warming shoulder. His eyes squeezed shut.

Something cool and wet trickled over his arm. ?Promised,? she said thickly. He remembered her entreaties to Bast, her assurance to the goddess that she would let him go, when it was time.

He tucked her in a little tighter against him, and did not wipe that tear away. Instead, he went on talking to her. ?Every day you break my heart and make it new.? His voice faded into a whisper. ?I will love you until my last breath leaves me. And when I am dead, you will have our children?and our grandchildren, and??

That tear was joined by another, and another, and her breath hitched in a sob as she woke.

??don't ever doubt that I love you.? He was whispering to her, which might have begun to answer the question surely risen in her sleep-bewildered brain of why she was weeping. ?I might be arrogant sometimes, or a fool, or an idiot, but that will never, ever change.?

She turned, fighting her hair to curl into him and fling an arm across his waist. The face she pressed into his shoulder was briny wet. ?I know. I know.?

?I'm lost, sometimes, too. I'm so afraid of hurting you, it makes me too careful when I should be bold.? His voice had not risen above a rough whisper.

Her fingers strummed through the tangles of his hair at the back of his neck. ?Don't be so afraid.? Easier said than done, but she knew that as well as he did. ?Don't keep us out.?

?I've had forty years' practice at it. I'm trying. It's hard.? Each sentence was dropped like a coin into a wishing well.

?We'll figure it out together.? She was whispering right along with him. ?I get scared, too. We can be scared and it will be all right, as long as we aren't scared alone.?

Only then did he open his eyes, and there she was. Right there, eyes glittering, cheeks wet, with the crease of a pillow marring one side, and her hair a perfect mess. And he whispered to her, ?You are so beautiful??

Of course right then was the last possible time to be even thinking about Antony, but the remembrance of the charts intruded upon his lovestruck examination of her face. He showed a little tooth in something that was far from a grin, and reached for her.

?What?? Ali? What is it?? There was a breath of alarm in the questions. Her hands curled over the ridges of his shoulders as she was reeled in.

?I love you,? he rumbled, and settled her against his chest. He really had to get better at lying, at least with his face. ?Bien-aim?e...when did you marry??

?You were there.? She smiled into his collarbone. When he did not respond, her smile faded a little and she looked up at him, resting her chin on the back of her hand. ?When did I marry Antony, you mean??

?Right.?

She searched his face, the tangles of his hair, as if the memory eluded her. ?About a year after I arrived?it was February, I think, when I came. No. No, that's not right. December. New Year's Eve. It was so cold that night, I remember.? She had gone a little distant, clearly struggling to remember. ?It was foggy, and the fog was freezing to the windscreen of the car. I got lost, so I stopped for directions...? She shook her head and tried again. ?So, maybe the next January? Early February? I don't know why I don't remember the day.?

Why he was asking her this was probably beyond her. It was mostly beyond him. He only vaguely recognized that he was going somewhere in his head that she could not follow, and he had not bothered to give her a map, but the trail was going to get away from him if he didn?t pursue it, here on the edges of sleep. Her response shot down his immediate theory, that they?d married in May and Antony had begun testing her immediately. He frowned, reconsidered, and asked, ?Did he ever draw blood from you??

A shadow clouded her eyes. There was the tiniest line of a frown on her brow. ?Antony, you mean.?

?Right.?

?Yes,? she answered, after a scant few seconds. ?Once in a while. He was always studying things. Medicine interested him. He was obsessed, a little, about some things.? She moistened her lips, thinking. ?He used to take my temperature, every day. Every day we were married until, well, towards the end. It was harmless,? she finished.

?No, it?I think?? he sucked in a deep breath, tried to think past the sudden pounding of his heart as she confirmed his guess. ?A fortnight ago I was studying his spellbook. The one I hadn?t started reading yet.? The words were clipped by his effort to speak quickly and clearly. ?When Salvador told me what had happened to you all, I started reading it because I thought I might find something that would help, in it. He kept such meticulous notes. I found something...these charts. I thought they were for you, but I wasn't sure. I think...?

