Topic: The earth and the sky go on forever

The Redneck

Date: 2012-03-13 14:17 EST
(August 26, 2007)

Before Primes, in all their assorted forms, began marking time. Before there even was time, there was the War.

The Blood War. Eternal conflict, that on the surface seemed between Demons and Fiends. The Abyss and the Hells. Tanar'ri and Baatezu. At least on the surface it seemed that way. When the clueless thought they knew what they were talking about at any rate.

The Blood War was, and is, the eternal struggle between Law and Chaos. Plain and simply that. Good or Evil, it didn't matter nearly so much as Chaos or Law.

And it was to that conflict he'd sacrificed himself. Given up his life while trying to bleed out the pain, loss, and confusion she'd helped give rise to.
Though, she hadn't been the only cause, hadn't been the only reason the time-bomb that had been hiding inside his mind and heart for years finally decided it was time to blow. She'd only been the puff of a breeze to fan the smoldering fuse to light.

When he'd gone down the final time, it'd been in a blaze of glory. Protecting the Maerkhet's flank, fighting side-by-side with true born Tanar'ri as though they'd shared blood. Blades whirling, exploding lozenges spat into groups of enemies when they sought to form-up and attack.

At last when the battle was near-to done, he'd let his knees give way beneath him. Tipped his head back to stare at the Abyssal sky overhead and let the worlds, and their problems and pain, fall away.

Slept, a dreamless sleep for a time, tucked safe and close where there could be no more harm. 'Neath the shadow of a wing to wait for the time to be right.


They'd brought his body back, swathed in the colors of their House, the colors of their Clan. The weapons of his final enemy laid beside him, his own weapons near at hand. Even a few shards of a lozenge had been found to add to his honors. Tokens and trinkets gathered from the field near where he'd fallen, from those who bore the marks of his wrath.

It had taken ten of their number to bear his body to the one place he'd ever truly called home. Their faces solemn as they should be, their eyes downcast, their wings folded tight and close against armored backs. Straight from the field they'd come.

Blood splattered, mud caked, stained by sweat and soot.

Through moonlight the procession came, rising from deepest shadows one slow step at a time. Through fairy-tale gardens that most of their number would have sneered over the foolishness of had they not known who lived here. Had they not known where the Prime who'd made this place their home stood among them. Had they not bore the body of one who had become one of their own to what would be his resting place.

She'd shaken her head in denial, that foolish gesture that so many seem to feel will change words and fates. Even when they'd folded back the cloth covering his face she'd tried to deny what was in front of her face. When Ohoda, her brindle Akita lifted his voice in mourning, followed closely by Ohetika, a brindle Cane Corso, joined in, she'd not been able to even pretend any longer.

Keening, as was her way, she'd followed the warriors to the glade. Just that afternoon, before it'd all gone to hell, they'd sat there talking while he sunned himself on a flat-topped stone. Soaking in the High Summer's warmth.

Now the glade would be his place of rest. The place he would sleep in the ground, safe and close and warm for now and ever.

Because it was her way, because it was too personal, they'd called another group of warriors to help the human-female dig. The first detachment standing to the side supporting the fallen until the hole was deemed right and acceptable.

Their song for the fallen joined with the woman's keening, twining together in a way that none of them would ever wish to repeat again. The sleeper was lowered into the ground with all the care a mother would give her resting babe. They wouldn't stay to finish, that was not their way. That was not their purpose.

As a unit they turned to return to their home-plane. Their leader pausing long enough to look over a shoulder at the woman.

"He asked, should he fall, that you plant flowers for him. They should be of your choosing, something that may serve as a reminder to you." With that, they were gone and the redneck was alone with her fallen brother.

She spent that night covering him tenderly as the first edges of her mourning tore through her. That night and many more transplanting roses and lilies from her gardens to blanket the scar of fresh-turned earth. A friend came to pay his respect and give a gift.

Kneeling, knees pressed into the ground, he called upon his higher power to ensure that the sleeper would never feel the cold again.

Summer would reign here, until time ended.

Roses and lilies crowded the base of the stone Krist had so recently sunned himself on. No words or regrets were carved into the marker.

