A little over a year ago I made a promise to retire Erin. I thought, at the time, that she no longer made me happy, was no longer a part of me, and would only remind me of a shit-storm of personal trials, mistakes, difficulties and pain. I gave her up out of
I was wrong.
I made Erin when I was at my most depressed. I spent almost 3 years in a miserable and deep depression that destroyed every aspect of my life. Erin was my life line. Erin was the happy, free, independent person I couldn't bear to be. She also made the mistakes I was making, and had the struggles I was having. She was, as unhealthy as this may sound now, a way for me to express my pain in a healthy and safe way. It may sound creepy at first, but think of your creations-- how they shape who you are and how who you are shapes them. Erin is a part of me. And, now, I want her back.
She makes me happy, and for that reason, I'm currently working on a story to explain her absence and return. Last July, I killed Erin. I wrote her story through her 70th birthday and subsequent death. I have never posted this story, and only one other person on the Earth has seen it. Lately, I read it over, and while it's a possibility for my character, it rings too much of my own personal trials, tribulations and guilts.
If you've ever read Atonement, you may understand what I did with that story. I used it to try and fix things that I did in my real life. Things that I cant' take back. Things that I can't change. I've finally come to peace with that.
However, I do not think i will entirely scrap that story. Though, it may seem cheap or silly to allow two fates for one character, many shows, books and plays have. And for me, I would never take back the ending I gave her in July, but I just can't bear to give her up forever. She is a part of me as much as I am a part of her. I can't give that part of me to anyone else.
I don't think that my return will be consequence-less for me. Some of you may not want me around. Some of you may think that I betrayed the community by leaving the way I did in the first place-- abandoning my barony, dropping all of my stories, and basically forgetting the friendships and connections I made. Some of you may think that breaking a promise, even about one's own creations is wrong.
I'm sorry for that.
This decision is one that I've been urged and supported in making for a long time now. I miss my friends. They miss me. This is a hobby that is important to me. I'm a writer, and this is the story that comes most easily to me.
It may not be tomorrow. But I am bringing Erin back before long.
I was wrong.
I made Erin when I was at my most depressed. I spent almost 3 years in a miserable and deep depression that destroyed every aspect of my life. Erin was my life line. Erin was the happy, free, independent person I couldn't bear to be. She also made the mistakes I was making, and had the struggles I was having. She was, as unhealthy as this may sound now, a way for me to express my pain in a healthy and safe way. It may sound creepy at first, but think of your creations-- how they shape who you are and how who you are shapes them. Erin is a part of me. And, now, I want her back.
She makes me happy, and for that reason, I'm currently working on a story to explain her absence and return. Last July, I killed Erin. I wrote her story through her 70th birthday and subsequent death. I have never posted this story, and only one other person on the Earth has seen it. Lately, I read it over, and while it's a possibility for my character, it rings too much of my own personal trials, tribulations and guilts.
If you've ever read Atonement, you may understand what I did with that story. I used it to try and fix things that I did in my real life. Things that I cant' take back. Things that I can't change. I've finally come to peace with that.
However, I do not think i will entirely scrap that story. Though, it may seem cheap or silly to allow two fates for one character, many shows, books and plays have. And for me, I would never take back the ending I gave her in July, but I just can't bear to give her up forever. She is a part of me as much as I am a part of her. I can't give that part of me to anyone else.
I don't think that my return will be consequence-less for me. Some of you may not want me around. Some of you may think that I betrayed the community by leaving the way I did in the first place-- abandoning my barony, dropping all of my stories, and basically forgetting the friendships and connections I made. Some of you may think that breaking a promise, even about one's own creations is wrong.
I'm sorry for that.
This decision is one that I've been urged and supported in making for a long time now. I miss my friends. They miss me. This is a hobby that is important to me. I'm a writer, and this is the story that comes most easily to me.
It may not be tomorrow. But I am bringing Erin back before long.