He stole another breath, rose up onto an elbow, and finished, ?...bien-aim?e, I think you're fertile independently of anything he did to you. Your temperature changes. It was hard to spot, at first, because you weren't feeding regularly and that has such an effect on the way you feel.?

?No, he said...? Her brow lowered in consternation, confusion.

He kept going. ?Mortal women?their temperatures change, too. They track it if they're trying to conceive, or keep from conceiving. I don't know whether it's to be warmer or colder, though. What did he say??

?He said he made them?created them. That it was his power that put them there.? She rubbed at her temple as if her head was aching with the effort to remember. ?When Flea was born, he told me?he told me the day she was conceived that he was putting her there, and that she would be a girl. He already had her name picked out. When the second time?he decided when he was ready for the boys?? She trailed off, another recollection heavy on her. ?He was tired of my being pregnant. He said they were making me too big...?

His lips curled into a sneering obscenity at that, but she wasn't looking at him. Her gaze focused beyond him, on the wall behind the wrought-iron headboard. ?He had the healers strap me down on the table, and he...he magicked them out of me, had his apprentices and Maleketh there watching. And when he found the other one...? She trailed off again.

He opened the subject, and so he had only himself to blame for his risen Rage at the missing necromancer. ?That may be,? he said, his quietness imperfectly concealing his anger. ?That he made them with magic. But I'm not sure that I'm wrong. It's only a hypothesis, for now. It could be that he couldn't resist meddling, even in that. Maybe.?

?Maybe.? She drank in a breath, exhaled.

He dipped his head, kissed her once and again, warm and achingly sweet. The tip of her nose, her right eyebrow, the aristocratic arc of her high-boned cheek: he kissed them all, and lifted his head to look down at her again. She nestled into him, blooming in the rain and sun of each kiss. ?Ali??

?Mm??

?What's a safe word??

?I?? he stopped, blinked at her. Opened his mouth, closed it again. Finally asked, stupidly, ??what??

?You wanted me to pick out a word last night.? She tipped her head up to look at him, clearly not teasing or feigning ignorance. Her face was wide open. ?What are you going to do with it??

?Good grief, I did all that?and you didn't?and?? He smothered an oath into her hair, then fell over onto his back to scowl at the ceiling. ?Bien-aim?e, you?re going to be the death of me, I swear it.?

?No,? she murmured, and the serious set to her mouth eased into something like a smile. ?Not that; never that, I hope.? And she leaned down to give him her best kiss.

FioHelston

Date: 2009-09-20 10:21 EST
(Continued from Biography)

Sometime after dawn, yet not so long past that the scent of Salvador's passing didn't linger still on the air outside their door, Fio woke to the insistent nudging of Dante's cold nose. She choked back a groan and refrained from chastising the dog. Better that he let them know he needed out than not.

She slipped out of bed carefully. Ali'd been out late the previous evening on one of his unspoken quests through the sewers, and she didn't want to wake him. One foot flinched from, then touched the cool assurance of the wood floor, then the other. She let the hound lead the way down the hall after closing the bedroom door quietly behind her.

He didn't go to the kitchen, though. The brindled gray backside wagged its way to the front door with a sudden burst of eager insistence. Frowning, she peeked through the blinds to check the landing and the street. No one there.

"What's gotten into you? Come on," she gestured to him to follow her into the kitchen, so she could let him onto the deck. But he was resolute. He wanted to go out the front, very badly indeed.

Still frowning, she unlocked the door and opened it for him. The early morning air was chilly and rolled over them like a wave breaking against the face of the building. The dog practically leapt outside.

"Honestly, I don't know what's --" she stopped. The dog was nosing all over a package on the landing by the door. Someone had been making deliveries very early in the morning indeed.

Salvador.

A few minutes later at the kitchen table, she was frowning down at the first page of an open book. His letter lay open beside it, black and white against the crisp folds of brown parcel paper and the curl of cut twine. She closed the cover without going any farther.