They were carved into her heart.

The Redneck

Date: 2012-03-13 14:25 EST
(March 16, 2008)


"I miss you you know?" Low and quiet as though she were afraid of disturbing someone's sleep, the redneck brushed a hand most tenderly across the overblown bloom of a salmon pink colored rose. Shifted.

Tucked her heels more tightly beneath her butt and paused while she looked off into the distance. Looked but didn't see.

"There're a thousand things I want to tell you, and they all start with one." She was either unaware of the tears that filled her eyes without spilling or didn't care about their presence. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't see what I should have been able to. I'm sorry I wasn't what we both thought I was. I'm sorry that it took me six months after you left the last time, and an outsider to see, to know. To realize. I'm sorry for my part in your dying."

A watery chuckle trembled past her lips. The sound had nothing to do with humor and everything to do with discomfort.

"I know it wasn't my fault, I'm not to blame, but I did have a part in it. I had a hand in it, in the why of it." She sighed softly and shifted again, the toes of her boots digging into the soft soil beneath her. "And I wish, gods I wish I'd been able to, willing to, see before it was too late."

With the scents of roses and lilies and summer surrounding her like a cloud, brushing across her senses with a lover's touch she paused. Bit her lower lip then sucked it up to continue.

"I met one of your clutch-brothers, he was right under our noses the whole time. Well he was right under mine, I don't know about you. You might've known who he was long before I did. He's in a good place now, and he's happy. He's loved, and he loves. Think he has offspring, children, however you want to say it. He's Mor's mate, Jhaele. Didn't say anything when we were hunting the rest of your clutch because he wasn't ready to face who he'd come from, what he'd come from. I guess I can understand that, maybe you can too?" She paused again as though the glade and the one who slept in the earth could or would answer her.

"Roan's dying, kind of. Slowing down, thinning out, getting ready to go to sleep for eternity. I'm going to miss him, and it's going to hurt so bad when he goes. It's not like with you, there's going to be no gut-kicked shock, I've known he's going for a month now. By the time he decides it's time, well who knows how long that'll be? Could be tomorrow, could be next week or next month, or next season. But I don't see how he can hold out past summer, hells I'm not even sure he can hold out until summer.

"And Chiana and Baziou, gods Krist you should see the air around them. It f*cking sparks and shines so bright it nearly blinds me. Just like the air around her and Roan. If it's like this now, what'll it be like in a few years? In a century? Will it really blind folks, or will it just melt the flesh off their bones if they get too close?

"Paige and Rick had a pair of twins last year, twin girls so tiny and perfect. They're crawling now, the babies, and terrorizing the keep too. They'll be a year old right around the time you ... left. I hope you won't mind if I can't be depressed on that day, on their birthday. It's a big day.

"I still have a lot of your things, and I don't know what traditions you followed for a spirituality. So, on the day you died, I'm going to follow my gramma's people's, okay so in a lot of ways they're my people too. I'm going to build a big assed fire, and that hat you liked to wear? The one that looked like Cooper's? That and a couple of your shirts and pants, I'm gonna burn. For us, it's called releasing the soul. I'm not exactly sure where it was born, but the tradition is that after a year your soul's found its way across to where ever it's going, and you're safe now in your afterlife, just holding onto these things would make it too easy for you to get lost and come back and be stuck and confused and hurting all the time because you left the best place ever, and can't get back.

"I don't want that for you baby. I don't want to take the chance that you'll wander, go off on an adventure and wind up back here stuck. I don't want to, can't, think about what that'd be like for you. Worse than the way you'd felt in life, but with no relief for it because you're dead and nothing warms the dead." The tears fell now, salted drops that spilled unheeded to glitter like flawed diamonds amid the petals and grasses.

"I'm not the only one who comes here you know. William, he brings you small things and sits here for hours sometimes. Sometimes he just sits here, sometimes he tries to weed the flowers, but he gives up after a while because I wanted this place to be as close to natural as it could for you, you know with the exception of the roses and the lilies. And Nineveh, you remember the Cat yeah? He comes up here too sometimes, just to look and see, and I think he brings you game; small things like mice and birds.