Rekah-who-was-not-always-Rekah liked books. Michael had stolen her diary. Ali could read it, but would he want to? Was it wise? She wasn't sure she wanted to read this herself. It wasn't safe.

Poor Salvador.

On an impulse, she gathered it up, letter and wrappings and all, and carried it down the hall to the closed door of the shrine. There was implacable Bast, as she eased the door open and stepped inside, looking almost as if she'd been waiting for her all this time.

Ali al Amat

Date: 2009-11-22 22:31 EST
How could he be so exhausted and still find it so hard to sleep? His unraveling mind kept sliding through and around and over and over the same thoughts, as he tossed and turned in bed that night. Why had Fio turned inward, before he could even begin to try to understand what was wrong? What had happened between Lucien, Rebekah and Grace, to make her so angry so quickly? Was it something he had done? Was it because of Lucien?s sudden illness and equally sudden recovery?

We thought he was dead, he told the flat blank swath of ceiling overhead. What else were they supposed to do? Go hunting through the cemeteries? Talk to the local vampire clans, to see what had become of the neonate barrister? Beside him, Grace?s breathing was deep, slow, regular?but she?d sunk down to that level so quickly he couldn?t help but wonder whether she was pretending. Avoiding him. Not wanting to talk. Fio hadn?t wanted to talk, either; she?d taken the avoidance to the extreme of hiding inside herself.

Why wouldn?t you let me talk to you? What am I doing wrong? Must I wait a month, as I did with Mireille, before I can even apologize? When I don?t even know what it is that I?ve done?

?a woman?s cheek brushed against his. Her hair spilled across his shoulder. Cool lips touched his temple, moved across his forehead. She whispered something he didn?t quite catch, but recognized as French. He opened his eyes.

He found himself sprawled over the cushions in the shrine, surrounded by warm air, the faint smell of incense, and the golden light from the lamps. His head was turned toward the front of the shrine, where the small wooden altars and Bast?s statue stood?but the statue was missing from the pedestal, and a woman was seated on one of the altars. She wore a dark red dress with a long skirt, and brown leather boots. Her legs were crossed, one foot twitching back and forth; on that knee she?d braced her forearm and other elbow. Her chin was planted in her hand. Long loose brown hair spilled over her shoulder, long enough as she leaned forward to brush the top of the altar. There was something intimately familiar in the impish light in her dark eyes as she watched him, something as close to him as his own soul.

He pushed himself up on an elbow, his gaze moving slowly from the empty pedestal to the woman?s face. ?Qui vous ?tes?? he asked her. Who are you?

?Ne posez pas la question, quand tu connais la r?ponse,? she said, and her smile flirted with him over the curl of her fingers. The smile was as mischievous as the light in her eyes. Do not ask the question when you know the answer.

?Ma m?re?? he breathed, disbelieving, as he sat up. ?Maman??

?I thought you would never guess,? she said, and opened her arms for him.

He leaned against the altar, afterward; wiped his eyes, and looked up at her. It was a shock, looking at her, to realize that she was younger when she died than he was now. Her hand was light on his head, cool fingers stroking through his hair. His knees nudged against her feet. He caught her other hand, brought it to his lips, pressed it against his cheek.

?We need to talk, my darling,? she said, and he choked out a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob. ?No, no,? she soothed him, giving his hair a gentle tug. ?You knew this had to happen for a reason. Your heart is in a sad state, how could I not come? This is not right, you should be joyful.?

?I am trying so hard,? he told her. ?I have the shop, and I work the security at night so that I can give her a better place to live than this?our own house. And I am trying with the girls, to be good and giving at once. And I am trying to be understanding, and not push too hard. She has stopped talking to me, and I have no idea why. I do not know what I did.?

?You, you, you,? she chided him gently. ?She loves you, you know that, but you are hardly the center of the universe. Why must it be about you??

He gaped up at her for half a minute, as her smile bloomed into an open grin, sparkling and lovely in the light of the oil lamps. An attempt to answer her produced only a stutter. ?I?I??

?Precisely. You are feeling sorry for yourself, my love. And I understand that, I do, but it is hardly helping the situation, is it.? Her fingers ruffled his hair. ?Do you know for a surety that it is your fault??

?No?? he said, as her fingertips smoothed out the furrows in his brow, cradled his cheek. Her ankle was so small within the circle of his hands. ?No. I do not.?

?And why do you not know??

?Because,? he answered unwillingly, ?I have not asked. But, Maman, you do not understand. Fio went into hiding, she was so overset. I cannot ask Grace about it, about why Fio left. It will only make her jealous. I have already provoked jealousy in them once, and we did not speak for days over it. And who else am I to speak to about it? No one understands her, no one else knows what it is like.?

?Oh, yes,? she said, ?that.? Her dark eyes slanted down at him, half-closed, rich with wisdom above the smile still playing over her mouth. ?Not only does the universe revolve around you, but you are a man of great power, to provoke a woman into agonies of jealousy with a single misplaced word. How do you even bring yourself to speak??

They looked at one another for a long moment, before she reached out and tenderly lifted his jaw back into place with a fingertip. ?Maman?? he began to protest, fixing her with a mutinous stare.

But she had more to say. ?It is not so easy as a misspoken word, my son. And it was your fault, but not in the way you think. Now, you wanted to talk to Fio about Mireille, is that right??

He nodded once. The leather boot she wore creaked under his hands; he hastily released it, and laced his fingers together over her knee.

?But you were not honest with her about your feelings, and she knew it. That had nothing to do with jealousy. And you went on talking, though she tried to tell you the conversation was making her more and more uncomfortable. That had less to do with jealousy than with your putting your desires above her own. How else was she to react, when you lied to her, and then would not leave her be about it? And when she did react??

??I walked away.? She was cradling his cheek; his sigh washed over the inside of her wrist. He cut a look up at her, to find her watching him gravely. ?But I apologized for that. I promised I would not do it ever again. Even though I promised her I would never do it, she does it every time she is wounded, Maman, what am I to do??

Her thumb swept over his cheekbone. ?You apologized, and you promised, but you learned nothing from it. You understand a little better, I think?but not altogether. You walked away from her in anger. She walks away from you, from everything, into herself because it is the only way she can cope with the hurt that the world has dealt her. And sometimes, my son, that hurt is you. Even so, do not think that it is necessarily a choice on her part, to go away from you.?

He shut his eyes against the sudden sharp pain that the words engendered in him. He felt her palms on each of his cheeks, trapping his face between them.

?You need to ask, and not assume, my love,? she murmured. ?You need to listen, and not simply hear. And,? he heard the smile in her voice, ?I think you might find you are mistaken about the lack of others to talk to, regarding your troubles with your pretty wife. Stop holding your secrets so close. Reach out. You might be surprised.? Her lips touched his, the tip of her nose tapped against his; against his forehead she whispered, ?I wish I could have met her. I am sorry I have not. But I will.?

?Maman,? he said. His breath hitched. ?Maman, no.? He couldn?t open his eyes. ?Maman, do not leave me?? He sucked in another breath to shout, to beg, and found himself half-smothered in his pillow, in his bed, with the sheets knotted around him and the clock telling him that only an hour had passed.

FioHelston

Date: 2009-12-31 14:49 EST
I wasn't even sure, absolutely sure, that I?d heard him shout. My own dreams were fragmented, disturbing things, like a slideshow flashing from one image to the next too quickly to completely register on the eye. There was something like a noise that brought it to an abrupt end, and the glare of the imagined projector turned into the shadowed texture of the bedroom ceiling. Beside me, Ali was weeping, his bare chest and belly heaved and curled, as if by panting he were holding in some terrible anguish that he simply couldn?t bear for me to hear; little noises of it escaped him with every breath, a "hah-hah-hah" of sounds that slowed by tiny increments, by small degrees. His fists were knotted into the sheets, tendons standing out on the backs of his hands and wrists. His eyes were closed, and his cheeks wet.