"There'll be more roses here before the end of summer. They're for Roan. He won't sleep here beside you, but it'll be, hell I guess it'll be a memorial. A link between here and there for anyone who knows him and likes him and misses him. Like it is for you, except, I buried you here. I didn't know where else to. I didn't know what you wanted. Not for after.

"And I really am, in a lot of ways I really am one of the Clueless. No matter how much I learned from you, I didn't learn enough. I don't know enough, didn't then, don't now.

"And I'm so sorry for that. Nothing, nothing will ever change what happened, nothing will ever make up for it, nothing will ever be enough. And not just because you're dead and in the earth. Because even if you were still alive, there'd be nothing I could do.

"Nothing I could do to make up for being such a blind-selfish b*tch to you. For having my head so lost in my day dreams and my wants that I couldn't, wouldn't see what was right in front of my eyes. And maybe I should have let you hate me. If you'd hated me, at least you'd still be alive somewhere and I could look out when I go to Arborea and Krigala and the Abyss and I could think that you're out there somewhere, that maybe just maybe you'd found someone who'd treat you better. Who'd be all that you needed them to be for you, and would let you be all that you needed to be for them too. And it would hurt knowing that I made you hate me, but you'd be alive and I could be glad for that.

"And I would know, I would know that if I ever saw you again, and if you ever saw me again it would be my end. And I'd be okay with that because. I don't know why I'd be okay with that but I would be. Not saying I wouldn't put up as much of a fight as I could, but we both know, you and I, that you'd win.

"I hope, I wish, I pray that where ever you are, you're at peace. That finally, finally, you're okay with being who and what you are Krist. Gods I miss you. There were a thousand things I wanted to tell you, and they all came back to one. I'm so sorry, and I wish I could tell you that, just one more time."

The Redneck

Date: 2012-03-13 14:31 EST
(March 22, 2008)

Where ever he is, he still hears me. That right there was more than enough to ease the bitter regret, the salt scraped hurt that I've held inside for half a year.

And I know, I know now because in a way, he told me.

Somewhere and somehow, he sent someone to leave a sign for me. Twice and thrice again, pierced and piercing; twin daggers with edges that bled two to one and split one to two.

Left hidden like a treasure 'neath spear and thorn, leaf and branch.

It'll go in the case with quills and inks, and there it'll stay. It'll stay where I can look at it every day or everyother, and I'll be able to smile finally at his memory.

Because somewhere, where ever, he hears me still and he's still my brother.

The Redneck

Date: 2012-03-29 12:33 EST

I finally, finally, was allowed to know where Krist was. Was allowed to know and realize that no, he hadn't moved on. Even though part of me feels like I should have known all along, I couldn't have, not even Krist expected me to.


And when I did, sitting on the beach of Roadkill talking with Dave after playing hide-and-seek with him and the boys and the kender, I couldn't not go.

I couldn't stay away from the Abyss.

I had to go, had to tell him all the things I should have when I thought I
had all the time in the world.

I apologized for being so very stupid, so very blind, so very self-centered. For being so weak that I just, couldn't.

And I asked the one question that's been preying on my mind for near a year.
"If I'd let you hate me, would you still be alive?"

"Who knows? But, probably not."

And if I'd let him hate me, we'd have never gotten that one last chance to say all that should have been said.

We'd have never had the chance to make peace with each other, and ourselves.

Because my going to the Abyss, my standing there, demanding from the Maerkhet that she give me a yes or no answer and being more than willing to die in an attempt to beat it out of her, was more for me in the offing than it was for us, or for him.

And I know he knew it. Just like he knew as soon as it shifted from its original path to another, and another still.

"I'll always remember the clueless berk that had no idea what I was, or who I was, but still reached out. The girl who saved my life in more ways than one. I'll always remember the woman who was the only one in the multiverse to look at me, and see me.

"Now, if there's anything else you want to tell me, ask me, whatever, you'd better hurry. I can't stay much longer, and this time. You'll never see me again. We've made peace. I've made peace."

"I wish nothing but the best for you. Nothing but peace. And I wish you your heart's match."