It broke my heart into a million, million, tiny pieces.

I rose up and leaned in to kiss him, to try and wake him. The pulse at his temple pounded fiercely and the creases of his forehead burned under my lips.

?Ah, mon amour. Quel est erron?? Ne pleurent pas, l'amoureux. Je suis ici.? My love, what is wrong? Don?t cry, darling. I am here.

He reached for me with a groan, and it was then I realized he was awake. Planting my elbows on either side of his head, I fanned my fingers through his hair and tried to brush it away from his hot face. He was fretful as a child, my poor Ali. "Je suis ici,? I whispered over and over until the convulsive clutch of his hands eased and his breathing slowed to the rhythm of reason.

?Ma mere,? he sighed out, ?C'?tait ma mere.? It was my mother.

?Shhhh ? Vous r?viez. C'?tait seulement un r?ve.? It was only a dream.

He shook his head, denying it, ?Elle m'a parl? de toi.? He sighed gustily, cradling me close again.

?Vous pouvez me parler au sujet de n'importe quoi.? You can talk to me about anything. ?What is it? What were you dreaming about, bien-aim??? I?d been so irritated with him earlier, but in the face of his grief, it melted away to nothing. What could possibly be so wrong?

?That's what she said.? His chuckle was rough, nearly hysterical.

?Your maman?? I kept smoothing my hands over his hair, trying to calm him. ?She sounds very wise.?

?She is. Was. Is. I had not realized?? He blinked up at the ceiling and I could see his eyes welling again. ?I need to talk to you.?

?All right. All right.?

He struggled to sit up with me. ?But you haven?t fed ??

?It can wait.? The clock in the kitchen was loud this late at night. Even with our door closed, even though we were at the other end of that long hallway, the ticking of that clock tapped out the seconds like a mechanical heartbeat. There were no other noises cracking the thin silence of the night. Our waking had not roused the girls from their slumber. I untangled myself from him to the ticking of that clock and watched while he piled the pillows against the headboard of the bed and settled into them, grinding the heels of his big hands into his eyes; he sighed into his palms, dragged them down his face and through his hair. He looked thoroughly heartbroken and I couldn?t begin to fathom why.

While he did this, I wriggled back beside him until I could feel the wooden headboard kiss my shoulder blades above the line of the pillow. He looped his arm around my shoulder to fit me against him, hot as a furnace. Intensity imbued his words with similar warmth when he finally spoke. ?I would like very much to know what is troubling you.?

?At this very moment? You have me worried. Are you certain you are all right??

?Maman talked to me about it, and she was right.?

?What?? I tried to keep my voice down, so as not to wake Rekah or Lirssa, but he had me flummoxed. ?Bien-aim?, I am confused. Can we take a step back and start over??

He inhaled a lungful of air, then let it trickle back out, rubbing his free hand over his face yet again. ?All right. All right. I'm sorry.?

?No need for sorries,? I looked into his shadowed face, seeking answers that weren?t immediately apparent.

?I don?t know where to start,? he sighed. ?I?ve missed you, to begin with.?

?Always a good place to start,? his sincerity made me smile. It had been a long time since I?d been allowed ?out?, so to speak, though time was so malleable, I still wasn?t sure exactly how much had passed in my slumber. ?I?ve missed you, too. Very much.?

He looked like he didn?t know how to continue, and fumbled through the next question. ?Do you ... are you achy, still??

Ah. Autumn. ?A little,? I confessed.

?It?s been ongoing since September. I had ? I had to wear nose plugs for awhile.?

Months, then. I swallowed down my own sigh and clucked my tongue ruefully. Poor Ali. ?You shouldn?t fight it. It?s better to give in; you get used to it faster.?

?I didn?t know that, at the time.? His relief at my understanding was palpable. ?It?s driven Michael completely mad. He's done the most insane things to try to separate us. He's come on impersonating me, and Sinjin, and Lucien. We found the room, the shipping crate. Lucien and I, and a man named Ewan ? the place where he was staying down in the tunnels. It's just off the Palais.?

The recitation seemed to calm him, even as it made my head spin. ?We found an inscribed Helston House ring. That and other details led us to believe that he had, or has, your childe Celeste,? he continued. ?We talked to Rebekah, and she pointed out that if he does have Celeste, that Celeste is probably ... bound to him. Little more than a slave.?

I?d been quiet during most of the telling, but that news prompted a sudden jerk of surprise. Well, well, well. Celeste. It took me a moment or two to process the other woman's name. ?The kindred wench Lucien is bedding? From tonight??

?Yes, the very one.? I snorted; I couldn?t help myself. For some reason, it seemed to please him. ?I love you, he whispered, ?so much, you just don?t know. It's been Fio, all this time. Mireille was here for a night, and Missie, but otherwise it was Fio. Sinjin's been following her about like a lovesick puppy. I think, in the beginning, he actually came close to trying to bed her.?

My question must have read plain on my face, even in the dark, because he shook his head in answer. ?He wouldn?t have gotten far, because she was upstairs at the inn with me ... but it's the thought that counts, I suppose. I heard Lucien punched him for it.?

?Ha!? The laugh burst out at that news. ?Lucien has a lot of nerve getting angry with Sin. He used to follow me around behind the bar at the Joint with his hands ?? Oops. I stopped before I said too much. ?We can't help it if men think we're pretty.?

His teeth flashed in a smile at that.

?Anyway,? I continued, ?he didn't always have that mast up his arse.? I smiled back. ?What else has been going on??

He closed his eyes and I could tell he was trying to decide what to tell me next. ?Missie took up with a pair of buskers, gypsies named Ernesto and Julio, just before all this started. She'd started singing all these suggestive songs, and brought a trumpet home talking about how they'd given her a blowing job.?

I hadn?t known.

?I went to see what it was about, and they were using her to get coin. Later that night, I overheard them talking about taking her away. So I drove them off, and broke her heart??

?Wait. What?? Something clicked. I sat bolt upright with this, abandoning the heat of his arm and half-losing the sheet as well. ?What did you say their names were??

?Ernesto and Julio. Ernesto is this great brawny bear of a man. Julio is leaner. Both...dark hair and dark eyes, I think. I didn't spend a lot of time looking at them, really...I was too busy kicking their arses.?

?Ernesto ? long hair, young? Looked like his nose had been broken at least once??

?I don?t ? maybe?? His frown deepened. ?They both had hill country accents.?

Esto. Esto. Esto. He'd shouted at me, trying to make me hear. ?I think he's dead.?

?Did you ? his ghost? Where??

?I am pretty sure; it sounds like the man you're describing. Tonight, in the inn. He wouldn't leave me be. I thought he was saying 'iss-toe, iss'toe, iss'toe'.?

?I didn't do it, I assure you.?

?I believe you,? I raised a hand to forestall him. ?I didn?t think you had, unless you've taken to ripping out people's throats.? I fluttered my fingers at my chest to illustrate. ?Blood all over his shirt. I just thought he was some random street rat who wandered in and wanted to yammer. I didn't know he knew us. He wouldn't shut up, even though I told him to go away.?

?What did he say??

?I really didn't pay attention. I was still angry with Lucien and I didn't feel like playing therapist to the newly departed.?

?We ? he and I ? knew something was wrong. What were you angry about??

?Nothing. It was stupid. I should know by now, he never tells me anything.? I plucked at the edge of the sheet, straightening it a little closer around myself. Fidgeting. ?I asked him to talk to me about what had been going on ... trying to figure out why I was here. He told me to talk to you or Fio. So, I told him to screw himself and moved to a table.?

That silenced him for a full minute, long enough to make me worry I?d made a faux-pas, so I tried to soften it with a little humor. ?I don't think it's physically possible, bien-aim?. What, with the ship's mast and all.?

?No, no,? he answered. ?I just didn?t know. I understand why you'd be angry.?